绝望写手（2021）

Hacks S01E02

Part 3 Aug. 6, 2022, 10:55 a.m.

若我感到有点调皮可能就放一支成人片
I'll pop in an adult film.
But here's the trick.
但有技巧的
I watch it in reverse.
我会倒着看
Because then it's about being rewarded for sex.
那样性♥爱♥结束就有奖品
With a pizza!
可以吃披萨
Have a good night.
祝你有个美好夜晚
- You said my jokes were better. - They were.
－你明明说我的笑话比较好了－的确
Well, you didn't use any.
但你一个都没用
They were better because you stole them from yourself.
比较好的原因是你抄自己的笑话
Half were from your film script.
有一半都是你剧本里的哏
The others were clearly dated rehashes you threw in.
剩下的都是你稍微改过而已
你看过我的剧本？
- You read my script? - Yes.
对，我叫吉米把你所有作品寄来
I had Jimmy send me everything you've ever written.
I do my research.
我做足功课
So, the next time you try to half-ass something
下次你想交半调子的东西出来前
I...
＂自助餐吃到饱，黛博拉凡斯螃蟹真材实料＂
- Son of a... - There she is.
－王八蛋－你打来了
How dare you!
你好大的胆子
没了五声音阶乐团我只能宣传你了
Well, if I don't have Pentatonix, I've got to promote you, right?
但老实说，卖♥♥龙虾赚的钱比你多
And the truth is...
is you don't make me nearly as much money as lobster tail.
But, if it's any consolation
希望我这么说，你会好过一点
我猜你沾了奶油也很好吃
I bet you taste just as good dipped in butter.
＂自助餐吃到饱，黛博拉凡斯螃蟹真材实料＂
我想跟你道歉
I just... I wanted to say I'm sorry that I gave you...
昨天给了你创意再利用的素材
upcycled material yesterday.
The crowd loved the show last night.
观众很爱昨晚的表演
You might wanna lose that joke about Anna Nicole Smith, though
但安娜妮可史密斯的哏还是别说了
as she is...
因为她已经‥死很久了
long dead.
Let me get this straight.
我厘清一下状况
You not only don't write me anything funny
你不只没写出好笑又原创的素材
or even original
现在还要禁止我讲某些笑话吗？
and now you're telling me what jokes not to do?
I'm sorry.
对不起
I think it's just been hard to write in your voice
在不了解你的状况下要用你的语气写笑话很困难
when I don't know you.
You know what?
这样吧
You make a good point.
你说得有道理
Why don't we...
我们开车出去绕绕吧？
take a little drive?
You can get to know me better on a little road trip.
出去兜风的过程你也可以认识我
Okay, cool.
太好了
Wait. What about... what about the show tonight?
等等，今晚的表演怎么办？
Ah! We'll be back in time. I'll speed.
我们会及时赶回来，我会飙车
你觉得气候危机如何？
What do you think about the climate crisis?
In theory, I'm an environmentalist, but in practice
理论上，我是环保份子
但实务上我觉得纸吸管都有纸板虫味
paper straws taste like a cardboard worm.
Uh-huh. Hey, why don't you turn on the radio?
你开一下收音机吧？
All right.
好
Whoa, do you have, like, huge hands?
你的手也太大了吧？
应该是正常尺寸
- I think they're normal-sized. - No...
不对‥看起来跟捕手手套一样
They look like catcher's mitts.
你的美甲师得用油漆滚轮吧
Your manicurist must use a paint roller.
Okay. You know, some people think it's pretty cheap
有人觉得拿他人外表作文章是一件很低级的事
to make fun of other people's appearances.
Yeah. Ugly people.
对，丑八怪都这么想
Sorry.
对不起
Had I known the drive was this long, I would have peed before we left.
我要是知道要开那么久出发前我就会先尿尿
好啦，动作快就是了
- All right, well, just hurry. - Okay.
Oh, wait, while you're in there
等等，既然都要进去
you might as well get me a Diet Coke...
顺便帮我买♥♥健怡可乐
from the fountain.
－要饮料机的－好啦
Okay! Jesus.
天啊
Oh.
Hey. Do you have a reusable cup?
对了，你有环保杯吗？
Here you go.
给你
Where's the change?
找的钱呢？
Oh, it was only, like, 27 cents or something.
只找了２７分钱
Go back and get it.
回去拿呀
Okay.
好的
I should've finished college.
早知道就乖乖读完大学
＂古董行＂
你看见那边的古董店了吗？
Okay. You see that antique shop there?
看到了
- Yeah. - Okay. I want you to go in there
我要你进去店里
帮我买♥♥这个东西
and I want you to buy... this for me.
抱歉，那是什么？
I'm... I'm sorry, what?
What is... what is that?
That is a Jean Royère pepper shaker. And I want it.
那是罗耶尔的胡椒罐
我想要，但我不能进去
But I can't go in. He'll gouge me. You'll get a much better deal.
他会开高价你能谈到更好的价格
Oh, my God.
天啊，难怪我们要开车出来
That's why we drove all the way out here.
你才不想花时间认识彼此
You didn't want to spend time getting to know each other.
You just wanted a pepper shaker mule.
你只是想找人帮你代买♥♥胡椒罐
Okay, when you go in there
你进去之后千万别冲去找胡椒罐
don't make a beeline for the pepper shaker
这样他就知道你的目的
because he's gonna know you want it
你就随意看看
so, you know, kind of casually browse, you know.
Look at a couple of other things
看看其他的东西
but then, when you do
等到你看到胡椒罐时
offer him five, but go up to ten if you have to.
先开五千块钱必要的话开到一万块也可以
I'm sorry. Is this 10,000 dollars? For... for a pepper shaker?
抱歉，这是一万块钱吗？
买♥♥区区一个胡椒罐？
Royère never made tableware. It's very rare.
罗耶尔从来不做餐具
非常稀有
好，记得别提到我的名字
Okay, now don't mention my name.
Oh, and tell him it's personal to you.
记得跟他说东西对你很重要
He loves a story.
他很喜欢听故事
Hurry up!
快去
希望你会定期捐款给计划生育协会
I hope you're donating regularly to Planned Parenthood.
去啦
Go!
你好
Well, hi there.
你好吗？
Hi, how's it goin'?
Well, can I help you find something special?
要帮你找特别的商品吗？
No, I'm just browsing.
没关系，我随意看看
How much is this?
这多少钱？
Well, look at you. You have great taste.
瞧瞧你，品味真好
That's one of the most valuable pieces in the store.
这是店里最名贵的古董
- Oh, yeah. That's... - It's French.
这样啊‥
这是法国赛佛尔瓷器
Sevres porcelain, signed
上头有签字，１９世纪初的古董
early 19th century, with exceptional provenance.
大有来头
It was purchased by a member of the Obenchain-McMillan family
欧班麦克米兰家族成员于１９３０年拍卖♥♥会时购入
at auction in 1930.
Cute.
真可爱
要价三万两千元
It's listed for 32,000 dollars. But I could do...
但今天可以卖♥♥你‥两万八千元
28 today.
Oh, okay. Maybe.
也许吧‥
Maybe.
Oh, you know, this just occurred to me.
我突然想到
Do you have a pepper shaker?
店里有胡椒罐吗？
A single pepper shaker?
单一胡椒罐吗？
Yeah. I love... them.
对，我很爱
I did list one.
店里有一个，今天刚到货
Just today.
Yep, yeah, wow. That's so nice.
对，好漂亮
Would you do 5,000?
五千元你卖♥♥吗？
－黛博拉凡斯派你来的？－对
- Are you here for Deborah Vance? - Yes.
I explicitly told you not to say my name.
－我明叫你不要提我的名字－是他问的
- He asked! - Unbelievable.
太离谱了
你看看‥
Well...
藏镜人现身了
She shows her face.
没想到你竟然自贬身价
I can't believe you would stoop so low
as to hire some niche escort off Craigslist to do your dirty work.
随便找网路上的人帮你代购
你若直接卖♥♥我，就不需要找人了
I wouldn't have to send anyone if you'd just sell it to me!
我不是开玩笑，黛博拉
Yeah, I wasn't joking, Deborah. I will never sell to you.
我永远不会卖♥♥给你
别闹了
Oh, get over it!
你知道我跟蛇发女妖交涉多少年她才终于死掉吗？