英村脑残故事（2017）

Yeah, but I don't really want to miss the steam fair.
好吧 但我不太想错过蒸汽机展
No, we won't miss steam fair.
不 我们不会错过蒸汽机展的
Yeah? You've got ages. I'm got it all planned.
是吗 你有大把时间 我把一切都计划好了
It in't a SodaStream, is it?
不会是个苏打水机的吧
No, why?
不 为啥
I just really like SodaStreams, always wanted one. Really?
我真的想要一个苏打水机 一直想要一个 真的吗
Yeah, Slugs had one, and he carbonated a cup of tea with it.
是啊 Slugs有一台 他把一杯茶做成了碳酸的
Didn't taste very nice, but he was pushing boundaries with it.
不怎么好喝 但他用它做了大胆的突破
Yeah, got a little surprise for Ker.
是啊 为Ker准备了点小惊喜
It's about a 40-minute walk outside the village, though,
不过大概要在村外走40分钟的路
but I feel it's going to be worth it
但我觉得一切都是值得的
to see the look on her sweet, little face.
只要能看到她甜美的小脸上的表情
She's going to love it.
她会爱上它的
Will we be coming home before we go steam fair?
我们能在去蒸汽机展前回家吗
Nah, we'll just get a bus straight there after your surprise.
不 我们你得到惊喜后直接坐公交车到那去
All right.
好吧
Oh, I'm knackered.
哦 我累坏了
We only just started walking, Ker.
我们才刚开始走 Ker
What's this surprise?
是什么惊喜啊
Because I need to know whether it's going to be worth this walk.
因为我需要知道这值不值走那么些路
It will be worth it, trust me.
会值得的 相信我
Oh! What?
喔 怎么
I know what it is. What?
我知道是什么了 什么
Don't worry, I'll act surprised.
别担心 我会装得很吃惊
For what? You know what.
为啥 你知道的
Ker, you don't think we're organising a surprise party for you?
Ker 你不会觉得我们为你组织了一场惊喜派对吧
I knew it. No, no, because we're actually not.
我就知道 不 不 因为实际上并没有
You mustn't get your hopes up, because it's not a surprise party.
你别抱希望 因为没有惊喜派对
That's what my dad told you to say, isn't it?
是我爸让你这么说的对吧
No, Ker, don't wind me up,
不是 Ker 别惹我生气
because it's not a surprise party,
因为根本就没有什么惊喜派对
you need to understand that, yeah?
你给我听清楚 好吗
Listen to me, no fucking party.
听我说 没有他妈的派对
Fine, no party.
好吧 没有派对
Right.
好的
Come on.
来吧
I'm got a packet of Rolos in my pocket as well. Have you?
我口袋里还有一包Rolo糖 是吗
I'll give you one every 50 yards, how about that?
每走50码路我给你一颗 怎么样
That's a nice little incentive, don't kidding? Yeah, all right.
这是一个小奖励 不是吗 是啊
That's it, you're a good girl. Yeah.
这就对了 你真是个乖孩子 嗯
We'd better be careful, Kurtan. Why?
我们最好小心点 Kurtan 为什么
All that, over there, is Fox Twins territory.
那边都是狐狸双生子的领地
No, because they only ever stay in those woods
不用 因为他们只待在树林里
and we're going round,
我们要绕道走
so not a chance of bumping into them, really.
所以不可能撞见他们 真的
Oh, right.
好吧
Everyone in the village knows about the Fox Twins.
村子里每个人都知道狐狸双生子的事
Basically, over the years,
基本上 这些年来
there's been sightings in the woods of these two feral-like men,
许多人在树林里目睹了这两个野蛮人
who walk on their knuckles, on all fours.
他们用关节走路 四肢着地
And witnesses say they communicate to each other in their own language,
目击者说他们用自己的语言交流
which sounds like fox calls.
听起来像狐狸的叫声
Whenever livestock goes missing in the farms around the village,
每当村子农场养的家畜丢了
they're usually blamed.
一般都怪到他们头上
And no-one knows how they got here, either.
而且没人知道他们是怎么来的
Yes, it's a fun story to hear down the pub in front of a roaring fire of an evening,
对 晚上在酒吧的熊熊炉火前听这个故事还挺有趣的
and it's funny how this kind of shared folklore
有趣的是 这种口耳相传的民间传说
can bring people together in a strange sort of way.
竟然能奇怪地把大家聚在一起
But do I believe in it?
但是我相信吗
Absolutely not.
当然不信
I've seen them.
我见过他们
I've seen with me own eyes, me and Tyson.
我亲眼见过 我和Tyson
We was out in the woods early one morning,
一天早上我们去树林里
and we seen them hunched over,
我们看到他们弯着腰
eating what look like some sort of an animal carcass.
好像在吃动物的尸体
Couldn't believe it. It was terrifying.
简直不敢相信 真的太可怕了
And then, at exactly the same spot, at exactly the same time,
然后 就在同样的地点 同样的时间
a week later, I saw an alien.
一周之后 我看到了一个外星人
My theory is that some dirty bastard's shagged a fox,
我觉得就是某个肮脏的混♥蛋♥和一只狐狸交♥配♥
and that fox ended up giving birth to some sort of fucked-up man/fox twins.
然后那只狐狸就生下了这些怪人 狐狸双生子
There's actually only one dirty bastard I know around here that would shag a fox,
其实 我认识的人当中只有一个肮脏的混♥蛋♥会和狐狸交♥配♥
and that's Len.
那个人就是Len
I've never done it with a fox.
我从来没和狐狸做过那事
Morning.
早上好
What the fuck? What?
我♥操♥ 怎么了
Stuck-up git.
自大狂
So rude. What, that guy?
太没礼貌了 什么 那个人吗
Yeah, he just ignored me.
是啊 他无视我
Who doesn't say morning?
谁不说早上好
When someone says morning, who doesn't say it back?
有人跟你说早上好 谁会不回应
That's just weird, that's rude.
简直奇怪 简直没礼貌
Oh, just let it go. It doesn't matter.
别管了 不重要
Aw, look how sweet them sheep are.
看看这些羊多可爱啊
Hello!
你好
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
妈的 妈的
Don't... Don't ever turn your back on them.
别 别背对它们
Don't turn your back on sheep.
别背对着绵羊
Carry on, quick, quick, quick. Go, go, go.
继续走 快 快 快 走 走 走
I've got your back, I've got your back.
我护着你呢 我护着你呢
This is it, we're almost there.
就是这里了 我们快到了
Right, close your eyes.
好了 闭上眼睛
Three, two, one...
三 二 一
Open!
打开吧
There, up there! Look!
那里 在那里 看啊
Oh, yeah.
哦 是啊
How good is that?!
就说棒不棒
It's great. It's really great.
很棒 真的很棒
Happy birthday, Ker.
生日快乐 Ker
Thanks, Kurts.
谢谢 Kurts
Right, now on to steam fair!
好嘞 现在去蒸汽集市吧
Happy birthday, Kerry Mucklowe.
生日快乐 Kerry Mucklowe
Look at that.
看啊
I always see them banners above the motorway,
我经常在高速路上看到横幅
and I always thought, "Who the fuck does them?"
我老是想"这他妈的到底是谁拉的"
Well, now I know.
现在我知道了
People like me.
像我一样的人
Kurtan.
Kurtan
Did you know you can't get stung by a stinging nettle
你知道吗 如果你竖着拔它的叶子
if you grab the leaf top and bottom, like that?
就不会被锋利的荨麻草刺痛 像这样
It's only when you touch it on the sides, it stings.
只有你摸它侧边的时候才会痛
Ah, actually, that stung, then.
啊 其实 还是挺疼的
Oh, hurry up.
哦 快点来啊
I wouldn't touch that if I were you.
如果我是你的话我就不会去碰它
Why? Pez dispenser, they're cursed.
为什么 佩兹糖果盒 它们是不祥之物
They are, I'm not even joking.
真的 我没开玩笑
Honestly, when I had one of them,
说真的 我曾经有过一个
I had the worst bout of bad luck I ever had in my life.
我倒了八辈子霉了
Why, what happened?
怎么说 发生什么事了
My dog died, I got ringworm, credit crunch.
我的狗死了 我得了皮肤癣 信贷紧缩
It's absolutely plain evil.
绝对是因为它的邪气
Don't you just think that's coincidence, though?
难道你不觉得这只是巧合吗
Do I think that's coincidence, though? Yeah.
难道我不觉得这只是巧合吗 嗯
Right, explain this to me
那好 你给我解释一下
why is it, I swapped it a week later with Robin Pope for a rubber,
为什么一周后我用它和Robin Pope换橡皮
and the very same day, he fell off a ferry?
然后就在同一天 他从渡轮摔下来了
Yeah, but, Pez or no Pez,
好吧 但有没有佩兹
Robin Pope would have fallen off that ferry.
Robin Pope都会从渡轮上摔下来
Bus is here. He was a fucking clown.
公交车来了 他妈的就是个小丑
Hello!
你好
You got change? Yeah.
你有散钱吗 有