大门奖（2023）

但你要相信我 此刻说这些时
But you believe me right here when I tell you
我们精神高度专注 且思维清晰
that we are really, really focused and thinking clearly.
爸的眼睛都闭上了
Dad's eyes are closed.
并没有 我只是在思考你的话
No, they're not. I'm just thinking about what you're saying.
那找炮♥友♥呢
So, what about fucking other people?
你们没谈过这件事吧
You guys haven't talked about it, have you?
我...
I...
没有
No.
我觉得应该找
I think we should?
你觉得应该找
You think we should?
我觉得我们可以找
I mean, I think we can.
我只是觉得应该考虑到翠娜 你懂吗
I just think that we should consider Trina in this, you know?
我自己也是经历过父母离婚的 明白这给生活造成多大的动荡
As a child of divorce myself, I know how destabilizing it can be.
对...但这不是离婚
Yeah, yeah. Not that this is divorce.
是的 你们也不是孩子了 但是 没错 其实我很混乱
Yeah. And not that you're a child, but yeah, I'm honestly pretty confused.
你们有一人要搬出去还是...
Is one of you guys moving out or--
不会...噢 绝对不会 - 好吧
No. Oh, no. No. - Okay.
你♥爸♥爸会...他会在地下室住一段日子
Your dad, he's just-- he'll sleep in the basement for a bit, you know?
给我们一点空间 让我们找到自我
Just to give us a little space so that we can figure out who we are.
然后我们会重新在一起
And then we will come back together,
关系会比以前更为牢固
even stronger than before.
我懂的 - 是吗
I mean, I get it. - Yeah?
我一直都觉得你们在一起时太年轻了
You know, I've always thought you guys probably got together a bit too young.
所以 对 这对你们来说也许是健康的做法
So, yeah, I can see how this is healthy for you.
好吧 你是懂
Okay. You do.
我当然不知道该和朋友怎么说
I definitely don't know what to tell my friends,
因为你们俩这场说明会挺烂的
since you guys haven't exactly nailed the presentation.
我们只是希望你明白我们非常非常爱你
We just want you to know that we love you more than anything,
我们仍然在你身边
and that we are both still here for you,
无论你需要什么 都支持你 帮助你
for anything you want, no matter what.
今晚我能开派对吗
Can I have a party tonight?
什么 室内派对
What? A house party?
在我们家 我们不在场
At our house? And we're not here?
我可是经历了父母“自探”的孩子啊
I'm the child of a self-ploration.
你觉得我偷走多少瓶喉霸威士忌
How many bottles of Throatroaster whiskey
你♥爸♥才会注意到
do you think I can take without your dad noticing?
我们需要多少瓶 你觉得大家会自带酒水还是...
How many do we need? Like, do you think people will bring their own stuff or--
你以前没举办过派对吗
Have you never hosted a party before?
我连派对都没去过几个
I've basically never been to a party before,
因为寇顿总是会去派对
because Kolton would always go,
我则会在家洗衣服什么的
and I'd be at home, like, doing our laundry.
真贴心
That's very sweet.
是啊
Yeah.
狂野派对当然很有意思
So, a rager sounds fun, for sure.
只是我昨晚没睡多久 所以...
It's just that I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so--
天啊 昨晚只有我睡觉了吗
Jesus. Am I the only one who got any sleep last night?
我们解锁机器后 人们开始纷纷来到约翰逊杂货店
Well, after we unlocked the machine, people started coming into Johnson's,
等待去发掘自我 所以...
wanting to discover who they are. So...
好吧 我可不太想发掘
Yeah. I'm not, like, dying to find out.
显然 下一个“阶段”让我父母坚信
Apparently, the next "stage" has convinced my parents
他们需要分开一段时间
that they need to take some time apart from each other.
我猜关于我的内容一定更糟糕了
So I can only imagine what it would say about me.
等等 什么 你父母要离婚
Wait, what? Your parents are getting a divorce?
不 天啊 不是 没那么简单
No. God, no. That's way too simple.
他们只是要在同一屋檐下分开生活
They're just going to be living separately in the same house.
噢 真烦
Oh, shit.
是啊
Yeah.
你还好吗
Are you okay?
还好 你也了解我爸的
Yeah. You know my dad.
没有我妈 他一天都活不下去
He won't be able to survive without my mom for more than a day.
其实他们作为“分居夫妇”的第一个活动 就是一起去吃晚餐
In fact, their first act as a separated couple is going to a dinner together.
所以别担心 我还打算尽量好好利用这个时期呢
So, not that worried, but I am planning to take advantage of it while I can.
好了 应该够了
There. I think that's enough.
好吧 小吃呢
Okay. What about the snack situation?
是要准备坚果 零食 还是烤肉串之类的
Are we talking, like, nuts and nibbles? Or is it more of a charcuterie vibe?
这派对一定很有趣
This is going to be so fun.
我可以切点水果摆盘
Yo, I could slice up, like, a fruit plate.
我还是觉得 有人邀请你去乔吉奥那里吃晚餐时
I still think when someone invites you for a dinner at Giorgio's,
合理的假设是她指的是餐厅
it's reasonable to assume she means the restaurant.
这顿晚餐有个好处是
Well, the good thing about this dinner is
如果把我们的“自探”计划告诉娜特 她会帮我们告知天下
if we tell Nat about our self-ploration, she'll just tell everyone for us.
你觉得我们已经准备好公开了吗
Do you think that we're ready to tell people?
准备好了 - 是吗
Yeah. - Yeah?
是的 我觉得我们准备好了
Yeah. I think we're ready.
欢迎欢迎
Benvenuto.
我的天啊
Mary, Mother of God.
两位请进
Come on in, you guys.
乔吉奥的家就是你们家 也是我的家
Giorgio's casa es su casa and also mi casa.
还记得鲁本神父吧 汉娜也来了
You remember Father Reuben? And Hana's also here.
对 你好 - 又见面了
Yeah. Hello. - We meet again.
真是惊喜 但你们怎么来了
Pleasant surprise, but why are you here?
乔吉奥告诉我们说 他有关于机器的重量级消息
Well, Giorgio told us he had important information about the machine.
嘿 你才是重量级人物 神父
Hey, you're the machine, Father.
我见过你神父服下藏着你的强壮手臂
I've seen those guns you're hiding under those priest garbs.
卡丝 请
Here you go, Cassie.
谢谢 - 起泡酒 老达
Thank you. - Just a little bit of bubbly. Big D.
好吧 在今晚的盛宴开始前
Okay. So, before we proceed with the evening's festivities,
我想提出一个要求
I would like to request
大家都把移♥动♥设备放在这个安保袋里
that everybody place their mobile devices in this security pouch.
我不会这么做
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
达斯提 我们在试图享受当下
Dusty, we're trying to be more present,
我们鼓励宾客也这么做
and we encourage our guests to do the same.
抱歉 你说的“我们”...
I'm sorry. When you say "we..."
别恐惧“断电” 别被这些长方形玩意控制了人生
Don't be afraid to unplug. Don't be held hostage by these cubes.
来吧 老达 交给我 哥们 - 如果有紧急情况呢 好吧
Let's go, Big D. Hand it over, boy. - What if there's an emergency? Okay.
你瞧 是不是好多了
See, isn't this better?
正如我一直说的 要“活在当下”
As I always say, here is where the now is.
正如我一直说的 “活在当下 惊喜连连”
And as I always say, here is where the wow is.
娜塔莉 好了啦
Natalie, stop it.
乔吉奥和我在交往 我们官宣啦
Giorgio and I are together. That's our announcement.
等等 重量级消息就是这
Wait, that's the important information?
这和机器毫无关系啊
That's not about the machine at all.
汉娜 其实有关
Well, Hana, actually it is.
因为乔吉奥和我感觉我们的潜力就是彼此
Because Giorgio and I feel that our potential is each other.
能把手♥机♥还给我吗 - 不能
Can I have my phone back, please? - No.
感觉你们进展神速啊 娜特
This seems really fast, Nat.
快极了 但也完完全全是真实的
It is extremely fast, but it is also extremely real.
我们想在《文摘》得知消息前 先当面告诉最好的朋友们
And we wanted to tell our best friends personally before it hits the Digest.
而且 神父 我想向你告解
Also, Father, I wanted to confess to you
我们已经行了许多次房♥事
that this relationship has been consummated multiple times.
你没必要向我告解这种事
You don't need to confess to me.
好的 但我可以吗
Okay, but can I?
因为过程好棒啊 - 天啊
Because, yo, it was freaking amazing. - Oh, my God.
另外 汉娜 我很抱歉
And also, Hana, I'm sorry.
作为我的前任情人之一 希望这个消息不会为你带来痛苦
Like, I hope this doesn't bring you any pain as one of my ex-lovers.
我来这里就是因为这个吗
Is that why I'm here?
活在当下
Here is where the now is.
敬乔吉奥和娜特
To Giorgio and Nat.
他刚对自己祝酒 - 我也发现了
He just toasted himself. - I am aware.
好吧 你能不能别用那么多餐巾纸啊
Okay. You need to chill with the paper towels.
大家都没在用杯垫
Well, people aren't using the coasters.
如果你想对你♥爸♥妈解释 为什么这么多杯印和污痕 那随你
So if you want to explain ring marks and stains to your parents, be my guest.
好吧 我知道你习惯了在自己家做主
Okay. I know you're used to being, like, the man of the house at your house,
但这不是你家 所以请你淡定一点
but this isn't your house. So, I just need you to chill.
我压力很大 好吗
It's a lot of pressure here, okay?
我清楚地意识到我长得和寇顿很像
I'm very aware that I, like, you know, look like Kolton.
也许大家期待我的行事也像他
And maybe people are expecting me to act like him,
但我都不知道他如何行事
but I don't even know how he'd act.
我不是派对上的红人 翠娜
I'm not, like, the life-of-the-party guy, Trina.
雅克布 没有人会期待你变成派对红人
Jacob, no one expects you to be the life of the party.