英村脑残故事（2017）

研究表明 如今在英国农村地区的年轻人感到前所未有的边缘化
为了深入了解这个问题 英国广播公♥司♥花了6个月时间在一个典型的科兹沃尔德地区村庄跟拍一些年轻人
Over there, we saw Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen once,
在那儿 我们见过劳伦斯·卢埃林·鲍文一次
and once in the shop,
在商店也见过一次
and once up Burleigh Hill, riding his bike, didn't we?
还有一次是在伯利山上 看见他在骑车 是吧
And in the Coop. Yeah.
还有合作社那次 没错
Because I was walking in the Co-op
因为当时我正往合作社里走
and he was coming out and I said, "After you,"
而他正要出来 我就说 "您先请"
And he said, "No, after you."
他说 "还是您先请"
He's so humble.
他真的好谦和
So humble, and I asked him, I said to him,
很谦和 然后我问他 我对他这么说
"When do we get to see you back on our screens,
"什么时候才能看到你回归荧屏啊"
"Because it's a crying shame I don't get to see you as often?"
"因为如果不能像通常那样看到你的话 简直不能忍♥"
And he just shrugged.
然后他就耸了耸肩膀
He just shrugged like that.
他就那样耸了耸肩
Such a shame.
多可惜啊
So, this is my cousin, Kurtan.
这位是我老表 Kurtan
But not only is he my cousin,
但他不仅仅是我老表
he's my best mate as well,
还是我的最佳拍档
because he's the only person I can share a box of Celebrations with.
因为他是能跟我分享盒装玛氏巧克力的唯一人选
Tell them why.
给他们说说原因
Because I love the Bounties, but I won't touch anything else.
因为我就爱吃椰蓉夹心味儿巧克力 其他口味的碰都不碰
She cannot stand Bounties but she'll eat the rest of them.
而她受不了椰蓉夹心 却对其他口味儿照单全收
So, nothing goes to waste.
所以 各取所需物尽其用
So he'll literally just come round my house, won't you? Yeah.
他一会儿正好要造访我家 没错吧 没错
And just hoover up all the Bounties.
来大吃特吃所有的椰蓉夹心巧克力
That's what I do, yeah.
没错 如我所愿
I like the underdog.
我同情弱势群体
The thing is, I don't even like Bounties that much,
所以重点是 我其实没那么喜欢椰蓉夹心巧克力
I just feel sorry for them because they're always left.
我只是觉得他们总是被剩下很可怜
Yeah.
是嘛
Well, I've known Kerry and Kurtan, on and off, for 12 years now.
嗯 我认识Kerry和Kurtan断断续续的有 12年了
I think they're great kids, really.
我觉得他们都是好孩子 真的
Give it!
给我
Don't be a fucking dick.
别他妈这么操蛋
I do think they sometimes resort to a lot of effing and jeffing
我知道他们确实会时不时大飙脏话
and that's something we've been working on, actively, a lot,
我们也一直积极地在做大量的矫正工作
especially over the last couple of years
特别是近几年
and I feel like they've made great strides forward.
我觉得他们已经取得了长足的进步 我意思是
I mean,
我意思是
Last week,I don't think they used the F word once.
上周 我觉得他们一次"操"也没有说过
We had the C word a couple of times but, I mean,
我们是听到了几次"我擦" 但是我觉得
that really is an improvement on what had gone before.
跟以前相比真的算是有进步了
Scarecrow Festival is the most important day of the year.
稻草人节是一年里最重要的一天
That's the beautiful thing about living in the village.
是乡村生活的一大乐事
Everyone comes together on days like Scarecrow Festival
乡亲们在稻草人节这样的日子里欢聚一起
and just forgets their utter hatred of each other.
忘掉彼此的深仇大恨
Everyone in the village
村子里每一个人
makes their own scarecrow
都会做一个自己的稻草人
and they put them out anywhere around the village.
然后摆在村里各处做展示
Yeah, and basically,there's an independent adjudicator goes round
没错 基本上 还会有一名中立的裁判四处察看
and he judges them.
然后他会给稻草人打分
No, does not. Yeah, he does.
不 并不会打分 有的 他会打分
It's a public voting system now, cos they changed the rules.
现在是公众投票系统了 因为他们把规则改了
No, it's not.
不 规则没改
Yes, they did. They didn't.
他们改了 没改
If you read the Gazette last week, you would know.
要是上周你读了公报的话 就会知道规则改了
I spoke to the vicar myself as well.
而且我本人还跟教区牧师聊过这事儿
Oh, I don't care, I find it sad.
哦 无所谓 这太悲哀了
Oh, having a picture of your winning scarecrow
哦 自己拿奖了的稻草人的照片登在公报上
on the front of the Gazette is sad, is it?
还能让你很悲哀 是吗
Didn't think so.
我才不这么觉得
So anyway, it's a public voting system
总之 这次是公众投票系统
and you get designated pitches.
而且大家还会有指定展位
So, my pitch is on the village green this year,
我今年的展位在村里的草坪上
which is one of the best pitches
也就是最好的展位之一
and then you have little forms,
然后大家都会有个小表格
so you go around and then you can tick which one,
等四处看过之后就可以在表上勾选一个
which is your favourite
你最喜欢的稻草人
and then you put it in the box at the end of the day
然后在快要结束的时候把表格放进投票箱里
and the winner gets a hot-air balloon ride for two.
最后获胜者会获得一个双人热气球之旅
And I ain't taking you on it.
我不会带你上热气球的
I don't want to go on it, anyway.
反正我也不想坐热气球
I'm taking my nan.
我要带我奶奶
He'll tell you that the Scarecrow Festival is all fun and games,
他会告诉你稻草人节乐趣满满
but it ain't for me.
但它不怎么适合我
For me, the Scarecrow Festival is just asking for trouble,
对我来说 参加稻草人节简直就是自找麻烦
cos everyone who's anyone's going to be there
因为所有的重要人物都会到场
and there are people from my past that would love to see me slain
而有些我过去认识的人 会很乐意看到我被♥干♥掉
I've got enemies everywhere.
我的仇家遍布各处
I've got enemies in South Cerney,
我在南科尼村有仇家
I've got enemies in North Cerney,
我在北科尼村有仇家
I've got enemies in Cerney Wick.
我在科尼维克村有仇家
I've got enemies in Bourton-on-the-Water.
我在水上伯顿镇也有仇家
There's a tea rooms there
那儿有一间茶室
and under the counter they've got a panic button
茶室柜台下面有一个应急按钮
and if I take one step inside, they can press that.
一旦我踏进茶室 他们就可以按下按钮
The police will be there in three minutes.
警♥察♥三分钟之内就会赶到
Isn't that right?
我说的没错吧
If I'm walking through the village,
如果我走在村里的路上
people in cars actually slam their foot down on the accelerator,
车里的人们会一脚油门踩到底
because they want to get through the village as fast as they can
因为他们想尽快穿过村庄
without getting into a confrontation with me.
从而避免与我遭遇
Because if they stop off at traffic lights,
因为他们一旦在红绿灯路口停车
I'll just knock on their window and I go,
我就会敲他们的车窗 然后说
"What you looking at, mate?"
"你瞅啥 哥们儿"
What?
干啥
What?
干啥
What? Why?
什么 为啥
For what?
为啥送啊
I don't go to school any more.
我都已经不上学了
Where the hell is he getting these vouchers from?
他从哪儿搞的这些代金券
Cos they discontinued them, like, ten years ago.
他们大概10年前就停止颁发这些代金券了
How is that my fault?
这又怎么是我的错了
I don't understand.
真是理解不能
I cannot win.
我说不赢的
This is just ridiculous.
这太荒谬了
I don't live here, this is Kerry's house.
我不在这住 这是Kerry的家
I live with my nan, just round there.
我跟奶奶一起住 就在那边
Oh, shit, it's Slugs, look.
哦 我擦 是Slugs 快看
Oh, you're joking.
哦 你开玩笑吧
Oh, he WhatsApped me the other day
哦 他前几天还用WhatsApp给我传简讯
asking us to go laser quest with him and I...
让我们跟他一起玩激光射击游戏 然后我
What did you say? Well,
你说啥了 这个么
I clicked on it by accident, didn't I?
我不经意点开了简讯 是吧
So he knows I've seen it.
所以他知道我看到简讯了
Oh, sake!
哦 饶了我吧
The thing is, he'll just trap you for ages, he'll never leave.
最重要的是 他会缠住你好几年 不会离开的
I should feel sorry for him because he's got terminal cancer,
我应该为他感到遗憾的 因为他现在是癌症晚期
but he's so utterly annoying.
但他这人真的烦人透顶
It's like, if you want to have a bucket list, that's fine,
就好像 如果你想要有个遗愿清单 没问题
but don't just drag us into it. Do you know what I mean?
但是别把我们也拖进清单里 你懂我意思吧
It's all right, he's going the other way.
没事了 他要走另一条路了
He's going the other way.
他要走另一条路了
Thank Christ for that.
谢天谢地
So, it's about 15 quid a head.
那么 差不多15英镑一个人
That includes two sessions of laser quest
这些钱涵盖了2场激光射击游戏
and a minibus there and back,
还包括了接送往返的小巴费用
but I am going to need the deposit now.
但我现在要收一下保证金
Oh, I just...
哦 我只是
Hello?
哈喽