鬼屋欢乐送

嘿 宝儿 米勒夫妇把这个落房♥里了
Hey, babe? The Millers left this in their room.
是一袋自然历史博物馆的东西
It's a bag of stuff from the Natural History Museum.
是个小霸王龙还有一本讲恐龙的立体书
It's a little T- Rex and a pop- up book about dinosaurs.
我会寄给他们的
I'll mail it to them.
天 我们的博物馆竟然堕落如此
My, how far we've fallen that museums
沦落到贩卖♥♥虚构文创的地步了
have stooped to trafficking in fantastical creations.
等等 艾萨克 你不知道恐龙是真实存在过的吗
Wait. Isaac, do you not know that dinosaurs were real?
什么 -萨曼莎
What? - Samantha,
就像上周一你穿的那件绿色开襟衫一样
much like that green cardigan you wore last Monday,
搞笑也不大适合你
japery doesn't look good on you.
有意思了
Interesting.
恐龙直到19世纪才被发现
Dinosaurs weren't discovered until the 1800s.
所以 开国元勋们
So, the Founding Fathers
根本不知道它们的存在
wouldn't have even known about them.
你是说那些房♥子大小的凶猛生物
You mean to tell me that ferocious creatures
曾经在这个地球上游荡
the size of houses once roamed this earth?
你知道这事吗
Did you know about this?
知道 但只是因为我有关注这些
Yes, but only because I pay attention.
你好
Oh. Hi.
你好
Hello!
欢迎来到伍德斯通庄园
Welcome to Woodstone Mansion.
我去
Holy crap.
我订了个房♥ 名字是杰瑞米·莱夫科维茨
Uh, I have a reservation under Jeremy Lefkowitz.
我弟弟
My baby bro.
我天 又来一个
Oh, God, there's another.
杰瑞米·莱夫科维茨 -等下 你是特雷弗弟弟
Jeremy Lefkowitz. - Wait, you're Trevor's brother.
我们去年在这里办过他的追悼会
W- We held his memorial here last year.
是 我想过来 但是
Yeah, I wanted to come, but...
我应该是还没完全准备好接受
I just think I wasn't ready to really accept the fact
特雷弗真的走了的这个事实
that Trevor was really gone.
太痛苫了
It was just too painful.
没关系的 兄弟
It's okay, buddy.
他还在因为你的去世而伤心呢 真不错
Aww, he's still sad you're dead. That's nice.
你管那个呢 怪物真的存在过
Who cares? Monsters are real?
我一直抱有希望
You know, I always held out hope
想着他也许是赚了一大笔
that maybe he just made a boatload
带着个辣妹去了马尔代夫
and took some hottie to the Maldives
还想法子把税逃了
and set up some sort of tax dodge.
这想法不错
That's a nice thought.
但我不会带妞去的 那样你就是为了一棵树放弃整个森林
But I wouldn't bring a babe, then you're stuck with her.
告诉他 萨曼
Tell him that, Sam.
跟他说不能揣着沙子去沙滩
Tell him you don't bring sand to the beach.
嘿 杰瑞米 你有兴趣
Hey, Jeremy, can I interest you
加入我们的伍德斯通奖励计划吗
in signing up for our Woodstone Rewards program?
其实我已经是会员了
Oh, I'm actually already a member.
你确定吗 因为加入是免费的而且
Are you sure? Because it's free to join and.
等一下 我不用再费唇舌了
Oh. Wait a minute. I don't have to do that.
好我带你去你房♥间 -太好了 谢谢
Okay, let me show you- to your room. - Great. Thank you.
那独角兽呢
What about unicorns?
真真儿的
Very real.
我就知道
I knew it.
你在这里啊 皮特
There you are, Pete.
要去庭院里散散步
Want to take a stroll around the grounds,
活动下你这身年轻的筋骨吗
put those young calves to work?
我 我还是算了
You know what? I- I'm good.
这身筋骨跟我要看《烘焙大赛》
The calves and I are just watching a little Bake Off.
你的皮肤一直都这么繁致吗
Was your skin always this taut?
是 差不多吧
Yep. P- Pretty much.
是 差不多吧
Yep. P- Pretty much.
那回见了
Well, see you around.
看起来卡萝尔很想跟皮特交欢哎
Seems like Carol desire intercourse with Pete.
是啊 太疯狂了
Yeah, it's nuts.
那女人一直追着我 就跟我是周二低价航♥班♥
That woman has been after me like I'm a Tuesday flight
而她是预算有限的旅行者一样
and she's a traveler on a budget.
历史上机票最便宜的一天
Historically the cheapest day to fly.
那是因为她看到你为自己出头
It's because she saw you stand up for yourself.
并了解到你很忠诚
And learned that you were loyal,
即便死后都是 -还有
even in death. - Also...
皮特小腿确实很匀称
Pete does have very shapely calves.
他脖子上贯穿着根箭所以很怪异
He monster with arrow through neck,
所以我们经常忘记这点
so we often forget that.
就跟她说你不感兴趣 皮特
Just tell her you're not interested, Pete.
你是不感兴趣的吧
I mean, you're not, right?
没那么简单
Well, it's not that simple.
我面对的可是强大的诱惑
I'm dealing with some powerful temptations.
卡萝尔跟我白天会吵得不可开交
I mean, Carol and I would fight like dogs all day,
但到了晚上 我们相当和谐
but at night...we made music.
琴瑟和鸣
Loud music.
皮特 这女人劈腿你最好的朋友给你戴绿帽
Pete, this woman cheated on you with your best friend.
你不能再跟她一起了
You can't get back with her.
我知道 你说得对
I know, I know, you're right.
还有 咱俩睡一屋
Also, we share a room
我可不想看你俩玩躲箭箭游戏 好吗
and I cannot watch you two play hide- the- arrow, all right?
我会吐的
I will throw up.
前提是鬼能吐的话
If ghosts can throw up.
谢谢 我就建要听到这些
Thank you. That is exactly what I needed to hear.
不是说想听到我的性生活
I mean, not the part where the idea of me
会让你反感那句
being sexually active repulsed you,
其余的都很中听
but the rest of it.
别担心 我会坚强起来的
Don't worry. I'll be strong.
他是来这里过周末吗
He's here for the weekend?
这堆东西可不少
He certainly doesn't pack light.
我有次看到你为了纽波特住一周
I once saw you pack 12 steamer trunks
打包了12个人旅行箱
for a week in Newport.
其中一个还压死了一个男仆
One of them crushed a footman.
我好担心那个箱子里的瓷器
Oh, I was so worried about the china in that trunk.
幸好 男仆起到了缓冲作用
Thankfully, the footman softened the blow.
他没白死
He did not die in vain.
嘿 杰瑞米
Hey, Jeremy
作为伍德斯通奖励计划的尊贵会员
As a valued Woodstone Rewards member,
我给你拿了干净毛巾过来
I brought you some fresh towels.
住的还习惯吗 -很好
· So, how you settling in? - Great.
我很高兴终于能成行
You know, I'm glad I finally made the trip.
对了 我爸妈 对追悼会赞不绝口
Oh, my parents, they raved about the memorial, by the way.
尤其是我爸
Especially my dad,
特别是能见到泰拉·雷德
especially getting to meet Tara Reid.
是哦 我记得
Oh, yeah, I remember.
他还把名片给她了
He gave her his business card.
结果怎么样
How'd that work out for him?
我觉得他们现在有在发信息
I think they're actually texting now.
莱尼莱夫科维茨
Lenny Lefkowitz
对于一个批发灯具的老人家来说
For an alter kaker in wholesale lighting supplies,
那家伙还挺有一套的
the guy's got game.
替我跟你♥爸♥问好
Wow, well, tell your dad I said hello.
其实
Um, actually, um
我们现在不怎么联♥系♥了
we're not really speaking at the moment.
他算是把我炒了
He kind of fired me.
什么 爸把你炒了
What? Dad fired you?
但这样最好
But it's for the best.
我在那里干了15年
I'd been there 15 years,
到最后就是在针锋相对
we were just butting heads by the end,
所以 是时候离开了
so it was it was just time to go.
等等 爸为什么要解雇杰仔呀
Wait, why would Dad fire J- Dog?
没道理啊
That doesn't make any sense.
天 真希望我能跟他谈谈
Oh, God, I wish I could just talk to him.
我相信杰肯定会接一些有意义的话
I'm sure Jay has some sort of meaningful follow- up.
有需要随时找我们
Well, let us know if you need anything else.
不是吧 -不是吧
Come on. - Come on!
－搞什么 -你知道吗
Really? - Oh, you know what?
其实 我想点午餐
Actually, I'm gonna get some lunch.