拉字至上：Q世代

我忙不过来 -的确
I'm swamped. - Right.
公♥司♥还想让我在这季节目加入新的单元
And the network wants me to do a new segment on the show this season.
好吧 我能怎么帮忙 -他们希望...
Okay, how can I help? - So they want kind of a...
像"车上卡拉OK"[综艺节目] 但更严肃点的
Oh. Like a Carpool Karaoke but with more gravitas.
所以 类似"车上卡拉OK"加...
So, like, Carpool Karaoke meets...
"勒戒"[真人秀]吗 -不 就像...
Intervention? - No. Like...
就像艾伦秀的教师有奖问答 加
uh, like, Ellen's teacher giveaways meets,
升级版奥普拉访谈 然后像"车上卡拉OK"一样容易洗♥脑♥
like, Oprah 2.0 meets the viral nature of Carpool Karaoke?
能来两杯我们喜欢的咖啡吗
Hi. Can we get two coffees but the way we like them?
没问题 -谢了
Sure. - Thanks.
鼓舞人心 但不无厘头 还要有趣
So uplifting but not silly, and interesting enough
让大家愿意观看和分享 对吧
for people to watch and share, right?
对 但还得有"艾丽丝"的视角
Right. But through the "Alice" lens.
好吧 应该不用明说"酷儿"吧
Okay. I didn't think I had to say "queer".
不能说得这么明显 但是...
Well, I don't think we can explicitly, but...
你不说我就不说
Right. I won't tell if you won't.
我准备招个高级制♥作♥人来做
So, I was gonna hire a new senior-level producer to do this.
但在我对外招聘前 想把这个机会给你
But, before I do that, I would like to offer you the job.
什么 真的吗
What? For real?
你又有纪录片的背景
Well, between your documentary background
来做这个节目以后又学了很多东西
and everything you've learned since you came to work on the show,
我觉得你能做好的
I think you could do it.
到时候工作量很大
I mean, it would be a fuck-ton of work,
但是... -我... 简直受宠若惊
but... - I mean, I'm just... I'm so flattered.
好啦 你再想想 这是个大决定
Well, think it over. You know, it's a big decision.
高付出 低回报 -好吧
Long hours, shitty pay. - All right.
别夸张了 -考虑一下吧
Don't oversell it. - Think about it.
想好了告诉我
Okay? Let me know.
在那之前... 你的西装
And until then... your suit.
业里顶尖订做
Tailored by the best in the biz.
真的谢谢你
Thank you so much again.
服装部没必要为我这么做 但我很高兴你们帮我
Wardrobe department did not need to do this. But I'm so glad you did.
你这不快要结婚了 这是件大事
Yeah, you're getting married. It's a big deal.
来给你们 -谢谢你
Here you go. - Thank you.
谢谢
Thanks.
天啊 太难喝了
Oh, my God. That's awful.
我想芬利了
I miss Finley.
你不想她吗
Don't you miss Finley?
没了她我有点失落
I just feel a little lost without her.
她总是能猜到我想要什么
Like, she always anticipated my needs, you know?
她一直都如此
She used to do this thing.
我上台前她都会说 "要有自信 宝贝"
Before I went onstage, she'd be like, "Eye of the tiger, baby,"
用手指当枪 我很喜欢
with finger guns and stuff. I loved it.
我心情不好的时候她会给我唱
She'd sing it if I was having a really bad day.
听起来就像是芬利会做的 -她会唱...
Yeah, that sounds like Finley. - Yeah, she'd be like...
要有自信... 你知道怎么唱的
Eye of the ti... Well, you know how it goes.
你说她还会回来吗 没有一点可能吗
You don't think she's coming back? There's not a chance or anything?
没有 她不会回来了
Yeah, no. She's not coming back.
她要留在堪萨斯城
She's staying in Kansas City, forever.
既然如此 我以后都改喝茶了
Well, I'm gonna have to switch to tea if that's the case.
我要回去工作了
I'm-a get back to work.
你去吧
Okay.
还要来一杯吗
Would you like another coffee?
不了 我才喝完你给我的那杯好喝的咖啡
Oh, gosh. You know, I just finished that delicious one you made me last.
你可以帮我拨下莎拉·芬利的电♥话♥吗
Um, but can you get me Sarah Finley on the phone?
当然
Yeah. For sure.
谢了
Thanks.
昨天的
Yesterday.
你一定要做 我也去做
You've got to do it. I'll do it, too.
说不定我也有个出名的表亲呢
I mean, maybe I have a famous cousin out there or something.
贝特不可能让我做 -为什么
There's no way B will let me. - Why not?
因为这是凯莉的主意 -别告诉她
'Cause it was Carrie's idea. - Mm, just don't tell her.
我可以现在就带你去拿一套测试盒
I'll take you to Target and get you a kit, like, right now.
你认真的吗
Are you kidding?
对不起
Sorry.
如果发现我背着她去了 她会伤心的
If she found out that I went behind her back, she would just be so upset.
你也可以再问问她 给她点时间
Well, maybe just ask her again, give her some time.
不 她不需要时间
No, she doesn't need time.
她需要心境稳定剂 -天啊
She needs a mood stabilizer. - Jesus.
凯莉一直都是她自己 我妈她非常生气
Carrie was just being Carrie, and my mom was so annoyed.
你觉得她是嫉妒了吗
Do you think she's, like, jealous?
我没觉得
I don't think she's jealous.
我觉得让凯莉成为家人是有点吓人
I think the idea of adding Carrie into the family is scary.
但... 总之 贝特不怎么高兴
But... whatever. B was not happy.
真糟糕 安吉
That sucks, Angie.
确实
Yeah.
凯莉多不错啊
Carrie's, like, kind of the best.
是可以
She kind of is.
只是没人支持我
No one agrees with me on this!
她们来了
So they came over.
她们来了 她还撞到我的邮箱
They came over, and, um, she ran into my mailbox.
不 -怎么了 好吧
No. - Why? Okay.
凯莉就是最糟心
Carrie is the fucking worst.
她觉得什么都是玩笑
Just, like, just everything is a fucking joke to her.
很遗憾 贝特
I'm sorry, Bette.
凯莉需要明白什么 -谢谢
You know what she needs to realize? - Thank you.
她一定是最不适合当家长的那种人
That she's at the bottom row of the parenting pyramid,
像我一样... -没错
like I am. It's just... - Exactly.
是吧 -当然
You know? - Exactly.
抱歉 我收到一大堆工作邀请 谢谢
I'm sorry. I'm getting bombarded with job offers. Thank you.
因为你很优秀 人尽皆知
Well, that's because you're the best and everybody knows it.
谢了 我就是不明白 我怎么这么心烦
Thank you. I just don't know why it annoys me so much.
我能理解
I do.
可能因为她们俩在一起
I think it's because their togetherness
只强调了我是一个人
just highlights the fact that I'm alone.
蒂娜有了凯莉 能让她开心
I mean, Tina has Carrie, and she makes her laugh.
她很幽默 然后我...
She's all jokey. And I have...
我谁都没有 只会孤独终老
that's right. I have no one. I'm gonna die alone.
好了好了 -才不会呢
Mm, come on. Come on. - No, you're not. No, no.
知道你为什么不会孤独终老吗
You know why I know that's not gonna happen?
因为你有安吉
Because you always have Angie.
你们俩就是
Yeah. You two could be like
当代的... 灰色花♥园♥ -有什么不好
The Grey Gardens...of this generation. - What's wrong with that?
太乱了吧 -不过
That's so messed up. - But, I mean,
你们的房♥子更豪华 也没有浣熊
in a much better house. Less raccoons, obviously.
也更干净
Cleaner, for sure.
但说真的 我有多大的可能性
But, really, what is the likelihood that I'm gonna be able
能找到一个既符合我的标准
to find someone who meets all of my criteria
又能融入我和安吉生活的人
and fits into my life with Angie?
标准 天啊
Criteria? Jesus.
当然有标准
Yeah, criteria.
说实话 我有点好奇你的标准是什么
Actually, I am kind of curious. What's your criteria?
她必须有自己的孩子
Um, well, she'd have to have kids of her own.
最好是
Ideally.
既不能结婚 也不是直女
And, um, not be married or straight.
还要有自己的工作
And have a job.
肯定的
Obviously.
不 不是工作
No, not a job.
事业 她要有自己的事业
A career. She'd have to have a career.
还要对自己的工作很上进 和我一样
Needs to be as passionate about her work as I am about mine.
不可能 -你真这么觉得吗
No way. - Are you sure about that?
当然 -不
Yeah. - No.
你一直想要的都是那种贤妻良母型的
No, you've always kind of wanted more of, like, a wifey wife-wife kind of type.
不是
No.
没关系 你只是想找个能替你处理烦心事的人
It's okay. You just want somebody to deal with the stuff you can't be bothered with.
谁在意
Who cares?
我的天啊 -怎么了
Oh, my God. - You all right?
你还好吗 -怎么了 你哽住了吗
What? Are you okay? - What's wrong? Are you choking?
我认识一个你的理想型
I have the perfect person for you.
真的吗 -别让她坑了你
Really? - Oh, God. Please, don't let her set you up.