绝望写手（2021）

All right, out.
Up. Squeeze the pelvic floor.
用力挤骨盆底
Jesus Christ, Marty.
天啊，马提 你还真努力运动
You're putting an awful lot of effort into this one.
- Ma'am, you can't... - Help.
－女士，你不能‥ －等等，我一下就好
Hang on. I'll just be a second.
- What? - I'm not doing fewer dates.
－怎样？ －我不会减少场次
我那不是请求
Well, it really wasn't a request.
Well, I don't know who you're gonna get.
我不知道你能请到谁
－听说五声音阶乐团的事了吗？ －什么？
- Did you hear about Pentatonix? - What?
Well, Steve Wynn found out about your offer somehow
史提芬永利不知怎么发现 你想聘请他们
and gave them dates at the Encore.
聘他们去永利安可饭店表演了
高额预付金 让他们二话不说就接了
Huge up-front guarantee they didn't even counter.
F**k.
该死
别那么操他的骨盆
Oh, take it easy on his pelvic floor.
你真的想这样玩吗，小黛？
You really want to do this, Deb?
你真的想要这样搞我吗？
You really want to try to f**k me here?
马提，我再也不会搞你了
Oh, Marty. I'll never be doing that again.
- He leaves his t-shirt on, you know. - Oh...
你知道他都不脱上衣吗？
才不是真的
- That's not true. - Okay.
好
And now for the KTQZ weather report.
现在进入天气预报
克拉克郡今天预计高温１１１度
Expect highs of 111 degrees in Clark County today
so make sure to stay out of the sun.
记得别晒太阳
退休金提领规定松绑 存款族现在有福了
Common savers can now take advantage
of relaxed withdrawal rules around 401(k)s.
That's exactly right, Joe.
你说得没错，乔‥
You know, a lot of people are taking losses
and do need extra help, but actually....
给你
- Morning. - Morning.
早安‥
Good morning, Deb.
早安，黛博拉
He's a miracle worker. There's nothing you can't do.
他能化腐朽为神奇 什么都做得到
我们想卖♥♥绒毛拖鞋 别卖♥♥亮片包装纸
So, we're thinking of doing the fuzzy slippers
instead of the glitter wrapping paper.
好，绒毛拖鞋都卖♥♥得很好
Good, the fuzzy slippers always sell really well.
可以有颜色选择吗？
And can we get color options on that too?
Of course.
当然
Excuse me. Sorry.
不好意思
抱歉
＂员工餐厅＂
禁烟区在那边
The non-smoking section's over there.
Thanks.
谢谢
各位请注意
Can I get your attention please?
赌场员工请在五点前交考勤卡‥
All casino employees are reminded to submit timecards by 5.00pm.
All timecards must be turned in by 5.00pm...
- Hey. - Hey, beautiful.
美女，我一直想昨天的事
I keep thinking about last night.
我没想到会这么痒
I... I didn't think it was gonna be so ticklish, but...
－搞什么？ －等等，你是谁？
What the f**k?
- Wait, who is this? - Ava, your client.
艾娃，你的客户
－是你打给我的 －凯拉
- You called me. - Kayla!
Oh, yes. You are next on my call sheet.
对，我下一个才会打给你
我是要打给你，你还好吗？
I was about to call you, but... how're you doing? How's Vegas?
赌城好玩吗？ 跟黛博拉凡斯一起末路狂花了吗
Are you and Deborah Vance "Thelma and Louise" yet or what?
No, but I do want to drive off a cliff.
没有，但我真想开车冲下悬崖
我还得做多久？
How long do I have to do this?
Well, it's been three days, so longer than that.
才过三天，所以还要一阵子
我根本不知道我在这里干嘛
I don't even know what I'm doing here.
你要替黛博拉写笑话题材
You're there to write material for Deborah's show.
写笑话骂权贵 购物台销♥售♥的哏
You know, punch-ups for appearances and things like QVC
and, you know, any personal joke writing...
－贴近个人生活 －我读过工作叙述
Yeah, I know the literal job description.
I signed a 470-page NDA.
我签了４７０页的保密协定
- Seems right. - God!
也对
天啊
- Too much. - Okay, Kayla.
－太夸张了 －凯拉，你应该关静音
- Yeah? - You're supposed to be on mute.
Oh, I am. I just pushed the thing, bud.
我有，我按了按钮，老兄
老兄，我们都听得到 所以你才没按
Okay, bud. We can hear you. So, you're definitely not.
Oh, don't worry. I'm not listening. I'm laughing at a meme.
别担心，我没偷听
我只是在笑哏图而已
－有个大眼球的小小兵 －你是该要听，之前讲过了
It's like a... there's a Minion with a big eyeball.
Okay, you're supposed to be listening.
We talked about this. You listen and you take notes, right?
你要仔细听，做笔记
Yeah. So, okay. Where's my notebook?
好，我的笔记本呢？
对了，我今天要早退
Hey, I need to leave early. I have an adult ballet recital.
我有成人芭蕾舞排演
Like, just, I can't miss this one because I missed last week.
上周已经没去 今天不能再缺席了
这样不行，不去就白练了
It just wouldn't make sense. The whole thing will be off.
我让你们俩聊吧
- Should I leave you two alone? - Kayla, can you jump off, please?
凯拉，你可以退出吗？
- No problemo. - Thank you.
－没有问题 －谢谢
测试‥凯拉
Testing, Kayla, testing, testing.
－好了 －你得开除她
- Okay. - You need to fire her.
可以的话我也想
I would if I could, but her father owns half the company
她爸握有公♥司♥一半股权
so she's essentially my assistant and my boss.
她基本上是我助理兼老板
How does everyone have rich parents except for me?
为何只有我没有富老爸？
你撑着点就对了
Look. Just hang in there, okay?
每份工作都有值得学习之处吧？
Every job has a learning curve, right?
When I was 15
－我１５岁在肉桂卷店‥ －我得挂了
- I took a summer job at Cinnabon... - Jimmy, I gotta go.
我得做点什么 才能忘记我人在赌城
If I don't keep moving, I'll remember that I'm here.
Hey, stop...
Are you there? You don't say goodbye. She doesn't say goodbye.
你还在吗？ 你都不说再见，都这样
凯拉，你要不要进来聊芭蕾舞？
All right, Kayla, do you want to come in here?
Let's talk about this dance.
I really like the jade.
我很喜欢翡翠绿
我也是 但普通人都喜欢地铁磁砖
I do too. But "normals" like "subway tile."
Oh, God, they do.
天啊，的确如此
I don't know, Marcus.
不知道，这是你的工作
- It's your flip. - What's going on here?
他们在干嘛？
Marcus flips properties on the side
马可斯的副业是翻修住♥宅♥
- like they do on HDTV. - I don't know. I'm torn.
像电视拍的那样
－好犹豫 －问她吧，翡翠绿还是白色？
Let's ask her. Jade or white?
我想‥
I... think the white.
白色吧
- Let's go with the jade. - Yeah, absolutely.
－我们选翡翠绿吧 －就这么办
Let me know how it goes.
再让我看成品
你今天有空看我写的东西吗？
So, do you think today you'll have time
to look over what I've been working on?
- Sure, just give me a minute. - All right.
－好，你等我一下 －好的
I noticed you weren't at my show last night.
你昨晚没来看我表演
Oh, sorry. I...
抱歉，我前天晚上有去
I came the night before. I figured it was probably the same.
我以为是一样的
Should I be coming...
我今天该‥
- Oh, crap! - I'll get it.
－该死 －我来装
不用‥你很忙，我来就好
No, you're busy. I'll get it.
借过
Excuse me.
There we go.
好了
Okay, let's go.
好的，来吧
Hm.
Is that a good "hm"?
写得好的意思吗？
No.
不好
Most of these are unusable, but...
大部分都不能用
但这个可以
this part works.
Oh, cool.
很好，只有铺陈可以用
The set-up.
你是女同志吗？
You a lesbian?
你好像不能问这个
- Not sure you can ask me that. - Oh, what?
怎样，难不成有人会来抓我吗？
Someone's gonna show up and arrest me?
你是我的雇主，这么问是违法的
Since you're my employer, it is illegal.
But... if you're genuinely curious.
既然你那么好奇
我以前都只跟男人睡
I used to only hook up with men
但我自♥慰♥时，想的都是女人
but when I masturbated, I thought about women.
So, then in college
大学的时候 跟漂亮助教菲比勾搭上了
I finally hooked up with this amazing TA, Phoebe.
我发现和女生比较能有情感交流
And I realized that I could connect more emotionally with women
which led to deeper sexual experiences.
这样床上经验也更深刻
但我有时候还是需要老二 才能有高♥潮♥
But sometimes I do still need penetrative sex with a dick to come.
But, I don't know.
谁知道
也许我只是被演算法推播的 色情片洗♥脑♥
Maybe I was just conditioned by the porn
that was fed to me by the algorithm, you know?
So, anyway, I'm bi.
总之，我是双性恋