杀手猴（2021）

我的意思是，他就像，如果，呃...如果大♥麻♥是一个人的话
I mean, he's like if, uh... if weed was a person. You know?
等等，我忘了，我提过大♥麻♥吗
Wa‐wait. I forget. Have we talked about weed yet?
拜托，快点，老头
Come on, faster, old man.
我很急的
I'm in a hurry.
快不了
I cannot.
否则你很可能会被割伤
Otherwise, you might get nicked.
噢，见鬼了
Oh, goddammit!
噢，哇
Oh wow.
看这个，这就是为什么我总是告诉他们要用剪子
See, now, this is why I always tell them to use the clippers.
好吧，我该走了
Alright. Off I go.
飞吧，飞走吧
Up, up, and away.
随时都会开始的
Should be any minute now.
呃
Uh‐‐
也许得按小时算？
Maybe it takes an hour?
我的意思是，从逻辑上讲，这很合理，对吗？
I‐I mean, logistically that makes sense, right?
这应该会非常非常远，所以...
It's a really, really far way to go, so‐‐
应该需要一段时间
It should take a while.
我...我觉得如果不需要时间的话也太夸张了
I‐I think it'd be crazy actually if it didn't.
DMV：美国车辆管理部门，以服务差，排队、官僚闻名，
你知道吗，也许这就像那里的车管局一样
You know what, maybe it's like the DMV up there.
和树懒一样效率低下
They gotta be backed up.
所以，等等，也许他们会给我调整心情时间再上个厕所
So. Wait, maybe they give you this time to reflect and shit.
你知道吗？或者是坦白时间？
You know? What if this is like confession?
你在看...我的天啊
What are you look‐‐Holy shit!
这是鬼魂吗？他能看见我吗？他能...
Is that a ghost? Can he hear me? Can he‐‐
你好
Hello!
那个混♥蛋♥有一个替身
That prick had a double!
所以了
Of course!
我就知道这没那么容易
I knew it was too easy!
这才是我们要杀的人
This is the guy we're supposed to kill!
鬼鬼祟祟的狗屎
Sneaky shit!
好吧，也许下一次直接瞄准头好吧
Okay, maybe this time, go for the head, huh?
好吧，该死，妈的，还有，呃...还有很多话要说
Okay, shit. Shit. There's, uh, so much more to say.
我会尽量快点说，照顾好自己，伙计
I'll make it quick. take care of yourself, man.
好好生活，没错
Make a good life, okay.
好的，现在开枪
Okay, now take a shot!
干得好
There we go.
正中靶心
Bullseye!
老兄，你真的变得很厉害了
Dude, you've really gotten good at this.
噢，糟糕，还有什么来着，还有什么
Ah, shit! What else, what else.
呃...你知道，多吃蔬菜，多做祈祷
Um, you know, you're gonna wanna eat your vegetables, say your prayers.
呃...让我想想，啊，多喝水
Uh, let's see, uh, drink more water!
谁跟我说过这个，我记不清楚是哪个了
Somebody told me that. I‐I can't remember who,
这八成是胡扯，但也可能不是
it was probably bullshit, but it might not be.
你知道的，反正也喝不死
You know? It probably can't hurt!
噢，好了，结束他吧
Um. Okay, finish him off.
我终于要退休了
I am this close to retirement!
跑啊，哥几个，跑啊
Run! Brothers. Run away!
跑啊，噢天啊
Run away! Oh god!
哪有那么简单
Nothing's ever simple.
当我找到那辆面包车的驾驶员
When I found out who was driving that van,
我会确保这个人为他的行为负责
I made sure the person was held accountable for their actions.
尽管这一切与我无关
Even though it had nothing to do with me!
然而，在这里，我的对手
And yet, here we have my opponent
拒绝解雇他的侄女
refusing to fire his niece
就在她对我进行疯狂的指责之后
after the wild accusations she made against me.
但你还能指望什么呢
But what else would you expect
对一个支持警♥察♥杀手的人，你还能指望什么呢
from the same people who support a cop killer!
我要把这个垃圾关掉
I'm turning this garbage off.
我跟你说过，会发生这样的事情
I told you something like this was going to happen.
我们给了他弹♥药♥
We've given him ammunition,
他当然要用它来对付我们
of course he's going to use it against us.
我不会让那个骗子控制这场竞选的舆♥论♥走向
I'm not letting that crook control the narrative of this campaign!
我会的
I got this.
来吧，猴子，我们必须确保我们干掉他们所有人
Come on. Monkey, we gotta make sure we get all of them!
如果放跑了哪怕一个，我就会永远留在这里
If we miss even one, I could be here forever.
而且，我想你也不想这样，对吗？
And‐and I don't think you want that, do you?
我的意思是，你至少要射中跑的慢的那个
I mean, just shoot the slow one at least.
他们给我们的钱可不够这场面的
They don't pay us enough for this crap!
噢，噢
Ohh! Ooh!
上帝啊
Oh my god.
好了，好吧，这次真的该说拜拜了
Okay, alright, bye for real this time.
另外，呃...为我祈祷吧
And, uh, say a prayer for me.
我的意思是，虽然我并不信教，但临时抱抱佛脚也无妨不是吗？
I mean, I'm not religious, but might as well hedge my bets, right?
现在应该随时会来接我的
Should be coming to get me any second now.
见鬼了
Goddammit!
难道因为不是我们亲手干的，所以不算数吗
Did that not count 'cause it wasn't us?
我最好不是因为一个技术问题而被困在这里
I better not get stuck here on a technicality.
我们也许应该多问问那个该死的大♥师♥
We probably should've asked that damn priest more questions
关于这整个事情是如何运作的问题
about how this whole thing works.
不知道谷歌♥一下会有答案吗
Wonder if we can Google it.
噢天啊，是猴子
Oh god, the monkey!
跑啊
Run!
快跑
Run!
好吧，我们上
Okay, here we go!
这次我预感会是真的
I got a good feeling about this one.
从未想过我会在公共厕所里得到启迪
Never thought I'd be enlightened in a public bathroom,
不过，现在就是了
but here we are.
啊，拜托了，哥们，直接向每个隔间开枪就好了
Aw, come on, man, just shoot all the stalls!
知道吗，嘣，嘣，嘣
You know? Boom, boom, boom.
用子弹换时间，懂吗
Spend the bullets, save the time, right?
噢，哥们，我希望能有更多时间
Oh man, I wish I had more time.
你知道吗，我以前经常画画
You know, I used to draw a lot.
这是我小时候的爱好，而且我的画相当不错
It was my passion as a kid. I was pretty decent, too.
我画过一个水果盘几乎可以以假乱真
I once drew a bowl of fruit you could have eaten out of.
你知道，有时候，我会想知道有多少人还会活在这个世界上
You know, sometimes I wonder how many people would still be alive
如果我当初选择继续画水果的话
if I'd chosen to draw fruit instead.
不不不，猴子
No, no, no, Monkey.
等等等等，我看过新闻
Wa‐wa‐wait, wait. I've seen the news.
你只杀那些杀手
You only kill killers.
我不是杀手，你看我
I'm no killer. Look at me.
我是个演员
I'm an actor.
噢天啊，噢天啊
Oh boy, oh boy.
你要找的是个子比较矮的那个人
You're looking for the short one.
个子比较矮的那个人才是真正的好斗君
The short one is the real Rooster.
我还有孩子
I have children.
求你了，放了我
Please. Let me go.
等等
Wait.
好了，开始吧
Okay. Here we go.
这一定是最后一个了
This has got to be the last one.
在你做任何事之前
Before you do anything,
你要知道把我杀了的话会是一个大错误
know that you'd be making a big mistake killing me.
看见这个了吗
You see this?
我有每个人的信息
I have information on everybody!
你要找的答案就在这个盒子里
The answer you're looking for is in this box.
什么情况？
What the hell?
是你吗
Was that you?
看到了吗？我告诉你这才是真正的家伙，他们也在追捕他
See! I told you this was the real dude. They're all after him!
我什么都没说，混♥蛋♥
I never said anything, asshole!
我不管，老大要你死
I don't care! The boss wants you dead!
糟糕，啊，坏了，坏了
Shit! Aw, shit, shit, shit!
别让别人杀了它，谁是致命一枪才算谁的
Don't let them get the kill! The last bullet wins!
噢，他妈的，也许我现在应该为了升♥天♥先忏悔一下
Oh, son of a bitch, maybe I need to confess to ascend.
呃...好吧，我漏掉了什么
Uh, okay, what am I leaving out?
噢，想到了，我曾经爱上过一个男人
Oh, okay! I was in love with a man once!
我从来没有告诉过他我的感受
I never told him how I felt!
那会每个月我都在想他
Not a month goes by that I don't think of him.
好吧，重点是，永远不要留下遗憾
Okay, point is, never leave things unsaid!
你还能看见我是吧？
You can still see me, can't you?
啊，妈的
Aw, shit!
现在会怎么样？