英村脑残故事（2017）

What's wrong?
出什么事了
Dad? What have we said about the cameras being here?
爸 我们说过摄像机的事
I didn't know they were going to be here.
我没想到他们会来这儿
I'm so sorry, Dad. I'll find someone else to work with
对不起 爸 我会另外找人合作
if you're going to fart about. Please, no.
如果你再给我添乱 别啊
It'll be absolutely fine. I won't let them be...
没事的 我不会让他们
I've had it up to here. Get in the van. I'm sorry, Dad.
我受够了 上车 对不起 爸
Yes, it's legit. Of course it's legit.
这是合法的 这当然是合法的
Why would I put the lock-up in my name
不然我怎么会以我的名义租这个车♥库♥
if I didn't think it was legit?
如果我觉得这不合法的话
You know, my dad doesn't want to be on camera
我爸不想暴露在相机前
because he's had his business ideas nicked before.
因为他以前被人窃取过点子
You know my dad actually wrote the song Wonderwall
你知道我爸才是写出<迷墙>那首歌♥的人
on the back of a beer mat
就写在啤酒杯垫背面
in the space of ten minutes, don't you?
只花了十分钟 你知道吗
And he was at the Keepers, and he just threw it on the floor
当时在Keepers酒吧 他就把它扔在地上
because he thought, 'This is just absolutely rubbish.'
因为他觉得 "这写得太垃圾"
And guess what brothers came into the Keepers that day,
你猜就在那天谁也去了Keepers酒吧
working as crisps salesmen?
而且当时还是个卖♥♥薯片的
It was Bros,
Bros乐队
who then, later on at another gig, threw it on the floor.
后来在另一场演唱会上 扔了它
Because they just thought, 'This is actually not working.'
因为他们觉得 "这不管用"
But the Gallagher brothers were there, and they picked it up
但Gallagher兄弟也在 他们捡了起来
and worked with it.
唱了它
Four ham, four cheese.
四个火腿的 四个奶酪的
Do you know what? I had six requests yesterday for cucumber sandwiches,
你知道吗 昨天他们说了六次让我做黄瓜三明治
so I did ten, and no-one touched them.
于是我做了十个 结果没人吃
I actually found one spat out in a napkin hidden under a table.
我还发现一个被吐在纸上 藏在桌子底下
But that's the thing.
但问题是
They think they know what they want, but actually,
他们以为他们知道他们想要什么 但其实
they don't know what they want.
他们不知道他们想要什么
They're very much like babies, in that sense.
他们就跟小孩子一样 某种程度上
All right? All right. What are you wearing?
你还好吧 你还好吧 你穿的什么
Official England merchandise. Manager's jacket.
正版英格兰球队周边 经理专用夹克
When did you get that?
你什么时候搞到的
Got it over there. That looks dead smart, there!
就那儿买♥♥的 看上去真的不错
The quality is... I can see it from here!
质量是 我这里看得到
The thread work and the lining really works.
针脚和内衬都很好
That is official as well, isn't it? Yeah.
正式的 是吗 是的
The beauty of working with my dad is we get to hang out together.
和我爸工作的好处是我们经常能一起出去
And also have a bit of cash to splash.
而且能花点小钱开心下
Got this for you, as well.
给你这个
For me? Yeah.
给我的吗 是的
Really? Yeah.
真的吗 是的
What is it? Well, open it and see.
是什么 打开来看啊
Yeah? I actually bought the wrapping paper as well.
行吗 我还买♥♥了包装纸
That's not just recycled off an old present.
新的包装纸 不是以前用过的
Oh, my God! Is this a real one?
我的天 是正品吗
Yeah. Are you kidding me?
是的 你开玩笑吧
No, I'm not kidding you, yeah.
没 没开玩笑
Oh, my God, Ker.
我的天 Ker
That... That's amazing!
这真是惊喜
Well, give it a go, then. Yeah, all right.
试试啊 好
That is brilliant. Brilliant, isn't it?
太厉害了 厉害吧
Absolutely brilliant!
太厉害了
You're so happy with that. I'm over the moon!
喜欢吧 太喜欢了
Do you know what? That's absolutely great,
那就好 那就好
because I've just got a tiny, tiny, tiny little favour to ask you.
因为我有个小小的忙要你帮
What favour?
什么忙
Oh, just need to store some stuff at the Bowls Club, that's all.
噢 只是需要在保龄球俱乐部存放一些东西 仅此而已
Why?
为什么
Because lock-up's just completely full.
因为货仓刚刚完全放满了
I can't store anything at home either.
我也没法在家里储存东西
Because Mum's just hitting the roof about it.
因为妈妈刚刚对这个大发雷霆
Kurtan will never make any money,
Kurtan永远不会赚钱
because he's too much of a worry worm, like his nan.
因为他太担心了 就像他的奶奶一样
Do you know what?
你知道吗
They were both so worried about the millennium bug
他们都很害怕千年虫
that they actually made a suicide pact.
害怕到做了个自杀协议
Which would have been a shame,
如果真的履行了那就太可惜了
because he would have missed out on the demise of Ceefax.
因为他将错过图文电视服务的消亡
And he absolutely loved that, seeing that go down.
他非常喜欢 看着它消亡
Because he hated the graphics and he hated the loading times.
因为他讨厌图形而且讨厌加载的时间
That's it, back it up, back it up, back it up, back it up.
就这样 后退 后退 后退 后退
There we go, and... Boom!
好了 然后 砰
Christ! It isn't all this, is it?
天呐 不是所有的这些 对吧
Yeah. Ker, I haven't got the space for all this!
全部 Ker 我没有地方放全部的东西
You only said it was going to be a couple.
你说只有几个
It's not going to be for long, it's fine.
不会放太久 没事的
I really don't... Can't someone else do it?
我真的不能 其他人不能做吗
I've already got Len to fill his lock-up with them.
我已经让Len把他的车♥库♥填满了
You know Len's got a problem with hoarding.
你知道Len在囤积方面有问题
You shouldn't be doing that to him!
你不应该那样对他
It's not a problem, Kurtan, it's a quirk.
那不是问题 Kurtan 那是个怪癖
Hurry up! Yeah, slow down, Spud, mate.
快点 好 慢点 Spud 伙计
Who the hell's that?
那他妈的是谁
My dad's mate, Spud. Oh, great.
我爸爸的同事 Spud 噢 真棒
So, Martin's involved?
所以Martin参与了
Well, this ain't going to be fishy, then!
好吧 那这就不可疑了
It's not fishy, because it's absolutely legit.
这不可疑 因为这绝对是合法的
You know, if you're going to fart me about,
你知道 如果你要浪费时间
I'll just take your hoover back. Quickly, then.
我会把吸尘器要回来 那就快点
What's that one over there? Up on the shelf?
那边那个是什么 在架子上的
Oh, this? This, this is a little thing we do at the club.
噢 这个吗 这个 这个是我们在俱乐部做的一个小玩意
We hand it out to, well, the Wally of the Year.
我们把它发给年度最佳球员
And it's coming up this year,
而且今年就要开始了
we've got a few contenders for that.
我们有几个竞争者
Colin, for one...
Colin 就是一个
I want to sit in the window! He's...
我想要坐在窗户旁边 他是
Well, I'm sitting in the window.
我正坐在窗户旁边
First come, first served, you miserable old git! oh, sorry
先来的先坐 你这个可怜的老死鬼 噢 抱歉
Don't you dare say miserable old git to me like that! Oi!
你竟然敢那样对我说可怜的老死鬼 喂
Oi! Guys! I'll say it any bloody way I want!
喂 大家 我想怎么说就怎么说
I'll say it like this! Blah, blah, blah. hi, you guys
我会这样说的 啦啦啦 嘿 你们大家
Stop it! Stop it!
停下 停下
He was sitting in the window twice this week.
他这周已经坐在窗边两次了
Stop it! Stop it, Len! Stop it!
停下 停下 Len 停下
All right? If this is about the window, yeah,
好吗 如果是关于窗户的事 好
you had your turn yesterday, yeah?
昨天轮到你了 是吧
Yeah? So let Len have his turn today.
是吧 所以今天轮到Len了
All right? Well, it's my turn tomorrow!
好吗 好 明天就轮到我了
Yeah, that is... And my turn the day after!
是的 那是 然后后天就轮到我了
That's fine, all right?
没事了 好吗
Go back, sit down over there, please, Arthur, please.
回去 请坐那边 Arthur 求你了
Just... All right? Yeah?
只是 好了吗
I'm just not really up for this today, lads.
我今天没准备好这样 伙计们
All right? Sit down, that's it.
好吗 坐下 就这样
It's like running a kindergarten centre here, sometimes.
就像在这里经营幼儿园一样 有时候
The way they behave, it's embarrassing.
他们的行为方式 令人尴尬
Well, I know who's going to be Wally of the Year.
我知道谁会是年度最佳球员了
I know who's on my top of the list.
我知道谁是我的首选
Arthur, probably.
Arthur 也许吧
Knobhead.
榆木脑袋
So, in the '90s, right,
所以 在90年代 对吧
there used to be a bunch of kids that used to hang out here
以前有一群孩子经常在这里玩耍
and used to sniff glue and that.
然后过去常常来闻胶水
And one of them was called Rug Rat.
其中一个叫Rug Rat(毛毯鼠)
and he sniffed so much glue
他闻了太多的胶水
that his nostrils actually, like, stuck together.
他的鼻孔实际上粘在一起了
And the doctor says to him, "Look, I'm so sorry,"
然后医生对他说"听着 我很抱歉"