善地

The Good Place S04E03

Part 1 Nov. 19, 2019, 4:01 p.m.

今天都有啥新鲜事
So what's on tap for today?
奇迪的学堂应该正常开课了
Chidi's study group should be off and running.
我们可以看一下布兰特的表现
We can go check in on how Brent's doing.
如果真有人能让那个"傻喵"改过自新
If there's anyone that can turn that ash-hole into a good person,
非奇迪莫属
it's Chidi.
别人收藏动漫人偶我男人收藏哲学家人偶
My man used to collect action figures of famous philosophers.
埃莉诺看这是九♥成♥新的叔本华拿着羽毛笔的人偶
Eleanor, look, it's a near-mint Arthur Schopenhauer with a working quill!
好呆萌我真的好爱他啊
What a dork. I love him so much.
奇迪凭一己之力就能让这些人洗心革面了
Chidi might make the new humans better all on his own.
他抹去自己记忆真是一大幸事
It's so great he erased his memory.
但也很不幸
But, you know, it's also quite sad...
对你来说很惨我常挂心上真心拜服
for you in a way that I always think about and am respect of.
搞什么喵
What the fork?
埃莉诺迈克尔
Hi, Eleanor. Hi, Michael.
我们正要去野餐
We were just heading off for picnic.
我们刚想找你问一下新学生布兰特的情况
You know, we were actually just gonna go check in on your new student, Brent.
布兰特应该不会坚持来听课
You know, I'm not sure that Brent's in it for the long haul.
他就来听了一次课
He came to one session,
他说他在普林斯顿时 "道德观"得了B+
and then he said he got a B+ in Moral Values at Princeton,
他该来教我们
and so maybe he should be the professor.
他又问我知不知道他毕业于普林斯顿
Then he asked me if I knew that he went Princeton.
我说知道
I said I did.
然后他说他毕业于普林斯顿说完就走了
Then he said he went to Princeton, and he left.
我也没招啊
What are you gonna do?
就当是学术交流
Well, just for argument's sake,
康德会怎么看你尽责帮助同类
what would Kant say about your duty to help your fellow human beings?
老实说这么阳光明媚的日子
Well, honestly, when the weather is this perfect,
康德应该会说
I think that Kant would say,
"谁想来玩飞碟高尔夫"
"Who's up for some Frisbee golf?"
各位我说个"康德笑话"笑死你们
Guys, you gotta hear this joke I made about Kant.
从来没见奇迪这样过
Never seen Chidi like that.
他"极奇悠闲"
He was... chillaxing,
这是我自创的词汇
which is a word I just invented,
将奇迪和悠闲组合起来
combing Chidi and relaxing.
失去记忆卸下拯救全人类的重担
Yeah, I guess once you have the burden of saving humanity removed from your brain,
生活如此惬意啊
life is dandy.
肯定很爽奇迪
Must be nice, Chidi.
找到问题症结了
That's what's missing.
没人折磨奇迪
Chidi isn't being tortured.
就他看来
As far as he's concerned,
他自己生前是个好人
he did everything right on Earth,
死后上天堂就该享福
so now he just gets to enjoy himself.
如果不把奇迪逼进墙角
If we don't force Chidi into stressful decision-making,
他就不会去提升自己
he won't get the chance to become a better person.
没错想要珍珠就得在蛤蜊中放点沙子
Right. You want to make a pearl, you gotta get some sand in your clam.
是生蚝我们得给奇迪制♥造♥一些轻微恐慌
Oyster. We need Chidi to live in a world of low-grade dread.
包在我身上
I've got this.
折磨前男友是老娘的拿手绝活
I have a ton of experience making ex-boyfriends' lives miserable.
首先把湿猫粮放进对方的原声吉他
First up, we fill his acoustic guitar with wet cat food.
随便鄙视我总之会让对方抓狂
Judge me all you want. I get results.
-亲爱的珍妮特 -你好
- Janet, darling? - Hi, there.
-你染发了 -对
- You dyed your hair. - I did.
我跟杰森分手后
After I broke up with Jason,
我搜索了一下人类分手后都怎么安慰自己
I researched how humans cope with relationships ending,
第八项就是脑子进水去做头发
and number eight on the list was doing something dumb with your hair.
第42项是再看一次《妈妈咪呀2》我也看了
Number 42 was watch "Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again," so I did that, too.
还可以吧
It was okay.
好多歌♥曲跟第一部都一样
It's just a lot of the same songs as the first one.
希望重新投身于工作也包括在内
Well, hopefully, diving back into work was also high on that list
因为我们得去帮约翰而我想到办法了
because we need to help John and I know how.
-水疗 -水疗
- SPA day. - SPA day?
没错珍妮特
That's right, Janet.
我看透他这个人了
I've cracked the code.
2014年
See, in 2014,
约翰写了11篇博文
John wrote eleven articles
嘲笑吉吉·哈迪德选择巴厘岛度假村度假
mocking Gigi Hadid's vacation at an exclusive resort in Bali.
95后"维密超模"
但他自己却上网搜了前往巴厘岛最便宜的机票
But then he researched cheap flights to Bali for himself,
还查了一下什么"酒店折扣套餐"
and looked into something called... a discount hotel package?
约翰是因为走不进权贵圈才这么毒舌
See, John's pettiness was the result of feeling excluded by the rich and powerful.
而我这个黑富美
So I, the rich and powerful,
将邀请他一起享受有钱人的奢华生活
am going to welcome him into an exclusive world of luxury and pampering!
他大爱明星八卦
He loves celebrity gossip.
你该告诉他
You should tell him about
《权力的游戏》中有八个角色原型都是你
how eight different characters from "Game of Thrones" are based on you.
好主意
That is a great idea.
瞧你上道了
See? You're getting it now.
首先先是打开他的毛孔再让他敞开心扉
First, we open his pores, and then we open his heart.
去掉嫉妒化身的死皮
We exfoliate the dead skin cells of envy,
净化他的灵魂
and we detoxify his soul.
-水疗 -水疗
- SPA day. - SPA day.
我好开心来做水疗
I'm so excited for SPA day.
我知道可以随心所欲地吃也不用担心长胖
I mean, I know I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight
而且空气纯净
and the air is obviously perfect
大家都不用上班也没有压力或烦恼
and no one has any jobs or stress or problems,
但我就是觉得需要放松一下
but I just feel like I need this.
你有福享了
Well, you are in for a treat
因为我让珍妮特复原了
'cause I had Janet build an exact replica
维多利亚·贝克汉姆的顶级私人水疗套餐
of Victoria Beckham's ultra-exclusive private spa.
奢华水疗豪华套餐
Posh's SPA? The Posh Wash?
英国名流圈做梦都想入会啊
It's the most coveted invitation in England.
只有体重和资产达标才有资格入会
Membership is based on weight and net worth.
多一分少一分都会被除名
Gain a pound or lose a pound, and you're out.
走吧
Shall we go?
杰森你在这里啊
Jason, there you are?
-我们找你帮忙 -好
- We need your help. - Okay.
把罐子给我
Hand me the jar.
-什么罐子 -花生酱罐子
- Of what? - The peanut butter jar.
给我吧
Get it.
你说想让我帮你们开花生酱罐子
You said you needed help opening a peanut butter jar.
我们没这么说
No, we didn't.
那是谁说的呢
Then who said that?
没人说闭嘴好好听着
No one. Shut up and listen.
我们想找你帮个大忙
We need your help with something very important.
你确定吗我可能会搞砸
Are you sure? I'm probably just gonna mess it up.
就像我搞砸了跟珍妮特的关系
Just like I messed things up with Janet.
帮忙拯救全人类这是疗愈情伤的好办法
Dude, helping to save humanity is as good a way as any to get over a breakup.
珍妮特又没车你没法划车
I mean, it's not like Janet has a car you can key,
她也没房♥子你不能留下"去死"跑掉
or a house you can "Left Eye" lopes.
一个说唱歌♥手死于车祸姓氏有"飞奔"之意
好我帮包在我身上了
Okay. I'm in. I got your back, guys.
把那个罐子给我吧
Now hand me that jar.
你这是比喻的说法吗
Are you speaking metaphorically,
意思是这次任务
like the task we're embarking on
你会像"开罐子那样"搞定吗
is a metaphorical jar you're gonna open by accomplishing the task?
是...吧
Yes.
天呐黄瓜水
Goodie. Cucumber water.
不这是来自奥普拉在毛伊岛住处的水
Nope. This is fresh water from Oprah's estate in Maui
里面的蘑菇来自她在比利牛斯山脉的私人沼泽
with mushrooms from her private bog in the Pyrenees Mountains.
天呐味道跟糖果一样
My God. It tastes like candy.
大家不常说嘛
You know what they say.
奥普拉沼泽里的蘑菇胜过世间一切
A mushroom from Oprah's bog is better than anything from anywhere else.
我不知道还有这种说法
I didn't know that they said that.
错过明星语录好心塞
I missed out on all the cool celebrity sayings.
向"局外人"说再见
Say good-bye to FOMO.
你终于体验到上流生活了
You can finally experience the best of the best.
来点明星八卦就更锦上添花了
The only thing that would make this any better is some hot goss.
没问题
Very well.
我有一次碰见罗比·威廉姆斯[歌♥手] 海蒂·克鲁姆[前超模]Our story begins when I ran into Robbie Williams, Heidi Klum,
以及"五美组合"没单飞的成员
and the remaining members of Fifth Harmony
当时在"DG"春季秀上
at the Dolce & Gabbana spring show.
一个辱华的意大利牌子 2018年开始遭国人抵♥制♥