笑对人生（2014）

Cristela S01E02

Part 3 April 12, 2021, 2:32 p.m.

老天
Oh, boy.
我想约会现在不重要了
Well, I guess my date doesn't matter now.
你可以重新安排到下周
Well, you could always reschedule for next week.
当然对衣冠楚楚的狗来说
Of course, for dapper dog,
会觉得有7周那么长
that's gonna feel like seven weeks.
算了今晚忙完就够呛了
Nah. It was hard enough to get tonight off.
这样吧你去吧
You know what? Uh, you go.
我可以做完
I-I can finish this.
不好吧你确定吗
I don't know. Are you sure?
当然
Of course, yeah.
我一直很擅长别人开心的时候
I've -- I've always been really good at working
我在工作
while other people have fun.
我也是瞧咱们的生活
Oh, me, too! Story of our lives, right?
你最好了多谢
You're the best. Thanks.
如果他开始谋杀你了
Uh, if he starts murdering you...
发短♥信♥给我
Uh, text me.
要来杯喝的吗
Can I get you a drink?
不用
No.
我和一个男的第一次见面
See, I'm -- I'm meeting a guy for the first time,
我真的想留下很好的印象
and I just -- I really want to make a good impression.
我们是网上认识的他有张好可爱的小狗照片
We met online, and, um, he has the cutest little dog photo.
我的天
Oh, my god.
他会在西装领上别一朵玫瑰
He's supposed to wear, uh, a rose pinned on his lapel
这样我知道他是谁
so that I know who he is.
玫瑰是我最喜欢的花
Rose is my favorite flower, so...
说"不用"就行了
"No" would have been fine.
这里不是"干杯酒吧" 我不想知道你的名字
This isn't "Cheers." I don't want to know your name.
经典喜剧
我叫克丽丝苔娜
It's Cristela.
你不想知道
You didn't want to know it.
哇瞧你
Whoo! Look at you!
酒保给我来杯双份的
Bartender, get me a double.
双份的什么
Of what?
随便
Anything.
你居然胆敢偏偏在网上
How dare you misrepresent yourself,
谎报身份
and on the internet of all places?
克丽丝我没有骗你
Cris, I-I didn't lie to you.
我在网上说的全是真的
Everything I said online was the truth.
除了是你这一小小事实
Except for the tiny fact that it was you.
老天爷我和你调情了
Oh, my god! I flirted with you!
老天爷我说了什么
Oh, my god! What did I say?!
好多
A lot.
你告诉我你...
You told me that you --
拜托我们有共鸣
Come on. We connected.
因为你说谎了你并不是真的喜欢百老汇音乐剧
Because you were lying. You don't really love Broadway.
我之前是不喜欢
Well, I didn't before, but come on.
我知道你喜欢我就想着试试
I knew that you did, so I thought I'd give it a try.
结果《西贡小姐》唱到我心里了
And as it turns out, "Miss Saigon," oh, spoke to me.
真的有着金子般心灵的妓♥女♥的故事
Seriously, the story of a hooker with a heart of gold just...
我知道太棒了
I know, right? It's so good.
慢着
But wait.
你只是关注我喜欢的东西
You're just paying attention to what I like
这样我们有共同话题
so that we could share something.
那些女性杂♥志♥说就是要这样做
Well, that's what the women's magazine says you're supposed to do.
偷我的女性杂♥志♥的人是你吗
Are you the one that's been stealing my women's magazines?
在如何取悦男人方面我可以向你传授
You know, uh, I could tell you a little more than I'd like to
更多的知识
about how to please a man.
对了我也不想这样说
And by the way, I hate to break it to you,
但你的皮肤是混合性的
but you have combination skin.
对不起我骗了你
Look, I'm sorry I lied to you, okay?
但这是唯一的办法
But this is the only way I could do this
这样你可以了解真正的我
so that you'd get to know the real me
不带暧昧压力的
without all the sexual tension!
你是衣冠楚楚的狗我其实也松了口气
I'm kind of relieved you're dapper dog.
就像是命运在告诉我不要改变人生计划
It's like fate's telling me not to alter my life plan.
我的人生计划中有个克丽丝苔娜计划
My life plan has a Cristela plan.
你有个克丽丝苔娜计划吗
You have a Cristela plan?
结局是什么
And how does that end?
结局是我们结婚了我回家后
It ends with us being married and then me coming home
我老婆做好晚饭等着我老婆
to a nice dinner made by my wife, which, uh,
恰好是你
happens to be you.
慢着如果我要加班怎么办
Wait. What if I have to work late?
我老婆不必上班
Oh, my wife is not gonna have to work.
如果我要上班呢
What if I want to work?
谁会想要上班啊
Who wants to work?!
我我要我要上班
Me! I do. I want to work.
咱们第一次吵架
Our first fight.
阿尔贝托你是个好人
Look, Alberto, you're a great guy,
总有一天你会令一个女人还算开心吧
and one day, you're gonna make a woman semi-sort of happy.
但这不是我想要的
But that's not what I want.
是因为我吗
Is it because it's me?
不
No.
我只是不希望任何事妨碍我或阻止我
I-I just don't want anything that's going to slow me down
得到我努力工作后应有的成果
or stop me from getting what I've worked so hard for.
明白了吗
Get it?
明白
I get it.
你的意思是你要的是纯性趣的一时快活
So what you're saying is, you want a mindless fling,
我很乐意给你啊
and I'm happy to give that to you.
不
No.
但如果《西贡小姐》在达拉斯演出的话
But if "miss saigon" ever comes to Dallas,
我们会去看以朋友身份
we'll go -- as friends.
身体接触
Oh, physical contact!
比计划提前了10个月
10 months ahead of schedule.
你还没有做完
Hey, you're not done yet.
你回来了
You're back?
是事情不顺利
Yeah, it didn't work out.
我绕了点道但已经回归人生计划了
Uh, I took a quick detour, but I'm back on the life plan.
衣冠楚楚的狗原来是阿尔贝托
Dapper dog turned out to be Alberto.
阿尔贝托这在西班牙语里是指不好的东西吗
Alberto? Is that Spanish for something bad?
算是吧
Yeah, kinda.
今晚不顺利
So, tonight didn't work out.
也许下一个男人不会这么的阿尔贝托
I mean, maybe the next guy won't be so, uh, Alberto.
我不知道我想大多数男人都是阿尔贝托
I don't know. I think most guys are Albertos.
他不想让我工作
He didn't want me to work.
太疯狂了我可喜欢你工作了
That's crazy. I love it when you work.
如果你现在工作我就更喜欢了
I'd especially love it if you worked right now.
我觉得准备诉状是完美的约会
Is it weird that working on briefs
会不会很奇怪
is my idea of the perfect date?
有一点
A little bit, yeah.
但我也是这样想的
But I was kind of thinking the exact same thing.
好的乔什计一分
Okay. Point for Josh.
太好了我好歹上榜了
Okay. I'm on the board.
我给你做了样东西
I made you something.
是吗
You did?
这是瓷砖
It's a piece of tile.
有我们名字的首字母
With our initials on it.
我去铺在厕所的地上
And I'm gonna put it in the bathroom
这样你每次坐在马桶上都能看到
so that you can look at it every time you use the toilet.
这真是太
That's...very...
-浪漫了 -是吧
- Romantic. - Right?
是的谢谢
Yeah. Thanks.
你对其他男人写的东西这么感兴趣
You know, a lot of guys might get a little jealous
许多男人碰到这种情况会嫉妒的
that you're so interested in what other guys are writing.
嫉妒是应该的看这个
They should be. Listen to this.
爱很坚强也很脆弱
"Love is strong, yet delicate."
脆弱
Delicate.
爱会破碎
"It can be broken."
所以必须温柔
That's why you have to be gentle.
为了
"To, uh...
为了真爱要明白这点
To truly love is to... Understand this."
明白