威尔和格蕾丝

Will & Grace S11E07

Part 2 Feb. 23, 2020, 9:09 a.m.

I'd be delighted.
威尔我们得赶紧搬家
Will, we have to move.
怎么了为什么
What? Why?
发生了件非常非常可怕的事情
A terrible, terrible thing happened.
什么是约会很烂吗
What, bad date?
不是约会很好一晚上都很棒
No, it was great. Great night.
早上也很不错一切都很好
Great morning. Great everything.
我们只是聊天和亲亲他非常绅士
All we did was talk and kiss and he was such a gentleman
而且非常浪漫
and it was so romantic.
那是怎么了
So?
早上詹姆斯去上班了之后
After James left this morning for work,
我突然觉得内急得厉害
nature really started calling.
翻江倒海那种
I mean, hard.
我甚至都来不及上楼
Like, I couldn't even make it up one flight of stairs
到我自己的卫生间解决那种
to my own bathroom hard.
总之
Anyway...
发生了非常可怕的事
something terrible happened.
我没听懂
I'm--I'm not following.
出现了某种...
There's a certain...
堵塞[木屐]的情况
clogging situation.
你穿木屐去跳舞了吗
You were dancing in wooden shoes?
你为什么非得让我说出来
Why are you making me spell it out?
因为很搞笑
Because it's hilarious.
等下等下等下好了
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So okay...
两件事第一你联♥系♥管道工了吗
two things, number one, did you call a plumber?
当然联♥系♥了差不多十个管道工
Yes, I called, like, ten plumbers.
第二[大便]是什么
What's number two?
我觉得你很清楚「大便」是什么
I think you know what number two is.
管道工最快也要晚上才能来了
The soonest a plumber can come is tonight.
我该怎么办才好呢
What am I supposed to do?
赶快逃出国
Leave the country.
不我是说真的搬到加拿大去
No, I am serious. Move to Canada.
重新来过
Start all over.
换个新身份新面孔
Get a new identity, new face,
你的新名字就叫「爱丽屎·干净屁♥股♥」
and here's a new name for you, Alice Cleanfanny.
你能不能认真点
Would you please be serious?
我非常认真爱丽屎
I am being completely serious, Alice.
你要去哪里
Where are you going?
我得去授课
Well, I gotta teach a class,
然后去激光矫正手术那里接杰克或许...
then I gotta pick up Jack from Lasik surgery. Guess...
可以说我有一大"坨"事要处理
you could say I got a real load to carry.
祝你"屎"事如意
Deuces.
激光矫正手术最棒的地方在于
You know, the best part about this Lasik surgery
你可以真正地去体验失明
is, you get to experience what it's like to be blind.
谢谢
Thank you.
布莱恩
Brian.
挂空挡你今天是不是把衣服全洗了
Whoa, commando. I guess it's laundry day.
你好啊帅哥
Hey, gorgeous.
你要不要把这个瞎子海伦·凯勒甩了
What do you say you ditch Helen Keller here,
我让你见识下真正的奇迹缔造者
and I'll show you who the real miracle worker is.
《The Miracle Worker/奇迹缔造者》
是关于海伦·凯勒的电影
可可你不是结婚了吗记得吗
Coco, you're married, remember?
我可记得因为你在婚礼誓言上还提到我了
I do, 'cause you mentioned me in your vows.
你要你开口我马上就可以成为他「消失的爱人」
Well, you just say the word, and I'll "Gone Girl" Him.
杰克我想跟你说件事
So, Jack, I-I'd like to talk about something.
神马
Yeah?
这事很严肃
This is serious.
什么
Yeah?
你还记得格蕾丝之前说
You know what Grace was saying
你所有开销都是我在出钱吗
about me paying for everything?
我的天我就等你提起这事呢
Oh, my God, I was waiting for you to bring that up.
她到底什么意思啊
What was she even talking about?
她似乎疯疯癫癫的
She seemed hysterical.
我不会冒犯人说这是因为她怀孕了
I'm not gonna be offensive and say it's 'cause she's pregnant.
是因为她是女人对吗
It's 'cause she's a woman, right?
或者她说得有道理
Or does she have a point?
也许正是因为我支付一切才让你无法进步
I mean, maybe my paying for everything has held you back.
反证
Counterpoint:
想象下如果有更多的钱我可以做些什么
imagine what I could've done with more money.
你有没有感觉过我在把你当幼儿对待
Do you ever feel like I'm infantilizing you?
没有因为我绝不会允许你碰我那里
No, because I would never let you touch me there.
你想说什么婆娘直白点
What are you saying, woman? Speak clearly.
我是说我决定
I'm saying I've decided...
断绝你的经济来源
to cut you off.
现在我担心我的耳朵也需要做激光手术了
Well, now I'm worried I need Lasik for my ears.
因为听上去你说的是...
Because it sounded like you said--
我不会再给你钱了
I'm not giving you money anymore.
什么
What?
这比你把我当幼儿对待还糟糕
This is worse than you infantilizing me.
你真狡猾
You are crafty.
你把我带到一个公共场合
You have brought me to a public place
这样我就不会大吵大闹了
so I wouldn't make a scene.
我带你来了一个变装酒吧我知道你会大闹
I brought you to a drag bar. I knew you'd make a scene.
我希望你能融入这里的氛围
I wanted you to blend in.
我这么做是为了你好
I'm doing this for your own good.
不才不是
No, you're not.
你这么做是因为你是个自私的小人
You're doing this because you're a selfish little man
皮肤还很差劲
with problem skin.
你在生我的气吗
Are you getting mad at me?
该生气的是我才对
I'm the one that should be pissed.
你各种乱七八糟的花销都是我在掏钱
I give you money for everything.
我孩子的大学基金被挪去
My--my kid's college fund went to
投资一个失败的成人充气城♥堡♥生意
a failed adult bouncy castle business.
「跳跃杰克」太超前了
Jumping Jacks was ahead of its time.
唯一的失误就是和「仙人掌卡尔」合作
The only misstep was partnering with Cactus Carl.
你有考虑过还钱给我吗
Have you ever once considered paying me back?
你有考虑过感谢我吗
Have you considered thanking me?
我从这段友谊中得到了什么
What do I get out of this friendship
除了接二连三的侮辱
except a barrage of insults
以及被某个电♥话♥客服中心的员工认为
and a reputation among certain call center employees
我是一个欲壑难填的总受
that I'm an insatiable bottom?
你想让我谢谢你吗威尔
You want me to thank you, Will?
这是你想要的吗好啊谢谢你威尔
Is that what you want? Okay, well, thank you, Will.
谢谢你用金钱来衡量我们的友谊
Thank you for putting a price on our friendship.
-杰克 -不你说得够多了
- Jack. - No, you've said enough.
杰克可是...
Jack, but, but--
你在公共场合羞辱了我
You have humiliated me in a public place,
现在我要带着尊严离开这里
and now I'm going to leave this establishment in a dignified manner.
谢谢你为我挤出时间
Thank you so, so much for fitting me in.
毕竟你说这是性命攸关的事
Well, you said your life depended on it.
是我的爱情生活但你肯定不关心
Well, my romantic life, but you don't care about that.
你认为就因为我是水管工
You think because I'm a plumber,
我就不在乎爱情吗
I don't care about love?
不不当然不是
Oh, no. No, of course not.
是这样的我去年搞砸了和这个人的恋情
See, um, I kind of blew it with this guy last year,
如今我有了第二次机会
and now I have a second chance--
事实证明我真的不是很关心
Turns out, I don't care that much.
卫生间就在那边
Um, the bathroom is right back there.
场面非常可怕
It's pretty bad.
不用担心女士
No worries, ma'am.
我什么都见过了
I've seen it all.
我的个娘亲啊
Mother of God!
小姐里面的情况真的惨不忍♥睹
Lady, you got a real situation going on in there.
我感觉我刚看了恶魔之眼
I think I just looked into the devil's eyes.
一个人不可能做到
There's no way this is a one-man job.
你还需要帮手吗
You need more help?
不我是说你一个人不可能能弄成这样
No, I mean there's no way you could've done that alone.
但你能处理好对吗
But you could fix it, right?
我都不知道那是什么
I don't even know what it is.
我没有必要的工具
I don't have the tools.
我联♥系♥下我在动物园的朋友