杀手猴（2021）

来吧，快点
Come on. Chop chop.
哇吼吼，耶
Whoa‐ho‐ho! Yeah!
呜呼呼
Woo‐hoo‐hoo‐hoo!
哇，这真有意思
Woo! This is fun!
你知道，我不想做一个消极的人
You know, I hate to be a negative Nellie,
但这可能是一个坏主意
but this may have been a bad idea.
嘿兄弟，别冲动，冷静，冷静
Hey, bud! No, no, no. Stay down! Stay down!
装死就好了，现在起来不是个好主意
Play dead! You do not want to wake up right now.
噢，看，那是我们要找的人
Oh, hey look! It's our guy!
那个会计
That's The Accountant!
约瑟夫·詹姆斯·罗根，美国喜剧演员，播客主持人和综合格斗解说员
他看上去好像乔·罗根，是吧
He kind of looks like Joe Rogan, yeah?
自从赌场大屠♥杀♥发生以后
Ever since the massacre at the casino,
我就知道会有人来
I knew someone would come.
我只是没想到会有一个穿着廉价西装的
I just didn't expect a circus animal
马戏团动物
in a cheap suit.
你闯入了我们的世界
You have trespassed into our world.
违反了我们的法律
Violated our laws!
我们仅有的唯一法律
The law is all we have.
保证我们这个世界永存的法律
The law is what guarantees our society will live forever.
法律
The law
和...糖果
and... the candy.
这些可怜的混♥蛋♥们对糖果上瘾了
These poor bastards are addicted to candy.
等等，不对，是毒品
Wait, no, it's drugs.
让他们上瘾的是毒品，废话
They're addicted to drugs. Duh.
猴子
Monkey,
我宣判你
I sentence you
死刑
to death.
好吧，你不能做你自己的辩护律师
Well, you shouldn't have been your own lawyer.
那是法庭的基本原则
That's Courtroom 101.
但是，因为你已经证明了自己的利害
But because you have proven yourself so formidable,
小猴子
little Monkey,
你可以荣幸的
you will have the honor
死在战斗中
of dying in combat
对手是
with
胖眼镜蛇
Fat Cobra!
噢，胖眼镜蛇
Oh. Fat Cobra.
我知道有很多杀手为了杀他而死
I know so many hitmen who have died trying to kill him.
总之，别让这个名字骗了你，这家伙动作快如闪电
Anyway, don't let the name fool you, this guy's quick as lightning.
说到这个，他能从脚下射出闪电
And speaking of lightning, he shoots it from his feet.
是的，他有大约35个私生子
Yeah, he's got has like 35 illegitimate children.
可以说他是个花♥花♥公♥子♥
Bit of a player, you could say.
不过，他的大多数孩子都是死于打斗
Most of his kids, though, he actually killed in combat.
我猜这让他不甘心在这里过日子
Which I guess made him resigned to a life down here.
所以无论如何，他真的没什么可失去的
So anyway, he's really got nothing to lose.
你知道吗，我跟你说的都没用
You know what, I can tell this isn't helping.
所以得......嗯
So just, um,
必须要快
just be fast.
好，去吧，干掉他，干掉他
Alright. Go. Get him! Go get him!
好吧，你可以的，哥们
Alright, you got this, buddy!
你试试...试试打他下面俩个巨大的蛋蛋或其他什么玩意
Try to‐‐ try to punch him in his giant balls or something.
我也不知道了，总之要用一切去打他
I don't know. Punch him with your whole body!
哦，上帝，我们要完蛋了
Oh god, we are so screwed.
来吧
Come here!
啊
Huh?
噢不不不，别这么干，你真的让他生气了
Oh no, no, no! Don't do that! Now you're just pissing him off!
下去
Get off!
怎么了，你觉得不好玩吗
What's wrong? You're not having fun?
啊
Huh?
回来，小猴子
Come back, little monkey.
嘿嘿，用那个管子
Aye‐aye! Use the pipe!
就是那个，你现在挂在上面的，你个笨蛋
The one you're, like, hanging on to, ya dipshit!
这是咱们唯一的机会
It's our only chance!
把管子拽开，给那个胖子洗个澡
Yank down the pipe and give that fatty a shower!
嗯
Huh?
yahtzee，骰子游戏，5只骰子相同即为yahtzee
啊耶
Ah, yahtzee!
哇哈哈，我简直就是个天才
Woo! Ha ha ha, I'm a goddamn genius.
真的，我怎么会被他们杀了的？我真是不明白
I really am. How did they ever kill me? I don't get it.
我们有了新的冠军
We have a new champion
在“坑洞”里
of the pit!
至于你，胖眼镜蛇
And you, Fat Cobra,
唔，我亲爱的朋友
mmm, my sweet friend,
你必须去死了
you must die.
我为你战斗只是因为你会给我酒喝，混♥蛋♥
I only fought for you because you gave me booze, asshole.
噢，嘿，你得看明白情况，老兄
Oh, hey, you gotta read the room, bud.
呃，听着，我今天是让你做了很多残酷的事
Uh, look, I've told you to do a lot of rough shit today,
但这不代表我是个混♥蛋♥
but it's not just because I'm being a dick.
我是说，我虽然是个混♥蛋♥，但我那是想保护你
I mean, I am a dick, but I'm trying to protect you.
动手吧
Do it.
相信我，他就是那种如果你现在不杀
Trust me, the guy you don't kill
就会回来杀你的人
is the one who comes back later and kills you.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
猴子，不不不，你到底在干什么
Monkey, no, no, no, no! What the hell are you doing?
什么
What?
你这个蠢东西
You stupid animal!
没有人可以不服从我
No one disobeys me!
所以，你们俩都要死
For this, you shall both die!
猴子，我们让他们见识见识
Monkey. Let's give 'em a show.
哇
Whoa!
不不不
No, no, no, no.
那是我的糖果
That's my candy!
阻止他
Stop him!
见鬼
Oh shit!
那么，再见
Well... goodbye!
快点走，快点走
Gotta go, gotta go.
噢，妈的
Oh shit!
好吧好吧
O‐o‐okay, okay, okay.
我知道这看上去不怎样
I know this looks bad,
但有那么多饥饿和谋杀在外面
but with all the starving and the murder out there,
我得有一些 "私人 "的时间
I gotta have some "me" time.
呃，你要来点汽水吗
D'uh... w‐would you like a soda?
或者是“任何汽水”
Or would you like every soda?
名字叫自杀
It's called a suicide.
不要试，八成是尿
Don't do it. It's probably piss.
啊
Ah!
噢，不不，哇
Ugh! N‐n‐no! No! Whoa! Whoa!
如果是暗♥杀♥高原健的事
If this is about Ken Takahara's murder,
我告诉过 "公鸡"，暗♥杀♥政♥治♥家是一个错误
I told The Rooster that killing a politician was a mistake.
耶，我们现在有公鸡、胖眼镜蛇、一只猴子
Yeah, We got Rooster, Fat Cobra, a monkey.
乔治·奥威尔，英国左翼作家，代表作《动物庄园》
这是什么，乔治·奥威尔的书吗
What is this, a George Orwell book?
不不不，是真的，因为这违反了我们的准则
‐ No. no, no, no. Really! It's against our code!
准则？你在开玩笑吗
Code? Are you kidding?
你出♥卖♥♥♥我的时候，你的准则在哪里
Where was your code when you double‐crossed me?
屁个准则 - 这是什么
Code my ass! - What is this?
这里一直有这个地方吗
Wha‐‐ Ha‐has this been here the whole time?
噢，看戏了
Oh boy, here we go.
嘿，弟兄们
Hey, guys!
等等，什么
Wait, what?
这一定是监狱长的秘密房♥间
This must be the warden's secret quarters.
噢呼呼，真是个混♥蛋♥哈
Oh‐ho‐ho, what a dick, huh?
是你，那照片上的人是你
That's you! That‐that is a painting of you.
这是你在这里照的自♥拍♥照片
It's a portrait. You had to sit for that!
等等，不不不
Wait! No, no, no.
呃，有，有谁要汽水吗
Uh‐uh, who‐who wants a soda?
好了，该走了
Okay, time to go.
哇，我的老天
Whoa! Holy shit!
好吧，到管道上，快，我们得爬回去
Okay, to the chute! Come on, we'll crawl back up!
去他妈的，现在怎么办
What the hell? Now what?
如果有必要的话，把他们全杀了，我不在乎
Kill them all if you have to! I don't care.
只要给我找到那只猴子