威尔和格蕾丝

Will & Grace S11E11

Part 2 April 27, 2020, 9:29 a.m.

看看这笑容
Look at that smile.
我要和你合影来了哦
I'm gonna take a picture with you. Yes, I am.
不妙不好看啊
Oh, no, that's not good.
是是我的问题
It's...it's...it's me.
你没问题你很好看
It's not you. You're good.
皮肤真好
Great skin.
笑一个
Now smile.
居然没厕纸
No toilet paper.
等等连马桶都没有
Oh, hold on. No toilet.
好吧看来要在这里面用第三世界的那一套了
Okay, looks like we're going all third world up in this thing.
天呐我在摸海豚
Oh, my God! I'm petting a dolphin!
你喜欢那样吗
Oh, you like that?
想让我给你的肚子挠痒痒吗
Am I gonna tickle your belly?
要吗那是你的肚脐眼吗
Huh? Is that your belly button?
哇这肚脐眼可真大
Wow, that's a big belly button.
你真的很喜欢那样对吧
Wow, you are really, really liking that, aren't you?
原来那玩意儿不是肚脐眼
That wasn't your belly button.
你好啊伙计
Hey, buddy.
你那边有厕纸吗
You got any toilet paper in your stall?
没有
No.
那能不能帮我换点零钱[银行窗口]How about two fives for a ten?
这里是告解室
This is a confessional.
如果你想找洗手间...
If you're looking for the bathroom...
不用我没事
No, I'm good.
把憋回去就好了等该释放的时候再释放
I can put the cork back in till it's time to party.
所以这里面是怎么回事
So, what goes on in here?
人们来这里是希望自己的罪得到赦免
People come here to be absolved of their sins.
那我想玩这游戏
Ooh, I wanna play.
那你就要先说
Then start by saying,
「原谅我神父我有罪」
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
-如果我没有罪呢 -你当然会有
- What if I haven't sinned? - Of course you have.
众生皆有罪
Everyone sins.
你肯定有辜负的人
Well, there must be someone you've wronged,
你违背的戒律
some commandment you've broken.
神父「阴♥部♥瘙痒」只让我意识到
Padre, the only thing a burning bush ever told me
Burning Bush
在《圣经》里是"燃烧的荆棘"
赶紧用青霉素
was go get penicillin.
或许你可以说说撒谎的罪过
Well maybe then talk about the times you've lied.
或是偷盗又或是背叛别人
Or, uh, stolen. Or betrayed another.
好吧
Okay.
我们得在这待上很久了
We're gonna be here for a while.
你想来点上帝的"婴儿爽身粉"吗
You in the mood for a little God's baby powder?
我还是很震惊你居然会来教堂
I'm still in shock that you come here.
为什么你知道我家信天主教的啊
Why? You know I grew up Catholic.
是没错但我以前都不知道你如此虔诚
Yeah, but it's a hidden level I didn't know you had.
这就如同发现
It's--it's like discovering
充气儿童泳池有深水区一样
that an inflatable kiddie pool has a deep end.
由于我们此刻身处上帝的殿堂
'Cause we are in the Lord's house,
我不该拿我屁♥股♥里的"深水区"开玩笑
I shalt not make a joke about my deep end.
我喜欢这里
I like it here.
常让我想起我最喜欢的电影
Reminds me of my favorite movie.
我猜是《修女也疯狂》
Let me guess: "Sister Act."
才不是
No.
是《修女也疯狂2》
"Sister Act 2."
?快乐的主我们崇拜你?
? Joyful, joyful Lord we adore thee ?
?荣耀的上帝万主之主?
? God of glory Lord of lords ?
再说了
By the way,
觉得有人时刻在关照我那种感觉真的很好
it's nice to feel like someone's always looking out for me, you know?
我就是很难去信奉一种看不到的东西
I just find it hard to believe in something you can't see.
如果我说
I mean, what--what if I said
有一只魔法兔子在控制着宇宙呢
there was a--a magic rabbit that controlled the universe?
你会说 "拿出证据"
You'd say, "Prove it."
我会说"我拿不出来" 对话就结束了
I'd say, "I can't." End of discussion.
听着你有没有看过《海军罪案调查处》
Look. Have you ever seen "NCIS?"
没有
No.
你认识的人里有看过的吗
Has anyone you know ever seen it?
没有
No.
但你依然相信这剧是真实存在的
But you still believe it exists.
威尔上帝就是《海军罪案调查处》
Will, God is "NCIS."
但是那些教♥徒♥"以教会名义"
What about all the bad stuff that's been done
对我们这种人做过那么多坏事
"in the name of the church" to people like you and me?
《圣经》里大概只提过三次同性恋
There's maybe three references in there to homosexuality
但叫大家不要吃贝类却有差不多12次
and, like, 12 about not eating shellfish,
也没见虔诚的盲从教♥徒♥抗♥议♥龙虾啊
but you don't see religious bigots picketing Red Lobster.
他们就是选了自己想相信的内容
So they pick and choose.
我们也可以选啊
We can pick and choose, too.
这就如同我们以前常去的那家第8大街的酒吧
It's like that bar we used to go to on 8th Street
那里放的音乐很烂酒也兑了水
with the bad music and the watered-down drinks.
但那里的男人都超火♥辣♥
Oh, the guys there were so hot, though.
没错所以我们还是一直去
Exactly, so we kept going back,
因为尽管那酒吧缺点多多
because despite the issues,
它依然有值得去的理由
it had something to offer.
所以上帝是《海军罪案调查处》
So God is "NCIS"
而《圣经》是毛皮酒吧吗
andthe Bible is the Rawhide?
你终于听明白了孩子
You're catching on, my child.
-你准备好见努努了吗 -当然
- You ready to meet Nook-Nook? - You betcha.
你没越过黄线吧
You didn't cross the line, did you?
没有什么界线都没越过
Nope. No lines were crossed.
它见到你真的很兴奋呢
Wow, she's really excited to meet you.
可能我很擅长"取悦"动物吧
I, uh, guess I just must have a way with animals.
下水前我得跟你说些注意事项
Okay, before we get in, a few precautions.
努努处在发♥情♥期
Because she's mating,
所以它现在性♥欲♥高涨
right now Nook-Nook is in a highly sexualized state.
是啊可不是嘛
Yeah, tell me about it.
我是说对待它一定要万分小心
I mean, she needs to be handled very carefully.
绝不能做出任何会影响它交♥配♥的事
We can't do anything to disrupt the process.
假设她...自♥慰♥了
Hypothetically, would it disrupt the process
那会影响到它交♥配♥吗
if she were to, say, pleasure herself?
海豚又没有手怎么自♥慰♥
Well, they don't have hands, so--
不过假如它真的做了
but, yeah. Hypothetically, I mean,
那的确会严重降低它交♥配♥的意愿
that would seriously upset her ability to mate,
那将是个惨剧
which would be a tragedy
因为这物种仅剩它这一条雌性了
because she's the last female of her species.
你们在全世界都找遍了吗
Have you looked everywhere?
当然了
Of course we have.
喂好的
Hello? Oh, okay.
我马上过去
Um, I'll be right there.
是安保人员打来的
That was security.
他们想让我看一段监控录像
Some surveillance footage they want me to see.
这里有摄像头吗
There are cameras in here?
是的每个角落都有
Oh, yeah. They're all over.
完了走开不行就是不行
Oh, my God. Hey, no means no.
你简直像是在...
It's almost like you're having a--
你这人有什么毛病啊
What is wrong with you?!
我在杂♥志♥上读到过她这种人
I've read about people like her.
-这是种癖好 -这才不是癖好
- It's a fetish. - It's not a fetish.
没错他们认为这是爱呢
Oh, that's right. They think it's love.
好吧我这次的确做得不对
Okay, okay, this is not my finest moment.
但我为自己辩解一下
But in my defense,
是它主动勾引我在先
she came on to me.
你自己变♥态♥还怪鱼
You're blaming the fish?
这是你做过的最恶劣的事
This is the worst thing you have ever done,
那就很能说明问题了
and that's saying a lot.
她就是那个拉了一泡巨大的...
Is she the one who took a giant cr--
没错吉妮芙
Yes, Genevieve!
用了三个女仆才清理干净那摊血
It took three maids to clean up all that blood.
又用了两个管家除掉那三个女仆
And two butlers to get rid of the three maids.
但是最终就好像这一切都没发生过
But in the end, it was like it never happened,
他当选了总统
and he got elected President.
而你并不认为这一切是有任何罪的
And you don't think any of that is sinful?
什么罪无罪