大门奖（2023）

Do you wanna get a drink sometime or what?
要
Yes, I do.
很好
Good.
不错 伊兹 这才是我的好姑娘 准备好去玩Quiddler了吗
Nice, Izzy. That's my girl right there. You ready to rock some Quiddler?
死都不要
Hell, no.
雅克布 你在这里做什么
Jacob, what are you doing here?
没出什么事吧
Is everything okay?
对 我其实一直都在那边
Yeah, I've been over there literally this entire time.
真的 我都没看到你
Really? I didn't even see you.
我可能是太专注了
I guess I was so in the zone.
爸 我带了酸黄瓜 因为我觉得 伍兹医生不会来了
Dad, I brought the pickles because I don't think Dr. Woods is coming.
对 我也猜到了
Yeah, I figured.
已经过了74分钟
It's been 74 minutes.
我本打算等她一个《正午》
I was gonna give her the old High Noon.
《正午》电影时长85分钟
High Noon had an 85-minute run time,
感觉是个很合理的等待时间
which seemed like a fair window to give her.
但是 也许该离开了
But yeah, maybe we just call it.
抱歉 我知道这对你来说不容易
I'm sorry. I know this wasn't easy for you.
是
Yeah.
爸 我知道妈死后情况很难
Dad, I know things have been pretty rough since Mom died.
对 雅克布 那对你来说更难
Yeah, well, it's been harder for you, Jacob.
我感觉无法和你聊这件事
I feel like I can't talk to you about it.
你妈妈总能让一切都变好 你知道吗
Your mom just made everything okay, you know?
我知道
I know.
然后 你哥哥去世时
And then when your brother died...
我感觉又再一次失去了她
I felt like I lost her all over again.
你们兄弟俩身上都有很多你妈妈的影子
You know, there was so much of your mom in both you kids.
我感觉 当我们失去妈妈时 那就像是...
I feel like when we lost Mom, it was like--
我们家经历了一件可怕的事
it was like this terrible thing had happened to our family.
我当时觉得我们已经渡劫了
And I think I kind of thought that was it for us.
虽然很糟糕 但已经发生了
Like, it sucked, but it already happened.
然后寇顿去世了
And then when Kolton died--
我知道 - 两个劫
I know. - Then we had two.
我们经历了两次 - 我知道
We had two things. - I know.
这不公平 - 这不公平
It's not fair. - It's not fair.
所以我觉得
Which is why, I think,
我不希望更多坏事发生在你身上
I don't want more bad things to happen to you.
所以光是看到你被放鸽子就...
So, even just seeing you get stood up, it's like--
雅克布 今晚没有发生坏事
Jacob, nothing bad happened tonight.
我知道 但... - 不 雅克布 我是说真的
I know. But-- - No, I'm serious, Jacob.
我今晚来赴约会了
I went on a date tonight.
如果她没赴约 这是她的问题
If she didn't show, that's on her.
我这辈子花了太多时间 去担心其他人对我的看法
I have lived too much of my life worried about what other people think of me.
我从没觉得你是个多虑的人
I guess I never thought of you as, like, a worrier.
你知道当年我为什么会在植物园呕吐吗
Do you know why I barfed all those years ago at the botanical gardens?
吃了坏的热狗
A bad hot dog?
我不知道
I don't know.
我呕吐是因为那一天
The reason I barfed is that that was going to be the day
我打算告诉我爸
that I was going to tell my dad
我不想再打篮球了 因为我想
that I didn't wanna play basketball anymore because I wanted...
滑花样滑冰
to figure skate instead.
你说真的 - 对
Seriously? - Yeah.
你可以想象爷爷对这件事的看法
You can imagine what your grandpa would've thought about that.
天啊 当然
Oh, God. Yeah.
然后我丢脸的呕吐故事让他很生气
And then he was so mad I had embarrassed myself by barfing
所以我最后没告诉他
that I never told him.
今晚为约会做准备时 我又感觉到了那种焦虑的纠结
I had that same anxious pit in my stomach tonight, getting ready for this date.
但你猜如何
But you know what?
我没有呕吐
I didn't throw up.
现在还没有 如果你继续吃这酸黄瓜...
Well, I mean, not yet. If you keep eating those pickles...
我今晚来约会了 - 好吧
I went on a date tonight! - Okay.
女士们 有双胞胎...
Ladies, we have twins. We have twins.
天啊 - 轻一点
Oh, my God. - Gently.
好可爱 我想把它们都留下来
They're so cute. I want to keep them both.
不...
No. No, no, no.
我想给它们起名字
I wanna name them.
不如叫布兰特和赛巴斯提安 钥匙小伙成员
How about Brant and Sebastian, like the Latchkey Ladz?
拜托 卡丝
Come on, Cass.
你知道爱丽丝更喜欢猛♥男♥孩
You know that Alice is more of a Boyslam gal.
所以那是威克斯德老师的狗
So that was Ms. Wickstead's dog?
对 就是帮帮同事
Yeah. Just, you know, helping out a fellow teacher.
她肯定想亲自给你们起名的 对吧
And I'm sure she will wanna name you guys herself, won't she?
这很不公平 活都是我们干的
Which is totally unfair. I mean, we did all the work.
主要是悠悠干的 我做了一些指导
Well, Yo-Yo did most of the work. I did a little bit of coaching.
对 你是个很好的教练
Yeah. You know, you are a good coach.
对
Yeah.
你还记得我生翠娜的时候
Do you remember when I was in labor with Trina,
你一直在唱那些难听的爱尔兰摇篮曲吗
and you kept singing those Irish lullabies that were so fucking bad?
没那么难听啦 - 摇篮曲很好听
They weren't that bad. - No, the lullabies were lovely,
但你唱得太难听了 所以我都没空去注意身体的痛苦了
but the singing was so bad that it distracted from the physical pain.
我当时想那是我的团队角色
I thought that was my role on the team.
是的 我们是个好团队
It was. We make a good team.
抱歉 你们俩是怎么回事
I'm sorry. What is going on with you two?
你们正眼波流转 说甜言蜜语
You guys are, like, making flirty eyes at each other and saying sweet things
一起把小狗带到这个世界上来
and birthing puppies together.
所以 怎么 “自探”结束了
So, what? Is the "self-ploration" over?
已经完事了吗
Are we done with that?
因为前天晚上看我爸亲我的老师
'Cause it's a little fucking weird to watch my dad kiss my teacher one night,
第二天回到家又来这温情一刻 挺奇怪的
and then come home the next night to this, like, tender family moment.
你亲了爱丽丝 - 你看到了
You kissed Alice? - You saw that?
对 看来你没告诉妈妈
Yeah. And I'm guessing you didn't tell Mom that?
太好了 我以为你们互相支持呢
Great, I thought you guys were supporting each other.
互相支持不意味着告知一切
Supporting each other, not necessarily telling each other everything.
我希望你们做这件事 真的
Look, I want you guys to do this. I really do.
我知道这对你们的 个人成长什么的非常重要
I know it's important for your, like, personal growth or whatever,
但你们这样生活在一起又不同居
but this middle ground of you guys, like, living together but not together,
暂时分开但又一起给老爸女友的狗 接生小狗 这种灰色地带
taking a break, but birthing Dad's girlfriend's dog's fucking puppies,
让所有当事人都感到困惑无比
is very confusing for everyone involved.
所以请你们拎得清一点
So please get your shit together.
我们今晚可能有点过界了
We did let it slip a bit tonight maybe.
对 没错
Yeah, we did.
但她说得对
But she's right.
的确令人困惑无比
It is confusing.
对我来说也是
For me too.
我不知道你亲了爱丽丝 - 是
I did not know you kissed Alice. - Yeah.
你们现在是一起养狗了
And you guys are, like, sharing a dog now?
噢 拜托 卡丝 不是这样
Oh, come on, Cass. It's not like that.
我觉得你应该换个地方住一段时间
I think you should go stay somewhere else for a while.
真的
Really?
对 你显然在强迫自己
Yeah. I mean, clearly, you are pushing yourself.
我也想强迫自己 但如果继续同住
I wanna push myself too, but if we keep living together,
我只会继续试图去帮你
I'm just gonna keep trying to help you.
希望这话让你好受一点 但你并没帮上什么忙
If it makes you feel any better, you weren't that helpful.
好吧
Okay.
听着
Well, listen.
把这些小狗送回它们母亲身边 再把它们的母亲送回它母亲身边
You take these to their mother, and their mother to her mother.
再见 布兰特 再见 赛巴斯提安
Goodbye, Brant. Goodbye, Sebastian.
再次向你道歉 波
Again, I am just so sorry, Beau.
马利克先生在萨尔萨之夜以为自己中风了
Mr. Malik thought he was having a stroke at salsa night,
但其实他只是睡麻了左臂
but it turns out his left arm just fell asleep
而当时真的有人烤糊了面包
and someone was actually burning toast.
总之 如果你想再试一次 我下周四有空
Anyway, I'm free next Thursday, if you'd like to give it another shot.
太好了 魅力不减当年
Yes. Still got it.
你把座机号♥码给她了 我都不知道座机还能用
You gave her the landline? I didn't even know it still worked.
对 应该是我给她的临时名片上印的
Yeah, I guess it was on one of the makeshift business cards I gave her.
我将座机用作警长热♥线♥
I've been using it as a sheriff hotline,
但主要都是小屁孩打恶作剧电♥话♥
but it's mostly just prank calls from smart-ass kids.
我很高兴你放弃了 警长潜力卡 如果它能帮你
I'm glad you gave up your Sheriff card if it helped you get to,
到达你现在的状态
you know, where you are.
对
Yeah.
我们不需要那些卡 对吧