吸血鬼生活

What We Do in the Shadows S02E10

Part 3 June 21, 2020, 10:46 a.m.

It's the Vampiric Council.
来自黑夜的黑暗问候
Dark greetings of the night.
只有白♥痴♥才会去这样的活动
Only an idiot would go to something like this.
这显然是陷阱
This is clearly a trap.
他们他们去了吗
They... Did they go to this?
-是的 -天啊
- Uh, yeah. - Oh, God.
他们都会死的
They're all gonna die.
我得走了已经开始了
I'm gonna go. It's started already,
-我得赶快过去 -祝你好运
- so I'm gonna go, okay? - Good luck.
-我觉得你不会成功 -我要走了闭嘴
- I do not think you will succeed. - I'm gonna go. Shut up.
那是恶人米克哈尔吗
Is that Mikhail the Awful?
是的
Yes, that is.
晚上好米克哈尔
Good evening, Mikhail.
那人就是个混♥蛋♥
The man is a total prick.
他根本没他想的那么有趣
He's nowhere near as funny as he thinks he is.
那是玛丽切拉夜间情人
That is Maricela, Mistress of the Night.
更像是玛丽切拉烂座情人
More like Maricela, Mistress of the Shitty Seats.
今晚来了很多大亨
A lot of heavy hitters in the house tonight.
包括元气吸血鬼界的人
Even from the energy vampire world.
托德·史密斯见过一次他裸体
Todd Smith. Saw him naked once.
是帕米拉
It's Pamela.
帕米拉来了是帕米拉
Pamela's here. It's Pamela.
别让我丢脸
Don't embarrass me.
太棒了
Hell yeah.
我知道他怎么做到的
I know how he did that.
你能让我好好观看吗
Will you just let me enjoy it, please?
晚上好夜间市民
Good evening, citizens of the night.
国王皇后王子和君主
Kings and queens, princes and potentates,
女士们先生们吸血鬼们
ladies and gentlemen, vampires all.
是的
Yes.
希米舞不错这人很厉害
Nice shimmy. He's good, this guy.
我们今晚的表演与以往不同
Tonight our performance is different.
今晚有点特别
Tonight is something a little bit special.
我们都知道我们来此的原因
We all know the reason that we are here.
大多数人知道
Well, most of us do.
闲话少叙
So, without any further ado,
请欢迎我们的贵宾
please make welcome our guests of honor.
谢谢
Oh, thank you.
-是我们好啊 -我们
- Oh, that's us. Greetings. - Us?
大家好
Hi, everyone.
-不放开我 -老天
- No! Get off me! - Good Lord.
这是银绳
This is silver rope.
该死
Oh, shit.
我认得那个人他当时参加了吸血鬼议会
I recognize that man. He was at the Vampire Council.
-是的 -靠
- Yes. - Shit.
我们吸血鬼只有一个罪行
There is but one crime to us vampires here.
犯下此罪就意味着死刑
It is the one crime that means death to any vampire:
杀死你的同类
killing your own kind.
这蠢货
Oh, this shithead.
-我们从没做过这种事 -从来没有
- We've never done that. - We never did that.
别嘘我们
Don't boo us.
阿法纳斯男爵
With Baron Afanas,
四打一
'twas four against one.
-是我们吗 -不知道
- Is that supposed to be us? - No idea.
他们打开门
They opened the door
让阳光照进来
and let through the sun.
震惊
Very shocking.
这太荒谬了
This is absurd.
从没发生过我们绝不会这样欢呼雀跃
That never happened. We would never prance around like tits.
-这简直胡扯 -我绝不会击掌
- This is all shit! - I would never high-five.
我说实话扮演我的人
I'll be honest with you, my look-alike
有点让我硬了
is kind of giving me a chub.
守卫路德维格
Ludwig the guard,
只是在尽职而已心脏被刺穿
just doing his job, skewered through the heart,
一个吸血鬼烤肉串
a vampire kebab.
那不是我们的错
That wasn't even their fault.
退后
Stay back!
-呸 -闭嘴帕米拉
- Boo you! - Shut up, Pamela.
-是我们做的吗 -我们没有做你们做的吗
- Did we do this? - We didn't do that. Did you guys do that?
-我们都没有 -别看我
- None of us did that. - Well, don't look at me.
这看上去像是那种你们不叫上我
This seems like one of those things that you guys all did together
自个做的事
and didn't include me.
这是什么鬼
What's this shit?
等等说好了会全♥裸♥了
Hold on a second. We were promised nudity.
阴♥茎♥和阴♥道♥ 这是欺诈
Penis and full bush. This is a swiz.
不好意思我跳舞的时候
I am sorry, but when I dance,
大海都会分♥裂♥
the ocean parts.
她根本没有任何韵律
She has absolutely no rhythm whatsoever.
这就是你的即时反应
This is your hot take?
你不满编舞
That you have a problem with the choreography?
好吧我在那
Oh, okay. There I am.
派了杀手
Assassins were sent
去将他们绳之以法
to bring them to justice.
他们通过制♥造♥骚动杀死了他们全部
They murdered them all by bringing the ruckus.
一点不押韵
Very clunky rhyme.
我觉得是在引用武当派的歌♥
I think it's a Wu-Tang reference.
《制♥造♥骚动》
"Bring the Ruckus."
我只知道我既没有吸过武也没有吸过当
All I know is, I haven't had a whiff of Wu or Tang.
没错
Exactly.
他们把他的头当成沙滩球一样扔来扔去
They're throwing his head around like a beach ball.
一个彼此相爱的
A vampire family
吸血鬼家庭
who loved one another.
你们杀了他们全部
You slaughtered them all.
说得没错
Word to the mother.
然后嘲笑
Then laughing about it.
我毫无头绪一点不知情
I mean, I have-- I'm clueless. I have no idea.
我们根本没做过这些事
We didn't do any of this shit!
他们好像要模仿《汉密尔顿》风了
Uh, I think they're going for some sort of Hamilton vibe?
你太好了我们都能做到我们是吸血鬼
You're too kind. We can all do it. We're vampires.
你们杀了阿法纳斯男爵
You murdered Baron Afanas
被吸血鬼议会判处死刑
and were sentenced to death by the Vampiric Council.
目击者是你们逃跑了
You escaped, witnesses say,
在一个长得像呆伯特的人的帮助下
with the help of a Dilbert-looking guy.
-那是什么 -各位好
- What is that? - Hey, dudes.
我们不知道是怎么做到的但我们不喜欢
We don't know how, but we don't like it.
今晚他会加入我们的大结局
Tonight, he will join us for the grand finale.
我♥操♥
Fuck me!
这提醒我们所有人
And that's a reminder to all of us.
-不要杀吸血鬼 -我们没有
- Don't murder vampires. - We didn't!
不要杀好了带他们上台
Don't do it. All right, bring them to the stage.
什么
What?
你以为你是谁
Who the hell do you think you are?
你看什么看帕米拉
Heck you looking at, Pamela?
很高兴你有在拍
Glad you're filming this.
我们可以在明年播
We can show it next year.
在我们等待他们搭建断头台期间
And while we wait for the guillotine thing to be set up again,
我们要播放一个简短的纪念视频
we just have a short in memoriam video,
悼念在过去一年里逝去的吸血鬼
remembering those vampires we've lost over the year.
你弄疼我了
You're hurting me!
我不知道他死了
Oh, I didn't know he was gone.
我能拿到我的钱包在我大口袋里
I can get to my wallet. It's in my big pocket.
-没人想他 -如果你给我解锁
- No one misses him. - If you unlock me,
我就能拿到
then I can get it.
见过她一次
Met her once.
他死是因为他搞错了夏时令
He died because he got confused on daylight savings.
好长的视频
Such a long video.
提醒我们所有人人生苦短
A reminder to us all, life is short.
哎哟我的手腕好紧
Ouch! My wrists! Very tight.
这不公平我们没有杀任何吸血鬼
This is not fair. We didn't kill any vampires.
对吗
Did we?!
-是的 -是的