吸血鬼生活

What We Do in the Shadows S02E03

Part 3 June 21, 2020, 10:45 a.m.

吸血鬼是真的
Vampires are real.
-吸血鬼是真的 -来个双重催眠吧
‐ Vampires are real! ‐ Let the double hypnosis
开始
Commence.
我们命令
We command
-你忘记 -你忘记
‐ That you forget... ‐ You forget
-一切 -我们是吸血鬼的事
‐ Everything. ‐ ...that we are vampires, please.
我觉得有效了
I think it's worked.
怎么了
What happened?
没事吧肖恩
Quite all right, Sean?
嗯没事
Uh, yeah, totally.
但谁是肖恩
But wh‐who's Sean?
该死他什么都不记得了
Shit. He's forgotten everything.
关于吸血鬼的专有名词
吸血鬼有什么专有名词呢
So, what are some of the terms we use for vampires?
蚊子精
Mosquitoes.
吸盘精咬人精
Suckers. Biters.
我知道这似乎像一个大巧合
I know that it seems like a big coincidence
我出来找处子
that I go out looking for virgins
结果找到一个吸血鬼猎人秘密据点
and find a secret den of vampire hunters,
但这不是巧合
but this is no coincidence.
好吗这就像长久以来冥冥之中
Okay? It's like the universe has been trying
有声音对我说"吉尔莫"
to tell me for a long time, "Hey, Guillermo."
我则是"我不知道我不这么认为"
And I've been like, "I don't know, I don't think so."
但现在则像是"吉尔莫
But now like, "Hey, Guillermo.
对兄弟对"
Yeah, dude. Yeah."
亲信
Familiars
是可悲的
are pathetic,
孤独的绝望的低智商的
lonely, desperate, low‐IQ,
悲伤的失败者
sad losers.
他们的使命是服从他们残忍♥
They live to do the bidding of their cruel,
冷漠无情的主人
uncaring masters.
好了有谁想分享一下
Okay, gonna open up the floor to
他们的想法或者建议
any thoughts and/or suggestions.
我是克劳德
Oh, um, Claude, okay.
我有个想法
One idea that I had is, uh,
我们应该互相发生性行为
that I think that we should all have sex with each other.
因为如果我们之中有人是处子的话
'Cause that way if any of us is a virgin, then, you know,
做过之后我们就不是了
we wouldn't be any longer.
这样我们就不会成为目标
And then it would prevent us from being targeted
-吸血鬼的目标 -德雷克
‐ By vampires. ‐ Derek...
不要再提这个了
you need to stop suggesting that.
好吧行没问题
Okay, yeah, yeah, to‐totally, yeah.
在吗琼妮
Knock, knock, Joanie.
娜嘉小姐是你吗
Miss Nadja, is it really you?
对当然是我
Yes, of course it is me.
我刚在下面是骗你的
I was lying down there.
我想死你了我的小琼妮
Oh, I've missed you so much, my little Joanie!
你这辈子过得好吗
So, did you have a good life?
还行
Uh, yes.
应该还不错
I‐I think so. Oh!
我去了新斯科舍省[加拿大]
I took a trip to Nova Scotia at one point.
你有没有嫁给那个你喜欢的男孩
And did you marry that boy you liked?
-富兰克林吗 -对
‐ Franklin? ‐ Yeah.
有的我
Oh, yes, I...
看啊
Oh, wow, look.
你曾在短暂的时间里非常漂亮
You were very beautiful for a very brief moment.
等下
Wait.
这条项链你是从哪得到的
Where did you get this necklace?
这是我的项链
This is my necklace.
-什么 -这幅相片里的翡翠项链
‐ Pardon? ‐ The jade one in this photo.
你个狗♥娘♥养♥的
You motherfucker!
那是我最上等的一条翡翠项链
It was my prized jade necklace.
我母亲在我年轻时给我的
It was given to me by my mother when I was young,
之后她就被一头熊给吃了
just before she was eaten by a bear.
我早该知道是你偷了我的项链
I should have known you would have stolen it!
你一直是个阴险的人类渣滓
You were always a sneaky little human shit!
如果你仔细听的话你还能听到她的尖叫呢
You know, if you listen to it, you can still hear her screams.
这是那种
It was the type of jade
能吸收人类尖叫声的翡翠
that absorbs human screams.
她当时喊得特别大声
And she was really screaming.
所以它吸收得很足行窃婊♥子♥
So it took it very strongly. Thieving bitch!
把它还给我
Give it back to me!
你个小丫头藏哪了
You little brat, where is it?!
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about!
你个撒谎的老白菜
You are a lying piece of old cabbage!
但我真不知道你在说什么救命啊
But I don't know what you're talking‐‐ help!
救命我发病了救命
Help! I'm having an episode! Help!
-她刚才打我 -她才不会呢
‐ She attacked me! ‐ Oh, no, she didn't.
-她刚才真打了 -娜嘉你先走吧
‐ Oh, she‐she did. ‐ Nadia, go.
你自己去玩我们会照顾好她的
Go enjoy yourself, we'll take care of her.
-妈她没有打你 -她打了
‐ Ma, she didn't attack you. ‐ She‐she did.
妈妈妈妈
Mama? Mama?
快尖叫给我听
Scream for me.
我母亲将它交给我
My mother gave it to me.
她当时说"我等不及想看你
She said, um, "I can't wait to see you wear this
在余生的每一分钟里都戴着它"
for the rest of your life every minute of every day."
然后第二天
And then, honestly, the next day,
刚出房♥子熊就来了
walked out the house and bam‐‐ bear.
妈妈如果你在的话快尖叫
Mama, scream for me if you're here.
这比《圣经》还差劲灼伤我的眼睛
That is worse than a bible‐‐ that burns my eyes.
妈妈
Mama?
妈妈
Mama!
当然球场上的人今天很开心
Sure, the guys on the field are having a good time today,
但20年之后他们就不会这么开心了
but they're not gonna be having such a good time in 20 years.
那时候他们
That's when they'll have
脑子里都变苹果汁了
applesauce sloshing around in their skulls.
有没有人听到一位身材肥胖的女士发出的远古呼喊
Has anyone heard the ancient screams of a very large woman?
布雷迪这一投球真是漂亮
What a throw by Brady...
半场秀
The halftime show
很多人认为这是最精彩的环节
a lot of people consider that to be the highlight.
而我喜欢那些广♥告♥
I like the commercials.
我很期待看他们每年会拍出怎样的百威广♥告♥
I like to see what they come up with for the Clydesdales Each year.
兄弟们谁想
All right, bros, who's ready
来点刚出微波炉的滚烫辣酱玉米片
for piping‐hot nachos fresh from the microwave?
肖恩那是电池
Uh, Sean, those are batteries.
看来过度催眠还真有我担心
It is possible to over‐hypnotize, and I fear
肖恩就遇到了这情况
that's what we've done with Sean.
催眠过度有三个不同的等级
You see, there's various levels of over‐hypnosis.
如果不是很严重那就是"脑神经衰弱"
If it's not too serious, it's what's called "Weak Brain."
如果稍微让人担心那就是"脑神经缺失"
If it's slightly worrying, it's called "Thoughtless Sallies."
如果如噩梦一般你就可以放弃了
And if it's a fucking nightmare and you can forget about him,
那就是"脑神经失踪"
it's "Brain Scramblies."
太好了
Yes! Yes!
冲啊太好了不拜托
Go, go, yeah, no, oh, come on!
怎么可以给他黄牌你在逗我吗
How is that a yellow card?! Are you kidding me?!
通常来说当吸血鬼因为将人类过度催眠
Typically, when a vampire turns a human's brain into pudding
把他们的大脑变为布丁时
from over‐hypnosis,
适当的礼节是让他们脱离痛苦
the proper etiquette is to put them out of their misery...
通过谋杀他们
by murdering them.
我们不能杀了他
We're not gonna kill him.
这违反了我们的不杀生协议
It goes against our non‐killing agreement.
是的但现在有必要
Yes, but it is now necessary to do
行使人道主义扯断他的头
the humane thing and rip Sean's head off.
现在别来
Uh, not now.
我们在一起拉人类屎
We are taking a human shit together.
你们两个谁看见了一条翡翠项链吗
Have either of you two seen a jade necklace
项链里包含着我死去母亲恐怖的尖叫声
containing the bloodcurdling screams of my dead mother in here?
看看安迪·加西亚十字绣后面有没有
Eh... oh, maybe check behind the Andy Garcia cross‐stitch.
没有肥皂剧广播
No soap? Radio?
保龄球
Ha, bowling ball.
南多想要杀了肖恩因为他"脑神经失踪"