杀手猴（2021）

Let me ask you: how do you piss in that thing?
那有个活动的铁片吗？
Is there a cod‐piece?
还是说你那条铁裙子下啥也没穿？
Or are you just free‐balling under that skirt?
我当然是穿着裤子呢
I'm obviously wearing pants!
简单不过
Too easy.
真给劲儿，我就喜欢看怪物的对决
Holy shit. I love watching weirdos duke it out!
感觉就像我在看付费节目一样
Feel like I'm watching pay‐per‐view!
你知道吧，不过是白嫖的
You know? For free, though!
好的猴子
Okay, Monkey.
一个特别的快速球马上就来了
One fastball special, coming up.
哇，特别的快速球
Woo! Fastball special.
哈哈! 来吧，让他们看看
Ha ha! Go ahead, let 'em have it!
嗯？
Huh?
喔，又是你，哇
Ho‐ho, you again. Wow.
我是指，我们一直这样偶遇可真有意思，是吧
I mean, it's funny how we keep meeting like this, yeah?
这一定是缘分，对吗？还是命运
Must be fate. Right? Or destiny?
是的，你说得很对，让我们享受这片刻的宁静
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Let's not ruin this moment with words.
噢，这一定是在耍我
Oh, you've gotta be shitting me.
加油，小猴子
Come on, little monkey.
我们已经盛装准备好你的到来
We're all dressed up and ready to dance.
你想要什么？
What is it you want?
开个价吧 -省省吧
Name your price. - Save your breath.
我已经是你的人了，总理
I already work for you, Prime Minister.
嗯，技术上说，我为盆栽大♥师♥效力
Well, technically, I work for Bonsai Master,
但他是为你效力
but he worked for you.
是吧？
Right?
不用担心，老大
Don't worry, boss.
你只是个诱饵
You're just bait.
猴子来这是为了杀你
Monkey's here to kill you,
而我在这是为了杀猴子
and I'm here to kill Monkey.
只要它一死
Once he's dead,
你的小秘密就保住了
your little secret will be too.
现在回去吧，老家伙
Now get back there, old man,
在我发脾气之前
before I lose my temper!
你以为你能从银武士手里逃走吗，是吗？
You didn't think you could get away from Silver Samurai, did you?
见鬼了，他去哪了？
Holy shit! Where'd he go?
看剑
Sword!
我去，这招真屌♥
Okay, that was badass.
我是说，他肯定经常练习，说真的，这招确实挺酷的
I mean, he definitely practiced it, but still, you know, kudos.
艺术家：The Wasurete Motels
专辑名：On the Guillotine
歌♥曲名：Boogaloo
嘿哥们，我们应该尽快投资点房♥地♥产♥了，伙计
Hey dude, we're running out of real estate real quick here, man!
噢见鬼
Ohhh, shit!
噢喔，吼吼，耶，伙计
Whoa! Ho‐ho, yeah, man!
嗯？
Huh?
这要么是个好兆头
Well, either that's a good sign
要么是个坏兆头
or a really bad one.
别往上走
Don't go up there!
她杀了所有的人
She killed everybody!
见鬼
Oh shit!
你好啊
Hi there.
很高兴你能加入我们
So glad you could join us.
你知道，我们的第一次见面曾经是那么的刺♥激♥
You know, our first meeting was so incredibly irritating,
但我相信，作为一个专业的同行
but I'm sure as a fellow professional
你知道为什么我不会说那是个平手
you understand why I didn't want to just call that a draw.
噢，都是废话
Oh crap, crap, crap!
嘿，放下武器
Hey! Drop it!
跑的挺快
Ugh. So annoying.
我来了，小猴子，小猴猴
Here, little monkey‐monkey,
出来玩玩啊
Come out and play‐ee‐yay.
嘿嘿嘿
Ha‐ha‐ha‐ha! Ha!
狗♥娘♥养♥的
Son of a bitch!
我的老天，她也太吓人了
Jesus Louisus! She's terrifying!
现在，那个大♥师♥说盐应该怎么用来着？
Now what did that priest say about salt?
噢，对了
Oh right!
怎么会这样？
What the shit?
你好啊，布莱斯
Hello, Bryce.
噢，我...我的天啊
Oh my... Oh my god.
我又有身体了
I have physical form.
噢，这可太疼了
Oh, and it hurts!
我记得你，布莱斯
I remember you, Bryce.
记得是2011年在高盛集团的那次会谈
From that Goldman Sachs conference back in 2011.
该死的
Dammit!
你向我搭讪
You hit on me.
噢，我记起来了
Oh yeah. Yeah, I'm remembering.
也不是什么值得骄傲的成绩
Not my proudest moment.
我记得那次
As I remember,
是我得到了订单，而你一无所获
I got the target and you got stood up.
但这才是有趣的地方...
But this'll be fun‐‐
你必须明白
You have to understand.
我对高原健很失望
I was frustrated with Ken.
他总是那么冲动
He was always so impulsive.
什么？什...你在说什么？
What? What‐what‐what are you talking about?
叔叔，你现在是总理，我们得保证你的安全
Uncle, you are Prime Minister. We gotta keep you safe.
屋顶上有一架直升飞机，我们走
There's a helicopter on the roof. Iymasho!
看你还能往哪跑
Where do you think you're going?
啊，该死
Ah, shit.
啊
Oww!
啊啊
Ow! Ow! Ow!
噢喔，加油，你可以的
Oh ho. Come on. You got this.
该死的，太疼了
Holy shit! That hurts!
你就这点本事？
Is that all you got?
去，跟上他们，去救秋子，伙计
Go! After them! Save Akiko, man!
去，没事的，我们是搭档
No, it's fine, okay. We are a team!
你知道吗，作为一个死人来说，你看起来糟透了
Ugh. You know, for a dead guy, you look like shit.
布莱斯布莱斯布莱斯
Bryce, Bryce, Bryce.
你一直都是个没用的二流杀手
You were always a worthless, second‐rate assassin.
我不跟你争这个
Can't argue with you there.
但也不是一点用也没有，比如现在这样
But not so worthless that I can't be a decent diversion.
这是为了伊藤君
That was for Ito‐san.
噢，还真有一个鬼魂
Oh, there is a ghost.
噢
Oh.
是啊，嘿
Yeah. Hey.
怎么回事？
What the hell?
天啊
Holy shit.
别过去
Stop.
秋子，别过去
Akiko, stop.
我有件事要跟你说
I have something I have to tell you.
我造成了这一切
I caused this.
所有的死亡和破坏，都是因为我
I'm responsible for all this death and destruction.
都是我
It was me.
什...什么？什么是你？
Wha‐what? What was you?
高原健在选举中输定了
Ken was losing the election!
我们落后了10个百分点
We were behind by ten points
而我们本来应领先5个百分点的
when we should have been ahead by five!
你在说什么？
What are you saying?
盆栽大♥师♥找到了我
Bonsai Master approached me.
他说，健可以被放到一边
He said that Ken could be moved aside.
我可以取代健的位置
That I could run in Ken's place.
他将支持我的议案
That he would support my agenda.
当然，我必须做出一些让步
Sure I'd have to make a few concessions,
但在所有我们关注的重点事情上
but on all the things we cared about,
他都会支持我们
he would support us!
我这样做是为了这个国家
I did it for the country!
是你...杀了健？
You... killed Ken?
我做了一件可怕的事
I did a horrible thing.
而最糟糕的是，计划成功了
And the worst thing is, it worked.
但之后，所有参与的人都开始死亡
But then, everyone started dying.
现在这只猴子回来了
And this monkey came back.
这一切已经不可收拾
It's all gotten out of hand.
你是冲我来的吧，猴子？
You have come for me, haven't you, Monkey?