燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S02E13

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 9:22 a.m.

燃情
克利夫兰
第二季第十三集
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
"Hot in Cleveland" is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
大家假生日快乐
Happy shared fake-birthday everyone!
生日快乐
Happy birthday.
今年的假生日我们互送什么
So what are we geting each other for our fake birthday this year?
还是互送约会对象
We're getting each other dates.
跟去年一样
Just like we did last year.
去年可是彻头彻尾的灾难
But last year was a disaster.
我还没从大雄的阴影中走出来呢
I still haven't recovered from my fix-up with Chester.
就是大胸那个
You know, with the man boobs.
我听说他结婚了
I hear he's married now
孩子都有了
and has a baby.
喂奶的是爹还是妈呢
I wonder who's feeding it.
就送约会对象
We're getting each other dates.
我要这个
And here's who I want.
杰克·汉廷顿
Jack Huntington?
他很帅嘛
Wow, he's handsome.
还很有钱
And rich.
我的爱情之舟要改变方向
I'm steering my boat in a whole new direction-
驶往"英俊多金"
hot and loaded.
麦克斯真的已成往事了
So it's really over with Max?
他和一个年轻妹子搞上了
He hooked up with a younger woman.
80岁的小傻妞
Some 80-year-old bimbo.
很显然她靠献媚勾搭上的
Apparently, she fawns all over him.
为什么一见漂亮傻妞男人就成了软骨头
Why are men such suckers for women who are dumb and adoring?
不知道但我打算使这招钓上杰克
I don't know, but that's exactly how I'm gonna be to get Jack.
你得给我介绍成功排骨精
So hook me up, bony-maroni.
知道吗我也想换换口味
You know what, I want to go another way too.
你能帮我找个随意点的吗
Can you find me somebody laid-back?
比如说大胡子长头发
Maybe with a beard, long hair.
我从没约过这类型的
I've never had that before.
我手头正好有一个
I know just the fella.
既然可以选自己想要的
Well, if we're picking what kind of men we want,
我一直很迷罗伯特·德尼罗
I've always had a thing for Robert De Niro.
我听说他只喜欢黑妞
I hear he only digs black chicks.
那就帮我找个像德尼罗
Well, then, find me a man who's like De Niro,
但是情迷白妞的
but fancies pasty, white women.
最好来点阿尔·帕西诺的味道加点宋飞的搞笑
Oh, mix in a bit of Pacino, add a hint of Seinfeld for laughs.
再配上肖恩·康纳利68年左右的风度
Ooh, and a dash of Sean Connery circa 1968.
包我身上
Done.
少来了怎么可能...
Really? I mean, how on earth-
别说了
Buh-buh-buh.
包我身上
Done.
至于我嘛梅兰妮要求很简单
And as for me, Melanie, my requirements are simple.
不要大胸
No man boobs.
任何部位都不能过大或过小
Nothing abnormally large or small.
多出来的第三个也不要
No third anything.
普通的有钱帅哥就行
Just your run-of-the-mill, rich, handsome man.
今年我们多少岁了
So how old are we turning this year?
42岁怎么样
How about 42?
我觉得不错
That sounds good to me.
42岁我可混不过去
Oh, I can't pass for 42.
就说姐刚满
Put me down for
50吧
50.
爱尔卡不是说好了你自称五十纯属操蛋吗
Elka, what have we said about using the "F" word?
再说一遍如果需要帮忙
To review, if any one of us needs help,
就用假笑求助
we use our fake laugh.
可我今天走傻妞路线
But I'm in bimbo mode.
一整晚会傻笑到抽筋
I'll be fake-laughing all night.
杰克
Oh, Jack.
你好帅哦好聪明哦
You're so handsome and smart.
我没问题的
I got this.
他的助理说他会晚点到
His assistant said he was running a little late.
他从辛辛那提过来
He's flying in from Cincinnati.
坐的私人飞机
Private plane.
我不知道他有钱到这个地步
I didn't know he was that rich.
也许得更傻点才行
Maybe I better go dumber.
乔依你的约会对象在那里
Oh, Joy, there's your date.
就他吗
That's him?
棕色衬衫棕色裤子棕色鞋子
The guy in the brown shirt, brown pants, and brown shoes?
拜托告诉我他只是样子呆而已
Please tell me he's not as dull as he looks.
肯尼这是乔依
Oh, Kenny, this is Joy.
你好肯尼
Hi, Kenny.
你好很高兴认识你
Hi, nice to meet you.
说来好笑通常周二我是不出门的
Funny thing, I don't usually go out on a Tuesday night.
一般约周四
Usually Thursdays.
不过今天感觉有点像周三
Although today feels something like a Wednesday.
可能因为周一是假期吧
Probably because Monday was a holiday.
抱歉我太没礼貌了
I'm sorry. I'm being rude.
你觉得今天是哪一天
What day does it feel like to you?
生命中最漫长的一天
Longest day of my life.
你帮我们找张桌子吧
Why don't you find us a table,
-我马上就来 -好的
- and I'll be right there. - Sure.
你又是到最后随手拉的一个对吗
You waited until the last minute again, didn't you?
等到最后正确
Waited till the last minute, yes,
货不对版错误
and found the wrong guy, no.
你快过去看看"棕色可以为你做什么"
Now why don't you go over there and find out what brown can do for you.
UPS快递公♥司♥的广♥告♥词
维多利亚你的对象在吧台角
Oh, Victoria, there's your date at the end of the bar.
他叫蒂莫西
His name is Timothy.
他是现代艺术博物馆的捐赠人
He's a benefactor at the Museum of Modern Art.
看好了没有乳♥沟♥
And, check it, no man cleavage.
收♥货♥
Sold.
你的对象来了
Oh, here comes your date.
道格医生
Dr. Doug.
耶稣上帝啊
Jesus.
很诱人吧
Cute, huh?
不他看起来像耶稣
No. He looks like Jesus.
爱尔卡我不能跟耶稣约会有罪的
Elka, I can't date Jesus. That's a sin.
就算不是原罪也应该属于犯罪
And if it isn't, it should be.
放轻松如果你不喜欢他
Relax. If you don't like him,
这顿饭就是「最后的晚餐」
it'll be your last supper.
你好啊爱尔卡
Hey, Elka.
你肯定是梅兰妮
Oh, you must be Melanie.
-我是道格 -你好
- I'm Doug. - Hi.
他是位综合治疗兽医
He's a holistic veterinarian.
无论是瘸的还是病的动物
Animals come to him crippled and sick,
在他手中都能痊愈
and he heals 'em all.
哇听起来像是上帝般的「奇迹缔造者」
Wow, you sound like a miracle worker.
我可能拥有"手到病除"的能力吧
Well, I guess I just have the touch.
找桌子坐下好吗
Uh, shall we find a table?
那边的好像没人
Oh, that one over there looks free.
好的我马上就来
Sure. Great. I'll be right there.
可能根本就不像耶稣
Probably doesn't look anything like Jesus, right?
是我太疑神疑鬼了
I'm just freaking out over nothing.
上帝啊
Oh, dear lord.
你好我是罗伊
Hi, I'm Roy.
需要点菜了吗
You ready to order?
还不用我在等人
Not just yet. I'm waiting for my date.
太好了我的脚疼死了
Oh, good, 'cause my feet are killing me.
上班第一晚
First night on the job.
不是冲工资来的
I don't really need the money,
只想离开家找点新鲜事做
but I just wanted to get out of the house, try something new.
说说你吧
So what's your story?
我今天过假的50岁生日
I'm turning fake 50 today.
你看上去顶多45岁
Well, you don't look a day over fake 45.
谁会让你这样标致的美女坐冷板凳啊
So who'd keep a gorgeous creature like you waiting?
他这位标致的帅哥
A gorgeous creature like him.
原来你喜欢这种型
That's what you go for.
小白脸
Pretty boys.