儿童医院（2008）

1971-2012
谨以此片向卡特·斯宾德致敬
Previously on Childrens Hospital...
《儿童医院》前情回顾
Blake Downs never lost faith
布莱克·唐斯一直坚信着
in the one thing that mattered most --
一件事物的至关重要性...
the healing power of laughter.
那就是笑声的治愈力
His death was a surprise to us all,
他的死 我们都很惊讶
except officer Briggs.
除了布瑞格斯警官
So until the day comes that a new doctor
除非哪天另一位医生
made up like a clown appears in our lives,
以小丑的扮相出现在我们的生活里
Blake, it will be challenging to forget you.
布莱克 你将永远被铭记
Now, I have two pieces of news.
我有两个消息
I have good news, I have bad news,
一个好消息 一个坏消息
and the first is, this hospital has got termites.
第一个消息是 医院被白蚁入侵了
What's the bad news?
坏消息是什么
That was the bad news.
刚刚那就是啊
Not to me, not by a long shot.
我看不是 长远来看不是
Let's just keep in mind
我们要记住
that termites are just doing their thing,
白蚁只是在做自己的事
trying to make it on this big ol' ball of dirt
想来这个破地方分一杯羹
like everybody else.
大家都一样
We're gonna have to evacuate the hospital for 14 weeks
接下来的14周必须对医院实行全面封锁
while they fill it with termite poison.
以便往这里喷洒白蚁药
But I have secured us a lucrative contract
但是我为大家跟国防部
with the U.S. Defense Department,
签了一份非常划算的合约
and we are going to oversee the opening
我们将有机会见证
of a brand-new clinic on a U.S. Army Base in Japan.
美国驻日本军情基地一个诊所的开业
No.
不要
Not going to Japan!
我才不去日本
That is so complicated!
这事太复杂了
We're joining the army?
我们要参军吗
I don't like anime.
我不喜欢动漫
No, we're not joining the army.
我们不是去参军
We are private contractors.
我们是私人合约商
I think I'll stay here with the termites, thank you.
我还是留在这里陪白蚁吧 不客气
You can't stay here with the termites.
你不能跟白蚁留在这里
They're gonna fill the hospital with poison.
到处都会洒满毒药的
I don't have a problem with termite poison.
我对白蚁药没意见
Let's keep in mind that termite poison is just doing its thing,
其实白蚁药也只是在做自己的事
trying to make it on this crazy ball of dirt,
想来这个破地方分一杯羹
just like everybody else.
大家都一样
Just be on the plane.
上飞机吧
Too bad Blake is missing this.
真遗憾布莱克要错过了
Yeah, he loved termite poison.
是啊 他超爱白蚁药的
I meant Japan.
我是指日本
Blake hated Brazil.
布莱克很讨厌巴西
Which, of course, as we all know, is...
众所周知...
where this hospital is -- Brazil.
这所医院就在...巴西
Hello, Blake.
布莱克 你好
I'm Arthur Childrens.
我是亚瑟·邱准
We're all glad you're out of what we're calling a coma.
我们很开心你能从昏迷中醒过来
You were stabbed many times and then shot.
你被捅了很多刀 还中了弹
And now you suffer from total amnesia.
你现在处于完全失忆状态
This video will catch you up,
这个视频会帮助你恢复记忆
but don't hit any keys while it plays.
播放中请不要乱按任何键
Your name is Blake Edward Downs.
你的名字叫布莱克·爱德华·唐斯
You are a pediatric surgeon at Childrens Hospital,
你是巴西圣保罗一家儿童医院的
Sao Paulo, Brazil.
小儿外科医生
You are a male.
你是一名男性
You have a large penis but tiny testicles.
你的阴♥茎♥很大 而睾丸很小
You are of the clown species
你是小丑的一种
City clown. Race, blue and red.
城镇小丑 蓝红相间
Frankly, you are not well-liked.
说实话 你人缘不好
But you have always been very special to us, Blake.
但是你对我们来说很特别 布莱克
Very special.
你非常特别
A guy can't sit on the toilet for 10 minutes,
你就不能在坐便器上待十分钟
enjoying a snack?
吃会零食吗
You weren't supposed to leave the room.
你不能离开这个房♥间的
You can't know about all this.
你不能知道这些
I'm sorry, buddy. Huh?
我很抱歉 什么
Unit failure.
克隆体停止运作
Oh, geez.
烫死了
美国♥军♥事基地
堡罗森塔尔
Attention staff --
全体医务人员请注意...
welcome to Japan,
欢迎来到日本
which is where we are right now.
我们正在日本境内
That is all.
我说完了
I can't believe we're in Japan.
我们居然来到了日本
You guys, this is my first trip to Asia.
这是我第一次来亚洲
I didn't know they had sick children in Japan.
我不知道日本居然有生病的小孩
Where is that army captain to show us around?
来给我们当导游的军方队长在哪里
Greetings, private contractors!
你们好 私人合约商们
I'm captain Tripper,
我是特里普队长
and you all are 31 seconds late!
你们迟到了31秒钟
And that makes me mad.
我很愤怒
Pulling out of Afghanistan mad.
是阿富汗人的那种愤怒
Now all y'all follow me.
你们要跟着我
I clock a masculine pace. Try to keep up.
我走的是男人的速度 都跟上
Out of my way!
别拦我
If there's one thing soldiers hate, it's private contractors,
我们军人最讨厌的就是私人合约商
especially ones that are bespectacled,
尤其是戴眼镜的
naturally large-breasted,
胸部天然丰满的
or Jewish!
还有犹太人
But as long as you are on this base,
但是既然你们来到了这里
you will conduct yourselves
就必须遵守军规
in a manner that is befitting the U.S. Military!
表现出美国♥军♥人应有的礼仪
Body-cavity searches at 0630.
六点半进行体腔检查
You're doctors, so I don't have to tell you how we get in there,
你们是医生 所以我就不说怎么插♥进♥去了
but it will be the butt hole.
但位置是你们的菊花
If you have playboys
如果里面藏了影碟
or Joni Mitchell cassettes stored up in there,
或者是乔妮·米切尔的磁带[著名歌♥手]
I suggest you get them out now!
建议你们立刻取出来
Now join me in the painful-vaccination room.
请随我进入"痛并种痘着"房♥间
Thanks for being Jewish and bespectacled, guys.
都怪你是犹太人 你戴眼镜
Hey, he was referring to you
他那句"天然大胸"
when he said naturally large-breasted.
说的明明是你
I'm on my period, Glenn.
经期症状好吗 格伦
Stop it! You stop it! Stop it!
别动我 住手 你住手
You do not hit --
你竟敢打...
Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!Fight!
打吧打吧打吧 打个痛快
Sir, I am so sorry,
长官 我很抱歉
but my team is not generally like this.
他们平时不这样的
Sy. Yeah?
希 怎么
What do you know about the Japanese?
你对日本人了解多少
Uh, they squat when they smoke.
他们蹲着抽烟
They have no calf definition.
他们没有"小腿"这个概念
They speak another language.
他们说另一种语言
And they always beat us in our annual charity
而且他们总是在年度慈善晚会的
sumo-wrestling match against the Japanese army.
美日军队相扑比赛中打败我们
I did not know that fact.
我不知道这个事情
Until now.
不过到此为止了
Fight! Fight!
打 狠狠地打
But not anymore.
他们再也赢不了了
Looks like I need to take some more speed.
看来我得多加点药了
Clone unit 26 now online.
克隆体26号♥开始运作
Hi.
你好啊
Your father was a migrant bean farmer.
你父亲是一名移♥民♥豆农
Your mother, an obese...
你母亲 胖女人一个...
The cold war?
冷战
In San Francisco, women burned their undergarments...
在旧金山 女人会烧掉自己的内衣...
The Bee Gees's "Night Fever" was the number 2 hit,
比吉斯兄弟乐队的"周末狂热"打歌♥榜排名第二