吸血鬼生活

吸血鬼住所
这个夏天真是令人难忘
So, yes, it has been quite a summer.
-我们终于找到一个新的亲信 -没错
- We finally got a new familiar. - Yeah.
娜嘉和拉兹洛
-但他出意外死了 -没错
- But he had an accident and died. - Yeah.
往左一点 再往左一点
Left a bit. Left a bit more.
不对称
It's not even.
该死
Shit.
所以我们又找了一个 然后她也出意外
So we found another one and she had an accident
死了
and she died.
靠
Oh, fuck.
我度过了一个"发现自我之夏"
I had what is known as a summer of self-discovery.
南多
我化成了一缕烟雾
I was being a vapor
然后被吸进了空气净化器
and I got sucked into an air purifier.
但除了这件事
But apart from that,
这个夏天还挺漫长的
pretty slow summer.
然后下一个也出了意外
And then the same thing happened with the next one.
我在车管局耗了好久
I spent so much time at the DMV
柯林·鲁宾逊
精力吸血鬼
他们终于给我发了驾照
they finally just gave me a license.
我做了任何一个年轻帅哥会做的事
I did what any young, handsome man would do,
我去买♥♥了一辆经典款的敞篷车
I went and bought a classic convertible,
把顶篷敞 功放音乐
put the top down, blasted some tunes and, uh,
我堵住了林肯隧♥道♥的入口
I blocked the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel.
我这一天也被毁了 你们知道吧
This is gonna ruin my day, too, you know.
-然后又死了一个 -对
- And then the next one. - Yep.
我们这一年换了六个...不 七个亲信
We've been through about six-- no, seven familiars this year.
-七个 -对 还记得乔伊吧
- Seven? - Yeah, remember Joey?
不记得了 亲爱的 我和他没那么亲
No, my dear, I'm not that familiar.
你不记得了吗
No, don't you remember?
他的肠子直接从屁♥股♥里出来了
His intestines came straight out of his bum.
那个乔伊啊 想起来了
Oh, Joey. Yeah, yeah.
我没啥新闻
Not much new with me.
我大部分时间都待在楼上的卧室里
I've been spending a lot more time in the upstairs bathroom.
吉尔莫
吸血鬼亲信
除了这点 我这个夏天过得挺轻松愉快的
But besides that, my summer's been pretty mellow and--
还有这个小家伙
There's this little guy.
来 我整个夏天都在试图和他交朋友
Here. I've been trying to make friends with him all summer.
别害怕 进来吧
Don't be afraid. Come on in.
这是我这个月杀的第十只吸血鬼了
That's the tenth vampire I killed this month.
这些吸血鬼刺客一直试图杀了
These vampire assassins keep trying to kill
南多 娜嘉和拉兹洛
Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo
从他们逃离吸血鬼理事会后就开始了
ever since they escaped from the Vampiric Council.
我这么做是为了保护我的主人
I'm doing it to protect my master.
但我不能告诉他我是个吸血鬼杀手
But I can't tell him I'm a vampire killer,
不然他就得杀了我
because then he'd have to kill me.
吉尔莫 你在干什么呢
Guillermo, what are you doing?
-除尘 -你能小声点除吗
- Dusting. - Well, can you dust more quietly please?
-我这正睡着呢 -好的
- I'm trying to sleep. - Okay.
我72小时没睡了
I haven't slept in 72 hours.
我一直在吃这些裹着巧克力的咖啡豆
I've been eating these chocolate-covered espresso beans.
它们为你补充精力 让你能一直工作
They give you enough pep just to keep going
一直一直一直工作 装作...
and just keep going, going, going and pretend...
吉尔莫
Guillermo?
厕所有人 别开门
Someone's in here! Please don't open the door.
你是不是又把厕所弄得一团糟
Did you make a messy toilet again?
是的 出了点意外
I-I did. I-I had an accident.
-好吧 我只是进来... -别 主人 别开...
- Well, actually, I just wanted to... - No, Master, don't open...
吉尔莫
Oh, Guillermo.
你真的该多喝点水了
You should really drink more water.
吸血鬼生活
第二季 第一集
总之 那些都过去了了
Anyway, that is all in the past,
因为我们终于找到个不错的
because we have finally found us a good one.
托佛 进来
Topher, come in here!
-看看这个 -托托
- Look at this. - Tophie!
骷髅油准备好了 夫人
Your skull polish, madam.
-我在外面候着 -他走了
- I'll be right outside. - There he goes.
去处理事情了
Take care of business. Ooh.
托佛绝对是
Topher is an absolutely
"别无所求"的优质亲信
"Bob's your money" Spectacular familiar.
还有他的简历
And his résumé
真是无可挑剔
is impeccable.
托佛·德尔莫尼科
教育经历
利哈伊河大学(山中隼飞翔吧)--商业&经济学士
头·欧米伽·西格玛 -#致以关爱和敬意#我的兄弟
工作经历
利哈伊河企业家俱乐部--高级副♥主♥席♥
Instagram公♥司♥--社交媒体顾问
确实 他精通电脑表格
It is. He is proficient in Excel.
微软#表格#有条不紊
和我的妹子一起玩#我的爱情生活
利哈伊河大学毕业
And went to Lehigh.
教育经历
利哈伊河大学(山中隼飞翔吧)--商业&经济学士
头·欧米伽·西格玛 -#致以关爱和敬意#我的兄弟
我和我老婆根本不鸡儿知道
Now, my wife and I have not a whore's notion
这些信息是什么意思
what any of that means.
但我们就是喜欢
But we like it.
需要帮忙吗 吉大款
Need any help with that, G-Money?
不用 我能行
Nah, I got it.
就像我爹过去常说
It's like my father used to say.
"绝不接受意大利人的馈赠"
"Never accept a towel from an Italian."
-是啊 -确实如此 亲爱的 -托佛
- Yeah. - Very true, darling. - Topher.
-主人 -看到你拉长的身体
- Master. - Watching you stretch
在壁炉上晃来晃去
your young body across that fireplace,
-你知道你让我想起谁吗 -谁 主人
- You know who you remind me of? - Who, Master?
我自己
Me.
过来点
Bring it in.
你们是最棒的
You're the best.
-吉尔莫 吉尔莫 -我在 主人 怎么了
- Guillermo! Guillermo! - Y-Yes, Master? Yes?
我的斗篷又在街上拖到屎了
I dragged my cape through a street doo-doo again.
我拖了八条街之后才发现
I dragged it for three blocks before I noticed
我都不好意思说 在发现之后
and I'm embarrassed to say I dragged it
我又拖了八条街
for another eight blocks after that.
-你为什么要那样做 主人 -我以为会有用
- Why did you do that, Master? - Well, I thought it would help,
想着可以把屎拖掉
you know, drag the doo-doo off.
-总之 请帮我处理下 -嘿
- Anyway, take care of it please. - Hey, uh,
-需要我帮忙吗 -不用
- You want me to fly in with the assist? - No!
上面的屎确实很多
That actually is a-a lot of shit on it.
这种好事吉尔莫自己"撸"吧
This is a good solo job for Guillermo.
不过谢谢你忙碌一番 小托佛
But thank you for the hustle, Topherino!
当心
Look out.
-忙碌 -我不觉得
- Hustle...? - I don't think so.
-这里看起来很不错啊 -是啊
- It looks fantastic in here. - Doesn't it?
-我可以整天看他打扫卫生 -就是
- I could watch him clean all day. - Yes.
你这样说我很高兴
All right, I'm glad to hear you say that.
好吧
All right.
好吧 再见 鲍比
All right! Bye, Bobby.
这是我的一点副业
It's my little side hustle.
这种烈性苹果酒我有0.5%的股份
I'm a 0.5 percent owner in this dope new line of hard ciders.
叫硬核苹果酒
It's called Doze Apples Hard Cider.
很聪明啊 因为是用苹果酿的
That's clever, 'cause it-- they're made with apples.
苹果味的
Apple flavoring,
-我们不得不说 -拉兹洛和娜嘉知道吗
- We have to say. - Do Laszlo and Nadja -know about this?
他们不知道就没事
What they don't know can't hurt them.
-我说得对吗 击掌 -我...
- Am I right? High five. - I...
-来吧 老兄 别把我晾着 -我不知道 只是
- Come on, dawg. Don't leave me hanging. - I don't know. Just...
-我们的工作 -老兄 别把我晾着 老兄
- With our job... - Dawg. Don't leave me hanging, dawg.
-只是我们 -老兄 别把我晾着...
- And we're just... - Dawg. Don't leave me hang...
-我只是觉得 -别 再好好击个掌 老兄
- I just think that... - No, give me a better one, dawg.
-我只是觉得 -再来 击掌
- I just think... - Again, high five!
不错 击掌
Oh, yeah. High five.
我就是觉得我们可以
I feel like there's a way
很酷 比如你 性格就很酷
to be cool-- which you are, you're very cool...
-谢谢 -同时也尊重别人 你觉得呢
- Thank you. - ...and also, respectful, you know?
你得让他们知道