燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S02E22

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 9:24 a.m.

燃情
克利夫兰
第二季第二十二集本季终
爱尔卡的大喜之日
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
你的头发
Your hair!
你的头发
Your hair!
怎么回事发生什么了
What is all this? What happened?
这都是些什么人啊
Who are all these people?
梅兰妮在哪儿
Where is Melanie?
救命
Help!
-梅兰妮 -救命啊
- Melanie! - Help.
你们的头发
Your hair!
我们已经尖叫过了你还好吧
We've already screamed about the hair. Are you okay?
我怎么可能还好
How can I be okay?
我都被胶绑在墙上了
I'm "duck-taped" to a wall!
是被胶带绑在墙上有个"带"字
It's duct-taped, with a "t."
我知道是因为我曾扮演一个水管工的妻子
And I know this because I played a plucky plumber's wife
那是生活台的原创电影...
in the lifetime original movie...
搞没搞错现在说这个
Seriously? Now?
这到底是怎么回事
How did all this happen?
爱尔卡婚礼前一天
谁来了
Who's that?
脱衣舞男到了
The stripper's here.
下午好女士
Afternoon, ma'am.
不
Oh, no.
不行不行不行
No, no, no, no, no.
听着
Uh, look,
你的车停得不够靠路边
your car is parked too far from the curb.
这次我只给你个警告
I'm gonna let you off with a warning...
行了省省这老一套
All right, enough with the patter.
进来让我看看你有什么绝活吧
Come on in and show me what you got.
你说什么
Excuse me?
我有20个姐妹立马就到
Look, I have 20 women coming here
指望能看到一个穿着丁字裤的"持枪"帅哥
expecting to see a g-man in a g-string.
我实在没看出来你这裤子里有什么好料
Doesn't look like you're packing much heat.
脱衣舞男来啦
Stripper's here.
我们得拿块奶酪在他腹肌上磨磨
We're gonna go grate some cheese on his abs.
把罚单给我吧
I'll just take that ticket now.
算了看在你是本地名人的份上
Well, seeing that you're a local celebrity...
本地
Local?
我在新闻上见过你
I've seen you on the news.
总之记得把车挪挪位
Anyway, make sure you move that car.
顺便说一下
And by the way,
裤子不贴身其实里面"货"很大
these pants are deceiving. I'm packing plenty.
脱衣舞男在哪儿
Where's the stripper?
刚才那个不是他是个真警♥察♥
Oh, it wasn't a stripper. It was a real cop.
他只给了我一个警告因为我是"本地"名人
And he let me off with a warning because I'm a "local" celebrity.
-挺好的呀 -才不是好个屁啊
- Well, that's nice. - No, it's not.
我可是国家级的大腕儿好吧
I'm a national celebrity.
红遍克利夫兰是一♥码♥事
I mean, it's one thing to own Cleveland,
但只做克利夫兰的红人就...
but to be Cleveland's own...
天呐我得喝两口
Dear god, I need a drink.
等等打住
Wait, wait, wait.
作为伴娘
As maid of honor,
我有义务确保
it's my responsibility to make sure
没人会在明天爱尔卡的婚礼上宿醉
that no one has a hangover at Elka's wedding tomorrow.
这可是「告别单身」派对
It's a bachelorette party.
我们就应该喝得七荤八素的
We're supposed to drink heavily.
我知道是因为我当过伴娘
I know because I've been a bridesmaid
好多好多次
so many, many times.
我们可以喝我在网上看到饮酒前
We can drink, but I read on the internet
就着水服用大量阿司匹林就不会宿醉了
if you take lots of aspirin and drink water, you won't get a hangover.
网上的东西可不是什么都能信的
You know, you can't believe everything you read online.
网上还说服药前要先用碳水化合物垫垫胃
It also said you need to coat your stomach with carbs.
其实吧网上还是充满了民间智慧的
Ah, on the other hand, the internet is a kind of folk wisdom.
我们也不想搞砸了爱尔卡的大喜之日
And we don't want to ruin Elka's big day.
-那是我记得的最后一件事 -我也是
- And that's the last thing I remember. - Me too.
好吧这么说我们唯一能确定的是
Okay, so basically, the only thing we know for sure
这个毛乎乎大肚子的年轻人玩得挺嗨
is that hairy-bellied young men enjoyed themselves.
我得再吃点阿司匹林
But I need some more of that aspirin.
梅兰妮
Melanie...
这不是阿司匹林
This isn't aspirin.
这是狗狗驱虫药
It's the dog's worm medicine.
什么
What?
你用狗狗药给大家下毒
You dosed us with dog drugs?
我又不是故意的这瓶子跟阿司匹林的很像
Well, not on purpose! It looks just like the Aspirin bottle.
"如果人误服
"If ingested by humans,
会导致行为失常
could result in extreme erratic behavior,
焦虑幻觉抑郁
anxiety, delusions, depression...
以及急剧体重下降"
and sudden weight loss."
真的吗
Oh, really?
我说不定已经瘦了一两磅了
I could lose a pound or two.
估计我们减掉的那几磅
I'm sure whatever weight we lost was offset
因为喝的香槟又长出来了
by the gallons of champagne we drank.
还有枫糖浆
And maple syrup?
枫糖浆
Maple syrup!
我想起来了
I just remembered something.
我亲过一个有枫糖浆味道的男人
I kissed a man that smelled like maple syrup.
是哪个呢
But which one was it?
野格酒
Jagermeister.
金箔肉桂甜酒
Goldschlager.
一股子马修·麦康纳的刺鼻味儿
A general Matthew McConaughey kind of funk.
等等
Wait!
我记起了那个有枫糖浆味道的家伙
No, I-I remember maple syrup guy.
他长着小胡子
No, he, uh, he had a mustache
滑稽的口音
and a-a funny accent,
-我在你之后亲了他 -靠
- and I kissed him after you. - Damn!
哪怕是磕狗狗药磕到神志不清
Even during confusing animal medicine blackouts,
老娘还是拴不住男人
I can't keep a man.
晚点再来想我们到底做过什么吧
Guys, we can figure out what we did later.
现在我们得把这些人弄出去
Right now we have to get all these people out of here
为爱尔卡的婚礼做准备
and get ready for Elka's wedding.
我这个伴娘太差劲了
I'm a terrible maid of honor.
天呐
Oh, god.
我才注意到
I've just noticed I'm...
我戴着结婚戒指呢
I'm wearing a wedding ring.
我昨晚结婚了吗
Did I get married last night?
我们怎么知道昨晚的事完全没印象
We don't know. We don't know what we did last night.
一定是那个口音滑稽的
It must have been the funny-accented man
胡子沾着枫糖浆味道的男人
with the maple syrup mustache.
虽然不是梦中情人形象但好歹他是我的
Not the most promising profile, but at least he's mine.
别急
Not so fast.
显然我也结婚了
Apparently, I got married too.
快点走吧都出去吧
Come on, go on. Yeah, get outta here.
好的
Right, yeah.
你为什么要送他们小礼包
Why are you giving them gift bags?
过门就是客嘛
Well, I'm still the hostess.
睫毛膏
Mascara?
有没有适合男人的礼物
Don't you have something for guys?
你是不速之客好吧
You weren't even supposed to be here.
再说了这可是欧莱雅浓密睫毛膏
Anyway, it's L'oreal million lashes.
你送你女朋友就行了
You should just give it to your girlfriend.
那好给你吧
Oh, cool, then. Here.
为什么给我
Why me?
我们昨晚亲热了差不多有三个钟头呢
Dude, we totally made out last night for, like, three hours.
不信去看我的FB主页
Check my Facebook page.
谢啦
Thanks.
姐♥妹♥们♥ 我们出了点小麻烦
Ladies, uh, we have a little problem.
我找不到爱尔卡了
I can't find Elka.
她不在小屋里
She's not in her cottage,
她没去做头发
she missed her hairdresser's appointment,
她也没接电♥话♥