英村脑残故事（2017）

Can you open the door?
麻烦开一下门
Oh, fuck...
妈的
What the fuck?
什么鬼
What the fuck?!
什么鬼
What... What was that about?
为 为什么啊
Yeah...
呃
I think...
我觉得
What the fuck?!
什么玩意儿
He's been sexting my nan, though. Oh, for fuck's sake...
他倒是一直给我奶奶发色情短♥信♥ 哦 你大爷的
That's the problem.
一定是这样
How are we going to get to steam fair, Kurtan?
这下我们怎么去蒸汽集市 Kurtan
Because the next bus ain't for, like, two hours? Shit.
因为下一趟公交至少要等两个小时才来 妈的
Hi, Vicar, it's Kurtan.
嗨 牧师 我是Kurtan
Yeah, good, just a little favour
嗯 好 就帮一个小忙
do you reckon you could pick us up, please?
请问你能来接我们吗
What's he saying? What's he saying?
他怎么说 他怎么说
What wedding?
什么婚礼
But can't you nip out 15 minutes then...?
难道你不能溜个十五分钟
Then go back...?
然后再回去吗
But you're the vicar, surely you can do what you want.
但你是牧师啊 你当然能想干啥就干啥了
And it's your church, they've all got to wait for you anyway.
再说这是你的教堂 反正他们也是要等你的
Oh, fine, fine. Do you know what? Just do one, Vicar.
哦 好吧 好吧 你猜怎么着 赶紧滚吧 牧师
Is he picking us up? No.
他要来接我们吗 不会
We're going to miss it, ain't we? We're going to miss it. No, no, calm down.
我们要错过了是吗 我们要错过了 不 不会 冷静点
No, we're not going to miss it.
不 我们不会错过的
Right, just calm down. We'll be fine, Ker...
好吗 冷静一点 都会解决的 Ker
What Kerry won't tell you about steam fair is that
关于蒸汽集市 Kerry不会告诉你的事实是
she used to go a lot when she was a kid,
她小时候常去
before her dad walked out.
那时她爸爸还没抛家弃子
So I think, every time she sees heavy haulage vehicles,
所以我觉得 每次当她见到那些笨重的牵引车
it reminds her of being part of a family.
都会让她有家的感觉
It doesn't matter, because we can walk it. It'll take an hour.
没关系的 我们能走过去 一个小时就到了
An hour?! Yeah.
一个小时 是啊
I can't do an hour, unfortunately, I can't.
不好意思 我走不了一个小时 我不行
Because I want to see Jim Tucker driving into steam fair,
因为我想看Jim Tucker把车开进蒸汽集市
that's it.
就这点要求
And she loves looking in skips as well,
而且她还特别喜欢看废料桶
because her dad used to take her scrap metalling
因为她刚学会走路
when she was a toddler.
就被她爸带去捡废旧金属了
He'd literally just chuck her in,
他真的就是把她扔进去
have her looking for copper and that.
让她找铜之类的
She actually got tetanus one time.
她其实得过一次破伤风
But Martin didn't give a flying fuck.
但是Martin根本就不关心
As long as he got his copper, he was happy.
只要拿到铜 他就很开心
How about we walk through the woods, then? Yeah?
我们不如从树林里走 行吗
Because that'll be half the time.
因为可以省一半时间
That'd be half the time? Yeah.
能省一半时间吗 是的
You promise me that will be half the time? Yeah.
你发誓能省一半时间 好的
That works for me. It might be a nice...
我觉得可以 这是个好
If you're telling me the truth, that works for me.
如果你说的是真的 我觉得可以
I swear down, it's a short cut.
我发誓 这是捷径
It might be a pleasant walk, we might enjoy it.
可能会很好玩 可能还挺享受的
We'll be late now.
看来我们要迟到了
We'll have missed the combine demonstration, for sure.
我们要错过收割机游♥行♥了 肯定的
Which is a shame.
真遗憾
Because Jim Tucker drives the combines,
因为Jim Tucker会驾驶收割机
and he's the best combine driver this side of Hereford.
他是赫里福郡这一区驾驶收割机最厉害的人
I had my picture taken with him last year,
我去年和他合影了
and he put his cap on me.
而且他还把他的帽子戴到我头上
He said I reminded him of himself when he was in his late 40s.
他说我让他想起了他自己四十多岁的时候
Actually, I think we've got to go back up there.
事实上 我觉得我们得回到那里去了
Just came from back from back up there.
刚刚才从后面过来 从后面那边过来的
Yeah, just...
是的 只是
You're lost, in't you?
你迷路了 不是吗
Well, not... I don't know... Oh, for fuck's sake, Kurtan.
嗯 不 我不知道 哦 去你的 Kurtan
Can't you check Maps on your phone, or something?
你就不能看看手♥机♥上的地图吗 或者其他的什么
No, because I ain't got any signal, have I?
没有 因为我手♥机♥一点信♥号♥♥都没有 有吗
Have you?
你有吗
Have you got any signal?
你手♥机♥有信♥号♥♥吗
Oh, fucking hell!
哦 该死
Oh, my God, what is that?
哦 天呐 那是什么
What is that? What?
那是什么 哪个
There, look.
那里 看
There.
那里
Don't know.
不知道
Is that, like, a tent or something?
那是 有点像 帐篷什么的
Shout. Shout hello.
叫一下 叫一下有人吗
Hello?
有人吗
Hello?
有人吗
Oh, my Jesus Christ! What? What is it?
哦 我的上帝呀 什么 那是什么
Oh, my God. What?
哦 我的天 什么
Christ alive. What?!
上帝在世啊 什么
It's just a great big dump in the middle of the tent.
帐篷中间只有一大堆屎
That's... That's just a badger's shit in there.
那里面 那里面只有一堆獾拉的屎
A badger? Yeah. Oh, OK.
獾 嗯 哦 好吧
So a badger just walking along, sees a tent, goes,
所以 一只獾经过这里 看到一顶帐篷 想到
"Might as well have a shit in it."
"在这拉泡屎吧"
Does his business, comes back out,
完事了 爬出帐篷
zips it with this great big thumbs.
用手把拉链拉上
Yeah, badger, Ker.
是的 獾 Ker
I know who's fucking done that. Who?
我知道谁他妈做了这些 谁
Fox Twins.
狐狸双生子
Oh...
哦
I'm not scared of Fox Twins.
我不害怕狐狸双生子
I'd just like to sit them down and ask them plainly,
我只想请他们坐下然后平静地问问他们
Look, guys, what is going on?
听着 朋友 发生什么事了
Because this has just gotten completely out of hand now.
因为这事已经完全失控了
You know, stop walking on your knuckles, stand up straight,
你知道的 别用四肢走路了 直直站起来
Be the best version of you that you can be.
成为最好的自己
Get a job, even.
甚至找份工作
There's trolley boy, works at Tesco's, you know,
有个负责整理推车的男孩 在特斯科超♥市♥工作
May as well have been raised by wolves.
还不如被狼养大的
If he can get a job, you guys can walk it.
如果他都能找到工作 你们也可以
Honestly, this guy's forehead is so large,
说实话 那男孩的前额很大
you could project a film onto it.
你都可以在上面放电影
And that's not me being harsh,
不是我毒舌
he'd probably say that about himself.
他都有可能这么说自己
Ain't that right, Kurtan? Hmm?
对吧 Kurtan 嗯
Nicholas. Trolley boy?
尼古拉斯 推车男孩吗
Yeah. Huge fucking head.
是的 贼他妈大的头
Yes, there has been talk of strange goings-on in the woods,
是的 一直有传言说树林里有奇怪生物
ghost sightings and the like.
看到鬼或者类似的
But they're never from particularly reliable sources.
但是都没有可靠的消息来源
Oh, yeah, I believe in ghosts all right. There's one in there.
哦 是的 我相信鬼存在 那里就有一个
I live with a ghost, there's a ghost in that house.
我和鬼住一起 有只鬼在那间房♥里
He's like a Civil War Cavalier,
他好像是个内战军官
with all the hair and the hat and all that.
发型和帽子还有其他的都像
And every time I walk into the living room, he doffs his cap.
并且我每次走进起居室他都给我行脱帽礼
And on his shoulder, he's got this crow that barks at me.
在他肩膀上 有只乌鸦对着我叫
It means I spend less time in the house, really.
我是说 我呆在那间房♥里的时间少了 真的
Not because of him, because he's quite peaceable.
不是因为他 他一直很平静
But the crow is malevolent.
但是他的乌鸦恶意很大
And I'm not having that,
我不喜欢这样
I can't share my house with a malevolent bird.
我不能和一只带着恶意的鸟在一间房♥里
No way, I ain't walking through there. Why?
不可能 我不要穿过这里 为什么
Why?
为什么
Look at it!
看看它
What's wrong with it? It will literally be a 20-second sprint.
这里有什么问题 事实上这只需要跑20秒就行
That's haunted as fuck.
这地方看起来就贼他妈闹鬼
Am I going mad here, or does that, to you,
是我疯了吗 还是 对你来说