儿童医院（2008）

Previously on Childrens Hospital...
《儿童医院》前情回顾
We are going to oversee the opening of a clinic
我们将看到
on a U.S. Army base in Japan.
驻日本美军基地医疗所的生活百态
What's going down in the world of young health?
年轻人的健康方面什么在下降
Jewy McJewJew!
朱轶·迈克朱朱
Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew-school pal.
格伦·瑞奇 希伯来学校的好伙伴
For I am not Valerie Flame,
我不是阿尔玛和托尼·弗莱姆的女儿
daughter of Alma and Tony Flame.
瓦莱丽·弗莱姆
I'm Derrick Childrens!
我是德瑞克·邱准
What?
什么
Long-lost son of Arthur Childrens.
我是亚瑟·邱准失踪已久的儿子
This is one nutty hospital.
这个医院太奇怪了
《莎士比亚精选集》
第二步兵师
Shakespeare's greatest hits?
莎士比亚精选集是什么玩意
God, I hate the theater.
老天 我太讨厌剧院了
I mean, don't get me wrong.
别误会
I like being entertained as much as the next guy,
我和旁边的人一样喜欢娱乐
maybe even the guy next to him,
甚至比旁边的旁边还要喜欢
but I don't want to sit in a cramped theater
但我不想在狭窄的影院里
for three hours watching a fairy flit around.
枯坐三小时 就为了看小精灵飞来飞去
We got fairies right here in the real world, my friend.
真实世界里也有精灵 老兄
You just... You got to know where to go, you know?
但你得知道去哪里找它们
Usually near an enchanted forest,
它们一般都在魔法森林附近
because they are tiny and skittish.
因为它们小而活泼
I don't know. I appreciate the theater.
我不知道 我更喜欢剧院
Freeze it!
停
You want drama?
你想看戏剧
We got drama right here in the real world.
真实世界中天天都在上演
There's a million stories
这个基地里
waiting to be told right here on this base.
有众多的故事等待被发掘和讲述
Take Glenn, for instance.
拿格伦来说
He's in love with Cat, but they pretend to hate each other.
他与凯特相爱 但他们假装彼此憎恨
That's drama!
这就是戏剧
There's a fairy.
有一个小精灵
Hello!
你好
And Sy. What about Sy?
还有希 关希什么事呢
Who put this guy in charge?
谁让这人负责的
Arthur Childrens founded the hospital.
亚瑟·邱准创建了这所医院
His rightful heir should have been Derrick Childrens.
他的合法继承人应该是德瑞克·邱准
Now here's the real kick in the nuts.
现在让我们来看点真东西吧
This is Derrick Childrens.
这是德瑞克·邱准
Yeah.
的确如此
Dr. Valerie Flame is Derrick Childrens in drag.
德瑞克·邱准男扮女装成瓦莱丽·弗莱姆
She should be running the hospital, not Sy!
她才应该是医院的实际运营者 而不是希
That's real life, and it's got everything...
真实生活中包括一切事物...
Love, death, sexy stuff.
爱 死亡 性感的东西
And if that's not enough drama for you, just make some.
如果你觉得不够戏剧化 就自己创造一些吧
What happened to your hair? Nothing.
你的头发怎么了 没什么
Come on, let's just keep making out.
快点 我们继续亲热吧
Wait, wait. Are you wearing a wig?
等等 你戴的是假发么
And is that stubble?
你有胡茬吗
Are... are you a man?
你...是男人
Did I have sex with a man?
我和一个男人做♥爱♥了
Okay. I'm a man. You got me.
好吧 我是男人 被你发现了
Let's just touch ding-dongs.
咱们继续吧
Ugh! We're breaking up. Sorry, dude.
天啊 我们分手吧 抱歉老兄
I love it.
我就爱这样的
There's like three of you... One, Two and Three.
你们有三个人... 一 二 三
Or are you Three? Get out of my way!
或者你们想3P吗 给我让开
Hey, what's up with him?
这人怎么了
Glenn!
格伦
Oh, I see that you found some ladies who like herpes.
我看到你找到了几个喜欢疱疹的女伴
Good for you.
真不容易啊
Hey, come on! I don't get sores. I'm just a carrier.
拜托 我没得疱疹 我只是携带者而已
Is there a reason you're here
你来是有事要办
or are you just trying to kill my boners forever?
还是你专门来祸害我的"性福"生活
No, I'm just on my way to the new chaplain's office.
都不是 我正好要去新牧师的办公室
To confess your dying love for me?
去坦白你对我疯狂的爱吗
To confess that I'm in love with the thought of you dying.
是想忏悔自己不停的让你去死的想法
I am dying... to watch you walk away from me right now.
我十分想看着你离我越来越远
Good idea. I think you'll enjoy it.
好主意 好好享受吧
I will enjoy it, because you're walking away from me
我会的 因为你现在正在离我而去
and not because of any other reason like your ass.
不是因为其他原因 也不包括你的翘臀
Right, Blake? Yeah, totally.
是吧 布莱克 的确如此
You should go spy on her. I'm listening.
你该去监视她 说说看
I made a peephole in Sy's office closet...
我在希的壁橱柜里挖了一个窥孔...
Looks right into the new chaplain's office.
正对着新牧师的办公室
That's creepy. Why would you do that?
太吓人了 你干嘛要偷♥窥♥希
I don't know. Gotcha.
我也不知道 明白了
Oh! Yeah.
好棒的屁屁
Who am I?
我到底是谁
I need to get my hospital back.
我应该夺回属于我的医院
But how?
但我要怎么做呢
If only there was some kind of a sign...
要是有什么办法就好了...
Private Corcoran!
二等兵柯克伦
You have to flank Titania. You're her fairy servant.
你得绕着天卫三转 你是他的精灵仆人
Hey, what's this play about, anyway?
这部戏到底在讲什么
Donkeys? Mostly we're highlighting
关于驴吗 我们主要是想强调
Queen Victoria's brave succession to her father's throne.
维多利亚女王♥勇♥敢地继承了她父亲王位的故事
So it's about taking your rightful place,
所以是讲不管是谁 不管什么阻碍你
no matter who or what stands in your way?
都要勇往直前去属于自己的地方
Yeah. And donkeys.
当然 还有驴的故事
That's it!
正是我想要的
Boys, put your pants on
小伙子们 快点准备好
'cause I'm overthrowing Sy and taking back my hospital,
我要推倒希的统治 夺回属于我的医院
and I need an army.
我需要一支军队
Well, we don't know you or this Sy person, but as soldiers,
好吧 我们不认识你也不认识希
we will blindly follow any orders you give us.
但士兵就该盲目听从你们下达的所有命令
Yeah! Let's go, boys!
太好了 走吧 伙计们
You know, now's the time in a play,
现在正在演戏
of course, where they make up some big grand metaphor about
当然 在剧中他们要编造很多隐喻
how the world's a donkey and everybody's an ass.
暗示世界是多么顽固而每个人都很愚蠢
You know? But I'm not gonna do that.
但我不会这样做的
No, it's stupid.
坚决不会 这样太傻了
No wordplay with "Ass."
说到"屁♥股♥" 没有什么双关语
"Play with ass."
"和蠢人一起玩"
That's pretty good.
这个不错
Hey, you should go tell Sy about Val's plan.
你该把瓦珥的计划告诉希
Oh. Okay. Okay.
好的 好的
Maybe I could be with a man.
或者我可以和男人在一起
But then who would send out the Christmas cards?
那到圣诞节的时候谁负责写圣诞贺卡呢
What do you think, Blake?
布莱克 你说呢
You know who invented Christmas cards?
你知道是谁发明了圣诞贺卡吗
Hitler.
希♥特♥勒♥
What you need to do is make a grand gesture...
你需要做的是做个壮举...
something about sacrifice and commitment
能够表现出奉献和承诺的那种
and also penises.
还要秀出你的小鸡鸡
I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
我知道我该怎么做了
Good. Enjoy your new gay lifestyle.
很好 享受变弯的生活吧
And remember the grand gesture!
记得壮举这件事
Now I'll get ready to spy on Cat...
现在我准备好要去监视凯特了...
But not because I love her. Because Blake suggested it.
但不是因为爱 是因为布莱克建议我这样做
Chaplain, I need to confess something,
牧师 我想忏悔
but it's a secret so big that you can never reveal it to anyone.
但这个秘密太大 你永远不能向任何人透露
What is this secret?
是什么秘密
Okay. So, what is Val's plan in taking over my position?
好吧 瓦珥想夺取医院的计划是什么
She is amassing an army using guys from the army.
她从军队里招人组成了她的部队
Oh, I knew I should have killed her at Burning Man.
我就知道我应该在"火人节"杀了她
We were right there.
我们就在那儿
Okay. I've got a plan.
我有计划了