大门奖（2023）

我也没想到自己要说这种话 但你能不能回房♥间去
And I can't believe I have to say this, but can you just go to your room?
这就去
Will do.
谢谢
Thank you.
真抱歉
I'm sorry.
各位美女如果想尝尝Poddy咖啡
And if any of you hotties wanna go Poddy in your coffee,
我在楼下 随时效劳
I'll be downstairs.
这不是...这...算了
That's not-- That's-- Fuck it.
雅克布对机器 终极人机大战
It's Jacob versus machine. This is it. It's all on the line.
而且这是全国篮球冠军赛
And you know what? It's the national basketball championship series.
我对篮球一无所知 而这是决胜的投篮
I know literally nothing about basketball, and this is the big final shot.
要命 他得分了
Holy shit! He scores.
逗我呢 有人看到了吗
What the fuck? Did anyone see that?
嗨 哥们
Hey, man.
你在读《尤利西斯》吗 - 是
You reading Ulysses? - Yep.
这书好吗
Any good?
这是我第七次读了 所以我觉得很好
Well, it's my seventh time reading it, so yes.
这本书很有意义 虽然作者有些自我沉浸
It's a pretty crucial text, even if it's a bit indulgent.
这是为了大学功课还是... - 不 我辍学了
Is that for college or-- - No, I dropped out of college.
教授们都是白♥痴♥
The profs are all fucking morons
如果你有原创的想法 就给你不及格
who give you an F if you have an original idea.
是 对
Right. Yeah.
真烂 我本希望大学比高中好一点
That sucks. I was hoping college would maybe be better than high school.
你讨厌高中 这很好 说明你有脑子
It's a good thing you hate high school. It means you have a brain.
你是崔佛 对吗
You're Trevor, right?
你曾是我爸在冰场的同事 - 对
You worked at the rink with my dad? - Correct.
波一直表现优秀 直到最后放飞自我
Beau was a good employee until he wasn't.
对你哥哥的事 我很遗憾
I was sorry to hear about your brother.
谢谢
Thanks.
我没有兄弟 但我知道 被迫长大是什么感觉
I don't have a brother, but I know what it's like to grow up fast.
也许这是你对高中不屑一顾的原因
Probably why high school seems so trivial to you.
你体验过真实的人生
You've actually experienced life.
嘿 我其实挺闲的 如果你想 我们可以一起玩
Hey, so I actually have some time to kill if you wanna, like, hang or whatever.
“玩”
Hanging.
我喜欢“一起玩”
I love to hang.
我只是在逗你呢 哥们
I'm just messing with you, man.
我很乐意
I'm totally down.
棒
Sick.
对 我也不知道我为什么说“玩”
Yeah, I don't know why I said "hang".
每次听人说这词 我都觉得很好笑 所以...
I think it's hilarious when people say that so...
你一直都喜欢西部主题的东西
So, have you always been into Western paraphernalia?
其实我爸才是痴迷西部文化的人
Well, my dad was really the Western guy.
你还记得我爸吧 消防队长 - 当然记得
You remember my dad, the fire chief? - Of course.
我想我是因为他而喜欢上的
He got me into it, I guess.
我们没有什么其他共同点
We didn't have too much else in common.
我们只在玩拳击袋时才会聊感受
Only time we ever talked about feelings was when we were punching that bag.
J先生 你还记得你送我那个的时候吧
You remember when you gave it to me, Mr. J?
因为孩子里只有我能击中“彪形大汉”
Because I was the only kid to ever hit Burly Boy.
记得
Yeah.
这玩意要怎么修啊
How the hell am I supposed to fix this thing?
零部件都不全
It doesn't even have all the parts.
嗨
Hey.
天 你的存货还真多
Wow, you have quite the collection here.
对 我有点囤积癖
Yeah. I'm a bit of a hoarder.
去哪儿都喜欢顺手收集物品
Just kind of pick up random stuff wherever I go,
但在维修行业里 哪天也许就能用得上
but you never know what you might need in the repair biz.
这是什么 - 噢 对 我也不知道
What's this? - Oh, yeah. Beats me.
一直没修好
Never could get it to work.
但很好看
It's beautiful though.
扬声器看上去像个蝴蝶
The speaker looks like a butterfly.
我喜欢蝴蝶
I like butterflies.
这话说得真好笑 “我喜欢蝴蝶”
Listen to me. I like butterflies.
但我确实喜欢
I do though.
蝴蝶的寿命只有几周 但是却没有浪费任何一瞬间
They only live for a few weeks, but, boy, do they make the most of it.
如果你想要的话 送你
It's yours if you want it.
你人真好
That's very kind.
我该给你什么回报 - 不用客气
What can I give you for it? - Don't worry about it.
其实我一直有点愧疚
The truth is I've been feeling bad.
你雇了我那么多次去修那台旧机器
You know, for all the times you've hired me to fix that old machine,
都够买♥♥一台新的彪形大汉了
you could have bought a new Burly Boy.
我就没必要总是回来了
I wouldn't have to keep coming back here all the time.
倒不是说我不想来
Not that I'm complaining.
也许你有空可以来坐坐 就算不需要修东西
Maybe you could swing by sometime even if nothing's broken.
我做的强力肉饼很美味
I make a mean Mighty Meatloaf.
这主意不错
That sounds nice.
(彪形大汉)
(第一本魔法书)
(这就是魔法)
约翰逊先生
Mr. Johnson.
我遇到了点棘手的事
I have a bit of a crisis.
我以为给达斯提准备了40份礼物 结果少了一份
I thought I had 40 gifts for Dusty, but I'm one short,
我可以送他一罐西红柿汤 他也会很喜欢的
and I could get him a can of tomato soup, and he will love that.
但我想准备点更特别的 比如...
But I was hoping for something a little more special, you know? Like--
那是什么
What is that thing?
那个
That?
如果你想要 就拿去吧 但它坏了
It's yours if you want it, but it doesn't work.
魔法啊
Magic.
抱歉 J先生
Sorry, Mr. J.
我觉得它已经修不好了
I think it's busted.
没关系
That's okay.
你尽力了
You did your best.
虽然它已经坏了 但也许 它已经完成了使命
You know, it might not be working now, but maybe it served its purpose.
它让镇民们进入了下一阶段
It got the town to the next stage.
下一阶段是什么
What is the next stage?
我的视像是身处丛林里
It was this vision of me in the jungle,
一开始 我以为这象征着性♥爱♥的狂野
and at first, I thought it represented sexual wilderness,
但动画版的我到达了丛林中的一片空地
but then the animated me arrived at this clearing in the jungle,
那里有另一个我 我意识到我正在寻找的是自己
and there was another me and I realized I was the me I was seeking.
我可以拥有的最棒关系是与自己的关系
The greatest relationship I could ever have is the one that I have with myself.
所以我之后 就只和长得像我的女人发生性关系
So, I've only been having sex with women who look like me,
每天自♥慰♥六次
and I masturbate six times a day.
棒耶 很好...
Yay. Good, good.
真有趣 - 好耶
That's so fun. - Yay.
真棒 - 很健康 天
That's great. - Healthy. Wow.
我本想谈和达斯提的关系
I was going to talk about Dusty,
但我现在根本不想去想他这个人
but I don't even wanna think about him right now.
是 - 汉娜呢
Yeah. - So, what about Hana?
也许她能给我们讲个故事
I mean, maybe she can give us a story
而不是安静地坐在那里评判大家
instead of sitting there quietly judging us.
什么 没有 我没评判
What? No, I'm not judging.
汉娜 其实吧
Hana, you know,
我觉得如果你能分享一段感情故事
I think it would put us all a little more at ease
我们都会感到更放松点
if you would share a story about a relationship that, I don't know,
比如谈谈你令人费解地放弃了某段关系
you inexplicably let slip away
解释一下你神奇的心路历程和后悔的原因
and how you could do that, and why you regret it.
我没有哪段关系是“最棒的”
I don't have a greatest relationship.
我告诉过你的 卡丝 我不约会
I told you, Cass. I don't date.
我也没“朋友”
I also don't have "friends".
什么是“朋友”
What are "friends"?
你说朋友时用了引号♥
You put friends in quotation marks.
我也不知道为何这么做
No, I don't know why I did that.
我没有朋友
I don't have friends.
八岁时 我爸送我去富二代住宿学校
My dad put me in a rich kid boarding school when I was eight years old.
我讨厌所有其他富二代小孩
And I hated all the other rich kids,
我也恨我爸把我送去那里
and I hated my dad for dropping me there
只会对我砸钱 并抛弃了我
and throwing money at me and abandoning me.
大家都讨厌我
And everyone hated me.
后背长满奇怪蓝色圆点 郁郁寡欢的独行侠
The sulky loner with a back full of weird fucking blue dots.
我从没和任何人交好
And I just never connected with anybody.
你的蓝色圆点是什么时候出现的 - 不知道 很久很久了
How long have you had your blue dots? - I don't know. Like, forever.
一开始没这么多 但反正对融入集体没任何帮助
I didn't always have this many, but, you know, not ideal for fitting in.
所以我一有机会就离开了 再也没有回到校园
So I left as soon as I could, and I never went back to school.
我开始在酒吧工作