英村脑残故事（2017）

研究表明 英国农村的年轻人依然感觉到边缘化和弱势
为更深入了解这一问题
英国广播公♥司♥重新回到典型的科兹沃尔德村庄
去探寻那里人们的生活有何改变
Do you lot not get bored of this?
你们对此不觉得无聊吗
Like, I appreciate you've got a job to do,
我懂你们有工作要做
but does it not get a bit boring, just following us two about?
但这不会有点无聊吗 就只是到处跟着我俩
Who is this even aimed at?
这节目的受众到底是哪些人
Because no-one we know watches it.
因为我们认识的人没一个看的
No birthday posts yet.
目前还没有生日留言
Well, it is only half five in the morning,
现在仅仅早上5点半
but I would have expected
但我期待着
at least a couple of nighthawkers by now.
到现在至少有一些夜猫子了
Nighthawkers are basically people who stay up late on Facebook
夜猫子基本上是那些在脸书上熬夜到很晚的人
and they post just after midnight on your wall.
他们只在午夜以后在你的留言墙上发言
They get a fuck-off buzz out of it, apparently.
很显然 他们觉得这样很他妈有意思
Fuck knows why.
鬼知道为什么
Oh, yes, Grumps.
哦 好的 爷爷
"Get it together this year, Ker, love, Grumps."
"今年打起精神来 Ker 爱你 爷爷"
Aw. That's my Grumps, that is.
嗷 那是我的爷爷 就是他
He looks like a laugh here,
他在这看起来挺逗的
but in real life, he's a nasty old bastard.
但在现实生活中 他是个龌龊的老混账
Yep? All right? Do you reckon you could sign a card for me?
怎么 你好 你能帮我在贺卡上签个名吗
Yeah, who's it for? For Kerry. It's her birthday.
好吧 是给谁的 给Kerry的 她的生日到了
Oh, I don't know.
哦 我不知道
I'm snowed under here, Kurtan.
我事情很多的 Kurtan
But it would literally take two seconds.
但这真的只要花2秒钟
Just sign it "Dad", I'll do the rest. No, can't do that.
只要签个"爸" 我来写剩下的 不 办不到
Why? I don't want the emotional implications.
为什么 我不想让它有情感涵义
Well, just sign it "Martin", then.
呃 那就签"Martin"好了
I can't, ain't got a pen.
不行 我没有笔
I've got a pen here, look.
我这儿有支笔 看
Oh, give it here. It's really inconvenient though, Kurtan.
哦 给我吧 但这真的很麻烦 Kurtan
You just signed it "M". Yeah, M for Martin.
你只签了"M" 是的 M代表Martin
Unbelievable.
难以置信
Oh, here he comes. Here comes postman!
哦 他来了 邮递员来了
Pretending to walk past my house.
假装经过我家
Julian! Julian!
Julian Julian
You walking past my house, are you?
你在经过我家 是吗
Oh, no post, is it?
哦 没邮件吗
He always does this.
他总是这样的
He tries to wind me up,
他想糊弄我
because he pretends he ain't got any post for me
因为他假装没有我的邮件
when he actually has, and he'll just come back.
其实他有的 然后他会回来的
He's getting in his car.
他进车里了
Oh, you're getting in your car, are you? Driving away?
哦 你在进自己车里是吗 开走了吗
He knows it's my birthday as well. It's such a laugh.
他也知道今天是我的生日 这很有趣
Look at him, he goes to so much effort to try and prank me.
看看他 他费尽心思试着捉弄我
Oh, driving away, is it?!
哦 要开走了是吗
No post for Kerry, no?
没有给Kerry的邮件吗
He's driving away!
他开走了
Such a laugh.
真的有趣
He... He's...
他 他
going away.
走了
Yeah. He's not coming back.
好吧 他不会回来了
That's a shame.
可惜
What?!
干嘛
What?!
怎么了
Yes, I'll do it later, then!
好的 那我晚点再弄
Yeah, but it's my birthday today!
但今天是我的生日啊
**Happy birthday to me.*
*祝我生日快乐
Well, about five years ago,
大概5年前
I sold my birthday to my mum for about 200 quid.
我把我的生日卖♥♥了大概200镑给我妈
Which means my mum's legally entitled now
意思就是说我妈在法律上完全有资格
to never celebrate my birthday ever again for the rest of my life.
在我这辈子里 永远不再给我庆祝生日
Not even, like, a happy birthday cup of tea,
甚至没有 好比说一杯生日快乐茶
or a Moonpig card, nothing.
或者一张月亮小猪贺卡 什么都没有
Which is the worst decision I ever made in my entire life.
这是我一生中曾做过的最错误的决定
Because I got addicted to this mobile phone game
因为我当时对一个手♥机♥游♥戏♥上瘾了
where you basically build a funfair,
在游戏里你建造一个游乐场
and it was, like,
然后大概是
a choice between waiting 12 hours for my dodgems to get erected
选择花12个小时等我的碰碰车造起来
or spending a fiver on time machine tokens.
或者花5镑在时间机器符上
So, to cut a long story short,
所以 长话短说
I basically pissed 200 quid up the wall.
我基本上浪费了200英镑
In the space of a few hours, on virtual nothingness.
花了几个小时的时间在虚拟废物上
The thing is about Kerry's birthday is,
关于Kerry生日的事是这样
I have to make such a huge effort, because no-one else does.
我必须要尽很大的努力 因为没别的人会做
Like, even when it's my birthday,
好比即使是我的生日
I still have to go and get Kerry a present,
我还是要去给Kerry买♥♥礼物
cos otherwise she'll just get jealous and sulk, and it just ruins the day.
否则她会嫉妒和生气 就会毁了一整天
Oh!
噢
Hang on, watch this, I love doing this. This is brilliant.
慢着 看好这个 我爱干这个 很赞的
Honestly.
真的
You all right?
你好吗
You getting on? What?
你上车吗 什么
You getting on?
你上车吗
Erm... Nah.
呃 不了
Did you see that?
你看见了吗
That was, that was brilliant.
那很 那很赞
That was just classic...
那真是经典
It's so simple, but so much laughter comes from...
那很简单 但能获得如此多的乐趣
Brilliant.
很赞
He deserves that anyway, because he's been sexting my nan, so.
反正也是他应得的 因为他发色情短♥信♥给我奶奶 所以
The good thing about this year is
今年的好事情是
the vintage steam fair falls on my birthday,
老式蒸汽机展览会在我生日这天
which is basically my two favourite days of the year combined.
那基本上我一年中最爱的两天组合在一起
The steam fair is a really fun, family event.
蒸汽机展览会是一个很有趣的家庭活动
And it means a lot to Kerry,
它对Kerry意义重大
she's a huge fan of all things practical and mechanical.
她很迷所有那些实用的和机械化的东西
There's going to be working traction engines, tractors,
那儿会有作业用牵引机 拖拉机
road rollers, plenty of vintage steamers...
压路机 很多的老式蒸汽机
And I warn you now, when we get there,
而且我现在就警告你 当我们到了那儿
you will not be able to get a word out of me sideways,
你们不会听到我多废一句话
cos I will have died, and I will have gone straight to heaven.
因为我会死的 我会直接上天堂的
**Happy birthday to you...*
*祝你生日快乐
*- Here he is! - *You were born in a loo...*
他来了 *你在马桶出生
I wasn't born in a loo. She was.
我不是出生在马桶 她就是
I was born in a bathroom, thanks. Yeah, on the loo!
我在卫生间里出生的 谢谢 是啊 马桶上
Yeah, only because my mum didn't know she was pregnant with me.
是啊 只是因为我妈不知道她怀了我
She's a bit chipper today, in't she?
她今天挺乐呵的 不是吗
Yeah, because she knows it's my birthday
是啊 因为她知道今天是我生日
and she don't have to celebrate it.
而且她不用庆祝
That for me?
那是给我的吗
Is it?!
是不是
Guessed right. There you go.
猜对了 拿着吧
Oh, cheers, Kurts!
哦 谢谢 Kurts
No problemo.
没问题哦
I open it? Absolutely.
我打开了 完全可以
Screwfix catalogue?!
Screwfix产品目录
Yep.
是啊
Oh, my God, that's the new one as well.
哦 我的天 那还是新版的
How'd you get your hands on that?
你怎么弄到这个的
Don't worry about me, Ker, friends in the right places.
别担心我 Ker 有靠谱的朋友
It's Gibbo, innit, that works at Screwfix?
是Gibbo 是吧 在Screwfix上班的
Yeah.
是啊
Oh, this is absolutely mint.
哦 这真是太棒了
Look at these aluminium combination ladders!
看看这些铝合金组合梯
Yeah. Oh, and I'm got another surprise for you as well. Yeah?
是啊 哦 我还给你准备了另外一个惊喜 是吗
Yeah. But it ain't here,
是的 但不在这儿
we have to go on a little trip to see it.
我们要出行一小段路去看
A trip? When? Now.
出行 何时 现在