杀手猴（2021）

啊，你明白了吧
Ah, you see?
你就应该听我的，杀了那个倒霉的狗
You should have killed the damn dog like I told you.
哦，有人挺受欢迎啊
Oooh. Somebody's popular.
嘿，不要害怕，抬头挺胸，要知道
Hey, don't be afraid to strut a little, you know.
给他们点颜色看看
Give 'em something to holler at.
让你的小猴子屁♥股♥扭起来
Get that little monkey booty poppin'!
先生们
Gentlemen,
有没有可能
is there any chance
今天早上你们谁误入了
either of you may have mistakenly entered
我的私人卫生间
my private bathroom this morning?
你看，我发现马桶的边上
You see, I noticed a drop of urine
有一滴尿
on the edge of the porcelain.
而我习惯把座圈抬起来
And I always lift the seat.
我的意思是，一个人在这个地狱般的地方
I mean, it doesn't seem unreasonable
拥有一个只属于自己的小地方
for a man to have one little place in this hell‐hole
似乎是很合理的，不是吗
to call his own, does it?
不是吗
Does it?
我的天啊，看看这个
Holy shit. Look at this!
我们需要的会计的所有信息都在这里
All the info we need to find The Accountant is right here!
我的意思是，我们已经在他们老窝里了，宝贝
I mean, we are in the eagle's nest, baby!
我不能错过
I can't miss!
我是说，这可太棒了，是吧
I mean, how great is this, right?
哦哦哦，坚持住，伙计，你可以的
Oh, oh, oh, hang in there, bud. You got this.
你只要忍♥一会就没事了
You just wanna breathe through it.
要知道我曾经用身体给不少块汽车电瓶充过电
You know how many car batteries I've been hooked up to in my life?
噢，好了，因果报应
Oh boy, here's karma.
不不，你让我♥干♥什么都可以
No! No! I'll do whatever you say!
不错，你让他尝到了自己种的苦果
Nice, you gave him a taste of his own medicine.
现在给他来个完整的剂量
Now give him a full dose.
别来了，不要
No more! No more!
好了，来吧，开动起来，找到我们的人
Alright, come on, let's fire it up and find our guy.
喔喔喔，嘿猴子，你站在屏幕上面了
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, Monkey, you're standing on the screen.
让一下呗
You wanna move?
好
Good.
好，所以只要，呃...
Okay, so just, um‐‐
喔喔，不，不
Whoa! Whoa! No. No.
别用爪子乱碰，这帮不上忙
Don't paw‐mash. That's not helpful.
噢，天啊
Oh boy.
我感觉在帮我的爷爷设置机顶盒
I feel like I'm helping my grandfather set up his TiVo.
哈利路亚
Hallelujah.
好，现在，小心操作
Okay, now very carefully,
我希望你选择最上面的选项按钮...不
I want you to select the top option button‐‐ No!
噢天啊，噢天啊
Ooh boy, oh boy.
深呼吸，深呼吸
Deep breaths. Deep breaths!
好，就是这，我们回来了
Okay, here we go! We're back.
好吧，那么当我们找到账本时，地址是菅野227
Alright, so now when we found the ledger the address was Sugano 227.
嗯，噢，后面还有一个数字
Um, oh, there was a number after that.
是，是什么来着？是，唔...
What the‐‐ what the hell was it? It was, um‐‐
噢，这简直要杀了我
Ohhh, this is gonna kill me.
这是在逗我玩吗，我们进来了监狱而现在...
Are you kidding me? We get into a prison and now‐‐
想起来了，还好我会算牌
Still got it. I used to count cards.
哦耶，看这哥们
Oh yeah. Look at this guy.
好了，我不知道这人如果不是会计的话会是什么
Well, if that's not The Accountant, then I don't know what.
会计一定是他
That's definitely him.
噢，这可能有用
Oh, that's helpful!
你不能去他那
You can't go where he is.
他在“坑洞”里
He's in "The Pit."
那是为最严重的罪犯设立的地下牢房♥
An underground cellblock for the worst offenders.
三年前我们把它封死了
We sealed it shut three years ago.
他已经完全疯了
He's gone totally insane.
这家伙现在喝自己的尿
Guy drinks his own piss now.
就像，只能...
Like, exclusively.
喝尿，再撒尿，再喝掉
Drinks piss. Pisses. Drinks that.
没有任何意义，是吧
It doesn't make any sense, right?
这家伙不错
This guy's great.
再电他一次
Hit him again!
我们将恢复这个国家的传统和荣誉
We will restore this country's tradition and honor.
赶紧过去
Just go around.
...例法
...rule of law.
在小津政♥府♥的领导下
Under an Ozu administration,
我们将获得决定性的选区胜利
we will sweep the streets clean
迎来一个和平与繁荣的
and usher in a new era
新时代
of peace and prosperity.
噢
Oh!
噢不不
Oh no, no.
我要叫医生来
I'm calling a doctor.
不用，只是有点拉伤
No, no, it's just tender.
那个混♥蛋♥小津自从我在议会大厦
That bastard Ozu's had it in for me
与他对峙后就对我有意见了
ever since I confronted him at the Parliament building.
我们得做点什么
We've gotta do something about this.
好吧，我们肯定会通知警♥察♥
Well, we're definitely calling the police.
举报那个司机
Reporting the driver.
司机？那会有什么结果呢
Driver? What is that going to accomplish?
小津只会说，是那个混♥蛋♥自己的行为
Ozu will just say that this asshole was acting on his own.
无论如何，警♥察♥都是他的人，完全起不到作用
The police are in his pocket anyways. They're totally useless!
啊
Aah!
你知道吗，我要通知所有媒体
You know what, I'm calling everyone I know in the press,
告诉他们他是如何威胁你
and I'm telling them how he threatened you,
并让他的一个手下试图撞死我
and then had one of his goons try to run me over.
如果他想让自己像个恶棍的话
If he wants to act like a thug,
人们有权利知道
the people have the right to know.
秋子，我们不能透露这个事
Akiko, we're not gonna start leaking stories.
你不会想和他们一起被拖入泥潭的
You don't want to get dragged down into the mud with them.
相信我
Trust me.
我们就在泥潭，我们正在进行一场街头斗殴
We're in the mud! We're in a street fight!
我♥干♥这行已经很长时间了
I've been at this a long time.
我知道报复的感觉很好
I know revenge feels good in the moment,
但你必须要小心
but you have to be careful.
如果你鲁莽的去指责的话
If you go out there making wild accusations,
会让我们显得反复无常
we will look erratic,
而他会显得合情合理
and he will look reasonable.
好吧，它发生在我身上，我有权利报告它
Well, it happened to me. And I have a right to report it.
如果你想继续参与这场竞选就不行
Not if you want to work in this campaign.
这是我最后决定
That's my final decision.
呃，好吧
Ugh. Fine.
我今晚会在你的房♥子外面加派保安
I'll post extra security outside your house tonight.
啊
Ugh!
我会害怕吗
Am I scared?
什么意思，你是指刚才监狱长说的诡异的 "喝尿 "鬼故事
What, do you mean by the warden's spooky "wittle" ghost story?
噗，才不
Pfft. No!
我才是鬼魂，笨蛋
I am a ghost, bitch.
他应该说说我的故事
He should be telling stories about me!
幻影杀手
the phantom killer!
特克萨卡纳月光杀人魔事件（1946年系列连环谋杀案，5死3伤，该系列案件至今未破）
和他的猴子死党
And his monkey sidekick!
死党，你懂的，就像是，呃
Sidekick. You know, like his, uh,
你知道，他的一部分，他的，呃，像是，呃
you know, his side‐piece. His, uh, like his, uh‐‐
我不知道怎么说，就像是他的副手
I don't know, like his vice president.
是的，就是这样，就像个助手一样
Yeah, that's what you are. It's like an assistant.
这就像一个行政助理
It's like an executive assistant,
你还有武器或者说不同于人类的能力
and you have a weapon or a super power, too.
但在大多数情况下，你只是在那里确保，呃
But for the most part, you're just sort of there to make sure, uh,
我可以专心于我的任务
I can stay focused on my tasks.
那是？噢见鬼
What the? Oh shit!
噢吼吼吼
Oh‐ho‐ho‐ho, no.
我喜欢这家伙
Oh, I love this guy.
嗯
Huh...
好的
okay.
查尔斯·曼森（连续杀人案罪犯、前音乐人和邪教领袖）
嘿，虽然这个会计看上去有点曼森的风格
Hey, just because this Accountant has gone a little Manson
但并不意代表他比我们杀的其他混♥蛋♥更难搞定
doesn't mean he's tougher than the other assholes we've killed.