大门奖（2023）

and then if I lose, I double my bet, also on red.
然后 如果又输了 我就再翻倍
And then, if I lose again, I double my bet again.
一直这样下去 将赌注翻倍
And I just keep going and doubling my bet
那我就不会输
and I literally can't lose.
但你正在输 而且输了好多
But you are losing, like, a lot.
对 你绝对可能输 - 不 不可能
Yeah, you definitely can lose. - No, I can't!
这个系统饱经考验
It's a tested system, okay?
我读过书
I read a book.
嘿 你原先就知道我们今晚要赌博吗
Hey, did you know that we were going to be gambling tonight?
不知道
No!
苏珊这辈子都在赌博 明白我意思吗
Susan's whole life is a goddamn gamble. You know what I mean?
来 甜心 让她来一盘 好吧 给我红色
Now come on, sweet nips, give her a spin, huh? Show me some red.
这让我想起 有次在蒙特卡洛 那是...
This reminds me of a time in Monte Carlo, which is one of--
你呢 你有什么故事 - 好吧
What about you? What's your story? - Okay.
我是汉娜
I'm Hana.
酷
Cool.
黑26 - 搞什么
Twenty-six, black. - Fucking what?
这游戏被人做了手脚
This game is frigging rigged.
抱歉了 女士们 我真的得关了这桌
Sorry, ladies, I actually need to shut down the table.
为什么 因为我没有筹码了
Why? 'Cause I'm out of chips?
我可以再换点的 - 不
I can get more chips. - No,
我只是需要做点事
I just have something I need to do.
你就是魔力马克 对吗
You're Magic Mark, aren't you?
魔法师从不泄露秘密
A magician never reveals his secrets.
但是 没错
But yes.
好了 听好 魔力马克
Okay, you listen up, Magic Mark.
上台去 好好摇晃你的翘臀
You get up there, you shake your candy ass.
把观众晃得心花怒放 然后 就立马回来这里 懂吗
You give 'em the old razzle-dazzle, and then you get right back here, you hear?
自动取款机在哪
Now where is the ATM?
不 我觉得这不是个好主意
No, I don't think that's a good idea.
对 好的主意应该是你少管我
No, a good idea would be to get your paws off my mitts.
苏珊需要一根烟 一杯波本 烫的
Susan needs a cigarette and a bourbon, hot.
我又不是这里的酒吧侍应
I don't work here.
我觉得你朋友有毒瘾
I think your friend has a problem.
好了 这个小按钮在闪绿光
Okay, so here's a little button that's blinking green.
也许试试...
So maybe if you just...
还真没想到 - 天啊
Look at that. - Wow.
我们修好了 -“我们” 你说是就是吧
We fixed it. - Yeah, "we"? Okay.
没有旁观者喝彩
And nobody here to appreciate it.
有我这个旁观者
I'm here.
其实 我不想太戏剧化
You know, I don't want to be hyperbolic,
但我觉得你现在也许是我最爱的大提琴手
but I think that maybe you're my favorite cello player now.
天啊 - 对 至少是前五
Wow. - Yeah, top five anyway.
真荣幸啊 谢谢
Why, thank you.
其实挺有趣的
You know, it's funny.
即使我现在演奏
Even now when I play,
我脑中也有父母的声音 告诉我别搞砸了
I can still hear my parents' voices in my head just telling me not to fuck up.
你没搞砸
You didn't fuck up.
噢 并不是...我搞砸了
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I did.
我没注意到 但那是因为我在忙着 毁了所有其他人的夜晚
Well, I didn't notice. But then I was too busy ruining everybody else's night.
才不会 你瞧大家玩得多开心啊
No way. No. Look at how much fun they're having.
小孩都很蠢 他们总是看起来很开心
Kids are dumb. They always look like they're having fun.
反正我很开心
Well, I'm having fun.
对 太棒了
Yes! That was amazing.
嘿...快看我的 还没掉下来呢
Hey, hey. Look at mine. Mine's still sticking.
科瓦克先生 你是传奇 - 对
You're a legend, Mr. Kovac. - Yeah.
我在你还没出生时就已经 玩“扔意式奶冻”了
Well, I've been slinging panna cottas since before you were born.
翠娜 这游戏好有趣 雅克布人呢 快让他来玩
Trina, this game's so fun. Where's Jacob? He's gotta try it.
他在和新朋友一起 也不回我的短♥信♥
He's hanging out with his new friend and not responding to my texts.
不 你们在用我的意式奶冻做什么
No! What the hell are you doing with my panna cotta?
好好玩
This is really fun.
真的 好吧 行
Really? Okay. Yes.
我喜欢 扔得好
I love it. Good throw.
大家都在乔老爹的地盘上 尽兴地玩 去吧 再拿点
Everybody have fun on Big Papa G. Go ahead, get some more.
冰箱里还有一堆呢
There's a bunch in the fridge.
去拿啊 兄弟
Go ahead, bro.
嘿 小萨 能和你聊聊吗
Hey, Sav, can I talk to you for a sec?
好啊 什么事
Sure. What's up?
你母亲提到说
Your mother mentioned
我和她的关系对你来说可能进展太快了
that our relationship might be moving too fast for you.
我只想说我想缓慢但坚定地向你证明
And I just wanted to say that I am here to slowly but surely prove to you,
我毫无疑问配当你的继父
beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I am worthy of being your stepdad.
我对你没意见啊 - 真的
I don't have a problem with you. - You don't?
对 你家房♥子很炫 而且 你还送了我一辆起亚试跑车
No. Your house is dope and you gave me a Kia Sportage.
“狮跑车” 是定制海蓝色呢
"Spor-tage." In custom aquamarine.
但是 等等...那为...
But wait, wait. Then w--
为什么你妈妈说 我们应该为了你放慢步调
Why did your mom say we needed to slow down for you?
也许她自己想放慢步调
Maybe she wants to slow down herself?
我高中时很喜欢校外活动
I used to love field trips when I was in high school.
对 我记得每次都很激动
Yeah. I just remember it being so exciting,
和所有朋友们一起过夜
you know, to be with all my friends at night.
一切皆有可能
You know, like anything could happen.
你好 乔吉奥的歌♥单 - 这首歌♥啊
Hello, Giorgio's playlist. - This song.
天啊 这首歌♥是亲热专用曲
My goodness. This is such a make out song.
我也听说了
I've heard.
对 我差点伴着这首歌♥献出初吻
Yeah. You know, I almost had my first kiss to this song.
差点
Almost?
是一个叫萨米B的孩子 我当时特别喜欢他
It was this kid, Sammy B., and I had such a big crush on him.
我们在玩转瓶子游戏 瓶子指中了我
And we were playing spin the bottle, and it landed on me.
然后 对 他就是无法吻我
And yeah. He just couldn't do it.
是的 很丢人
Yeah. It was humiliating.
男人是懦夫
Men are cowards.
老达...哟 我想找你聊聊 - 天...
D! Yo, D! I have to talk to you. - Oh, my--
乔吉奥
Giorgio,
我正忙呢 差点要忙... 伙计 有什么能帮你的吗
I'm just in the middle of something, almost. How can I help you, pal?
糟糕 我的狗保姆打了七次电♥话♥
Oh, shit. My dog sitter's called, like, seven times.
对 这是“顺其自然”的一部分 我收留了一只流浪狗
Yeah. Part of this whole go-with-the-flow thing is I took in a stray.
它有分离焦虑症 无法独自待着
She has bad separation anxiety and she's not good on her own.
所以我应该回去了 - 可怜的小狗
So I should probably go. - That poor dog.
对 那好 拜拜
Yeah, okay. Bye.
帮我给它一个大大的吻
Give her a big kiss from me.
哟 抱歉 老达 我其实等了一分钟才出声
Yo, sorry, D. I actually waited a minute
因为看起来你可能想吻爱丽丝
because it looked like you were maybe gonna kiss Alice.
结果你没有
And then you didn't.
乔吉奥 你有什么事吗
How can I help you, Giorgio?
我需要你的建议 关于娜塔莉的
I need your advice about Natalie.
来吧 聚集好兄弟
Come on. Gather the troops.
我们要在篝火边谈论我们的感情 一如昔日的洞穴人
We're gonna talk about our emotions around the fire just like the cavemen did.
来吧
Let's go.
什么 怎么可能超出限额
What? How can I be over my limit?
只有我知道自己的限额 - 嘿...
I'm the only one who knows my limit. - Hey. Hey.
嘿 - 娜特 嘿...亲爱的
Hey. - Nat, hey. Hey, sweetie.
不如我们先远离这个
Let's maybe get you away from that,
好吗
okay?
我觉得今晚苏珊出场的时间够多了
I think we've had enough of Susan for tonight.
对 够了...各位
Right. That's enough. That's enough, guys.
好了 你都没放钱进去 停下...
Okay. You haven't even put money in that. Stop it. Stop.
好了 我们就...先坐下
Okay, just-- Let's get you seated.
我们在沙发上找个位置
Let's get you some space on the couch.
把这些假阳♥具♥挪一挪 哎哟
Get rid of some of these dildos out of the way.
我偷拿了一瓶葡萄酒 我觉得 这是魔力马克秀上用的
Snagged us a bottle of wine. I think it's from the Magic Mark show.
名字是“老二皮诺”
It's a "Penis Grigio."
好 真完美
Okay. That is perfect.
娜特 行了 把老二放下 娜特 跟我说说 到底怎么了
Nat. All right. Penis down. Come on, Nat. What's going on?
今天乔吉奥给了我这枚戒指 我不太好意思戴 但...
Giorgio gave me this ring today. I've been shy about wearing it. But--
这是... - 天啊
Is that... - Wow.
大致的灵感源于斯坦利杯冠军戒指 对
Loosely inspired by a real Stanley Cup Championship ring? Yes.
他说我值得拥有最好的
He said nothing's too good for me.
但事实上 我不配拥有他
But the truth is, I'm not good enough for him.
我负债了 很大一笔债
I'm in debt, guys. Like, a lot of debt.
噢 娜特