鬼屋欢乐送

感觉就像那部叫《摩登保姆》的电影
It's like that movie Weird Science.
这人就是实验室里为艾萨克量身打造出来的
This guy was made in a lab for Isaac.
萨曼莎 你能让他
Um, Samantha, could you ask him
像双脊龙一样咆哮吗
to roar like a Dilophosaurus?
这是我的派对 我是主角
It's my party, and I'm the bachelor.
你能像双脊龙一样咆哮吗
Would you maybe roar like a Dilophosaurus?
其实
Actually, uh...
我们不确定双脊龙会不会咆哮
...we don't really know if Dilophosaurusesroared.
一些科学家认为它的叫声更像是一连串的击打声
Some scientists say it was more like a series of clicks,
就是
like.
不在你手里 我带你去糖果店
♪Not in your hand, ha- ha JI take you to the candy shop♪
让你舔棒棒糖
♪I let you lick the lollipop...♪
我爱死大腿舞了
I love lap dances!
继续 直到你击中目标
♪Keep goin' until you hit the spot. ♪
你跟吉恩去过
SAMANTHA: You've traveled
很多地方
a lot of places with Gene.
最喜欢哪里呀
What was your favorite?
我会说意大利
I guess I'd have to say Italy.
嗯 有这么个山间小镇
Yeah, there was this small little town
就在波西塔诺郊外
in the mountains, right outside of Positano,
那里的餐厅有位老奶奶
with this restaurant with a little old nonna
她每天早上都会亲手擀意大利面
who would hand- roll pasta every morning.
那味道真是人间绝味
The smells were incredible.
如果我让杰带你去
What if I told you Jay could take you
那个意大利小镇
to that little Italian town,
你可以贴到那位老奶奶身上呢（朝那位老奶奶打飞机）
and you could jerk off onto that nonna?
他们这么说不代表我们也一定要这么说
Just 'cause they say it doesn't mean we have to.
你们在这里呀
Oh, there you are.
怎么了
What's going on?
阿尔伯塔来了
Alberta's here. Aw...
你这位活人朋友想贿赂我搬去意大利
Your Livings here are trying to tear us apart
好拆散我们
by bribing me to move to Italy.
搞什么 萨曼 真不敢相信
What the hell, Sam? I can't believe you.
我知道我谈个恋爱让你不方便了
I get that my relationship is an inconvenience for you,
但这不代表你就有权利
but that does not give you the right
破坏我和锁尔 你个自私透顶的女人
to sabotage me and Saul, you selfish, selfish woman.
阿尔伯塔 我没想
Alberta, I didn't mean to...
我不想听
Ah- ah- ah! I don't want to hear it.
走了 锁尔
Come on, Saul.
你能告诉杰也离开吗
Can you tell Jay to leave, too?
我想让锁尔跟我一起甩袖子走人
I'd like Saul to storm out with me.
萨曼和杰的事很抱歉
I'm so sorry about Sam and Jay.
真不敢相信他们会这么对我们
I can't believe they would do that to us.
是 我明白
Yeah, I hear you.
现在我都忍♥不了附在杰身边了
I can't even stand to be around Jay right now,
但 你懂的
but, you know.
他们不懂 咱们可能是真心的呢
I mean, they don't know. This could be something real.
可能是 怎么这么说 咱们就是很认真在谈
Could be? Why, this is something real.
什么都不能把我从你身边赶走 小甜心
Nothing's gonna drive me away from you, sugarplum.
没想到这么快咱们就开始起爱称了哈
Oh, I didn't know we were doing pet names so soon,
但也行
but okay.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
我认真的 你现在不用担心了
I mean it. You don't have to worry now.
我会永远和你在一起
I'm gonna be with you forever. Ah!
永远 这日子可长了 尤其是跟咱们
Forever. That's a long time, especially compared to
相识的这两天相比起来
the two days that we've known each other.
即便是杰老了死了
Even when Jay gets old and dies,
我只要贴到其他人身上就行
I'lI simply jerk myself off onto someone else.
然后再下一位
And then the next guy
再下一位
and the next guy and the next.
世世代代无穷尽也
...and the next guy for a thousand generations.
这样我就能和你在一起了
Just so I can stay with you.
可你这么做的话不会很痛苦吗
But isn't it painful for you when you do that?
什么痛苦都比不上
Well, nothing compares to the pain
离开我的小松饼
of being away from my cuddle muffin.
又一昵称哈
Ha, another nicknamel
还真是层出不穷呢
They coming fast and furious now.
我天
Oh, my God.
别让我提心吊胆了
So, don't keep me on tenterhooks.
你现在明白大腿舞就是纯粹图个乐子了吧
Do you see now that lap dances are all innocent fun?
是 懂 完全没别的意思
Yes. Absolutely. Meant nothing.
看吧 这仅仅关乎你我
See, that's the thing about you and me.
当你有了坚实的基础
When you have the solid foundation,
两个人能很好的理解对方
where two people understand each other so well...
你想谈谈真正坚实的基础吗
You want to talk about a real solid foundation?
腕龙每条腿的重量
Each leg of a Brachiosaurus
都超过1♥0♥0♥0♥0♥磅
weighs over 10, 000 pounds.
信任和尊重
NIGEL: Trust and respect.
这些都是良好恋爱关系的标志
These are the hallmarks of a good relationship.
是的 -这让我相较于之前
Yeah. Which makes me even more certain
对我们即将到来的婚礼更加确定了
than I was before about our upcoming nuptials.
因为你和我 我们一拍即合
Because you and I, we just click.
是
♪Yeah♪
我喜欢轻微的碰撞
I love clicking.
这个说法蛮有意思的
Interesting way to put it.
萨曼 我们得谈谈
Sam, I think we need to talk.
非常同意 我欠你个道歉
I couldn't agree more. I owe you an apology.
杰和我不该
Jay and I should not have gone
背着你找锁尔谈的
behind your back to talk to Saul.
－那个黏人精该走了 萨曼 -什么
: That clinger's got to go, Sam, What?
形势逆转 那个黏人精好黏人
The tide has turned. The clinger is clingy.
没人能想到会有这出
And no one could have seen it coming.
你俩不是处挺好的吗
I thought you two were really getting along.
你知道我说过我很渴
Well, you know how I said that I was parched?
然后我就喝了点水
But then I had some water
之后又喝了点
and then I had some more.
现在我解渴了
And now my thirst is quenched,
可水还在
but the water is still here.
而且是太多了 我想说的是
And it's too much water. What I'm saying is,
我要淹死了 萨曼
I'm drowning, Sam.
嘿 宝儿
JAY: Hey, babe.
我刚从图书馆回来
I just got back from the library.
图书馆 -是
The library? Yeah.
我想做点有意思的人会做的事
I'm trying to do things an interesting person would do.
我也不知道 感觉压力蛮大的
I don't know, I'm feeling a lot of pressure.
锁尔 我觉得我门得谈谈
Saul, I think we need to talk.
你二位慢慢
I- I will leave you two alone.
－我跟你一起 -不行 杰
I'm coming with you. No. Jay,
你得留下来
you need to stay.
阿尔伯塔想跟锁尔谈谈
Alberta needs to talk to Saul.
谈什么
About what?
什么事呀 我的小天使蛋糕
So, what is it, my little slice of angel food cake?
先不提这个 锁尔 我以前跟不诚实的
Off of that...Saul, I've dated my share
男人谈过恋爱 所以我想对你坦诚相待
of dishonest men, so I want to be straight with you.
－我不能这样下去了 -是这样啊
This ain't working out for me. I see.
该死 嘿 萨曼 我把手♥机♥落车里了
Aw, damn it. Hey, Sam, I- I left my phone in the car.
萨曼
Sam!
亲 我很高兴你走进那扇门
Honey, I'm glad you walked through that door
也很感激我们在一起的时光
and grateful for the time we had together.
就是 我该怎么说呢
It's just, um, how do I put this? Uh...
你觉得我很黏人对不对
You think I'm clingy, don't you?
就是这样 说得好
That's exactly right. Well said.
该死 锁尔 你又来了
Damn it, Saul, you done done it again!
你知道 有些鬼鬼认为我们这些依附人的鬼
You know, some ghosts theorize that us clingers
注定是要陷入这种境地
are doomed to this existence
因为我们太过于 依恋
because we get too, um...attached.
我能拿本杂♥志♥吗
Can I get a magazine?
他们聊完了没
A- Are they done talking?
但我非常理解 艾尔伯塔
But I totally get it, Alberta,
而且我也很欣赏你的诚实
and I appreciate your honesty.