论时间旅行的危险性（2024）

And I'm a qualified
coach driver, all right?
其实，如果你愿意的话，我可以开车。
Actually,
I could drive if you like.
好的，彼得，你开车，快点，绕一圈。
Okay, Peter, you drive,
quick, right, go around.
你挤了过去。我们到了。
You squidge over. There we are.
抓紧了，露丝。
Hold tight, Ruth.
♪ 坚持住
♪ Hold on
♪ 不久之后
♪ Won't be long
♪ 不不，那里…
♪ No no there...
♪ 唯一的出路就是向上
♪ The only way is up
♪ 宝贝
♪ Baby
♪ 此刻为了你我
♪ For you and me now
♪ 唯一的出路就是向上
♪ The only way is up
宝贝，现在只属于你和我
♪ Baby, for you and me now
♪ 宝贝，只有向上走。
♪ The only way is up, baby
♪ 此刻为了你我
♪ For you and me now
♪ 宝贝，只有向上走。
♪ The only way is up, baby
欢迎来到机器人洞穴。
Welcome to the bot cave.
这就是我从这场演出中抢救出来的所有东西了。
That's all the stuff I managed
to salvage from the show.
这是家庭教育的黄金时代。
It was the golden age
of home learning.
我们当时并不知道自己曾经拥有多么美好的生活。
We didn't know
how good we'd had it,
向大众普及科学。
presenting science
to the masses.
但我不知道他们为什么选择拉尔夫担任主持人。
But I don't know why they chose
Ralph to be the presenter.
我原本应该扮演那个该死的机器人。
I was meant to be
the bloody robot.
天哪，真不敢相信你竟然把这些都保存下来了。
God, can't believe
you kept all this.
就这样，它消失了。
And just like that,
it was gone.
你没有反抗，是吗？
You didn't put up a fight,
did ya?
不，你直接走开了。
Nah, you just walked away.
他们会听你的。
They woulda listened to you.
拜托，伙计，我们之前跑得挺好的。
Come on, mate,
we had a good run.
是啊，但至少我有争取过。
Yeah, but at least
I fought for it.
我创作并提交了相当于15季的新素材，
I wrote and submitted 15
seasons worth of new material,
没有一条回覆。
not one response.
对我的创作能力造成了毁灭性的打击。
Crushing blow to my
creativity.
我的意思是，看看我们。
I mean, look at us.
我变成了另一个人。
I was a different person.
你和我，我们本来可以很有钱。
You and I, we coulda been rich
基于我们共同达成的成就…
off of what
we achieved together...
但他们直接取消了我们的合作，把我们丢进了垃圾堆。
but they just cancelled us
and threw us on the shit heap.
好吧，在直播中发生了那样的事情之后，你能怪他们吗？
Well, after what happened
live on air, can you blame them?
没错，那堵墙就是为了这个目的而建造的。
Yeah, that's what
that wall's about.
你需要的东西都准备好了吗？
Got everything you need?
发生了一起机器事故。
There was a, an accident
with a machine.
罗伯特和我被困在了一个失落的维度里。
Robert and I were stranded
in a lost dimension.
我们离开三年了，至少我们当时是这么认为的。
We were gone for three years,
or so we thought.
这就是曾经跟踪我们的章鱼怪兽。
This is the octopus monster
that used to stalk us.
这里。
Here.
这位是船长。
This here is the captain.
他也在那里。
He was there, too.
这些是我们为了获得科学证据而拍摄的照片。
These are photographs we
took for scientific evidence.
然后，然后媒体就大肆报道了一番。
And then the, and then the
press just had a field day.
我们被所有人排斥。
We were shunned by everyone.
简而言之，就是这样。
Well, that's it in a nutshell.
我们经历了地狱般的磨难。
We went to hell and back.
这才是一句名言。
Now, that's a quote.
“Potty Botty”只是一个危险的侮辱性字眼。
Potty Botty is just
a dangerous slur
基于我们的科学知识和肠道护理能力。
on our scientific knowledge
and our bowel-care capacities.
这就是我的播客如此重要的原因。
That's why my podcast is vital.
人们需要了解这件事。
People need to know about this
那边还有个简直是人间地狱的地方。
hellish alternative place
out there.
呃，当我们最终逃脱并回到家时，
And, uh, when we finally
escaped and returned home,
我们发现，呃，时间根本没有过去。
we found that, uh, no
time had passed at all.
我们没被注意到，而且我们还得进行现场直播。
We weren't missed,
and we had to go live on air.
这些怪物，地狱里的禽兽！
The creatures,
fowl mosters of hell!
广而告之。
Spread the word.
这一切都不是真的。
None of this is real.
都是谎言。
It's all lies.
地狱是真实存在的。
Hell is real.
我们经历过。
We've been there.
这并不是我们最好的演出之一。
It wasn't one of our best shows.
好了，这边请。我差点就…
- Okay, come on this way.
- I almost had the...
一起来，一起来。
Come along, come along.
所以，我们现在要做的是这样的。
So, so, what
we're doing is this.
什么？彼得，我的天。
What? Peter, fuck's sake.
拉尔夫欣然同意了协会的请求。
Ralph kindly agreed
for the society
将此设施用作秘密行动基地
to use this facility
as a secret base of operations
正是为了应对这种紧急情况。
for just such an emergency
as this.
是的，我们周四晚上进不了学校。
Yeah, we can't get into the
school on Thursday nights.
这是在球上进行的普拉提。
It's Pilates on the ball.
- 是的。 - 你就像坐在一个球上一样。
- Yeah.
- You're just sat on a ball.
是的。
Yeah.
前10分钟是热身。
First 10 minutes
is pumping it up.
住口。
Shut up.
总之，这里是拉尔夫最初发展的地方。
Anyway, this is the place where
Ralph originally developed
显然，是时间机器。
the time machine, apparently.
你们是怎么拿到我店里的钥匙的？
How did you lot get
keys to my bloody shop?
Botty？哦，我的天哪，是Botty，哦。
Botty?
Oh, my God, it's Botty, oh.
他气疯了。
He's barking mad.
你知道我是谁吗？
You know who I am?
是的，我每集都看了。
Yeah, I watched every episode.
你才是一直在使用我们时间机器的人。
You're the one who's been
using our time machine.
我是你们两位的忠实粉丝。
Big fan of yours, both of yours.
这是一档很棒的节目。
It's a great show.
真的很好。
It's really good.
你真的穿越时空了吗？
You've actually travelled
in time?
这对我们的业务来说是件好事，因为我们有
It was great for our business
'cause we've,
我们其实在穆斯韦尔山开了一家古着店。
we've got a vintage shop
in Muswell Hill, actually.
你应该来看看。
You should come check it out.
我有一张卡。
I've got a card.
你没有店铺。
You haven't got a shop.
你面前是一扇通往地狱的漩涡之门。
You have a swirling gateway
to hell.
祝你好运。
Good luck.
10:15？
10:15?
急性放射病。
Acute radiation sickness.
我的天哪。
Oh, God.
这台机器正在破坏宇宙
The machine is damaging
the universe
以我们永远无法预料的方式