燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S02E16

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 9:22 a.m.

燃情
克利夫兰
第二季第十六集
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
"Hot in Cleveland" is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
不要啊
Nooooooo!!!!
-怎么了 -出什么事了
- What's going on? - Wha.. what happend?
我体重增了一磅
I gained a pound.
我的妈呀
Oh my god!
不就长了一磅肉嘛
So you gained a pound.
还会再长的
There's more coming.
你们现在是地道的克利夫兰人了
You're Clevelanders now.
她说得对该来的还是来了
She's right. It's happening.
我的体质也入乡随俗了
My body is going native.
玩大冒险吞下一个油炸奥利奥
Ugh, you eat one deep-fried Oreo on a dare
还没等你反应过来
and the next thing you know,
你就走上了滑滑油油的肥胖不归路
you're on that slippery, buttery slope
肿到只能穿橡筋裤头
to an elastic waistband.
不好
No!
我也长了一磅
I've gained a pound too!
真好好姐妹同甘共肥
Oh, good. I'm not alone.
你也用不着这么开心吧
Well, you don't have to sound so happy.
人家情绪忽高忽低不稳定嘛
Well, I'm on an emotional roller coaster.
你懂的你也是个肥妹
You understand. You're porky like me.
我才不要接近那个东西
I'm not going near that thing.
上周我去了一个意大利街头集市
Last week, I went to an Italian street fair
吃了个裹着炸面饼圈的煎饼卷外面还包着卷饼
and I had a cannoli inside a zeppoli inside a stromboli.
那是意大利版的填馅火鸡
It was their version of a turducken.
拜托哦
Oh, please.
寻常女子能吃光跟你们仨加起来一般重的奶酪薯条
The average woman could eat your combined weight in cheese fries.
要是在洛杉矶
You know, if we were in Los Angeles,
一切就好办了
this would be so easy.
劲舞跳一跳肥肉掉一掉
All we would have to do is go dance off the extra pounds.
但是这边就没那么容易了没有好基友
But we can't do that here because we don't have our GBFFs.
没有啥
Your what?
好-基-友基友一起走相伴到永久
G-B-F-Fs. Gay best friends forever.
在洛杉矶每个女人都必配一个好基友
In L.A., every woman has one to go
一起血拼一起跳舞
shopping with and dancing with.
一起看奥斯卡红毯秀
Watch the Oscars pre-show with.
著名日间剧《我们的日子》
"我们的基友日子"
These are the gays of our lives.
你们在这可以跟直男跳啊
Well, you can still dance with straight men.
跟直男跳舞就如同给狗戴帽子
Dancing with a straight man is like putting a hat on your dog.
表面有趣但你知道人家心里不乐意
It's fun, but you know he hates it.
我好想念杰夫瑞
Now I really miss Jeffrey.
我想念弗拉底米尔
Oh, and I miss Vladimir.
我想念丹尼尔罗德尼还有查尔斯
I miss Daniel and Rodney and Charles.
我连基友都留不住
I can't hold on to my gays.
真"震惊"呢
Shocker.
知道我们应该做什么吗
You know what we need to do?
出去找克利夫兰的好基友
Go out and find Cleveland GBFFs.
我好想找到一个克利夫兰杰夫瑞
I would love to find a Cleveland Jeffrey.
他是时尚的弄潮儿
Someone who knows all the latest fashions
告诉我哪些衣服是我这岁数穿不了的
and then tells me which ones I'm too old to pull off.
他叫我"贱♥人♥" 我却感觉如拥抱般美好
Someone who can call me "bitch" and make it feel like a hug.
说找就找
Let's do this.
等等克利夫兰有同志据点吗
No, wait. Is there even a gay part of Cleveland?
当然有原来那儿是汽修店
Of course. It's down where the auto shops
现在都被"掰"成弯弯餐厅了
have all been turned into cute cafes.
还有个画廊你们还是不去的好
And one art gallery I do not recommend.
这样真好
I love this.
跟直男出去
You know, when you go out with straight men,
你得耍点心机搞个浓妆胜无妆
you have to create the illusion that you're not wearing any makeup.
去同志夜店呢尽情糊墙似的往脸上涂吧
But for a gay club, you can just slap it on with a trowel.
他们一定会为我们疯狂的
They are gonna go crazy for us.
只叹基情无限性福缘浅
We are so not gonna get laid tonight.
你们仨看起来就是一笑话
You three look ridiculous.
放眼望去头发不涂发胶
It's a sea of product-free hair
还在播体育比赛确定这是同志酒吧吗
and the game is on. Are we sure this is a gay bar?
你是维多利亚·蔡斯吧
You're Victoria Chase.
是同志酒吧无疑了
It's a gay bar.
你好啊新朋友
Well, hello, new friend.
真庆幸在其他人蜂拥而上前看到了你
I'm glad I saw you before the others started to swarm.
能请你喝一杯吗
May I get you a drink?
那太好了
That would be lovely.
我想想
Let me think.
一杯贝利尼三春之桃婉衬玉肌红颜
A Bellini, 'cause the peach will match your complexion
灼灼香槟不敌双瞳之剪
and the champagne will sparkle like your eyes.
"湿"意盎然如痴如醉
I'm intoxicated already.
年轻拉丁风情可爱
Young, Latin, adoring.
完全符合我的胃口
Could he be any more my type?
好吧但别忘了我们是来找好基友不是好炮♥友♥
Yeah, don't forget, we're here to find GBFFs, not lovers.
我知道只是他太诱人了
I know, but he's just so attractive.
我心里丝丝期盼着今晚自己是个男人
A part of me wishes that I could be a man for one night
让他盯着我的眼探入我的身
and have him look into my eyes and want me
爆发出只有男男之间才会有的如火激♥情♥
the way that only a man can want another man.
口味有点重了啊
I think we're getting into a weird area here.
情不自禁嘛
Well, I can't help it.
看看那手臂那肩膀
I mean, look at those arms and shoulders.
美臀也不错
Nice buns too.
怎么了酒吧就叫这个名字啊
What? It's the name of the bar.
欢迎来到美臀酒吧
维多利亚锁定目标了我们呢
Well, Victoria's got her target, but what about us?
那个自饮自怜的废柴应该是你的菜
I think that loser drinking alone looks like your type.
多谢了爱尔卡
Oh, thank you, Elka.
我知道你本想拿我开涮
I mean, I know you meant that as an insult,
但他正合适
but he's perfect.
我以前总挑魅力十足的万人迷基友
I've always chosen the popular and charismatic gays
他们最后总是弃我而去
and they've always left me.
对于这只迷途羔羊姐救赎心切了
But a stray gay, I'll befriend him.
他会心怀感恩永远守在本宫左右
He'll be so grateful. He'll never leave me.
你找到了拉丁咏诗马屁男
Okay, you've got your fawning Latin.
你锁定了深闺羔羊小奴才
You have your stray you're gonna lock in a shed out back.
但适合我的在哪里
But I don't see anybody here for me.
个个都"直"来"直"往穿着格子衫
I mean, they all look straight. They're all wearing plaid.
还不是嘲笑风格子连拉拉风格子都不算
And not ironic plaid. Not even lesbian plaid.
爱尔卡
Elka?
爱尔卡·奥斯特洛夫斯基
Elka Ostrovsky?
莉迪亚·东布罗夫斯基
Lydia Dombrowski?
爱尔卡你抽什么风呢
Elka, what are you doing?
她自找的
She had that coming.
爱尔卡你为什么揍她她是谁
Elka, why did you hit her? Who is she?
莉迪亚曾是我最好的朋友
Lydia was my best friend...
直到那次露营她对我老公又"露"又"淫"
Until the camping trip when she slept with my husband.
我没有爱尔卡
I didn't do that, Elka.
我打你脸可不是为了让你跟我继续废话的
And I didn't punch your face in order to hear it talk more.
波比和我在一个睡袋里
Bob and I were in the sleeping bag
是因为我冻伤了他为我取暖
because I had frostbite and he was trying to keep me warm.
骗子
Liar.
你不信我至少信信这三只脚趾
If you don't believe that, then believe my three toes.
好恶心
Oh, jeez.
一只去了市场一只在家看门
One went to market, one stayed home,
童谣《五只小猪》
数脚趾时唱的
一只吃了烤牛肉剩下两只
one had roast beef, and the last two
黑毒攻趾散落在天涯
got black and fell off.
原来波比跟我说的是实话啊
So the story Bob told me was true.
我失心疯烧了他所有的棒球卡
I burned all his baseball cards for nothing.
你居然把棒球卡烧了
You burned baseball cards?
瞧见没这是史上最没基情的基吧
See? This is the least-gay gay bar ever.
莉迪亚真抱歉
Oh, Lydia, I'm so sorry.
亲爱的没事
Oh, honey.
-我请你喝一杯吧 -不用
- Can I buy you a drink? - No.
我请你喝
Let me get you one.
这酒吧是我开的