爸爸的好儿子（2012）

A women's prison.
女子监狱
Very sexy.
很性感嘛
We could shoot it this weekend.
我们可以这个周末拍好
You could give me the money.
然后你就可以付我报酬
Very sexy.
很性感
You know, you could eat that ass after I leave the room,
只要我离开这个房♥间 你就可以吻她的屁♥股♥了
but I need an answer right now. What do you think?
可我急需你的答复 你怎么想?
What about your kid?
那你的孩子呢?
My kid? What about my kid?
我的孩子? 我的孩子怎么了?
He's got to be a walking Gong Show.
他会被世人议论纷纷的
No. What are you talking about? He's doing great.
才不会呢 你说什么呢? 他事业有成
He's, like, a hot shit now. He's getting married
现在更是被众星捧月 而且他快结婚了
down at the Cape this weekend.
婚礼就在这个周末在海边举♥行♥
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
等等 等等
"Horny teacher baby makes good. "
"好色女教师儿子事业有成"
Smell that? Smell it, Donny?
闻到了吗 东尼?
What? That's not me. She probably cut the cheese.
闻到什么? 不是我啊 可能是她放屁了吧
No, no, no. No, ratings.
不不不 是收视率
I smell ratings.
我嗅到了高收视率
My kid is very publicity-shy, so I...You know, to be honest,
我的孩子非常保守低调 所以...说实话
I don't think he'd do a piece of shit show like this.
我想他不会做这样的烂秀
All right, here's the deal.
好吧 你看这样
You get yourself and your actual kid
你这个周末带着你的孩子
up to the women's prison this weekend, I will shoot it,
去女子监狱 我会找人去拍摄
I will give you 50 grand in cash.
并且付你五万现金
'Cause I'm going to guess, Donny, you want to be visiting a prison,
东尼 我想你宁愿去探监
not living in one.
也不愿意自己入狱吧
So, Todd, how does one get into the hedgehog business anyway?
嗯 托德 要怎样才能进入对虫基金啊?
Oh, it's actually hedge funds.
哦 其实是叫对冲基金啦
You think you're better than me?
你觉得你比我更优秀么?
No.
没有
Chad, did you know that Todd is really great with numbers?
查得 你知道吗 托德的确很有算术头脑的
You got to see this. Jamie, no. Don't make...
你最好瞧瞧 洁米 别这样...
What's 452 times 77?
452乘以77等于多少?
84, 304.
Oh, he could just be making that up.
哦 他就是随口瞎编嘛
No, he's not!
不 他不是
There's a calculator on my cell phone.
我手♥机♥上有计算器
Okay.
好吧
What is 94
times 312, Todd?
乘以312等于多少 托德?
29, 328, Helen.
29328 海伦
Freaky.
太神奇了
I don't know. It's just something I can do.
我不知道啦 好像我生来就会做这事
Are you sure you're not a Chinaman?
你确定你不是中国人?
Oh, that's inappropriate.
哦 这么说不适合吧
White whore.
白种婊♥子♥
I'll get it.
我去开吧
Oh, my God. You must be Jamie.
哦 我的天呐 你一定就是洁米
You're, like, even hotter than you looked in the paper.
你比报纸上的照片迷人多了
Look at your hair, blowing in the wind like Tawny Kitaen
看你的发丝随风飘荡的样子就像陶妮·基坦
when she was fucking dry-humping that car.
在搞那辆车一样
Okay.
好吧
And you must be...
那你一定是...
Donny.
东尼.
What's the matter? Chubby never even mentioned me?
怎么了? 那个小胖子都没在你面前提过我么?
Chubby?
小胖子?
Oh, I mean Todd Peterson.
哦 我是说托德·彼得森
Why do you say it like that?
你为什么要这么说话啊
It just comes out that way.
就这么脱口而出了
Where are my manners, right?
你是想说我怎么这么没礼貌 对么?
Could you hold that? Take a chug if you'd like.
能帮我拿一下吗? 喜欢的话就喝一口
I got you a fucking great gift.
我给你带了超赞的礼物
Here it is.
给你
I'll take the brew back.
我要拿走我的啤酒了
Just, you got to read it, though. It's fucking...
不过 你一定要看这本书 它超级...
Yeah!
耶!
I don't know where they come up with this shit,
我不知道他们怎么想到这玩意的
but it's pretty fucking funny.
但是实在是太有意思了
Spencer's Gifts never fucking fails me.
斯宾塞的礼物从来没让我失望过
I want to meet Mr. Spencer one day and say,
希望有朝一日我能见到斯宾塞先生并且对他说
"Thanks, motherfucker, for all the laughs. "
"谢谢你这个混帐给我带来这么多快乐"
Hey, I also made you a mix tape.
嘿 我还给你带了个混音磁带
Who the fuck is rich in this house?
谁他妈那么有钱造了这么个房♥子?
Jeezum, it's huge.
上帝啊 这也太大了
Todd, your old man is here?
托德 这是你的老爸吗?
'Wassup!
咋咧?
Helen, oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry.
海伦 我的天呐 真对不起
No, it's...
不 这是...
Let me just get that for you.
我来帮你擦干净
That's... What? No.
那是... 什么? 不
Oh, sorry, those are yours. I...
对不起 那是你的 我...
Donny, what... What the fuck, man? Sorry.
东尼 搞...搞什么鬼? 对不起
What are you doing here?
你跑这儿来干嘛?
What do you mean?
你什么意思啊?
I thought you said your parents were dead.
我还以为你的父母都死了
No, they are. Super dead.
不 他们的确死翘翘了
He's hilarious.
他就是在搞笑
My old man.
还说是我老爹呢
My old man...friend.
是我老...朋友啦
From...
来自...
'Wassup!
咋咧!
Right?
是吧?
Well, aren't you going to introduce us?
你不准备介绍一下我们吗?
No. Yes.
当然不会 会
Yes. Here we go.
好吧 开始咯
This is my future father-in-law, Gerald,
这位是我未来岳父 杰罗
and his lovely wife, Helen.
这位是他可爱的妻子 海伦
And Jamie's brother, Chad.
这位是洁米的弟弟 查得
Hey0! Don't. That's...
嘿哦! 别 这...
What?
什么嘛?
I like the look of this. Who's this?
我喜欢她的样子 这位是谁啊?
Okay. This is my boss Steve's mother,
好吧 这位是我老板史蒂的母亲
Delores, who's awake now.
迪萝斯 她刚睡醒
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where you get all the looks from, huh, sweetie?
对了 你的样子就是遗传她的吧 亲爱的?
Yeah, no, we're not related.
不 我们没有血缘关系
Oh, yeah? Well, she wishes,
是吗? 反正她肯定这样希望的
'cause you got the fucking...
因为你是如此的...
You're stacked pretty good.
你保养得真好
Anyhow, Jame, this is my old friend, Donny.
总之 洁米 这是我的老朋友 东尼
Your best friend.
你最好的朋友
I'm his best friend.
我是他最好的朋友
Your best friend.
你最好的朋友
Yeah, no.
呃 是啊
Remember I told you we met...
还记得我说过我们在...
Where'd we meet?
哪里认识的?
We met... Where?
我们在... 哪里呢?
Come on. It's coming to me.
拜托 快要想起来了
I saved his life.
我救了他一命
Well, more metaphorically.
呃 从某种意义上来说
No, no, no, no, no. Here's what happened.
不 不 事情是这样的
It was, like, one of them train track kind of deals.
这就像是一场铁路情谊
My man over here, I see him,
我看到他站在那儿
he drops his burrito on the tracks.
不小心把肉卷掉在了铁轨上
I'm like, "All right, that happens. "
我就想 "好吧 这都常有的事"
Next thing you know, homeboy leaps down there,
可当我反应过来 他竟然跳了下去
and he tries to retrieve the burrito.
想要捡回他的肉卷
Okay? I see a train whizzing at him.
好吧? 我看到一列火车向他驶去
I'm like, "This guy's about to die, and he don't know it. "
我又想"这家伙快要死了 可他还没意识到"
I fucking leap down there myself, right,
我他妈的赶紧跳了下去
and I give him a little shove on the heinie.
然后轻轻推了一下他屁♥股♥