绝望写手（2021）

Hacks S01E06

Part 4 Aug. 6, 2022, 10:55 a.m.

Hey. We're not playing mahjong, all right?
So you were broke?
你说到你破产了拍节目的钱都没了吗？
You didn't have any money from your show?
What can I say?
我能怎么说呢？我那时候才２５岁，傻得很
I was a stupid 25-year-old, you know.
I didn't read contracts. Everything was in his name.
没有仔细看合约一切都在他的名下
And after the divorce, I had to rent
离婚后我租了一间套房♥
a little studio apartment and basically start over.
从头开始
You know what the worst part was?
你知道最糟的是什么吗？
What?
什么？
我必须自己做梳化
I had to start doing my own hair and makeup again.
的确很落魄
Okay, that is sad.
It was tragic.
惨透了
So anyway, I had to make money, so I started doing stand-up.
为了赚钱我开始讲单口
有一天晚上在一间小小的俱乐部里
And one night, in this little club
I made this offhand joke
我随口开了个玩笑说我放火烧了前夫的房♥子
about burning down my ex-husband's house.
It killed. I'd hit a vein.
结果博得满堂彩，我挖到宝了
所以虽然不是真的我还是卯起来说那则笑话
So I leaned into that joke, even though it wasn't true.
You know, hey, might as well make money off it, right?
何不用我的恶名赚点钱
And I realized that people would rather laugh at me
后来我发现观众宁愿笑我
也不愿意相信我
than believe me.
You know what else?
还有一件事
What?
什么事？
I do want a f**king McDonald's french fry.
我还真的很想吃薯条
It would be my honor.
为您服务是我的荣幸
Where's my phone? F**k.
我的手♥机♥呢？
可恶
It's good pot.
你的大♥麻♥真够劲
I told you.
我就说吧
Now you gotta dip it in the ice cream. It's...
然后沾霜淇淋‥
- Oh, too much. - Too soon. Fine.
－太多了－你还没准备好，没关系
My stomach really hurts.
我的肚子好痛
I wonder why.
很意外吗？
Man, Frank must a been a great actor
法兰克一定是个好演员
'cause he seemed like such a good husband
他在＂谁来晚餐？＂里根本是个模范丈夫
on Who's Making Dinner?
He was a good husband.
他的确是个好丈夫
曾经
For a little while.
You know, he made me laugh.
他很会逗我笑
我们让彼此变得更风趣
We made each other funnier.
是他提议要做夫妻主题的演出
It was his idea that we do a stage show
about being a couple.
我之前想都没想过
I didn't even think
that that was possible until he said it.
是他点醒了我
And we got to make it into a TV show.
后来被拍成电视节目
It was amazing...
那时真美好
until it wasn't.
直到一切都变了
我知道你不赞成
I know you're not a fan, but... have you considered...
但你有没有考虑过‥
心理咨商？
Therapy?
I did therapy.
我做过
It was part of our custody thingy, you know.
那是监护权协议的一部分
只可惜那家伙比起我的心理
Unfortunately, the guy was less interested in analysis
对我的肉体更有兴趣
and more interested in feeling me up.
Oh, my God! Are you serious?
天哪，你是说真的吗？
You know, I had to get a clean bill of mental health
我必须拿到他开的心理健康证明
否则不能见女儿
or I couldn't see my little girl, you know.
所以我们约过几次会
So, you know, we went on a few dates.
一阵子之后，我要分手
And then, after a while, you know, I broke up with him
他提议去做情侣咨商
and he... he wanted to do couples therapy.
天哪，你是说真的吗？
Oh, my God!
Are you f**king serious?
No!
不会吧
他们就爱找人玩三人行
They always try to get you to do a threesome.
That's... you're making me...
I'm gonna... I'm gonna pop a stitch!
我的伤口会爆开
That is absolutely crazy.
真的太夸张了
七十年代就是那样
Well, that was just the '70s.
And you haven't even heard
还没提梵蒂冈盯上我的事呢
about when the Vatican had it in for me.
－什么？－真的
- What? - Yes.
You have to talk about this in your act, all of it.
这些你都应该在台上讲
I mean, this shit is insane and no one has any idea.
这些事情离谱到不行却没有人知道
不要啦
No, no one wants to hear me complain about the past.
没人想听我抱怨陈年往事
而且我说过没有人相信我
Also, I told you. Nobody believed me.
少来了，你能接受换脸却不愿意改变表演内容？
Come on.
You can change your face but not your act?
It's... I didn't change my face.
我才没有换脸，只是微调
I refreshed it.
你要牢牢记住
That's something that you should remember.
只能微调，不能砍掉重练
Refresh, don't redo.
People would want to hear this, okay?
观众会想听这些的，好吗？
People either want raw honesty
观众想听赤♥裸♥裸的诚实
不然就是看女生吃肥皂的颅内高♥潮♥影片
or f**kin' ASMR videos of girls eating soap.
I have no idea what that means.
我完全听不懂
I'll tell you later.
晚点告诉你
People don't know half the shit that you've done.
你做过的事人们知道的不到一半
You were almost the first woman to host a late-night show.
你差一点成为第一个深夜节目女主持
重点是＂差一点＂
Oh, operative word being "almost"!
It's sad. It's all just sad.
可悲，这一切都好可悲
Is that why you want me to talk about it
你让我谈这些
是因为现在的人觉得回忆悲伤往事是高雅娱乐？
'cause people think it's highbrow now to tell sad stories?
No, I think you should say it because it's the truth
不是，是因为这是真♥相♥
终于可以大声说出来感觉一定很好
and it might just be nice to finally f**king say it out loud.
You owe yourself that, I think.
我觉得这是你欠自己的
But it's not funny.
但又不好笑
We've been laughing.
我们不都笑了？
那是因为嗑了大♥麻♥
That's because we're stoned.
Yeah.
是啦
But you can make it funny.
但你能说得很好笑
任何题材你都能讲得好笑
You can make anything funny.
I think I did irritate my stitches.
我好像扯到缝线了
－可以帮我拿冰敷袋吗？－好
- Can you get me an ice pack? - Yeah.
- Oh, f**k! - Ava!
－要命，天啊－艾娃
－天哪，我好像生病了－你在开玩笑吗‥
Oh, my God! I think something's really wrong.
Are you joking?
－不是－怎么办？
- No! - What do I do?
Do I call goddamn Perla?
－要打电♥话♥给天杀的佩拉吗？－天啊
- She's... - Oh, my God!
－黛博拉－佩拉
- Deborah? - Perla!
Perla, call an ambulance!
佩拉，快叫救护车
Okay, if this is one of your jokes, I'm not buying it.
如果你又在开玩笑我不会上当的
不是开玩笑，她很痛快叫救护车
No, it's not a joke! She's in agony!
- Call an ambulance! - I don't believe you!
－我不相信－你不是个天杀的护士吗？
- Are you a f**king nurse, or what? - I'm a fantastic nurse!
我是个很棒的护士连续两年得奖
I won award two years in a row!
快叫救护车
Get her an ambulance!
我这不就要去了吗？
I'm calling an ambulance!
你有服药吗？
Do you have any drugs in your system?
古♥柯♥硷，摇♥头♥丸♥
Cocaine, molly...
－还有大♥麻♥ －对，还有大♥麻♥
- Marijuana. - Marijuana, yeah, marijuana.
Yeah.
－对－好像很好玩
- Sounds fun. - Yeah.
－对－你似乎脱水了
Sounds like you're dehydrated.
No... I drink, like, a glass of water a month.
不可能
我每个月只喝一杯水
脱水已经是日常了这次的情况糟多了
I'm always dehydrated. This is way worse.
It... I think it's my appendix.
可能是盲肠怎么了
小姐，我知道现在人人都能上网
Miss, I know everyone has the Internet now
but leave the diagnosis to me.
但诊断的事还是交给我吧
All right? You just need fluids.
你只需要补充水分
Hey, listen to her, you little prick.
小痞子，听她的话
You're gonna examine her appendix then do a scan
好好检查她的盲肠，帮她扫描而且要快
and you're gonna do it quickly.
I am very litigious.
我很爱打官司
And I would love nothing more than to bury you
我非常愿意在你的学贷上火上加油
in more debt than medical school ever could.
RogerLynn, let's get a CT scan
罗洁琳，麻烦帮丹尼尔斯小姐做电脑断层扫描
- on Ms. Daniels, please. - CT!