9号秘事

*统治吧 不列颠尼亚 统治这片海洋*
* Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rules the waves *
*不列颠人永不为奴*
* Britons never ever, ever shall be slaves *
*统治吧 不列颠尼亚 统治这片海洋*
* Rule, Britannia! Britannia, rules the waves *
*不列颠人*
* Britons never, ever, ever *
*永不*
* Shall be *
*为奴*
* Slaves! *
真♥他♥妈♥太棒了
Fan-bloody-tastic!
就像潘趣先生[木偶角色]说的那样
As Mr Punch would say,
"就是这样做"
"That's the way to do it!"
别理他了 佩妮 他是个可悲的混♥蛋♥[私生子]Oh, just ignore him, Penny, he's a miserable bastard.
你也有脸说我是私生子
Oh, you calling me a bastard?
-可笑 -我没说错 我们想庆祝的时候
- That's rich! - Well, yeah, sitting there with your snide insinuendos
你却坐在那里含沙射影
when we're all trying to have fun.
随他去吧 道恩
Oh, leave it, Dawny.
看 我一点都不记恨你[不想硬]Well, look, I've got no hard feelings.
说得太对了
You can say that again.
为了证明这一点
And to prove it,
我为你准备了一份小小的生日礼物
I've got you a little birthday present.
我知道还有好几个礼拜才是你生日
I know it isn't your birthday for another couple of weeks,
但这时候送似乎很合适
but it seemed appropriate.
我让他别打印出来的
I told him not to print it.
弗雷迪在健身房♥帮我打印的
Freddie did it for me at the gym.
你的基友
Bum chums.
是什么 佩妮
What is it? Penny?
我们知道你在追溯家谱
Well, we knew you were tracing our family tree,
我就想着 帮你做下基因检测会比较好
and I thought it might be fun to do a DNA test for you.
米克帮我们搞到了你的拭子
Mick got us the swab.
就是那次我说我想数你有几颗牙齿
Remember when I said I wanted to count your teeth,
因为酒吧问答游戏里有这道题
cos it had come up on the pub quiz?
我偷偷把棉签伸到你的嘴里了
I managed to get a sneaky little cotton bud in there!
然后我们把拭子寄到美国的实验室
So we sent it away to the labs in America.
他们不保证结果百分百准确
They don't claim to have 100% accuracy.
你有62%的德国血统 施密特小姐
You're 62% German, Fraulein Schmidt.
德国 62%
斯堪的纳维亚 19%
爱尔兰 苏格兰和威尔士 13%
其他种族 6%
-什么 -见鬼了
- What? - Bloody hell!
要知道 那也是几百年前的事了
Well, that's going back hundreds of years, mind.
所以 我们决定扮演侦探查到底
Und so, ve decided to play detective
给佩妮做同样的检测
and do ze test with Penny.
令人惊讶的是 她的检测结果跟你的大相径庭
Und, surprisingly, her results were entirely different to yours.
然后我们给拉尔夫做检测
And zen we did the test with Ralph,
他的结果跟佩妮的一样
and his results were the same as Penny's.
不对劲哦[《哈姆雷特》丹麦国里恐怕有些不可告人的坏事]Hmm, something is rotten in the state of Denmark.
他胡说八道些什么
What's he blethering on about?
我听说妈是在英格兰滨海威斯顿度假时怀上我的
I was told I was conceived on holiday in Weston-super-Mare.
妈其实是去了巴伐利亚阿尔卑斯山区滑雪[德奥之间]Well, it seems that Mummy went skiing in the Bavarian Alps.
爸爸不愿跟她一起去
Daddy refused to go with her.
他因为战争一直讨厌德国
He's always hated the Germans because of the war.
所以她就自己去了
And so she went on her own.
并带回来一个不寻常的"纪念品"
Und brought back a rather unusual souvenir.
注意 一个婴儿
Achtung, baby!
行了 布莱恩 别闹了
All right, Brian, pack it in now!
妈妈 我不舒服
Mum, I don't feel very well.
所以 等爸爸 后来发现其实是喜当爹
And, so, when Daddy, who, it turns out, isn't really Daddy,
最后咽了气
eventually pops his clogs,
这个被你和你那蠢货丈夫
this house, where you and your tit of a husband
鸠占鹊巢二十多年的房♥子
have been cuckoos in the nest for over 20 years,
就会归我和佩妮 因为她才是血亲女儿
is going to come to us - me and Penny, the legitimate daughter!
你不愿意接受也得接受 这就是事实
So stick that in your meerschaum pipe and smoke it!
老天 你到底喝了什么
For goodness' sake, what have you been drinking?!
就是水
Water!
-耶稣基♥督♥ -那是谁
- Jesus Christ! - Who the bloody hell's that?!
祂是来带走我的
He comes to take me away.
祂是来带走我的
He's come to take me away.
没事的 爸爸
It's all right, Dad.
爸爸 别... 大家都保持冷静
Daddy... Just... Everybody just be calm.
你怎么进来的
How did you get in here?
-佩妮 你认识这人吗 -不认识
- Penny? Do you know this person? - No.
朋友
Friend.
但他似乎认识你
Well, he seems to know who you are.
不 我这辈子都没见过他
No, I've never seen him before in my life!
拜托
Please...
别 停停停
Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
你站在原地别动 哥们
You stay where you are, mate.
这下谁才是排外的英格兰人啊
Oh, now who's a Little Englander?!
闭嘴 德国妞
Oh, shut up, Helga!
他身上可能有炸♥弹♥什么的 把手举起来
He could have a bomb or anything. Put your hands up!
我觉得没这个必要吧
Oh, I don't think that's necessary.
他估计只是一个非法移♥民♥
He's probably one of these illegal immigrants
从约维尔的拘留营来的
come from that detention centre in Yeovil.
那他来这里干什么
Well, what's he doing here, then?!
我不知道 他可能只是饿了
I don't know, he's probably just hungry.
你想要点面包或一小碗牛奶什么的吗
Do you want some bread or a little bowl of milk or something?
他又不是刺猬 米克
He's not a hedgehog, Mick.
举起手来
Hands up!
*希望与荣耀之地*
* Land of hope and glory... *
见鬼了
Well, I'll be blowed!
道恩 佩妮
Dawn! Penny!
怎么 怎么了
What? What is it?
我之前过来时 所有食物都被吃了
When I came through earlier, all this food had been eaten.
被吃了
Eaten?
对 狗肯定爬上了椅子
Yeah. The dog must have climbed up on a chair or something.
-而现在... -是神迹啊
- And now... - It's a miracle!
难道他是...
Do you think he could be...
生鲜超♥市♥的送货小哥
..from Ocado?
抱歉要搜你的身
I'm sorry about this.
我只想确保你没有携带
I just want to be sure you're not carrying
隐藏的"凶器"
a concealed weapon.
常有人被绑起来 堵住嘴 被强行破"门"而入
People get tied up, gagged, forcibly broken into.
我...我不希望那种事发生在我身上
I... I don't want that to happen to me.
爸爸
Dad...
他流血了
..he's bleeding.
祂归来了 就像那首歌♥里说的一样
He's come back, just like the song said he would.
什么歌♥ 你在说什么
What song? What you on about?
《新耶路撒冷》
A New Jerusalem.
你在温室里待了很久 佩妮
You were an awfully long time in that conservatory, Penny.
你真不知道这是怎么回事吗
You sure you don't know what's going on?
我说了 我从来没见过他
I told you, I've never seen him...
怎么了
What?
我不承认他三次[三次不认主]I denied him three times!
主啊 我真抱歉
Oh, my Lord! I'm so sorry!
太对不起了
I am so, so sorry!
你说什么呢 我都没碰过他
What are you talking about? I never touched him.
我看我最好还是打电♥话♥报♥警♥吧
I think the best thing is if I just phone the police.
不 他们会迫♥害♥祂 把祂关进牢房♥
No! They'll persecute him and stick him in a cell.
我们总得做点什么 佩妮
We've got to do something, Penny.
我可不能让他站在那里 血流得我满屋子都是
I can't have him standing there, bleeding all over my house!
-这不是你的房♥子 记得吗 -滚吧 布莱恩
- Er, it's not your house, remember? - Oh, fuck off, Brian.
请你原谅我的小姨子口吐芬芳
You'll have to forgive my sister-in-law.
-你叫什么 -尤素夫
- What's your name? - Yusuf.
她吓坏了
She's had a rather nasty shock.
她跟你一样发现自己远离祖国了
She, like you, finds herself far from her motherland.
这张纸对我毫无意义
This piece of paper means nothing to me.
你明白吗 毫无意义
Do you understand? Nothing!
这不能改变我的身份或我的信仰
It doesn't change who I am or what I believe in.
我爱我的国家
I love my country!
我受够了像你这样的人贬低我们
And I'm sick and tired of people like you doing us down!
我还没准备好离开
I'm not ready to go yet!
我还以为你会高兴呢
I thought you'd be pleased -
你的祖国孕育出了《贝多芬第九交响曲》
coming from the land of Beethoven's Ninth
黑森林蛋糕 大众和奥迪汽车
and Black Forest gateau, Volkswagen and Audi.
"凭科技领先"[奥迪] "劳动带来自♥由♥"[纳粹口号♥]Vorsprung durch Technik and Arbeit macht frei...
你是个禽兽
You're a monster!