善地

The Good Place S04E02

Part 1 Nov. 19, 2019, 4:01 p.m.

琳达
Linda.
只要你想你做什么都可以
You can have literally anything you could possibly--
搞什么
What the--
你派了一个恶魔伪装成人类混入善地了
You sent a demon in disguise as one of the subjects?
这种行为必须严惩
This outrageous act must be punished.
奇迪来做第四个目标人类
Chidi will be the fourth subject in this experiment.
"恶地"怎么会使出这么低级的招数
I still don't get why the Bad Place would try something so obvious.
他们狗急跳墙了心知就要输了
They're desperate. They know they're gonna lose.
另外可以拿掉琳达的照片了
Plus, we can get rid of the Linda picture...
换上奇迪放到另一侧对已他了若指掌
and put a Chidi picture on the other side since we know a ton about him.
这是好事对吧队长
This is all good news, right, Team Leader?
对监视前男友对他耍心机简直太好玩了
Yeah, it's super cool that I'm actively surveilling and manipulating an ex-boyfriend.
比我以往干这种事更刺♥激♥
I mean, more so than I usually did.
我们还是主攻布兰特吧
Okay, let's focus on Brent.
含着金汤匙出生有钱任性不可一世
Born on third base, thinks he invented the game of baseball.
这种人总以为地球都围着自己转
Guys like this believe that the world revolves around them
因为世道确实如此
because... it kind of does.
如果能让他听进别人的话
If we could get him to listen to anyone else,
他会听到别人生前比他良善
he'd hear how much better they are than he was,
也许会让他意识到自己不属于"善地"
which might make him realize that he doesn't belong here.
还可能有好戏看
And also, bonus...
他可能会痛哭流涕惨兮兮
maybe he cries like a stupid little baby.
总之长话短说
Anyway, long story short,
这就是你的一辈子
所以如今才还有鸭子
that's why there are still ducks.
我拯救了所有鸭子
I saved all the ducks.
太厉害了拜服
Incredible. Wow.
谢谢旺达你这一辈子太精彩了
Thank you, Wanda. What a life.
欢迎下一位嘉宾奇迪·阿纳贡耶
Now we turn to our next guest, Chidi Anagonye.
此处应有掌声
奇迪你生前也是学术界一哥
Now Chidi, you led an impressive life as an academic.
没有"拯救了一个物种"这么牛掰
Well, not "save an entire species" impressive,
但我确实是一名伦理与道德哲学教授
but, yes, I was a professor of ethical and moral philosophy.
不好意思每一只鸭子吗
I'm sorry-- literally every duck?
-你救下了每一只鸭子 -本质上是这样
- You saved every duck? - In essence, yes.
我之前没跟人说过
And I didn't mention this before.
我真不想宣扬我还拯救了所有马
I really don't like to brag but also... horses.
不是吧天呐
What? Man...
跟你相比我自愧不如
I mean, compared to you, I feel a little inadequate.
小迈迈问件事
Mikey, can I ask you something?
我很过意不去珍妮特够折腾了我还添乱
I feel bad for making Janet's life more chaotic and unpredictable,
所以我想了一个办法补偿她
so here's my idea to make it up to her.
我和一百个"珍妮特人类"来场快闪舞
Me and 100 Janet Babies do a giant flash mob--
就在她身边群魔乱舞折腾她
just total unpredictable chaos all around her.
很天才吧
Great idea, right?
杰森杰森杰森杰森杰森
Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason.
抱歉我在这里使用了"游戏修改器"
Sorry, I put a little cheat code in the Neighborhood
只要我喊你名字五次
where if I say your name five times
头疼就立马消失
my headache goes away.
你知道我在"善地"强迫你扮演和尚的原因吗
Do you know why I forced you to act like a monk in the original Neighborhood?
这跟那部《和尚》电视剧有关吗
Does it have to do with the TV show "Monk"?
没有
No.
原因就是你无法克制一时冲动
It's because you have no control over your own impulses.
你觉得世间一切问题
You think every problem can be solved
都能靠燃♥烧♥弹♥ 扎人轮胎
with a Molotov cocktail or slashing somebody's tires
"关掉"德里克来解决
or plunging Derek.
所以演一个和尚对你来说是种折磨
So being a monk was torture for you.
你和珍妮特重修旧好的唯一办法就是
The only way for you to repair your relationship with Janet
给她一些空间
is to give her some space.
向她证明你有自控能力
Show her that you can control your impulses.
你是说想要做一件事
So you're saying wanting to do something
不能成为马上去做的理由吗
isn't a good reason to immediately do it?
对
Yeah.
天生前有人教我就好了
Man, I wish someone had taught me this on Earth.
有人教过你了大部分是法官
People tried, mostly judges.
好戏开始了
Show time.
有请布兰特·诺瓦克
And now, Brent Norwalk,
你来介绍一下自己生前吧
why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
谢谢大家谢谢
Thank you very much. Thank you.
好我这个人特别精彩
Sure. I'm pretty interesting.
我在芝加哥长大
I grew up in Chicago.
显然郊区长大
A suburb, obviously.
我考上了普林斯顿
I went to Princeton University.
不是通过助学项目我是靠实力考上
No handouts, by the way. I earned my spot there...
我们家祖祖辈辈都是
just like my father and his father before him.
然后我继承了家族生意
I then inherited the family business,
仅用了18年
and in just 18 years,
我就将价值九千万的"诺瓦克建材公♥司♥"发展壮大为
I grew Norwalk Materials from a $90 million company...
价值九千四百万的公♥司♥
to a $94 million company.
稍等一下珍妮特
One second. Hey, Janet.
你好
Hi, there.
巴黎水
Perrier.
不如说说你人生不如意的时候吧
Why don't you tell us about a time when things didn't come so easy to you.
我也遭遇过挫折
Look, I've had my share of disappointments.
明智如我我买♥♥了网飞股票当时股价38块
I smartly bought Netflix stock at $38 a share,
但还没等我兑现我就死了
but I couldn't cash it in before I died,
这么多钱都让我那个傻叉儿子捡便宜了
so all that money's going to my dumb kid.
但人生就是向前冲
But you have to press on, right?
用马丁·路德金的话说就是
In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.,
我个人认为他是一名伟人
who I personally believe was a great man,
他曾说生活让你摔个狗吃屎
he said that when life knocks you on your butt,
你立马起来完虐生活还以颜色
you jump back up and start throwing haymakers.
他老人家的棺材板要压不住了
I'm not sure he said that.
不他说过这话你错了
No, no, he did. You're wrong.
埃莉诺对我来说个人担当最重要
For me, Eleanor, it's all about taking personal responsibility.
不知道人们是否有担当
I don't know if people do that.
要我说
And if you ask me,
这就是这个国家的症结
that's what's wrong with this country.
什么国家
What country?
埃莉诺聊得很愉快但我还要去喝下午茶
This was fun, Eleanor, but I have a tee time.
老子不打高尔夫老子心情就不爽
Daddy no golfy, daddy get cranky.
"奇德" "鸭子大姐" 幸会了
So, Chad, duck lady, nice to meet you.
谢谢谢谢大家
Thank you. Thank you all very much.
你们很棒
You were great.
车
A car?
他都有车了
He got a car?
重新再想法子[绘画板]Okay, well, back to the drawing board.
如果想让他意识到自己不属于这里
If we want him to understand he doesn't belong here,
不需要"绘画板"
we don't need a drawing board.
而是把他当糖罐一样摔碎
We need to bust him open like a pinata.
我们以前在"恶地"干过这事
We tried that in the Bad Place.
血肉模糊不如糖那么好吃
The goo that comes out doesn't taste as good as candy.
不是我这是比喻啊
No, dude, metaphorically.
不过倒是有另外一个"恶地"的法子可能好用
Although, there is another Bad Place strategy that might work very well here.
这样做不妥吧
I don't know if that's the right move.
眼下只有这个办法了
It's our only move.
就这么愉快地决定了
And we're doing it.
明天执行
Tomorrow.
普林斯顿
搞什么
What the...
珍妮特
Hey, Janet?
珍妮特
Janet!
这是巴黎水吗
Is that Perrier?
迈克尔埃莉诺
Michael, Eleanor.
布兰特很抱歉
Brent, I'm so sorry.
我们也不知道怎么会这样
We don't know why all of this is happening.
我知道
Well, I do.
这场混乱显然是因我而起
This chaos is clearly all about me.
上天是在告诉我我不属于这里
This is the universe telling me that I don't belong here.
布兰特你什么意思
Brent, what do you mean?
我不属于"善地"
I don't belong in the Good Place.
肯定有比这里更好的地方
I mean, obviously there's a place better than this.