绝望写手（2021）

Hacks S01E08

Part 3 Aug. 6, 2022, 10:55 a.m.

Plus, she was the lady from the TV show.
当时我跟一个混帐交往
At that time, I was dating this jerk.
有天晚上表演很糟糕
And one night, after a really bad set
I was practically carrying him to my car.
我还扛着他回我车上
他经常喝到断片
He was a blackout drunk.
黛博拉小姐帮我一起扛他上后座
And Ms. Deb helped me load him into my back seat.
－早知道扛进后车厢－没错
Should have been in the trunk.
Oh, yes!
她叫我甩了他
She told me to drop his ass.
我照做之后
And after I did, she took me on tour with her.
她带着我一起巡回
因为我想开上高乘载车道
It was just so I could drive in the carpool lane.
你这八婆
You bitch.
小姐们准备好点餐了吗？
You ladies ready to order?
我想点咖啡，有燕麦奶能加吗？
Can I get a coffee with... do you guys have oat milk?
没有
No.
那有豆乳吗？
Do you have soy?
没有，抱歉
No, sorry.
天啊
Oh, god!
特权满满的Ｙ世代不得不喝减脂牛奶了
The entitled millennial is gonna have to drink 2%.
出事了，快拿肾上腺素注射笔来
Emergency! Somebody get an EpiPen!
Oh, god, that is rich.
天啊，真好笑
Tell me, what exactly do people think millennials are entitled to?
告诉我请问Ｙ世代有什么特权？
Oh, god, here we go.
天啊，要开始了
贵到不行的健保？
Expensive-ass health care?
无视气候变迁导致环境恶化？
The planet ruined by ignoring climate change?
Ｙ世代唯一有权享受的是我们未来的孙子‥
Yeah, the only thing millennials are entitled to
is our future grandchildren
在地狱般的沙漠跑来跑去吸干瘪的老二来取水
running around the desert hellscape
sucking shriveled dicks for water or whatever.
最重要的是我是Ｚ世代
And also, most importantly, I'm Gen Z, okay?
有些Ｙ世代已经四十岁了
There are millennials who are, like, 40.
So what about black?
那黑咖啡可以吗？
好，可以，谢谢
Yeah, that's great. Thank you.
其实我很乐意跟你妈一起呼麻
You know, I would have been
more than happy to smoke weed with your mom.
天啊，你一口都呼不到她会全部吸光
Oh, god, you would have got nothing because she hogs it all.
－你们很亲吗？－现在很亲
Are you guys close?
We are now, but when I first came out
但我刚出柜时奇怪的是她比我爸更反对
she was way less supportive than my Dad, weirdly.
在他死后，她矫枉过正
And after he died, she went way too far in the other direction.
她有一年在我圣诞袜里放情欲芳香剂
I mean, she got me poppers for a stocking stuffer one year.
－不会吧－真的，还有啊
- No! - Yes.
And, oh, get this, the other day
前几天我听到她跟朋友说我是＂不分偏１＂
I overheard her telling her friend that I'm a vers top.
－你告诉过她？－没有，天啊
- Wait, did you tell her? - No!
Oh, god.
你知道谁终于死了吗？
You know who finally died?
埃拉
Ira.
等我下地狱后要回避他
Now, there's someone I'm gonna have to try to avoid
when I get to hell.
我本来要打给你说他丧礼的事
I was gonna call you about his funeral
但我想起你的原则
but then I remembered your rule.
- I don't do funerals. - No funerals.
－我不参加丧礼－不搞丧礼
埃拉是谁？
Who was Ira?
埃拉啊‥
Ira...
Ira was the proprietor of this club.
他以前是这间俱乐部的老板
我们都得贴着墙壁走上台
We would have to slide onto the stage with our backs against the wall
才不会被他偷摸屁♥股♥
so he wouldn't grab our asses on the way up.
天啊，恶心
- Oh, my god, ew. - Oh, that was nothing.
没什么啦
我相信他跟比尔寇斯比都找同一位药剂师
I'm convinced he and Cosby had the same pharmacist.
你知道他会让新妹子坐在他腿上再发薪水吗？
Now, you know he used to make the new girls sit on his lap
before he would give them their paychecks?
所以他才被叫圣诞老二
That's why they called him Old Saint Dick, you know.
－总之他死了－天啊
- Well, anyway, he's dead now. - Oh, god.
有谁想吃甜点？
Dessert, anyone?
穿分趾鞋去攀岩
- Rock climbing in toe shoes. - No.
－不要－好
Okay.
我们攀岩不♥穿♥分趾鞋
We don't wear toe shoes for rock climbing.
但我确实有一双
But, yes, I do own a pair.
Well, you do you, I don't kink shame.
尽管做自己我不批评怪癖的
Oh, there's no shame. My toes are beautiful.
没什么好羞耻，我的脚趾很美
的确是，天啊
Yes, they are. God.
其实下周我要去锡安国家公园玩抱石攀岩
You know, I'm actually going to Zion next week to go bouldering.
Oh, great.
那很好啊，我没去过听起来不错，真想去去
I've never been. It sounds lovely. I'd love to go.
－那好啊－抱歉，我不是那意思
Oh, great.
Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to just... I meant sometime.
我是说之后找时间
I didn't want to just fully invite myself to your trip.
我可不想不请自来
－除非你‥ －没事，我确实想邀请你
- Unless... - No... Okay.
So, I wanted to invite you.
我只是不想表现得太积极
I just didn't want to seem like I was coming on too strong.
你要一起去吗？
So you want to come?
反正工作也闲着
Well, it's not like anybody's gonna miss me at work
so... yeah, let's do it.
好啊，我们一起去
你一定会喜欢的
You are going to love it.
一眼望去一片荒芜
Nothing as far as the eye can see, and, like
几乎没有讯号♥，没人干扰
there's barely any cell service, no distractions.
就只有你我
Just us.
很好啊‥
Cool, cool.
我趁主菜来之前去洗个手
I... You know, I'm just gonna wash my hands
before the entrées come.
好
- Okay. - Be right back.
马上回来
Oh, that's good.
真好喝
＂代客泊车服务＂
Hey, could you hurry, please?
可以请你快一点吗？
- Yep. - Thank you.
－好－谢谢
Yeah, sorry, could you...
抱歉，可以请你再停回去吗？
could you actually park it again?
－你认真的？－对，抱歉
- For real? - Yeah, sorry.
给你，谢谢
- Here. - Thank you.
不好意思
Sorry.
那么‥露营
So... camping.
我遇到熊要怎么保护自己？
How do I protect myself from bears?
你没办法
You can't.
没关系，我会保护你
It's okay. I'll protect you.
我体型比你大，那得看我了
I'm much bigger than you. I think it's up to me.
你会保护我？
You're gonna protect me?
不会，我们都会死
No, we're both gonna die.
天啊
God.
＂哈哈喜剧俱乐部＂
好，从黛洁第一次用药过量再换到脚骨折段子
Okay, so I'm gonna go from DJ's first overdose
to the broken foot and then do a callback
再回到黛洁第二次用药过量
to DJ's second overdose, okay.
所以结尾‥
So, I'm gonna close with...
I don't know, the hysterectomy scare or double foreclosure?
要子♥宫♥切除恐慌还是双重法拍屋？
你觉得哪个段子更有力？
I mean, really, which do you think is punchier?
Sorry, what?
－抱歉，你说什么？－请你集中注意力
Hey, will you pay attention, please?
我只是在想那个叫埃拉的家伙
I'm just thinking about that Ira guy.
What are you gonna do?
我们还能怎么样？
Okay, so I know we planned on ending with double foreclosure
我知道原本计划以双重法拍屋来结尾
－但子♥宫♥切除会不会更好？－我知道都过去了
but is hysterectomy stronger?
I know it was, like, the time and everything
but I'm still... I'm just mad for you.
但我只是替你感到生气
如果我不气，你也不应该生气
Well, if I'm not upset about it, you shouldn't be.
对，但这种事很令人不适
Yeah, but I mean, it's upsetting, you know?
Like, I'm really glad that you weren't affected
幸好你当时没受到影响
但我相信很多女性都受到影响
but I'm sure a lot of other women were
and, like, stopped doing comedy
然后放弃喜剧表演
'cause they were scared of, you know
因为她们害怕在休息室被人性侵之类的
getting finger-blasted in the greenroom or whatever.
我当然受到影响了遇到那种事让我很生气
I was affected. You know
it pissed me off that I had to deal with that
他还能靠我沾光
and then he gets to take credit for me?
把我的照片挂在他该死的墙上
Put my photo up on his f**king wall?
But life goes on. Now, which is funnier
但人生还是得过所以哪个比较好笑？
－双重法拍屋还是子♥宫♥切除－双重法拍屋
double foreclosure or hysterectomy?
- Double foreclosure. - Thank you.
谢谢你
抱歉，我不是想责备受害者