绝望写手（2021）

Hacks S01E10

Part 4 Aug. 6, 2022, 10:55 a.m.

Bitch, you got this, bitch!
臭娘儿们，你会搞定的‥
我相信你，姑娘
I believe in you, girlie.
- Get her out of here. - Okay, let's go.
－把她带走－好，我们走了
－祝你演出顺利－谢谢
- Break a leg. - Thanks.
＂黛博拉凡斯能否造就历史？＂
＂我想她可以献上亲吻与拥抱，艾娃＂
各位先生女士，让我们最后一次
Ladies and gentlemen, for the very last time
在帕美托赌场饭店鼓掌欢迎
at the Palmetto Theatre, please welcome to the stage
独一无二的黛博拉凡斯
the one, the only, Deborah Vance!
我爱各位，谢谢你们
I love you. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Las Vegas. I love you!
非常感谢各位拉斯维加斯，我爱大家
你们要把我惹哭了
You're gonna make me cry.
你们要把我弄哭了
You're gonna make me cry.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
太感谢各位了
Thank you so much.
很高兴能来到帕美托赌场饭店
It is wonderful to be at the Palmetto...
最后一次
one last time.
我懂‥
I know.
Wow.
I have been up here on this stage
我一直在这个舞台上
多年来，经历了各种事
through so much over the years.
柏林围墙倒塌时我在这舞台上
When the Berlin Wall came down, I was on this stage.
人们在防空洞里躲千禧年时
When people were hiding in their bomb shelters on Y2K
我在这舞台上
I was on this stage.
伯纳德马多夫被捕时‥
When Bernie Madoff got arrested
我正在跟会计师通话哭得歇斯底里
I was on the phone with my accountant crying hysterically.
每一个夜晚
And on every one of those nights
我都说着许多同样的笑话
I told a lot of the same jokes.
但今晚，我不会说那些老笑话
But tonight, I'm not gonna tell you those same ones.
取而代之的是‥
Instead...
我要说说为什么‥
I'm gonna tell you why...
I told those jokes.
我要说那些笑话
＂波士顿＂
妈妈
Hi, Mom.
我很抱歉我竟然没见到他最后一面
I'm so sorry. I can't believe I missed him.
亲爱的
Oh, honey.
抱歉，我现在不能挂断电♥话♥
I'm sorry. I can't hang up right now.
我已经等４０分钟了
I've been on hold for 40 minutes.
旅途还好吗？
Was your flight okay?
－很好－喂，你好？
- Yeah, it was fine. - Hello?
不行，我现在不能处理这个
No, look, I just... I can't. I can't do this right now.
－你来处理好吗？－好
- Can you do this? - Yeah.
－喂？－现在没人接‥
- Hello? - No one's there right now
but when they get on
但一有人接起，告诉他们你要取消棒球频道
tell them that you need to cancel the baseball channels
订阅户是丹尼斯丹尼尔斯
for the account of Dennis Daniels.
取消的原因是他过世了
And the reason for the cancellation
is that he's deceased.
妈，拜托，棒球频道？
Mom, please, the baseball channel?
现在很晚了，可以明天再打吗？
Can... it's so late. Can we please do this tomorrow?
明天我们得联络堂表亲戚
Tomorrow, we have to call the cousins.
艾娃？
Ava? Oh, good.
很好，你这么早就醒了
- You're awake so early. - Yeah, I do that now.
对，我现在早起了
得在凯莉里帕的一天结束前起床
I gotta be up before Kelly Ripa's day is done.
你们什么时候养猫了？
When did you get a cat?
You were here when we got Mr. Cream Pie.
我们带回奶油派先生时你明明就在
我不在，首先，我对猫过敏
No, I wasn't. First of all, I'm allergic to cats
而且若我在绝不会让你们取那种名字
and also, if I was here
I wouldn't have let you name him that.
你帮它取的名字，我记得很清楚
- You named him. I remember. - Oh, no.
才不是
- Oh, no, I didn't. - I said, what do we think?
－我才没有－我问你觉得要取什么名
你不知道它是公的或母的
And you didn't know... is he male, female?
我说是公的你就说＂奶油派先生＂
I said he's male. You said Mr. Cream Pie.
妈，并没有那种事从头到尾都没发生
Yeah, Ma, none of that happened.
- Yeah, literally none of it. - Okay.
好，无所谓，我‥
Anyway, look, I... do you like this image
你喜欢这个图吗？
that I chose that
我选来做你父亲的祈祷文小卡
for your father's prayer card?
喜欢，很好看
Yeah. Yeah, it's nice.
＂他留下了挚爱的妻子妮娜＂
He is survived by his loving wife Nina
＂及内华达州拉斯维加斯的女儿艾娃丹尼尔斯＂？
and his daughter Ava Daniels of Las Vegas, Nevada.
妈，我不住在拉斯维加斯
Mom, I don't live in Las Vegas.
Well, last I heard, yes, you do
我最近一次听说你是
除非你又不告诉我就搬家了
unless you moved again without telling me.
我没有，我只是去那儿工作
No, no. I just went there for a job.
结果工作很不顺利
And it ended up really not working out.
所以我不会回去了
- So I'm not going back. - Oh, god.
－天啊－妈，你情绪失控了吗？
- Mom, are you freaking out? - Yeah, a little.
是啊，有一点，因为‥
'Cause it's just... you know
你选了一个如此不稳定的职业
you've chosen such an unstable career
没有母亲想看着孩子受苦
and no mother wants to watch her child suffer.
现在我们得让猫安乐死了
And now we'll have to euthanize the cat.
- What? - Yes!
－什么？－是，得让奶油派先生安乐死
We have to euthanize Mr. Cream Pie
because he's going to have to leave this room
因为你搬回来它就得离开这间房♥间
when you move in, and it is just wrong
不能将猫送回收♥容♥所♥，艾娃不能那么做
to take a cat back to the shelter, Ava.
- It's just wrong. - No, I'm not moving back in.
我没有要搬回来
Can we... forget it.
算了，我们就专心安排告别式
Let's just focus on the arrangements, please.
－拜托‥ －好吧
- Please. - All right.
告别式上，你要朗读耶利米哀歌♥
For the service, you're reading Lamentations.
我想读一段追悼词
Well, I wanted to read a eulogy.
我才刚开始写
I just started working on it.
追悼词？艾娃，拜托，这是你♥爸♥的葬礼
A eulogy? Ava, please.
It's your father's funeral.
我不需要你说什么夸张的话
I don't need you saying anything crazy
就像你告诉祖母你支持堕胎权
like when you told your grandmother that you were pro-choice.
但我支持堕胎权啊
But I am pro-choice.
是啊，但你不需要告诉她
Yeah, but you don't need to say it.
拜托请你朗读就好
Please, just stick to the reading.
好，我只是觉得‥
Okay, I just... I think it would be more personal
读我自己写的东西比较有感情
to read something that I've written
而不只是某段死板的圣经内容
not, like, just some stock Bible passage.
好吧，现在你是比上帝更好的作家了，我懂了
Okay, so now you're a better writer than God.
- I get it. - Yeah, Mom.
是啊，妈耶利米哀歌♥不是上帝写的
Well, God didn't write Lamentations
还有，祂并不存在
and also, He doesn't exist.
别挑现在，艾娃
Not now! Ava!
我知道你认为人人都该听你的意见
I know that you think that everybody needs to hear from you
但这是你♥爸♥的葬礼
but it's just... it's just... it's your father's funeral.
今天的焦点是你♥爸♥
Today has to be about your dad.
其实你说得对‥
You know what? You're right.
没人想听我说的话‥
No one does want to hear from me
读我写的东西或在台上念我的脚本
or read what I've written or say it on stage
so, I'm just gonna stop trying.
所以我就不坚持了我照你说的做
- I'll do whatever you want. - Okay, great.
好，太好了
你要喝咖啡吗？
Do you want some coffee?
我泡了周年纪念款咖啡？
I made some. Anniversary blend?
－好－很好
- Yeah, all right. - Okay, great.
谢谢你前来
Thank you for coming.
在我们去圣伊丽莎白教堂进行葬礼前
Before we move to the mass at St. Elizabeth's
我们想邀请想为丹尼斯说几句话的人上前
we'd like to invite anyone who'd like to say
a few words about Dennis to do so now.
哪位想起身‥
Is there anyone that would like to stand up?
说说话吗？
Say a few words?
老天，这太尴尬了
Oh, god. This is so awkward.
我看不下去了，借过一下
This is painful. Excuse me.
这种场合不该这样的
This is not how you're supposed to do this.
借过一下，抱歉你不介意的话‥
Excuse me. Sorry.
If you wouldn't mind. Just...
你不能不暖场就直接要人起来即兴发挥
Yeah, see, you can't just ask people
to come up impromptu and not warmed up.
因为冷场的时候太难开口了
Because it's just too hard to do cold, you know.
There's just too much pressure. And these people are exhausted.
压力太大了
大家都身心俱疲了
失去所爱之人令人身心俱疲
It's exhausting to lose a loved one.
现在所有人都很不自在