绝望写手（2021）

Hacks S01E01

Part 4 Aug. 6, 2022, 10:54 a.m.

对
I mean, I've... Yeah, I've seen...
我看过‥
clips.
很多片段
Clips?
片段？
Wonderful.
真好
Yeah, well... you know, a lot of the actors on the show
总之‥
我最近大多替单口喜剧演员撰稿
that I most recently worked on were stand-ups...
You know, I'm gonna stop you right there.
我得请你停一下
I don't work with writers.
我不需要写手
- You don't? - No.
－不需要？－对，吉米违背我的意思派你来
Jimmy sent you against my wishes.
I'm gonna kill him.
我要杀了他
No, I'm gonna kill him.
不用，我会杀了他
Great, well, this sucks.
很好，烂透了
Yeah, sucks.
是啊，烂透了
Well, but at least you didn't waste too much time researching me.
至少你没花太多时间研究我
I'm sorry. Did I do something to offend you?
抱歉，我说什么冒犯你了吗？
Other than walk those chimney-sweep boots on my silk rug?
除了穿着烟囱鞋踩我丝绸地毯
No.
是没有
Sorry, I... didn't realize it was a shoes-off situation.
抱歉，我不知道进来要脱鞋
Well, it's shoe-dependent.
看什么人穿什么鞋
Thank you for your time.
谢谢你拨空前来
Good luck with your career, honey.
祝你事业顺遂，亲爱的
- F**king bitch. - Excuse me.
臭婊♥子♥
不好意思，你还有话要说吗？
Did you have something else to say?
Yeah.
对，你很失礼
You've just been pretty rude
and I dropped everything to come here.
我可是放下一切来这里见你
Oh, Christ.
天啊，你出现就想要我称赞你
Oh, you want a gold star just for showing up?
Kinda, yeah.
差不多，因为你说得对
Because you're right.
I'm not a fan of yours. You caught me.
我不是你的死忠观众
被你逮到了
This is all just a little f**king annoying
我觉得好烦
because I flew all the way here on Spirit f**king Airlines
明明我根本不想要这份工作我还搭廉航远道而来
even though I didn't want this job in the first place.
I mean, the last thing on earth I want to do
我最不想做的
is move to the desert to write some lame jokes
就是跑到沙漠替过气女星写烂笑话
for an old hack.
- I think you better leave. - Yeah.
－你最好给我离开－当然
Can I show you to the door
要带你到门口吗？还是你想从烟囱出去？
or would you like to go back up the chimney?
Oh, no. I know my way out.
不用，我自己知道路
By the way, so cool they let you move into a Cheesecake Factory.
对了，你家简直是芝乐坊餐馆
Oh, is that where you wait tables? That seems like a better fit.
你在那边端盘子吗？的确比较适合你
Oh, yeah. I agree, you classist monster.
我同意，你这阶级歧视的禽兽
I'd rather sling Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp all day than work here.
我宁可天天端棒棒鸡也不想在这里工作
I mean, f**k. What is this? Fifty tassels on one couch?
拜托，这什么鬼东西？
一张沙发上要放五十个流苏？
Even Liberace would think it's a bit much.
我看连李伯拉斯都觉得太超过
Oh, no, you're incorrect. He actually loved it.
你错了，他其实很爱
He did poppers on that couch in '85.
他在１９８５年在那张沙发上吸过催情剂
Cool.
真酷
I'm glad Liberace's butthole was nice and loose in your house.
很高兴李伯拉斯在你家括约肌大放松
Maybe you should've joined him
你真该跟他吸一吸因为你屁♥眼♥紧得要命
since yours is obviously tight as f**k.
Oh, hey, before I leave
对了，在我离开前
did you want to inspect my bag?
你想检查我的包包吗？
Maybe I should just piss in a cup.
也许我该尿在杯子里验尿
You know what? I'm gonna go ahead.
不如这样吧
我就照办，我去你草坪拉一坨屎
I'm just gonna leave a stool sample on your lawn.
Okay. Why are you really here?
好，你到这里的真正目的为何？
If you're so "in demand," why are you meeting with me?
如果你这么抢手，干嘛来见我？
Because I can't get any other job, okay?
因为我得不到其他工作
I tweeted a joke
我在推特上写了恐同参议员笑话
about that closeted senator who's sending his son
因为他逼他儿子去性向改造营
to conversion therapy camp or whatever
and everybody freaked out.
大家大惊小怪
And then some other asshole dug up some stupid shit I said
有些浑球还把我二十岁写的烂事拿出来炒作
when I was, like, 20 years old and I lost my deal.
我瞬间丢了工作
And now no one will hire me, including you, apparently.
现在没人想雇用我，包含你在内
So, yeah, my life is pretty much ruined.
我人生差不多是毁了
Oh, your life is "ruined."
你人生哪里毁了，拜托
Please, it sounds like a Tuesday for me.
听起来不过是个稀松平常的周二
Besides, you're just a writer. No one cares.
何况你只是作家，又没人在乎
Well, actually, people really do care.
其实大家真的很在乎
It's been a huge f**king problem for me.
对我来说真的是严重的大问题
So, what was it?
所以是什么？
This joke that supposedly ruined your life.
害你人生全毁的笑话
I gotta hear it.
我一定得听一下
Senator Rogers is upset because he found out his kid is gay.
罗杰参议员发现儿子是同志很生气
Apparently, he heard it
他肯定是在参议院衣帽间替人口♥交♥时听说的
from one of the guys he was sucking off
in the Senate cloak room.
Yeah, I... I don't even do jokes like that.
我平常不开这种玩笑
I was just trying to call him out for being a hypocrite
我只是想指出他是伪君子
because he was caught with a male escort.
因为他找了伴♥游♥猛♥男♥
It didn't help that it was a slow news day, but I...
当天恰好没有大新闻
反正我就是越界了
I guess I crossed a line or whatever.
Oh, honey, no. There is no line. It's just not funny.
亲爱的，不是越不越界
只是真的不好笑
I mean, you should be blacklisted for how bad that joke is.
你这笑话这么烂真该被列上黑名单
Cool, thank you so much for having me.
很感谢你邀请我过来
I'm glad we did this.
我们相谈甚欢
I am starting to see why your husband left you
我开始了解你先生为何选择你妹，离你而去了
for your own sister now.
Buh-bye.
再见
Oh, my God.
我的天啊
Holy shit.
该死
What is she doing?
她在干什么？
What the f**k?
搞什么？
Oh, my God.
我的天啊
Sending your son to the woods
把你儿子送到森林和一群饥渴的同志少男一起
with a bunch of other horny, gay teens.
The only thing you're gonna convert him to
性向改造营只会把他从一改造成零啦
is from a top to a bottom.
- Okay? - Now, that's a better joke.
－好喔－这才叫好笑
Oh, my God. That's why you almost just killed me?
你为了这个害我差点没命？
Wait... No... We keep it on the dad.
等等，不行‥重点是老爸
Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long
罗杰参议员身为同志好久了
his wife keeps trying to donate him to Goodwill.
难怪他老婆一直想把他捐出去
Okay, to be clear, these are all problematic
我先声明，讲这些都会被骂
but what if it's something like
不如说罗杰参议员在柜子里好久
"Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long
- all his friends are mothballs?" - Mothballs.
他的朋友只剩樟脑丸了
樟脑丸
Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long
罗杰参议员在柜子里好久拉出来的屎都是樟脑丸
he shits mothballs.
- Yeah, that's pretty good. - Yeah, that's it. That's it.
－还不错－对，这可以
Okay, can I go now?
好，我可以走了吗？
No. No, you're hired.
不行‥
你被录取了
Wait, what?
等等，什么？
I said I didn't want the job.
我说过我不想要这份工作
Yeah, well, you need it.
但你需要
Write me 20 jokes before tomorrow morning.
明天早上前写２０个笑话给我
Oh, and nothing about pantyhose or the Challenger explosion.
举凡裤♥袜♥ 或挑战者号♥太空梭爆♥炸♥都别写
I've done 'em all.
全被我想完了
What the f**k just happened?
刚才是怎么回事？
待续
谢谢观赏