恶老板2（2014）

- Oh, my God. - Hey, man. Yeah. Whoo-whee.
你真骗到我们了
You had us.
- 发生了什么? - 我也不知道
- What's happening? - I don't know.
- 到底怎么回事儿? - 噢天哪
- What's happening? - Oh, boy.
天呐 谢谢你们
Oh, my God, you guys. Thank you.
我很长时间没笑得这么开心了
I have not laughed like that in a long time.
真是太好笑了 这个笑话简直是精神食粮
Oh, my God. Goddamn, that was great. Food for the soul.
不错 我们就是为了搞笑的
Good, well, we were just trying to be funny.
- 没有伤害 就不算犯规 对吧 - 是啊是啊
- You know, no harm, no foul, right? - Yeah, yeah.
我真的完全低估你们了
Guys, I completely underestimated you.
你们还真有些本事 你们还真是令人印象深刻
You fuckers have some low-hanging balls. I mean it. I'm impressed.
我起床之后就发现你们在我的衣橱里...
I mean, I wake up, I find you three in my closet...
还有一张勒索信和一个装笑气的破罐子
along with a ransom note, a big old bottle of nitrous.
我就在想 "妈蛋 这几个混♥蛋♥是想要给我闻笑气迷昏我"
I'm like, "Holy shit. These fuckers were gonna gas me."
我差点就报♥警♥了 不过我又想 "等一下
I'm about to call the cops when I think, "Hold up a sec.
这几个人可能有什么阴谋"
These guys may be onto something."
我想加入你们
I wanna partner up on this thing.
什么阴谋? 你在讲些什么?
What thing? What are you talking about?
我听不太懂
I'm not sure what you mean.
- 就是这个阴谋啊 绑♥架♥我啊 - 这
- This thing. My kidnapping. - Oh.
说实话 我和我爸...
Truth be told, Pop and I...
我们之间出现了一些问题
we've hit a rough patch.
他不替我付账了
He's refusing to cover some of my expenses.
说来话长 总之 你们选的时间点不能再合适了
Long story. Anyway, your timing could not have been better.
这是一条枪鱼吗?
Is this a fucking marlin?
雷克斯 你的提议不错 不过我们已经决定收手不干了
Rex, this is, cool and all, but we decided, like, we're out.
- 我们不会犯罪的 - 这不是我们该干的
- We're not doing crime. - Not our thing.
他说的对 其实我们不打算绑♥架♥你了
Yeah, no, he's right. No, the kidnapping is off, actually.
- 不 不 你们还得继续下去 - 不 我们不干了
- No, no, no, it's on. - No, it's off.
不是的 你们必须得继续"绑♥架♥"我 我已经把勒索信寄给我爸了
No, it's totally on. I sent the ransom note to my dad.
- 你什么? - 你做了什么?
- You what? - You did what?
勒索信写得太好了
And it was brilliant.
谁想出要把我写成一个小男孩的?
Who came up with that thing about me being a little boy?
- 干得漂亮 - 谢谢
- Beautiful. - Thanks.
你只要了50万美元 我还觉得少了呢
I was a little insulted you only asked for $500,000 for me.
我就值那么些钱?
Is that all I'm worth?
不过也不是很麻烦 我又添了一个零上去
No sweat. I tacked on another zero.
- 五百百万? - 天 太多了
- Five-hundred million? - Wow, that's a ton.
- 是五百万 - 五百万
- Five million, guys. - Five million.
- 五百万啊 - 对
- Five million. - Five. Right.
是的 五百万 分你们一百万 分我四百万
Yeah, 5 million. One million dollars for you guys, and 4 for me.
我们不如去搞一个付费电♥话♥来打勒索电♥话♥?
Why don't we get a payphone to make that ransom call?
呃 雷克斯 还是算了吧
Yeah, Rex, let's not.
我们感谢你慷慨的提议
We appreciate the generous offer,
也很感谢你没有报♥警♥ 不过还是算了吧
and thank you very much for not calling the cops, but we're gonna pass.
- 别这样 - 就是这样
- No. - Yeah.
伙计们 这难道不是个天大的好消息吗?
Guys. Guys, how is this anything but great news?
你们只要完成计划
All I'm asking you to do is finish your own plan
就能拿到双倍的钱了
but for double the money.
而且我是你们的内线
Plus, it got a thousand times easier
所以完成这个计划比原来容易多了
because now I'm your inside man.
我可以确保我爸付赎金
I can make sure Dad pays up.
然后等你们"放了我"之后
And then when you, "set me free"...
我就告诉警♥察♥是另外三个白♥痴♥绑♥架♥了我
I tell the cops it was three other morons that went that way.
哇塞 这倒不是个坏主意
Oh. Wow. That's not the worst idea I've ever heard.
-这比我们原来的计划好 - 好多了
- It's better than our original idea. - A lot better.
等我们一下
Give us one second.
你们在想点什么?
Fucking what?
- 我们根本不能相信他 - 你当然可以相信我了
- We can't trust this guy. - You can trust me.
你说得对 他们已经骗过我们一次了
No, you're right. They burned us once already.
我们不能再被骗了
We're not gonna get burned again.
- 得了吧 - 谢谢你 不过还是算了
- Nice try. - Thanks but no thanks.
- 我们三个都不同意 - 都不同意
- That's a Nick-Kurt-Dale no from us. - Nick, Kurt and Dale.
- 所以 谢了 不过再见了 - 嗯
- So, thank you, but adios. - Yeah.
- 好吧 - 你要我们送你回去吗?
- Okay. - You need a ride?
不用了 那我还是在这儿多待一会儿
No. I think I'll hang out here.
逃出你们的魔掌...
You know, escape from your clutches...
然后报♥警♥
and call the police.
那你报♥警♥呀 我们又没有绑♥架♥过你
Go ahead. Call them. We never kidnapped you.
- 不 你们绑♥架♥了 - 我们才没有
- Yeah, you did. - We didn't.
- 你们的确把我拐走了 - 明明就没有
- Yeah, you abducted me. - We did not.
可你们把我带来这里啦
Yeah, you brought me back here.
- 我们打斗了一番 - 真是糟糕 你可不能这样
- There was a struggle. - Oh, shit. Come on, man.
有东西被打破了
Things got broken.
怎么会... ?
What the...?
然后 你们就打了我
And then, you assaulted me.
- 天啊 - 什么?
- Oh, shit. - What?
这人一定是疯了
This guy's fucking nuts.
雷克斯 计划早就结束了
Hey, Rex? It's off, pal.
然后你们又无情地揍了我一顿
Oh, and then you beat me. Mercilessly.
天啊 他在自己打自己
Holy shit. He's Fight Clubbing himself. We got a Fight Clubber.
之后我就到这里来 找到了这个电♥话♥
And then I found my way up here and I found this phone.
- 我就捡起听筒... - 不
- I picked up the receiver... - Oh, no.
... 然后我就拨了九...
...and I dialed 9...
- 别别别 - 拜托 玩笑已经开过了
- Don't, don't, don't. - Come on. Joke's over.
- ... 一... - 你不能再按一了
- ...1... - Don't you hit the second 1.
- 快停下 - 别按了
- Don't do it. - Don't hit it.
我不知道要去哪儿
I don't know where I'm going.
我也不知道在哪儿能找到付费电♥话♥
I don't know where you find pay phones.
- 这个公园里有付费电♥话♥ - 好吧
- There's some pay phones at the park here. - Okay.
我们要干这一票了 冒险已经开始了 你们是不是都很激动啊?
Boys, we are doing this. The adventure begins. Who's fired up?
你们都太消极了 搞得我很不好受 拜托了
Such a negative energy. This is killing me. Guys, come on.
- 你能不能移过去一点? - 不行 我就是坐在中间的
- Can you scoot over just a smidge? - No, I sit in the middle.
- 那是他的座位 - 一直是这样的 雷克斯
- That's his seat. - It's a whole thing, Rex.
我知道 只是你挤着我了
I know. Just you're crowding me.
我怎么挤着他了?
I'm crowding this guy now?
他逼着我们绑♥架♥他 我还挤到他了? 这太荒谬了
He's forcing us to kidnap him, and I'm crowding him?
哇 哇 哇 兄弟 冷静一下
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Simmer down.
绑♥架♥是你想出来的 记得不?
Kidnapping was your idea, remember?
- 但之后我们放弃了 - 对啊 就是这样
- But then we had the idea to not do it. - Yeah, exactly.
- 我就是坐在中间的! - 嘿 嘿
- I sit in the middle! - Hey, hey.
- 黛尔 你就按他说的做吧 - 我的天啊
- Dale, just do what he says. - For chrissake.
啊 这样不错
Oh, God. That is nice.
舒服多了
This is way better.
这就是在胡扯
This is bullshit, by the way.
不好意思 哈里斯医生
Excuse me, Dr. Harris.
昨天晚上有人在办公室吗?
Was someone in the office last night?
昨天晚上八点我的性瘾交流协会在这里聚会
My sex-addiction group met here at 8.
对的 不过电脑记录到之前有人进来过
Oh. Yes. But, doctor, the keypad logged an earlier entrance.
真的吗?
Really?
那我们看一下新装的监控
Let's check our fancy new camera system.
那是个同性恋 真是奇怪
That's a gay guy. It's so weird.
他看上去不太像同性恋
He didn't bone me like a gay guy.
他就是流了点眼泪
He only cried, like, a little bit.
而且他对于他的肛♥门♥很拘谨 这很奇怪
And he was oddly squeamish about his own asshole, which is weird.
- 这太奇怪了 - 我也是这么想的
- It's so weird. - Yeah, that's what I thought.
那是黛尔吗?
Is that Dale?
他和库尔特和布莱斯顿在一块儿干什么?
What's he doing with Kurt and Blanston?
- 我们要报♥警♥吗? - 不用了
- Should we call the police? - No.
还是不了
No.
我来解决他们
I'll take care of them.
好好享受吧
Enjoy.
这还是蛮不错的 学着点
It's good stuff. Learn something.
好了 已经拨出去了
All right, it's ringing.
记住 筹码都在你们这儿
Remember, you guys hold all the cards.
严肃一些 你们会做的很好的
Game faces. You are going to crush this.
等一下 他知道我们的声音 我们应该装出一些口音
Hold on. He knows what we sound like. We gotta use an accent.
- 不要装口音 那太奇葩了 - 好主意 库尔特
- No accents. That's ridiculous. - That's a great idea, Kurty.
比尔德·斯特姆公♥司♥
Boulder Stream.
- 那是谁? 是秘书吗? - 装出口音来
- Who is this? The secretary? - Accent. Yeah.
亲爱的 让我和伯特·汉森先生通电♥话♥