威尔和格蕾丝

Will & Grace S11E10

Part 1 Feb. 23, 2020, 9:09 a.m.

《威尔和格蕾丝》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的
"Will & Grace" is recorded in front of a live audience.
妈你确定你什么都不喝吗
Mom, you sure I can't get you anything?
不了谢谢亲爱的
Oh, no, thanks, dear.
一小时后我要去见帕尔默-佩恩一家
I'm meeting the Palmer-Paynes in an hour.
他们在公园大道上买♥♥了一套超美的公♥寓♥
They bought a gorgeous apartment on Park Avenue.
三间卧室两间卫浴没有小孩
Three bedrooms, two baths, no children.
他们简直过着我梦想中的生活
They're living my dream.
要是我第一次听到这话就好了
If only that was the first time I've heard that.
新的公♥寓♥
A new apartment?
听上去他们需要有人给他们装潢
It sounds like they're gonna need someone to decorate.
对哦你是室内装潢设计师
Oh, that'sight, you're an interior designer.
你肯定认识厉害的人
You must know someone good.
猜猜怎么着
Guess what.
他们想让他们获奖的比格犬
They want to breed their prize-winning beagle
和我的加尔班佐宝贝交♥配♥
with my little Garbanzo.
怪不得加尔班佐最近在做仰卧卷腹
That explains why Garbanzo's been doing all those crunches
还在网上订新床单
and ordering new sheets online.
因为换做是我我就会那么做
'Cause...that's what I'd do.
加尔班佐不是都100岁了吗
Isn't Garbanzo, like, a hundred years old?
她的"厨房♥"还能开门营业吗
I mean, is her kitchen even open for business?
我一把年纪了
Oh, I am of a certain age,
我的"厨房♥"照样有人"进进出出" 生意红火
and my kitchen is doing very brisk business.
多谢你♥爸♥爸
Thanks to your father.
当然了都是"快"餐不过...
Of course, they're all short orders, but...
说到其他的事
Speaking of anything else, really,
我和格蕾丝有消息要告诉你
um, Grace and I have a bit of news to share.
等等他们发消息来了
Oh, hang on. That's them.
我们要现在说吗
We're doing this now?
我们要告诉她我们都要有小孩了
We're gonna tell her that we're both having babies?
她喝了两杯含羞草鸡尾酒还没吃早饭
She's had two mimosas and no breakfast.
这是我们的绝佳时机
This is our window.
妈记得我和麦考伊之前打算组建家庭吗
Mom, remember when McCoy and I talked about starting a family?
尽管我们分手了
Well, even though we split up,
我还是决定要付诸实践
I have decided to go ahead with it.
靠我一个人
On my own.
我刚发现我的代♥孕♥女士怀孕了
I just found out my surrogate is pregnant,
这意味着...
which means...
我会再次做奶奶
I'll be a grandmother again.
威尔
Oh, Will.
你还能当父亲真是太好了
And it's so good that you can do this too,
因为你还能产精♥子♥
because you still can.
不像我们老女人
Not like us old broads, huh?
实际上
Well, actually--
天你能想象一个50岁的女人
Oh, God, can you imagine being a 50-year-old woman,
独自生养小孩吗
having a baby by yourself?
除非那个人是脑死亡
I mean, you really would have to be brain-dead.
你的消息是什么格蕾丝
What's--what's your news, Grace?
有两条消息
Well, two pieces of news.
第一条是我不是50岁
The first is, I am not 50.
我40...耶
I am forty-yay!
第二条我怀孕了
And second, I am pregnant.
我也要有小孩了靠我一个人抚养
I am having a baby too, on my own.
家里将迎来两个小孩
There are two new babies in the family.
你是说
You mean,
在你死后孩子连个年轻的父亲都没有
the baby won't have a young father after you're gone?
妈
Mom--
我们过会儿再来说你的大喜消息
Oh, we'll get back to your happy news soon.
格蕾丝有危机了
Grace is in crisis.
我没有危机
I'm not in crisis.
我不需要男人来抚养孩子
I don't need a man to raise a baby.
可你不担心自己一个人抚养吗
But aren't you worried about doing this on your own?
当然我害怕极了
Of course, I'm terrified.
威尔你还记得
Oh, Will, you remember that boy
那个初中时经常和你一起玩的男生迪米吗
you used to play with in middle school, Timmy,
眼睛有点畸形的那个
with the wonky eye?
他肯定会喜欢格蕾丝的你说呢
I bet he'd like Grace, don't you think?
或许吧
Maybe.
我不想嫁给眼睛畸形的迪米
I don't wanna marry Timmy with the wonky eye.
什么叫"或许吧"
And maybe?
我时间到了拜拜妈
Oh, that's my cue. Bye, Mom.
你去哪儿
Where are you going?
凯伦需要我去趟布拉兹维尔
Karen needs me to go up to Blattsville.
显然她棒球队里的一个球员
Apparently, one of the players on her baseball team
发表了恐同言论整件事就是公♥关♥噩梦
made a gay slur, and now the whole thing's a PR nightmare.
她为什么不能去找他谈
Well, why can't she talk to him?
-她是老板 -必须我去
- She's the owner. - It has to be me,
因为用她的话说我了解
because, in her words, I know
-法律 -"基佬相关的事"
- The law. - "homo stuff."
别弄了
Stop it.
艾斯特凡拜托
Estefan, come on.
我还在睡觉
I'm still asleep.
你知道我总是比我的鸡鸡晚起五分钟
You know I always wake up five minutes after my penis.
别闹
Stop it!
杰克你在跟谁说话
Jack, who are you talking to?
我在跟你说话啊
I was talking to you.
但我才刚开门进来
But I have just come through the door.
-你刚刚没挠我耳朵的痒痒吗 -没
- You weren't just tickling my ear just now? - No.
刚刚不是你用你毛茸茸的阴♥部♥在我脖子旁边蹭吗
That wasn't you dragging your furry undercarriage across my neck?
杰克你知道我身上一根毛都没有
Jack, you know I'm hairless.
如果那"不似"你会"似"谁呢
Well, if it "Tweren't" You, who 'twere?
有老鼠
Mouse!
凯伦你听得到吗
Karen, can you hear me?
没错我刚我刚走进更衣室
Yeah, I just...I just got to the locker room,
不得不说这也太带劲了
and I gotta say it's pretty cool.
长长的"棍" 圆圆的"球"
The bats and the balls
以及浑身大汗的帅哥们
and the cute, sweaty guys.
把他们扔进倒满催情剂的浴缸里
Throw 'em in a bathtub full of poppers
再加上某位著名山达基教♥徒♥
and the famous Scientologist,
就能重现80年代每个同性恋酒吧的盛况了
and it's every gay club in the 80s.
我看到你说的那个人了
Uh, oh, there's...there's your guy.
等事情办完再联络你
I'll call you when I'm done.
赫克托能和你聊两句吗
Hector, can I speak to you for a sec?
-你是哪位 -威尔·楚门
- Who are you? - Will Truman,
长久以来我一直是沃克夫人的代理律师之一
one of Ms. Walker's attorneys for a very long time.
她想让我和你谈谈之前发生的事情
She wanted me to talk to you about what happened.
我已经和沃克夫人说过了
I already told Ms. Walker
护裆我自己穿就行不劳她帮忙
I can put on my cup all by myself.
不不是这个
Um, no, no.
我我是想问你跟一个记者说
I--I--I mean, you told a reporter
你觉得你们队一直输的原因是
that the reason your team is losing is because quote,
「我们投手丘上的某些队员
"We got some queer on the mound
更喜欢做小受而不是做投球手」
more interested in catching than pitching."
没说错啊他肯定是基佬
It's true, guy's totally gay.
他总是往身上抹乳液
He's always putting lotion over his body.
那并不代表就是基佬啊乳液而已嘛
That doesn't make a man gay. Lotion?
抹遍全身吗
All over his whole body?
重点是你受雇的这家公♥司♥
Point is, you're an employee of this company,
如果你说出的话被视作是仇恨言论
and you can be fired for making comments
那他们就可以开除你
that could be construed in any way as hate speech.
沃克夫人有次问我是不是来自墨西哥卷饼餐厅
Ms. Walker once asked me if I was from Taco Island.
反驳得有道理
Fair point.
但我得帮她说两句
But in her defense...
赫克托是这样的你是个明星球员
Hector, look, you're a star athlete.
你有机会打进职棒大联盟的
You got a chance to make it to the big leagues.
你为什么要去羞辱别人呢
Why do you need to shame others?
你这种对同志的恨意又是从何而来
And where does this hatred for gay people even come from?
-怎么了 -你心知肚明
- What? - Oh, you know what.
真是荒唐好吗
This is crazy, okay?
不过是一只小小的老鼠崽子
It's just a teeny, tiny mouse.
只需我们其中一个想出杀死它的方法
One of us can just figure out how to kill it