燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S02E01

Part 2 May 4, 2020, 9:20 a.m.

The joint changes you,
我还学到了怎么用牙刷干掉一个人呢
I also know how to kill somebody with a toothbrush.
行了听着
Okay, listen.
我们有很多方法来筹钱
There are a ton of things we could do to raise money, okay?
来场义演筹款啦
We could have a benefit,
或者清售资产
or we could have an estate sale.
在克利夫兰大家管这叫旧货大甩卖♥♥
In Cleveland, they're called garage sales.
我晕
Ew.
那快去做啊
Well, do it.
你们几个一定要想法子筹到钱
You girls have to figure out some way to get money.
爱尔卡你真是太好了
Oh, bless you, Elka.
这个时候还惦记着我需要钱
To think of me in this time of need.
为我筹钱你个白♥痴♥
For me, you idiot.
老娘还蹲着班房♥呢
I'm in frickin' jail.
我拿着这个包包走过2008年
I carried this evening purse on the red carpet
人♥民♥选择奖的红地毯
at the 2008 people's choice awards.
那年的获奖者是苏珊·露琪吧
Didn't Susan Lucci win that year?
别扯其它无聊事
That's irrelevant to the story.
我出一块五
I'll give you a buck fifty.
市价可是四千块啊
This retailed for $4,000.
可这个包好小
But it's so small.
这才显得它别致嘛
That's what makes it so chic.
就像它在叫着 "有的是人给我拿东西"
It screams, "I have people to carry my things."
那要是没人帮忙拿东西呢
But what if you don't have people?
我不知道
I don't know.
我的意思是我真不知道
I-I mean, I really don't know.
我是真的想买♥♥点儿什么
I would really like to buy something
来帮帮爱尔卡我是说
to help Elka. I mean...
你就没有尺寸大于4码的东西吗
Don't you have anything larger than a size 4?
这种悲剧当然不希望有了
I certainly hope not.
我来开门
Oh, I'll get it.
你好梅兰妮
Hello, Melanie.
你好瑞克
Hi, Rick.
好久不见了自从上次...
Boy, I haven't seen you since--
自从上次被你看光之后吗
Since you saw all of me?
行了那件事我已经全忘了
Yeah, you know what? That's all been forgotten.
是吗
Really?
我宽衣解带
Me completely disrobing
因为我误以为你对我有好感
because I mistakenly believed that you were attracted to me?
你已经忘的一干二净了
That's totally out of your head?
好吧现在又想起来了
Well, it's back now.
其实我是来找乔依的
Well, actually, I'm here to see Joy.
不知道什么原因那个视大♥麻♥如命的邮差
For some reason, our hemp-loving mailman
将这封信错投到了我家
delivered this letter to my home by mistake.
不好意思乔依
Excuse me, Joy.
我没看收信人就把它拆开了
I opened this before I saw who it was addressed to.
是移♥民♥局寄过来的
It's from the I.N.S.
亲爱的你需要一张绿卡
You, my dear, are in need of a green card.
乔依
Joy.
我亲爱的
My darling.
我的英国小甜心
My English muffin.
你愿意嫁给我吗
Would you marry me?
嫁给你你在胡说什么
Marry you? What are you talking about?
其实这事儿也不复杂
Well, it's not that complicated.
像《假结婚》
I mean, we're all familiar
《绿卡情缘》这样的电影我们看得太多了
with movies like "The Proposal" and "Green Card".
我就是你的瑞安·雷诺兹
I'll be your Ryan Reynolds.
你的杰拉尔·德帕迪约
Your Gerard Depardieu.
两部电影的主演
想都别想
Absolutely not.
别误会
Well, don't misunderstand.
这是货真价实的假结婚
I mean, the whole marriage would be a complete sham.
我是不会奢求任何回报的
I would expect nothing in return.
那你为什么要这么做
Then why would you do it?
让我演示给你看
Let me demonstrate.
抱歉打扰一下
E-excuse me.
小姐
Miss?
-有什么事吗 -你好
- Yes? - Hi.
我叫瑞克这位是乔依
I'm Rick, and-- and this is Joy,
我的未婚妻
my fiancee.
我注意到你变了表情
I notice your expression just changed.
想必你很惊讶我们居然是一对儿
You were surprised to hear that we were a couple.
是的我是有点惊讶
Well, yes, I guess I was.
我不想把我的观点强加给你
I don't want to put words into your mouth.
但你脑子里肯定会蹦出一堆想法来
But several explanations may have popped into your head.
他肯定很有钱
He must have money.
或者他床上功夫肯定超赞
Or he's extraordinarily gifted in bed.
又或者他是个绝世好男人
Or he's so incredibly wonderful
以致于她可以忽略掉他那离经叛道的身材
that she was able to overlook his nonconformist body type.
蹦出来的是这些想法吗
Did any of these thoughts occur to you?
请说实话
Please be honest.
是的三种我全想到了
Yes, all three of them.
非常好你帮了一个大忙
Very good. You've been most helpful.
我的性福生活就此开始啦
We are so gonna get me laid.
听着瑞克亲爱的
Look, Rick, dear.
我真的很感激你的建议
I appreciate the offer, really,
但我以前也收到过这种信
but I've had letters like this before,
我总能解决这个问题
and I've always been able to work it out.
我不需要假结婚
I don't need a fake marriage.
那你愿意为了我这么做吗
Would you do it just for me, then?
呸不可能
Hell no.
你嘴里说着"呸不可能"
Y-your mouth is saying, "Hell no,"
但是你的眼神只是在说"不可能"
but your eyes are just saying merely, "No."
现在这眼神是在说"呸不可能"
Now they're saying, "Hell no."
你们这是在干什么
So what is all this?
我们在给爱尔卡筹保释金
Oh, we're trying to raise Elka's bail money.
很悲催的是什么也没卖♥♥出去
Unfortunately, nothing's selling.
卖♥♥的出去才怪
Of course not.
洛杉矶的俗衣烂衫在这儿压根就不值钱
These L.A. fripperies have no value here.
你得拿出人们想要的东西来
You have to offer people something they want.
比如说我的球[蛋蛋]Like my balls.
你说什么
Excuse me?
我是个体育收藏家
I'm a collector of sports memorabilia.
克利夫兰人♥民♥热爱他们的队伍
Clevelanders love their teams.
人们肯花上大价钱来买♥♥自己心爱的东西
People would pay any amount of money for the right item.
-真的吗 -那当然
- Really? - Oh, yes.
那些收藏者对我的球已经觊觎多年了
Collectors have been drooling over my balls for years.
你就不能直接说"棒球"吗
Can't you just say baseballs?
我还收藏篮球和橄榄球呢
I also collect basketballs and footballs,
用词要准确
so no.
梅兰妮拜托了让我进去吧
Melanie, come on. Please let me in.
皮特我不会理你的你走吧
I'm not speaking to you, Pete. Go away.
至少把门打开行吗
Will you at least open the door?
好吧
All right.
但这样也改变不了什么
But it's not gonna change one little thing!
-你好 -下午好女士
- Hello. - Good afternoon, ma'am.
我是实习警员杰克·阿佩尔
I'm officer-in-training Jack Appel.
我是梅兰妮·莫雷蒂
I'm Melanie Moretti.
很高兴认识你
It's very nice to meet you.
我刚刚肯定显得很恶劣
I-I must have seemed awful just now.
平时我这人都很友好的真的
Normally, I'm much friendlier. I really am.
大家对我都赞誉有加
People actually comment on it.
本来可以让他给我担♥保♥的但我不会理他
I would ask him to vouch for me, but I'm not speaking to him
因为他把一个我在乎的人扔进大牢了
because he put somebody that I care about in jail.
当一个执法人员亲眼见到罪案发生
When an officer of the law sees a crime being committed,
逮捕罪犯是他的天职所在女士
it's his sworn duty to make the arrest, ma'am.
听到了吧
See?
好吧现在我也不会跟你讲话了
Well, now I'm not speaking to you, either.
很抱歉女士
I'm sorry, ma'am.
不要"女士"来"女士"去的
And don't call a woman "Ma'am".
这个称呼很讨厌
We hate it.
请称呼我们为"小姐" 叫到我们死的那天