燃情克利夫兰

Hot in Cleveland S02E02

Part 1 May 4, 2020, 9:20 a.m.

燃情
克利夫兰
第二季第二集
《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
那好吧再见
All right then. Bye.
我才不会这么说
I'm not gonna say it.
我不想说
I don't want to say it.
你怎么和老太婆一样麻烦
You are such an old woman.
好吧我也爱你
Fine. I love you, too.
你妈妈的电♥话♥吗
Your mother?
是我那假冒未婚夫
My fake fiance.
我们要与移♥民♥律师会面
We're meeting the immigration lawyer,
瑞克坚持要假戏真做
and Rick's insisting we act like a real couple.
你说哪有人把"我爱你"挂在嘴边的
I mean, do people really say, "I love you" that much?
真恶心
It's gross.
你那入狱的会计师还没消息吗
No word from your jailed accountant?
没有我的资产仍被冻结着
No, my assets are still frozen.
我是彻底宣告破产了
I am officially broke.
你仍拥有健康的体魄
Oh, now. You still have your health.
以及朋友的关爱
And the love of your friends.
你那英式黑色幽默都无法让我笑出来了
I can't even laugh at your dark English humor anymore.
但没有关系因为我已经有了应对良策
But that's okay, because I have a plan.
俄亥俄求包养网
Ohiosugardaddies. Com.
富豪老人寻觅年轻女性
Rich older men looking for younger women.
你是前者还是后者
Which one are you?
友情提示我已经注册了
For your information, I signed up.
上传了照片和其他资料
I sent in a picture and everything.
这是你30年前的简历照
This is your head shot from 1981.
特殊技艺
"Special skills:
各类武器流利日语精通腹语
Weapons, fluent in Japanese. Ventriloquism"?
腹语
Ventriloquism?
救命啊人家被困在冰箱里了
Help! I'm stuck in the refrigerator.
再来一杯吗
Need a refill?
算你有眼色白骨精
Oh, you've got that right, skeletor.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
一醉方休
Getting drunk.
醉了才能忘掉麦克斯
It's the only way I'm going to get over Max.
你们两个分手了可真叫人伤心
Oh, it's so sad that you two broke up.
她也是没办法
She had to.
她吃了官司而麦克斯的儿子正争当人♥民♥公仆呢
She's under indictment and Max's son is running for office.
醉生梦死24小时我就好了
I'll be fine after a 24-hour bender.
美酒在手万事无忧
Benders fix everything.
戒酒除外
Except quitting alcohol.
那你已经喝了多少小时了
So how far in are you?
8个小时
Eight hours.
或者20个小时
Maybe 20.
我的手表可能倒着了
My watch might be upside down.
你听起来没有醉啊
You don't sound drunk.
早喝高了
I'm stinko.
没见着姐的毒舌编辑键正处于关闭状态吗
You can tell 'cause my edit button's turned off.
-你还有编辑键呢 -开给你感受下
- You have an edit button? - You tell me.
什么东西愚不可及胸前没肉胡子拉碴
What's dumb, flat, and needs to shave her mustache?
剧透下就是你
Spoiler alert: it's you.
真是很"意外"呢
I'll be damned.
早上好啊姐♥妹♥们♥
Hey, morning guys.
听着你们知道我讨厌求人
Um, listen. You know I hate to ask for favors.
但我不介意别人求我
Although I don't mind being asked
因为我一向乐于助人
because help is a gift I can always afford to give.
怎么说呢皮特的家庭聚会就在今晚
But, anyway, um, Pete's family reunion is this evening,
鉴于这是丑媳妇首次见婆婆
and since I'm going to be meeting his mom for the very first time,
我希望我的家人到场挺我说你们呢
I could use my family there. That's you guys.
无...聊
Ugh, booooring!
可怜的娃看来与麦克斯分手对她打击很大
Poor thing, she's taking this Max break-up pretty hard, huh?
但你们两个肯定会到场的对吧求你们了
But you guys will be there, right? Please?
好吧我会去的
Oh, fine, I'll go.
我和瑞克以情侣身份出席公共场合
It will help me get my green card
有利于我拿到绿卡
if Rick and I are seen out as a couple.
我若能捞到个对象或许也会到场的
And I might make it if I can find a date.
老金龟上钩了
I got a bite.
她试图结交有钱的老男人
She's trying to meet an old rich guy.
不是试图我的朋友是成功结交
Not trying, my friends. Succeeding.
他长什么样啊
What's he look like?
长什么样别这么肤浅
Look like? Oh, don't be shallow.
人家可是亿万富翁
He's a billionaire!
我欣然接受
I accept.
听着我知道这很尴尬但我很感激你
Look, I know this is awkward. But I really am grateful.
我们各取所需
Oh, it works for both of us.
你赚张绿卡
You get your green card,
而我则打响「猎艳高手」的江湖名号♥
and I get the aura of an alpha predator.
我值得拥有不对是将极品女人尽收囊中
Who deserves... nay, who takes...an alpha female.
你真认为跟我在一起能让你把到妹吗
You really think being with me is going to get you girls?
证据A
Exhibit A.
我向全市人♥民♥显摆的我们的合影
The picture that I've been showing around town of us.
证据B 妹子们的电♥话♥ 一旦我们分手
And exhibit B, the phone numbers of the women whose shoulders
立马大把香肩任我靠以拭我泪水飙
I will, as soon as we have broken up, moisten with my tears.
我还在到处显摆我买♥♥给你的戒指
I've also been showing around the ring that I got you.
老天呐这么大呀
Oh, my goodness. It's huge.
希望这不是最后一次你说我"大"
Let's hope that's not the last time I hear you say that.
以假乱真是吧
Looks real, doesn't it?
这同样有助于解答以下问题
It, uh, also helps answer the question of
"她跟他在一起图个什么"
"What's she doing with him?"
要记住照着剧本来
Oh, just remember, stick to the script.
相识地点家庭情况晨间习惯
Where we met, families, morning routines.
不许添油加醋
No additions.
你要不经意提到
Oh, you will sneak in a mention
我大♥师♥级的清晨做♥爱♥技术
of my masterful early morning lovemaking?
为了绿卡豁出去为了绿卡豁出去
Green card, green card, green card, green card.
你好我是艾伦·辛波斯卡皮特的堂妹
Hi, I'm Ellen Szymborska, Pete's cousin.
你好我是乔依再次感谢你的到来
Hi, I'm Joy. Thanks again for coming.
-你真是帮了大忙了 -欢迎光临小姐
- I know what a big favor this is. - Greetings, my lady.
我无意冒犯
I don't mean to embarrass you,
你这般花容月貌怎会是移♥民♥律师
but you are much too pretty to be an immigration lawyer.
真是漂亮对吧
Isn't she?
快秀出戒指
Show the ring.
好的初步的书面资料大概就是这些
Okay, I think that's it for the preliminary paperwork.
-你真尽职艾伦 -谢谢夸奖瑞克
- Good job, Ellen. - Thank you, Rick.
但这只是简单的部分
But this is the easy part.
你们还得去移♥民♥局他们可是会严刑逼供
You still have to see INS, and they are going to grill you
以证明乔依不是为了绿卡而嫁给你
to prove that Joy's not marrying you for a green card.
怎么可能
As if!
我爱这家伙
I love this guy.
非常爱
So much.
我也非常爱你宝贝儿
And I love you so much, baby.
那么你们两个到底是怎么认识的
So, how did you two meet, anyway?
-我来告诉你是怎么... -让我来讲吧宝贝
- Oh, I can tell you exactly... - I wanna tell, baby.
有时候吧我会在车♥库♥外挂张床单
Sometimes I tack a sheet on the side of my garage,
为邻家的孩子们准备一场露天电影
and hold an outdoor movie night for the neighbor kids.
-事情不是这样的 -有一晚
- That's not how it happened... - One night,
我最喜欢的电影《小飞象》如期上映
I was showing Dumbo, which is my favorite movie.
-我超爱看《小飞象》 -这么感人的电影谁会不爱啊
- Oh, I love Dumbo. - Of course, so moving.
然后乔依过来抱怨太吵了
And, uh, Joy came over to, uh, complain about the noise.
-没有 -我就开始哭了
- No, no. - And I started crying.
不是因为她冲我大吼大叫而是电影太感人了
Not because she yelled at me. But because of the movie.
谁不会为《小飞象》而感动哭泣
Oh, how could anyone not cry at Dumbo?
而不知不觉我们来电了
And for some reason, we just clicked.
我迪士尼动画的粉丝世上最心软的柔情汉
Me, the most sentimental, disney-loving softie on the planet,
对上了这位不知眼泪为何物的易怒的小乔
and this angry hothead who never cries.
你真坏
Oh, you.
事情其实不是这样的
That's not exactly how it happened.
这应该是你第8次纠正他了吧
Wow, that's, like, the eighth time you've corrected him.
不是是吗
No...ls it?
是的