杀手猴（2021）

From now on, can we only kill people with cool names?
嘿嘿嘿，抬起你毛茸茸的小下巴，好吗
Hey, hey, hey. Keep your furry little chin up, okay?
很好，我们现在去干掉一些毫无疑问
That's right. We're going to have to kill some evil shits
要下地狱的恶棍
that totally deserve to die.
而你就是那个动手的猴
And you're the one that's gonna do it!
因为这是你的命运
'Cause it's your destiny!
现在，闭嘴跟我走
Now shut up and let's go!
你能爬的再慢点吗
Can you crawl any slower?
没错，我知道走这里是我的主意
Yeah, I know it was my idea.
那是因为我以为我死了以后
But that's 'cause I figured my fear of cramped spaces
就不会再有空间幽闭症了
would have disappeared after my death.
很明显，我错了
Evidently, I was wrong.
哥们，快走，我没开玩笑
Dude. Go! It's not funny.
我感觉我已经呼吸急促了
I'm, like, hyperventilating back here.
现在记住了，我们要像忍♥者一样
Now remember, we are doing this ninja‐style.
先通过通风口潜入办公室
Sneak into the office through the vents.
再轻轻地勒住他们的脖子，然后
Snap their necks nice and quietly, then‐‐
噢
Oh!
你去哪了
Where'd you go?
这把就是4K TV了
Here comes a 4K TV!
那是什么
What was that?
我的天啊，是一只穿着小西装的猴子
Holy shit. It's a monkey in a tiny suit.
啊
Huh?
好吧，我想他们应该是发现你了
Okay, I think they may have spotted you.
嘿，怎么回事
Hey, what is that?
闪开
Out of the way.
你过来，嘿
Come here, you. Hey!
嘿
Hey!
这...这是会跳舞的猴子
It's a..it's a dancing monkey!
跳舞猴
Dancing monkey.
不不不不
No, no, no, no.
别对他们呲牙裂嘴
Don't go all Pesci on them.
否则的话，你身上的洞
You do that and you're going to end up
会比甜甜圈还多
with more holes than a donut shop.
快，看着我，看见我的动作了吗，跟着做
Now look at me. Do what I'm doing. Do this!
澳大利亚饶舌女歌♥手伊基·阿塞莉娅和美国女歌♥手蒂娜雪的单曲（S01E01）
我知道你这会没有心情，但是你现在真的要
I know you're probably not in the mood, but I need you to dance
跳舞若无旁人，否则你就死定了
like nobody's watching or you're dead.
就是这样，好样的，继续
There you go. There you go. That's it.
这里，耶，把你的屁♥股♥也动起来
There. Yeah. Now get your hips going.
对了 - 它在跳舞
There. - He's dancing!
我的天
Oh my god,
太绝了
this is crazy!
喝了它，喝了
Drink it. Drink it.
在我想出一个新的计划之前，你需要
You need to do whatever it takes to keep these guys entertained
不惜一切代价给这些人娱乐
while I come up with a new plan.
噢 -不赖吧
‐ Huh? - Not bad, huh?
你是不是希望今后能喝到的更多，对吗
Makes you want to focus your entire life on getting more, right?
还要威士忌
More whiskey.
哇吼吼，嘿，你手里的牌挺牛逼的
Whoa‐ho‐ho, hey, you actually got a pretty good hand here.
你应该试试
You should play.
真的，哥们，你有一对K
Come on, man. You got trip kings.
好吧，看，当你有2张以上一样的牌时，那代表牌好
Okay, look, when you've got two or more of the same cards, that's good.
所以只要把这些筹码
So just take all those chips
全部推到桌子中♥央♥就好了
and just push them right into the center of the table.
来吧
Come on.
好了，现在他们看看你的牌
All right, good, now show them your cards.
不不不，别直接犯贱，好吧
No, no, no, don't be a dick about it, okay.
把牌放在桌子上就好了
Just lay them on the table.
什么
What?
啊，它赢了
Ahh, he won!
耶，我们赢了！哇，给钱吧，贱♥人♥
Yeah! We won! Woo! Pay up, suckers!
给我钱，给...猴子...钱，给猴子钱
Pay me! Pay... my... monkey. Pay the monkey!
小贱♥人♥，耶
Little bitches. Yeah!
喔喔喔，这如果不是双重薄荷口香糖的话
Well, well, well. If it isn't the double‐mint douches.
一定就是澈平和桔平了
Must be Keppei and Teppei.
你到底在干什么
What the hell are you doing?
我们在将军的家里发现了他们
We found them at the General's place.
还有这把牛逼的刀
Along with this kick‐ass sword.
见鬼，白♥痴♥
Goddamn morons.
这是清理工作，而不是遗产鉴定
It was a clean‐up job, not an estate sale.
把这些尸体从赌场抬出去
Get those bodies out of the casino.
是，是，好的老板
Yeah. Yeah, okay, boss.
不不，你留下
Oh, no. Not you.
哇 -你跟我们走
‐ Wha... ‐ You're coming with us.
好的，新计划
Okay, new plan.
我们的目标在高级贵宾室
Our targets are in the high‐rollers room.
所以我们必须赢足够的钱才能去那里
So we're gonna have to win our way up there.
为什么我那么确定我们一定能赢
How can I be so sure we're going to win?
因为接下来
Because this moment
将是我不靠女人也能到达高♥潮♥的时候
is the only non‐sexual fantasy I have ever had.
哈哈哈，耶
Ho ho ho, oh yeah!
噢不不不 - 见鬼
‐ Oh. Oh no. ‐ God!
垃圾
Loser.
太次了，见鬼，该弃牌了
Loser. Shit, time to fold.
噢，它怎么做到的
Ugh, how's he do it?
全押了，宝贝
Bet it all, baby!
为了猴子，再来一杯
Another drink for the monkey!
嗐
Gah!
嘿，那一定就是双胞胎的办公室
Hey, that must be the twins' office.
我们所要做的就是把...
Okay, all we have to do is take out the‐‐
嘿
Hey!
呦，猴子，任务在这边呢，伙计
Yo, Monkey. Mission's this way, buddy.
哥们，你糟透了
Dude. You're a mess.
哇哇哇哇
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
噢，镇定一下
Whoa, calm down!
这就是我的对手
Is this my opponent,
一只醉酒的猴子
an alcoholic monkey?
易如反掌
Candy from a baby!
只要...不，别理他
Just...No, ignore him.
我们还有更重要的事要办，拜托
Okay? We got bigger fish to shoot in the face. Come on.
啊，见鬼
Aw, goddamn it.
今天会是我的幸运日
This is gonna be my lucky day.
好吧哥们，你已经给他上了一课，是吧
‐ Okay, man, you taught him a lesson, alright?
但我向你保证，这不是能被你轻易
But I promise you, this is not the kind of guy
赢走钱的那种人
you want to keep taking money from.
噢，我打扰你了
Whoa, I'm cutting you off.
一般应该是我们在庆功的时候再喝酒，而不是现在
Getting drunk is something we do after hits, not during.
好吧，你知道吗，嘿，随便
Okay, you know what, hey, fine.
你想把任务弄砸了，请继续
You wanna sabotage the mission? Go ahead.
但我知道你是怎么回事，哥们，典型的逃避
But I know what this is, man, classic avoidance.
你不想做事，你在拖延时间
You don't wanna do the hit. You're stalling.
你在毒害你自己吗
不要假装关心
你需要帮助
酒能帮助我
我越喝就越不在乎
我已经厌倦了在乎
好的，猴子，玩乐时间结束了
Alright, monkey. Play time's over.
最后一局了，不要让他输光了
For the last time, do not clean him out.
我向你保证，他不会让你带着他的钱走的
I promise you, he is not gonna let you walk away with his money.
KKK22
不好意思，笨蛋，三带一对
Sorry, Charlie. Full house.
什么
What?
啊，婊♥子♥养♥的♥
Aah! Son of a bitch!
啊，伙计，你所要做的就是输一次牌
Aw, man. All you had to do was lose at poker.
那太简单了，我经常这这么做
That's so easy. I do it all the time!
现在他们要把你带到后面去，在你的耳朵后面来上一枪
Now they're going to take you out back and put a bullet behind your ear.
但是，嘿，现在你不用再杀人了，对吗
But, hey, now you don't have to kill anymore, right?
恶，澈平
Ugh! Teppei.
你非要捅了他不可吗
You had to stab him?
你就不能等我30秒让我把河豚拿过来吗
You couldn't wait 30 seconds for me to come back with the blowfish?
啊，你拿河豚来能干什么
Ugh. What is with you and the blowfish?
你不知道？这是现在最酷的杀人方式
What? It's a cool‐ass way to kill someone!
瘫痪、呼吸衰竭、腹泻