善地

The Good Place S04E12

Part 3 Feb. 23, 2020, 9:02 a.m.

which instantly evaporates and leaves no trace.
真好
Sounds fun.
你之前不是说这里水深火热吗
But didn't you want to tell us how we're all screwed?
对忘了
Damn it!
这就是问题所在
This is the exact problem!
这里确实是天堂
On paper, this is paradise.
一切愿望都会被满足
All your desires and needs are met,
但永生不灭一直尽善尽美
but it's infinite, and when perfection goes on forever,
人就会渐渐失去活力变得呆滞
you become this glassy-eyed mush person.
不是吧
But... no!
因为
Because--
不要啊
No.
因为小夏别这样啊
Because, Patty, no!
确实是这样我以前特别拉风
Yes, I'm telling you. I used to be cool, man.
我学富五车
I studied so much things.
艺术音乐还有
Art and music and the--
一堆数字是什么来着
the one with the number piles?
我说"二" 你会回应"六"
Where I'd be like, "Two!" And you'd be like, "Six!"
-数学 -对
- Math? - Yes!
结果来到天堂不死不灭
And then I came here where time stretched out forever,
每一秒都无限美好
and every second of my existence was amazing,
但我的大脑停滞了
but my brain became this big dumb blob.
我们终于进入善地了
So we finally make it into the Good Place,
结果要变成"僵尸"了吗
and now we're just gonna become zombies?
你怎么不跟别人说呢
Why haven't you told anyone about this?
说什么
About what?
-能不能行了 -该死
- Dude! - Damn it!
我们得赶紧召集小伙伴
We have to find the others. Right now.
我衣服上有"数学"
Look, there's math on my shirt.
-快走 -这是"数学" 还是"S"
- Come on! - Is it an "S" or a math?
你见到埃莉诺和奇迪了吗
Have you seen Eleanor and Chidi?
这个宴会不对劲
There's something very wrong with this party,
不仅是把鱼子酱放在果冻甜酒上的问题
and it's not just that the caviar is being served on top of Jell-O shots.
我们是五百年来第一批进善地的人
We are the first new people here in 500 years,
这里似乎没人在意
and no one seems to care.
是啊连良善版珍妮特都有些不对劲
I know, even the Good Janets are kind of weird.
对方就是一副"请吩咐"的样子
They're like, "Hi, there!"
我这么说时有灵魂但对方这么说很无趣
When I do it, it's cool, but when they do it, it's lame.
各位玩得开心吗
Hey, guys. Having fun?
很好有事要说
Great. So, little update.
善地出问题了
The Good Place is a disaster.
这里的人都是大脑退化的"僵尸"
Everyone here is a happiness zombie,
没人来改善这种情况
and no one is doing anything about it,
因为他们意识到时
because by the time they realize it's happening,
都已经麻木了
everyone is too far gone to care.
我的天
Dear.
你好我是塔哈妮
Hello, I'm Tahani.
你好我是奶昔你想喝奶昔吗
Hi, I'm milkshake. Do you want a milkshake?
我们得找人汇报情况
Okay, we need to tell someone
不然我们也会精神涣散忘记初衷了
before we're too zonked out to remember why we're here.
-我们得去找委员会 -委员会就是我
- We need to find the Committee. - The Committee is me.
我就是委员会
I am Committee. It me.
-啥 -我被他们套路了
- What? - They tricked me.
他们把大权交给我了然后逃之夭夭了
And put me in charge of the Good Place and then literally ran away.
然后呢
And then what happened?
"魔法分院帽"把你分进"赫奇帕奇学院"了吗
The sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff?
源自《哈利波特》 "分院帽"将新生分到不同学院
赫奇帕奇学院是霍格沃茨魔法学校的四大学院之一相较之下比较平庸
吐槽狠吧
Roasted.
就算遇到麻烦了但他穿成这样不是逼我吐槽吗
Come on, I know we have problems. You can't expect me to ignore this.
先别急我们在天堂
Hang on, we're in paradise.
肯定有人享受这里的时光
Surely, some people here are enjoying themselves.
小伙伴们我回来了
Hey, guys. I'm back.
跟猴子们玩卡丁车很快就腻了
Go-karting with monkeys got boring really fast.
-是吗 -坏了
- It did?--- -No. Damn it.
杰森你毕生所愿这么快就玩腻了
Jason, your lifelong dream got old that quickly?
跟猴子们赛车一开始确实很有意思
I mean, monkeys and go-karts was fun for a while,
然后我就想还有更好玩的事
then I was like, "You know what'd be cool?
河马玩卡丁车"
Hippos in go-karts."
然后又觉得 "吸血鬼德古拉玩喷射飞行包"更有趣
And I was like, yo, "What about Draculas with jetpacks?"
我组合了五十种吧
I did like 50 combos,
然后就想回来找你们玩了
and then I just kind of wanted to hang out with you guys again.
这就一句总结了
Okay, that's it in a nutshell.
因为你来到这里意识到一切皆有可能
'Cause you get here and you realize that anything's possible,
你什么都能尝试都做完了
and you do everything, and then you're done.
但你永生不灭
But you still have infinity left.
这里让一切失去活力与乐趣
This place kills fun, and passion,
还有刺♥激♥与爱
and excitement, and love,
最后只有奶昔为伴
till all you have left are milkshakes.
善地委员会显然知道此事
The Good Place committee obviously knew about this.
他们怎么没去解决
Why didn't they try and solve it?
他们想办法了什么都试过了
They did. They tried everything.
上周他们还把独角兽变得更大了
Just last week, they made the unicorns bigger,
然后加了更多角
and then they gave them more horns,
然后还将其变得更胖了
and then they made them chubbier.
他们就是变出了一堆奇形怪状的绒毛犀牛
I mean, really, they just made a bunch of weird fluffy rhinos.
委员会成员不是人类
The Committee members aren't human,
看不出问题本质
so they couldn't understand the problem.
而我一来
The second I showed up,
他们就脱身让我来收拾烂摊子了
they jumped off this sinking ship and made me captain.
我才不会放弃
Well, I'm not giving up.
我们历经九九八十一难才荣登善地
We worked too hard and went through too much.
我才不会坐以待毙把我们自己
And I'm not just gonna sit back and turn into some
变成一群空洞无灵魂只会享乐的"行尸走肉"
slack-jawed sweatpant-wearing orgasm machine.
这以前是我的梦想我现在却如此嫌弃
My God, I'm describing my dream existence like it's bad.
这是什么鬼地方啊
What is wrong with this place?
我们才确立新体制
We just redesigned this system,
很快就会有上百万人来到这个自诩"天堂"的地方
and soon millions of people are going to start pouring in thinking they're in paradise,
结果变成无灵魂的呆子
only to become a joyless husk.
这是柯契拉音乐节
It's Coachella.
我们创造了宇宙版柯契拉音乐节
We've invented Cosmic Coachella.
我们得想法补救
We have to fix this.
不如效仿我一开始对你们做得那样
What if we do what I did to you in the original Neighborhood?
时不时消除一下记忆
Erase their memory every once in a while?
大家就不会那么快觉得腻了
That way, paradise would seem fresh and new.
你那么做是为了折磨我们
You were doing that to torture us.
真正的天堂不能用地狱的手段
Actual paradise can't use the same playbook as hell.
好吧我有一计
Okay, well, I have a solution.
你经历"中年危机打耳洞开跑车"时
Remember what I said to you when you were going through
还记得我对你说的话吗
your "Midlife crisis, one earring, red convertible" phase?
-"你看起来像个傻叉 -这句话之后
- "You look so stupid." - After that.
你说每个人类总是有点哀伤
You said that every human is a little bit sad all the time,
因为大家知道人终有一死
because you know you're gonna die.
但就因如此人才活得有意义
But that knowledge is what gives life meaning.
解决这里问题的办法是让这些人"离去"
The way to restore meaning to the people in the Good Place is to let them leave.
"离去" 上哪里
Leave? And go where?
这里是最终...
This is the last...
我们能这么做吗
Can we just do that?
你是善地的老大
You're the head of the Good Place now.
你想怎么样就怎么样
Seems to me, you can do whatever you want.
迈克尔呢
Where's Michael?
好
Okay.
宣布重大改革最有意思了
Nothing to do but announce the big change.
天空飘来五个字这都不是事
Whatever happens, it's cool, my babies.
这都不是事啊
It's very cool.
你抽大♥麻♥了吗
Did you smoke that weed, bud?
对
I did.
我有点慌张
I was kind of freaked out,
就吸了点大♥麻♥ 但我现在感觉好极了
so I smoked some grass, but now I'm great.
先改变死后世界再改变"塔可饼"店
Let's change the afterlife, and then Taco Bell.
真给力
Baby!
还是我来说吧