吸血鬼生活
What We Do in the Shadows
第二季
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吸血鬼生活
What We Do in the Shadows S02E03
Part 1
June 21, 2020, 10:45 a.m.
吸血鬼住所
我们受邀参加一个极度私密的活动
We have been invited to a highly exclusive event.
南多
这周日的晚上
We will be spending this Sunday evening
我们将去参加邻居肖恩的超级猫头鹰派对
at our neighbor Sean's Superb Owl party.
吸血鬼非常尊重猫头鹰
Vampires have huge respect for owls.
娜嘉&拉兹洛
第一 它们是夜行动物
One, they're nocturnal,
其次 它们是捕食者
two, they're predators,
第三 它们随意大小便
and three: they don't give a hoot where they dump their scat.
我们要参加的那个派对是庆祝超级猫头鹰的
The party we're going to is celebrating the Superb Owl,
它是史上最伟大的猫头鹰
who is the greatest owl of all time.
你觉得我们有机会摸摸它的小鸟嘴吗
Do you think we're going to get to touch its little beak?
得看它的心情
Depends what mood he's in.
嗯 我知道其实是超级碗派对
Yeah, I know it's a Super Bowl party,
柯林·鲁宾逊
元气吸血鬼
我努力纠正他们 但他们不听
but I tried to correct them and they wouldn't listen.
超级碗派对
这就是那只猫头鹰的蛋
That's the owl's egg.
当然了 我也没有那么努力
Also, I didn't try all that hard.
吸血鬼生活
第二季 第三集
记住 不能在超级猫头鹰派对上杀人...
Remember, no killing at this Superb Owl party...
-是超级碗 -以表对我们的好邻居
‐Super Bowl. ‐...out of respect
好主人 肖恩的尊敬
for our good friend and host, Sean.
等这个夜晚结束了
Once this evening is over,
吉尔莫会给我们找来各式各样的处子
Guillermo will have a nice assortment of virgins for us.
还有 乖一点
And behave.
融入人群
Blend in.
这是个全都是人类的派对
This is an all‐human party.
肖恩
人类邻居
你们来啦 娜嘉
You guys made it! Nadja...
南多 我兄弟拉兹
Nandor... My man Laz...
还有看着像是漫画人物呆伯特的家伙
Dilbert‐looking guy.
你们还等什么呢
So, what are you waiting for?
赶紧挪挪屁♥股♥进来吧
Get your rears in gear and get in here.
这也算是邀请
That counts.
好了 进来吧
All right, come on!
夏蒙
Yo, Charmaine!
看看谁来了
Look who it is.
住我们旁边的欧洲邻居
Our European neighbors from next door.
你能不能跑一趟商店
Could you run to the ShopRite
再买♥♥几包酸橙味的玉米片
and grab a few more bags of those Tostitos Hint of Limes
然后再开始喝酒
before you start drinking?
首先 我已经开始喝了
First off, I already started.
怎么
What?
-什么怎么 -你这是要发火
- What? - Now you're catching an attitude?
-当着我们客人的面 -这是我家
- Right in front of our guests? - Well, this is my house.
我想发就发
I can catch whatever I want.
你不如去其他地方发好了
Why don't you go catch it somewhere else?
闭嘴吧
Oh, shut up.
这位总是事很多
It's always something with this one.
不管了 进来吧
Anyway, come on in.
听着 我们是那种不能穿鞋进门的家庭
Listen, we're sort of a no-shoes household,
-所以... -我绝不会为任何人脱鞋的
- So, uh... - I'm not taking my shoes off for anyone.
没事 拉兹
That's fine, Laz.
我附近的处子
处子 处子 处子
Virgins, virgins, virgins...
太蠢了 我都不知道我为什么老这样
Stupid. I don't know why I always do that.
你知道吗 我最近一直在想我的血统
You know, I've been thinking about my lineage lately,
就因为我身体里流着范·海辛的血
and just because I have Van Helsing blood in me
不意味着我生来就要成为吸血鬼杀手
doesn't mean that I'm destined to be this vampire killer.
滚开
Get back!
我确定在这条血统上
I'm sure that somewhere along the line
我们家族里肯定有人是名出色的面包师 对吧
there was an amazing baker in my family, right?
那我就因此是一名出色的面包师了吗
But does that make me an amazing baker?
实际上 我还真是一名非常出色的面包师
Actually, I am a really, really good baker.
不好
Oh, no.
说到运动平滑补帧技术
The thing with motion smoothing
你得记住
that you have to remember
你希望在看体育比赛时打开它
is, you want it on for sporting events
但在看电视和电影关掉
but off for TV and movies.
就算是一部关于橄榄球的电影
Even take a football movie,
比如1974年的电影《最长的一♥码♥》
like 1974's The Longest Yard,
主演伯特·雷诺兹留着八字胡
starring mustachioed actor Burt Reynolds.
伙计 你挡住开球了
Dude, you're‐‐ you're blocking kickoff.
就算是不看
Well, better to not watch the game at all
也比看错误的版本要好 对吧
than to watch in the wrong format, right?
柯林 够了
Colin, enough!
他们要看猫头鹰
They want the owl.
你知不知道
So, do you have any knowledge
猫头鹰今晚的心情如何呢
of the owl's temperament tonight?
希望不要太神经
Uh, I hope it's not too fussy.
谁 夏蒙吗 她总是那副德行
Who, Charmaine? No, she's always like that.
你说什么 弗兰奇
What'd you say, Frankie?
没什么
Oh, nothing.
上次披萨之夜你还欠我一百块呢
You still owe me $100 for that pizza night.
-快出去 -不行 这里没你说话的份
‐ Oh, get out of here! ‐ No, you don't get to talk
-除非你把披萨的钱给... 我两周前就给了
‐ Until you give me that pizza... ‐ I paid you back two weeks ago.
-别说了 夏蒙 -他从来没给过
- Get off it, Charmaine! ‐ He never paid me back.
-别说了 -披萨要一百块吗
‐ Get off it! ‐ 100 bucks for pizza?
娜迪亚 你在这里待得肯定不自在吧
Ugh, Nadia, you must be miserable in here.
全都是臭男人味 走吧
All this testosterone. Come on.
其余的太太们都在厨房♥快活呢
The other wives are having a little powwow in the kitchen.
-肖恩有很多老婆吗 -我倒是想
‐ Sean has more wives? ‐ I wish.
你说什么
Excuse me?
-没什么 没什么 -对 我就知道你没那个胆量
‐ Nothing, nothing. ‐ Yeah, that's what I thought.
被抓了
Busted.
对了 为什么常规赛期间
So, how come we never see you guys around here
我们从来见不到你们
during the regular season?
真的 我试过叫他们出来玩
Believe me, I tried to get 'em to hang,
但是他们好像白天从来就不在
but they never seem to be around during the day.
仔细想想
You know, come to think of it,
我确实见到他们的时候都是晚上
I really only see them at night.
就像是吸血鬼之类的
It's like they're, uh, vampires or something.
进来
Get in.
操
Fuck.
你听到他说的了
You heard what he said.
他知道我们是吸血鬼
He knows we're vampires.
有人
Um, ocupado.
是的 我们在一起愉快地拉屎
Yes. Uh, we are just taking a nice shit together.
那我等下再来
I‐I'll come back.
我觉得我们要
I think we need to...
-怎么 "搞"他吗 -是啊
‐ What, "Whack" Him? ‐ Yes.
不行 我们要是"搞"他的话
No, if we "Whack" Him,
我们就得把每个人都"搞"了
we'll have to "Whack" Everybody.
那这个地方就要被血洗了
The place will be a fucking bloodbath.
但是他知道我们最见不得人的秘密啊
But he knows our dark secret.
好吧
All right.
那我们把他弄到个隐蔽的地方进行双重催眠
Let's get him to a private place where we'll both hypnotize him.
他什么都会忘掉了
He'll forget everything.
-经典的双重催眠 -不错
‐ Good old double hypnosis. ‐ Yes.
现在要找处♥男♥处♥女♥真的很难
It's tough finding new groups of virgins.
试过跑步的人 但很难抓住 浑身是汗还很滑
Tried joggers. Hard to catch and very sweaty and slippery.
试过"剩男" 百分百处♥男♥
Tried incels. Definitely virgins.
很明显 苦大仇深
But very bitter, apparently.
"三州地区的蚊子收集者"
"Mosquito Collectors of the Tristate Area."
哔 哔 哔 书呆子警告
Beep, beep, beep. Nerd alert.
我开玩笑的
I'm kidding.
虽然他们是书呆子 但是他们应该是"处"
They are nerds, though. They're probably virgins.
给我主人找食物确实也有好处
Sourcing food for my master does have its benefits.
同时也有机会给自己找点食物
It gives me a chance to search for my own food.
还可以囤点以后再吃
And save some for later.
对了
吸血鬼生活
What We Do in the Shadows
剧集 | 吸血鬼生活 | 导航列表