英村脑残故事（2017）

I just thought, I want to make someone feel like that.
我就想 我也想让别人有这种感觉
Cos that's...I really... That's what I want to do.
因为这 我真的 这就是我想做的
What?
干嘛
What?
干嘛
As a random act of kindness.
这是不经意的善举
As a random act of kindness.
是不经意的善举
I don't know what she's talking about.
我不知道她在说什么
Cos I do wipe my arse properly.
我屁♥股♥擦的很好
Ok?
你知道吗
No, listen.
不 你听着
Right, if I turn my phone off, right, Soph,
如果我把手♥机♥关机
that means I don't want to talk to anyone. Not just you.
这就表示我不想和任何人说话 不仅仅是你
Yeah, I just want a bit of Kurtan time.
没错 我就是想有点自己的时间
You know. What's wrong with that?
你懂吗 这有什么错吗
Yeah, OK, fine, then.
是 好吧 那就这样吧
Whatever.
随便你
Yeah. Bye.
对 再见
Fucking hell.
真♥他♥妈♥烦
Can't believe that.
简直不敢相信
So I turned my phone off, right, for literally, like, two days.
我就关机了两天 也就那么两天
She's going absolutely mental about it.
她完全就疯了
Going, "Oh, I thought you were dead."
她说 "噢 我还以为你死了"
"I was going to call the police."
"我都要报♥警♥了"
I'm not dead. Just can't be arsed to text her sometimes.
我没死 我就是有时候不想回她短♥信♥
You know. Is that such a crime?
你懂吗 这是罪吗
Problem is, when we first started dating, I set the bar too high.
问题就在于 我们刚开始约会的时候 我把标准设的太高了
Cos I was just texting her the whole time,
我整天都在和她发短♥信♥
but that was because I wanted to reel her in.
但这是因为我想钓她上钩
But now the fish is in the net,
但是现在鱼已经落网了
I ain't going to keep throwing worms at it.
我不会再继续丢诱饵了
Cos that's a waste of worms.
因为丢了也是浪费
You know, correct me if I'm wrong,
你懂的 如果我错了就纠正我
but four texts a day is complete madness.
一天四条短♥信♥已经是极限了
No-one can keep up with that.
没人能跟得上这种节奏
Not even Giffgaff.
Giffgaff都受不了
So, Slugs updated his Facebook status this morning,
Slugs今天早上在脸书发了条动态
saying how his PlayStation broke and how gutted he was, and that.
说他的游戏机坏了 他有多难过 之类的
So I thought I'd do my very own random act of kindness for him.
于是我想为他做些不经意的善举
Because perhaps I have been quite harsh to him in the past.
因为可能我以前对他有点刻薄
You know.
你懂的
I mean, he's not that annoying, it's just,
他不太烦人 只是
he just needs to learn not to breathe out of his mouth.
他只需要学会别用嘴呼吸
Cos that just winds everyone up.
因为这真的会惹怒每个人
Hello!
你好
Oh. Erm...
哦 呃
Sorry, is Slugs in?
不好意思 Slugs在吗
Michael.
Michael
Me and Michael have been going out for nearly a year.
我和Michael交往快一年了
It's going well.
我们处得挺好的
Really well.
非常好
Hello. Hi.
你好 嗨
So, I heard your PlayStation broke.
我听说你的游戏机坏了
It's really sad. Yeah. Sucks, man.
真的很难过 是啊 糟透了
Really sucks. But I've got a little surprise for you.
很糟糕 但是我给你带了一个小惊喜
Because I know how harsh life has been to you.
因为我知道生活对你有多残酷
Cos it has been really harsh, you know,
生活真的很残酷
and you deserve happiness
你值得获得幸福
just as much as the next man, don't you?
和其他人一样 不是吗
Yeah. Yeah.
是啊 是啊
Which is why, as a random act of kindness,
这就是为什么 作为一件随意的善事
I am giving you my PlayStation.
我要把我的游戏机给你
Thanks.
谢谢
Hello. You happy with that? Yeah?
你好 你高兴吗
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
是吗 是吗 嗯 嗯
Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
嗯 谢谢 好吧
Hello. Oh...
你好 哦
Sorry, Slugs...
不好意思 Slugs
Can I speak to Slugs, please?
能叫下Slugs吗 麻烦
Michael?
Michael
Is he coming?
他来了吗
He is? Yeah.
他有没 嗯
He is coming? Right. Ok.
他来了吗 好的 好的
Hello.
你好
Hello.
你好
All right, so...
所以
Is there a problem here? With what?
这里出了什么问题吗 什么
Well, just, I've just given you a PlayStation
那个 就是 我刚刚给了你一台游戏机
and it just doesn't feel like you're that grateful for it.
感觉你并不是很感激啊
I am. You are?
我是啊 你是吗
Yeah. Really? Because it doesn't really feel like that.
是啊 真的吗 因为没有这样的感觉
That's the thing. At all. It's a PS3.
这就是问题 一点都没有 这是台PS3
Yeah. Because... I get...
是的 因为 我听说
That's why I've given you my PS3, because it was broke,
这就是我把我的PS3给你的原因 因为它坏了
that's the whole point of this whole thing.
这就是这整件事的意义所在
No... My PS4 is broken.
不 我的PS4坏了
My PS3 is in the garage.
我的PS3在车♥库♥里
Oh... I just... I'll just have it back.
哦 我只是 我想把它拿回来
Sorry, Kayleigh, can you just pass me my PlayStation back?
不好意思 Kayleigh 你能把我的游戏机递回给我吗
That would be absolutely great. Thank you very much.
那是极好的 非常感谢
Can I keep the controllers? No, you can't keep the controllers,
我能留着遥控器吗 不行 你不能留着遥控器
because, you know, it was a whole thing...
因为 你懂的 这整件事
That's the whole point in random act of kindness.
我做不经意的善举 为的就是这个
I was going to give it to you... Can we go now?
我打算送给你 我们现在能走了吗
Yeah, whatever. Fine.
好吧 随便你 好吧
Just eat your toast and breathe at the same time,
你只管边吃吐司边呼吸吧
like you usually do, because that is disgusting,
就和平常一样 因为这样很恶心
and, you know, you have no manners.
还有就是 你没有礼貌
Fine.
好吧
The fact is, you did something nice for someone.
事实是 你为某人做了好事
Am I doing something nice for someone?
我为某人做了好事吗
Because it doesn't really feel like it,
因为我感觉好像不是这样的
because I'm not getting great feedback from it.
因为我没有因此得到正面反馈
But, but, Kerry, look,
但是 Kerry 你想啊
doing kind gestures for people is not about getting recognition,
为别人做好事不是为了得到表扬
it's about doing kind things selflessly.
而是为了无私地做善事
I am doing kind things selfishly. No, selflessly.
我是在自私地做善事啊 不 无私地
What does...selflessly mean?
无私地 是什么意思
Well, it means you don't need people to
意思是你不要求别人
be grateful for the kind things you do,
感激你做的善事
you do it anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
无论如何你都会这么做 因为这是对的事
Right...
好吧
So, like, when you're at Tesco's,
比如说 你在乐购超♥市♥
using the self-service checkouts,
使用自助结账机
and the machine gives you your change,
机器找你零钱
and it says, "Please take your change,"
它说"请拿好零钱"
and you say, "Thank you,"
然后你说"谢谢"
and you know it can't hear you say thank you,
你明知道它听不见你说了谢谢
because it's a robot,
因为它是个机器人
but you say thank you anyway,
但你还是会说谢谢
because it's the nice thing to do...
因为这是一件好事
Um... Yes, well, sort of. Yep. Yeah.
呃 是的 可能吧 嗯 好的
I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it.
我懂了 我懂了 我懂了 我懂了 我懂了
Cheers, thanks for that, Vics.
再见 谢谢你 牧师
Thank you. No problem. Thank you, Kerry, bye.
谢谢你 没关系 谢谢 Kerry 再见
There will be 4 pounds, please.
麻烦4英镑
There we go.
好了
Talking to the vicar really helped,
和牧师的谈话真的很有用
so, I decided, as a random act of kindness,
所以 我决定 作为一件随意的善事
I'm going to do security for him at his Grease cinema night.
我要在他的<油脂>电影之夜帮他做安保工作
All right Kate, you're all good.
可以了 Kate 你没事