杀手猴（2021）

both good and evil can come from surprising places.
哇，谢谢你提供的19世纪Snapple公♥司♥的事实
‐ Wow, thank you for the 19th century Snapple fact there, huh?
Snapple-美国果汁饮料品牌，瓶盖内侧印刷有趣的“Snapple fact ”清单
其中第1555条：绿茶和红茶都来自同一棵树的叶子
如果你需要一个盟友的话，请找由纪
Should you need an ally, call on Yuki.
甩掉你的跟班
And ditch your sidekick.
等等，喔喔喔，不对，我不是它的跟班
Wait! Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm not his sidekick.
不，你完全误会了我们的关系
No, you've totally misread our dynamic!
好了，发生什么了
Well, what happened?
是啊
Yeah.
那猴子就是可口可乐
The monkey is Velvet Supreme.
我还看见了鬼魂
And I saw a ghost.
什...什么
Wha‐‐ What?
噢，不不不，动物一直是跟班的角色好吗
Oh no, no, no, no, the animal is always the sidekick, okay.
这才是正常情况，你懂的
That‐that's just how it works, you know.
独行侠，虚构德州骑警，坐骑名叫“白银”
就像她在和白银说话一样
It's like she's talking to Silver.
就好像独行侠里一样
Meanwhile, the Lone Ranger is all like,
"嘿，别再骚扰我的马了，女士。" 你知道吗
"Hey, stop harassing my horse, lady.” You know?
好的，我明白了，她刚才走运才打到我
Okay, look, look, look. She got that lucky kick,
但她知道，最后会是我赢
but she knew I was gonna win.
所以，这只是她想从精神上击败我
So, this is just her trying to tear me down mentally.
然后再...
After the fact‐‐
你刚才是再向我弹虱子吗
Did you just flick lice at me?
这太恶心了
That's disgusting.
我想...
I would‐‐
好吧，那你是要站在她那边吗？
Okay, so you're taking her side?
嘿，够了，不要把你的个人卫生当作攻击我的武器
Hey! Stop it. Stop using grooming as a weapon!
什么情...
What the‐‐
偷猎者再次得手
The Poacher strikes again!
见鬼
Goddammit.
你想把这个动物的肚子里塞点什么吗？
Would you like the creature stuffed?
偷猎者在等待你的决定是否开膛
The Poacher can open the body cavity or not, up to you.
不，偷猎者，把它带给我们就可以了
No, Poacher. Just bring him to us.
你确定吗，好斗君？
Are you sure, Rooster?
这只猴子可以做出一双很好的靴子呢
This monkey would make a good pair of boots.
“公鸡”？我的天，那就是我们要找的人
Rooster? Holy smokes, that's our guy!
嘿嘿嘿，猴子...猴子...别闹了
Hey, hey. Hey, hey, Monkey, Monkey, settle down.
你能停下来先听我说吗？
Will you just stop and listen to me?
听着
Listen!
我嫉妒了，行吗
I'm jealous, okay!
我花了多年的努力才达到了生涯顶峰
It took me years of work to get to the top of my game.
然后你出现了，而你...你...
And then you come along, and you're, you are‐‐
你做的比我还好！好吗？可以吗？
You're better at this than me! Okay? Alright?
我说出来了，好吧？
There, I said it. Okay?
你刚才做的是我永远做不到的事情
You did stuff back there I could never do.
我是指，踩着一个人的脸当滑板在地上冲浪？
I mean, you surfed a dude's face into the ground?
这太疯狂了
That's insane.
这就像看乔丹从三分线起跳扣篮一样
It was like watching Jordan dunk from the free‐throw line.
像是一首动感的诗
It was poetry in motion.
不管怎样，听着：
Anyway, look:
也许你不需要我
maybe you don't need me.
好吗？也许你不需要
Alright? Maybe you don't.
但除非你想被这个我见过的
But unless you want to be murdered
最愚蠢的杀手干掉
by the stupidest villain I have ever seen‐‐
掏出瓤，放进货
Take out the guts, put in the stuff.
你得给我个机会来帮你
You gotta give me a chance to help you.
拜托
Please.
求你
Please.
兄弟们，听我说：
Guys, listen:
这次的成功是属于我们大家的
this success belongs to all of us.
敬我们智慧的带头人
And to our wise leader.
说的好，好斗君
Well said, Rooster.
嘿
Hey! Ahh!
怎么了？ -你知道你在干什么吗
What? ‐ What do you think you are doing?
怀疑君，解释一下
Skeptic, explain yourself.
他组织了对高原健的刺杀行动
He organized the Takahara hit.
他应该为猴子的事件负责
He is to blame for the monkey.
别傻了
Don't be an idiot.
我从来没有违反过我们的规则
I'd never violate our rules!
甚至你计划中的下一任首相也是吗
Not even for the next prime minister in your pocket?
杀了他就完了
Kill him already.
嘿嘿嘿嘿
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
去看看
Open it.
我不认识外面的人
I don't know who it is.
是个穿着可乐礼服的怪人
It's a weirdo in a velvet tux.
是偷猎者，开门吧
It's the Poacher. Open the door.
这人有什么毛病吗？
What's wrong with him?
哪不舒服吗？
Are you sick?
是猴子
It's the monkey!
不不不，别再来了
No, no, no, not again!
不要啊
Not again!
噢，倒霉
Aw, shit.
我的天啊
Holy god.
这个还活着
One of them is still alive!
不，别再来了
No, not again.
别再来了
Not again.
噢喔，没事
Whoa‐ho. Easy.
嘿，没事的哥们，只是为了往墙上挂照片
Hey, calm down, buddy. It's just for the wall.
等等，不不不
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.
噢不，不...我...
Oh no. No, I‐‐
我看不下去了
I‐I can't watch this.
我是说，当然了
I mean, of course.
他当然会拿下我的照片
Of course he'd take down my photo.
是的，为什么不呢，你知道，无所谓了
Yeah, why not? You know, nothing matters.
反正也没有人记得这个跟班的
No one remembers the sidekick anyway.
虚构人物，几乎所有的福尔摩斯故事都是由华生记录的
人们一直谈论华生的唯一原因是
The only reason anybody talks about Watson
因为是他写了那些该死的故事
is 'cause he wrote the damn stories.
你知道，这就像是，我理解的
You know, it's like, I get it.
没事的，没关系的，你懂的，我只是...
It's okay. It's alright. You know, I just‐‐
好吧
Oh yeah.
噢
Oh.
啊，谢谢你
Huh. Thank you.
谢了，哥们
Thanks, man.
嘿，听着，我我不怕直接说出来
And look, I'm not afraid to say it,
但是，呃
but, um,
我们看起来不错
we look good together.
我们看起来不错
We look good together!
看见了吗，这就是我们只要制定计划
See? This is what we can accomplish
就能完成的事情
if we just make a plan.
明白吗？
Yeah?
我毫不怀疑能找到“公鸡”
We'll get The Rooster, I have no doubt.
是的，早晚的事，好吧
Yeah, sooner or later, okay.
但现在你怎么想？回酒店吗
But for now, what do you think? Head back home?
哦，对对对，它被由纪毁了
Oh. Right, right, right. It got exploded. Yeah.
好吧，还有很多其他的疱疹汽车旅馆
Well, there's plenty of other herpes motels
会很乐意我们入住
that'd be happy to have us.
嘿，嘿嘿，快看这个
Hey! Hey‐hey! Look at this!
你上报纸了
You made the papers.
整版头条
Above the fold no less!
真够酷的
That's pretty cool.
哦嘿！要不，呃，去那个女孩那？
Oh hey! What about the, uh, that‐that gal's place?
我是指，那是，你知道，不是我的首选
I mean, it's‐‐ you know, I mean, it's not my first choice.
不过，我的意思是，你之前帮了我的忙
But... well, I mean, you did me a solid back there,
而且...要知道，她那应该有有线电视
and... you know, she probably has cable.
嘿，我能不能...呃，给你一个建议
Hey, can I, uh, give you one piece of advice, though,
如果你要尝试和，呃...你知道，和她谈谈
if you're going to try to, uh... you know, talk to her?
如果你不想听的话，我不会强迫你
And if you don't want to hear it, I mean, I won't make you.
你确定？
You sure?
好吧，嗯，大多数女人只是想要一个好的倾听者
Okay. Um. Most women just want someone who is a good listener.
所以，呃，当你和她在一起时
So, uh, when you're with her,
你只需要，呃...嗯，只需要听她说