绝望写手（2021）

Wait a sec, you didn't even mention it?
黛洁，我说了，我在工作
DJ, I told you, I'm working.
对，你总是在工作 而且也一直在骗我
Yeah, you're always working. You're also lying to me.
因为你知道 你说什么他们都会接受
'Cause you know they'd listen to anything you said.
你说的没错
You know, you're right.
我是想保护你 不过既然要逼我说
I was trying to protect you, but since you're pushing me
I didn't mention D'Jewelry because it's not good enough.
我没提起＂黛，首饰＂ 是因为它不够好
It looks like junk from a mall kiosk.
商品像是卖♥♥场花车上的垃圾
Okay. You think it's junk? You're insane.
好，你觉得那像垃圾？
你疯了
再多改进一点
Just make it better.
And don't give up on it just because I'm pushing you
别因为我给你压力就放弃
就像之前的精油
like you did with your essential oils.
输掉一场旷日废时的法律战 不是放弃
Losing a protracted legal battle isn't "giving up."
我从未说过我的精油 能治愈所有自闭症
And I never once said that my oils would cure all types of autism.
Well, does this mean you're not gonna come
这代表今天下午 你不出席我的贸易展览会吗？
to my trade show this afternoon?
我说过了我要参加 马提女儿的犹太成人礼
I told you, I'm going to Marty's daughter's bat mitzvah
然后还有场演出
and then I have a show.
Right, yeah. I guess it's good that you can be there
对啊，也是
我想你能陪在别人孩子身边 也不错啦，对吧？
for someone's kid, right?
God forbid you do one f**king thing for me.
但愿你能为我做一件事也好
You have no idea how much I do for you.
你不知道我为你做了多少事
Okay, I think I'll just go in the other...
－我回避一下好了‥ －不用‥没关系
No... It's fine.
反正今天就早点结束吧
I'm just... I'm calling it early today, anyway.
帮你自己一个忙
Do yourself a favor. take the afternoon off
下午放个假，去结扎输卵管
and get your tubes tied.
Hey...
do you want me to come to your show with you?
要我陪你参加展览会吗？
前提是你需要人陪
If you need someone there.
你不用因为可怜我而这么做
You don't have to do that just 'cause you feel sorry for me.
Well, actually, I just think it would really piss her off
其实我只是认为 这么做会让她气疯
if I went with you, so...
好，你太强了，就这么做
Okay, you f**king rule. Let's do it. I call shotgun.
我坐副驾驶座
I guess I'll drive.
那就是我要开车
挥一杆练习杆，然后‥
One practice swing and then...
平安
Shalom!
你真是明艳动人
You look fabulous.
谢谢你
Thank you.
－马可斯 －马提
- Hey, Marcus. - Marty.
－我去拿杯饮料 －好的
- I'm gonna get a drink. - Okay.
所以你不生我的气了
So you're not still mad at me.
Oh, I just really love Ali, and that's why I got her this.
我只是很喜欢亚莉
所以我要送她这样礼物
这是她想要的限♥量♥版柏金包
It's the limited-edition Birkin that she wanted.
Well, that's very generous of you, Deborah.
太破费了，黛博拉
重点不是包包，是这个
Oh, it's not just the purse. It's what comes with it.
这是圣哈维尔校长的推荐信
This is a letter from the headmaster at St. Xavier's.
你不取消我的秀
So you let me keep my dates
Ali gets to go to school with all her little friends.
亚莉就能和她的小朋友们 一起去上学
I'm not changing my mind.
我不会改变心意
不过你一定费了一番功夫
But you must have gone through some trouble
因为如果我没记错
because if I remember correctly
黛洁大三的时候 开吉普车冲撞圣哈维尔的体育场
DJ drove her Jeep through the gym at St. Xavier's her junior year.
是开休旅车撞后阅览室
It was a Range Rover through the Rare Book Room
而且我全额出资重建了
and I fully funded the rebuild.
我们还是朋友对吧？
Still friends, right?
最好的朋友
Oh, best of.
Oh, my God.
我的天啊
马可斯
Marcus!
今天别让我惹上麻烦
Do not get me in trouble today.
只要有你在，我总会喝太多
I always drink too much when you're around.
双倍伏特加苏打
Double vodka soda.
这场活动太美了，蕊娜
This is a beautiful event, Rina.
准备过程太煎熬了
It's been like pulling teeth.
马提一直鸡蛋里挑骨头
Marty nickel-and-dimed it the entire time.
I had to fight him
我很努力才争取到 用羊排当派对小点
to have lamb chops as a passed hors d'oeuvre.
你相信吗？ 这是犹太成年礼耶
Can you believe? This is a bat mitzvah.
God.
天啊 对了，他的新女友呢？
Now, where's the new girlfriend?
艾薇，马提说她有个老灵魂
Ivy.
Marty says she's "an old soul."
幸运的马提，他找到的老灵魂 都困在２６岁的年轻肉体里
Lucky Marty, keeps finding "old souls" in 26-year-old bodies.
＂拉斯维加斯会议中心，南馆＂
＂拉斯维加斯珠宝博览会＂
我不知道该说什么了
Look, I don't know what to tell you, man.
不断有污水从淋浴间排水孔溢出 这个房♥客真的烦死了
There's sewage coming out of the shower hole
and this tenant is, like, a giant pain in my ass
这件事昨天就该解决了
so it needs to be done, like, fricking yesterday.
Yeah, I've got Venmo.
对，我有线上支付
Managing a building is a nightmare.
管理大楼真是场恶梦
Wait, you're... you're a building manager?
等等，你是大楼管♥理♥员♥？
对，我当大楼管♥理♥员♥来抵房♥租
Yeah, I manage the building I live in in exchange for rent.
我懂，你以为我是那种 靠父母钱生活的富二代对吧？
I get it, you thought I was some, like, hot rich kid
living off her parents' money?
是这样没错
Kind of.
我不怪你，要是我也会这么想 不过我不是
I don't blame you. I would've thought the same thing, but nope.
I am a professional.
我是专业人士
－我自己磨石头 －真不错
- I tumble my rocks myself. - Oh, I see.
这让我与众不同 因为这里没人自己磨石头
It's kind of what sets me apart
'cause, you know, nobody else here self-tumbles.
厉害
- Cool. - Yeah.
So what's your earring story?
－你的耳环怎么搭配的？ －我的什么？
- My what? - Well, I'm seeing
我看到两个耳钉，一个圆形耳环
two studs, a huggie hoop and then a couple vacant holes
还有几个空耳洞没能派上用场
that just aren't living up to their potential.
你这么做要表达什么？
What did you have in mind with that?
天啊，没什么意思
God, not much.
－我没想那么多 －对，你没仔细想过
- I didn't really think about it. - No, you didn't think it through.
对，我没细想
Yeah, no.
好吧，那何不把圆形耳环 往上移一格
Okay, all right.
Why don't you scoot that huggie up, pop these in the empties?
然后在空耳洞戴上这几个？
看看效果如何
Let's see what's what.
天啊
Oh, shit!
戴在你身上真好看
I mean, those look hot on you.
太好了
Oh, yeah.
你今天就戴着吧
You go ahead and wear those today. You can be my model.
你可以当我的模特儿
你看看
Check it out.
－天啊 －你觉得呢？
- What do you think? - They are...
它们‥
substantial.
很有份量
是吧？
Yeah, right?
I mean, they look...
我是说，它们看起来‥
很像通往异空间的钥匙
like a key to another dimension.
Thank you.
谢谢，你这么形容 比什么卖♥♥场花车品好多了
So much cooler than something from a f**kin' "mall kiosk."
Right?
对吧？
对，我很为你感到难过 她刚刚讲话太难听了
Yeah, I'm sorry about that. She was really harsh back there.
随便啦
Whatever.
我接受了数千小时心理咨商
I spent thousands of hours in therapy
试着学习如何应付黛博拉
trying to process how to deal with Deborah.
还好你有看心理咨商师
Well it's good you're doing the work.
你妈妈曾经告诉我 需要心理咨商的只有暴食症
Your mom once told me therapy is for bulimics
- and pedophiles. - "Pedophiles"?
－跟恋童癖 －恋童癖吗，她最喜欢提这个
Yeah, she loves that one.
天啊，能跟别人抱怨她 真是太好了
God, it's so nice to be able to vent about her to someone.
Oh, God, I am so down.
天啊，我好沮丧
听着，我明白我不完美，好吗？
And look, I get it. I'm not perfect, right?
－我永远会是个未完成品 －对
I'm always gonna be a work in progress.
- Yeah. - But I'm finally able
不过我终于能够 全然地接纳自我了，对吧？
to practice radical acceptance, right?
我能全然地接纳 自己的妈妈是个烂货
So I can just radically accept that my mom is a cunt.
我不是开玩笑，不过‥
I wasn't joking, but...
- I can see why you'd laugh. - Oh, sorry.
－我明白你在笑什么 －抱歉
Yeah. My chokers are unisex.
我的颈链是中性的
我不能让你喝那个
I can't let you drink that.
对，便宜红酒给孩子喝就好
Yeah, leave the cheap wine for the kids.