外星人（2016）

- 你呢 - 挺好的
- You? - Yeah, good.
事实上明天是我的生日
It's my birthday tomorrow, as a matter of fact.
哦 大日子 明天好好庆祝
Oh, special day. Tomorrow you celebrate.
其实就是简单地庆祝一下 只和家人
Having a quiet one, actually. Just family.
不错的庆祝方式
That is nice celebration.
那是你还没见过我的家人
Well, you haven't met my family.
我说的家人是指一群糟糕的人的集♥合♥
I say family - it's more a collection of horrible people.
你的美丽散发着光芒 Lilyhot
You have a luminous beauty to you, Lilyhot.
点亮了我的世界
It brightens my world.
你愿意 呃
Would you mind... um...
转过去然后慢慢地脱下你的内♥裤♥吗
turning around and quite slowly taking your knickers off?
生日快乐
Happy birthday.
生日快乐
我记着日子呢
I memorised the date.
闻着不错 嗯 是什么
That's nice. Mm, what's that?
- 男士多芬 - 男士多芬 不错
- Dove for men. - Dove for men, nice. Yeah.
- 你闻起来没完了啊 哥们 - 抱歉
- That's a lot of sniffing there, mate. - Sorry, sorry,
外星人的毛病 我们喜欢闻来闻去
It's an alien thing. We sniff!
对我们来说很正常
We consider it normal.
行吧 我们觉得这很诡异
Right. Well, we consider it very unnerving.
算了 你准备度过一个狂野之夜吗
Yeah. So are you going to have a mad one tonight?
你知道我想怎样吗 如果你能去特洛伊
Do you know what I wish? Imagine if you could come to Troy.
我知道你怎么想的 "他们永远不会让我进去的"
I know what you're thinking. "They'd never let me in."
- 不 我没这么想 - 有路子的
- No, that's not what I was thinking. - There's ways.
秘密通道
Secret tunnel.
你会喜欢那里的
You'd like it there.
老实讲没他们说的那么糟糕
It's honestly not as bad as they say.
你想回家 是吗
You want to go home, do you?
走啊 上路啊
Go on, on your way.
想投诉吗 想吗 想吗
Do you want to lodge a complaint? Yeah, yeah?
什么 哈
What? Huh?
走 上路 你脑子有病吗
Go on, get on your way. What's wrong with you?
一小时后实施宵禁
Curfew is in one hour.
默克们宵禁的时候都一样
Morks, always the same at curfew.
你们今天在人类区做了什么
What were you doing on the human side today?
- 工作 - 哪种工作
- Work. - And what kind of work is that?
保洁
Contract cleaning.
怎么了
What?
靠左边停车
Pull over to the left,
熄火 然后下车
turn off your engine and get out of the car.
靠左边停车 熄火
Pull over to the left, turn off your engine
然后下车
and get out of the car.
喂
Oi!
回来
Get back!
穿上制♥服♥
Suits on!
怎么 我们要追捕他们吗
What, are we going after them?
是啊 你还需要时间调整护垫吗
Yeah, do you need a minute to fit your panty liners?
他妈的默克们在我们这边太不守规矩了
Those fucking Morks are loose on our side.
- 带上钱 带上毛发 - 好 好 我正在弄
- Get the money, get the fur! - Yeah, yeah, I'm on it.
- 第一次吗 Garvey - 是的
- First time, Garvey? - Yeah.
你永远想不到第一次在什么时候
You'd never guess.
Kent Bulter 你们一队
Kent, Butler, team up.
Truss和Garvey一组
Truss, stick with Garvey.
认真的吗 老大
Seriously, chief,
只要不是他和谁都行
anyone else but him.
会用得着狗哨的
Going to need the dog whistles.
什么
The what?
外星人噪音弹 Garvey 只对默克有效果
Alien sound grenades, Garvey. Only Morks affected.
没路了 弃车
Dead end! Ditch it!
上 上 上
Go, go, go!
- 入口在那边 - 入口
- Entrance that way! - Entrance.
你们干什么
What you doing?
嘘 嘘 他妈的给我闭嘴 听到没
Sh, sh, sh. Shut your fucking mouth, right?
有发生什么事吗 有人吗 Garvey
Anything, anyone? Garvey?
他们在里面
They're here.
用狗哨 我们会与你汇合
Use the dog whistle. We're coming to you.
Garvey 你在做什么
Garvey, what are you doing?
妈的 Truss
Shit, Truss!
抱歉 抱歉抱歉
Sorry, sorry, sorry!
傻♥逼♥
Moron.
装备不错啊 噪音弹
Nice bit of kit, those sound grenades.
如果默克早有预料 就没什么用了
Not much use when the Morks know it's coming.
据你估计 有没有研究表明
Do you reckon they've done much research
噪音弹对人类的影响
into them affecting humans?
只是突发奇想
Just thinking.
- 没影响 不可能的 - 好吧
- No effect. It can't happen. - Right.
有没有可能十万个里面有一个
So maybe, like, one in 100,000, something like that?
一个都不可能有 解剖学上不成立
One in nothing. It's anatomically impossible.
外星人DNA检测套装
一步式血液分♥析♥
仅限边境管理局官方使用
嗨 爸 看啊 过来
Hey, Dad, look, look. Come here,
看Lewis反应过来时的表情 看
look at Lewis's face, when he realises. Look.
看
Look!
"抱歉"
"Sor-ry".
- 人总有不在状态的时候 - 不过 说实话
- Could happen to anybody, that. - In all seriousness, though,
你在外执行任务 我确实感到很安全
I do feel safer knowing you're out there,
只要你别待在这里就行
and not in here...
尤其是你还能接触到烤面包机
with access to the toaster.
嘿 别理Holly 她就是妒忌
Hey, pay no attention to Holly. She's jealous.
好 你要的桶 对吗
OK, bucket, yeah?
因为你是我们最喜欢的孩子
It's because you're the favourite.
也许不该那么说 但你确实是
I know, you're not supposed to say that, but you are.
行吧 但为什么
Right, but why?
你以为你妈为什么总是不让你出去玩
Why do you think your mum would never let you play out,
确保你不陷入任何麻烦
made sure you never got into any trouble, hm?
她对我说
She said to me,
"这个与众不同"
"This one is special."
"所以我们要把他留在身边"
"So we keep him close."
你觉得是为什么
Why do you think that was?
是我在问你吧 为什么
I'm asking you that question, aren't I? Why?
因为你进入我们生活的方式不一样
Because of how you came into our lives.
夫妻总有磕磕绊绊
Couples have rough patches.
当时我们吵了一架
We had a fight.
我不知道因为什么
I don't know about what.
她离开了
She left.
她两个星期不见踪影
She was gone for two weeks.
她回来了 这才是重要的
She came back, that's the point.
九个月后
And nine months later...
你来了
you came along.
无外星人基因
操
Fuck.
操 操
Fuck. Fuck.
如果你调一下这个
If you turn this the other way,
他们就会控制不住自己的括约肌
they lose control of their sphincters.
看好了
Watch, watch.
你还好吗 哥们 你没事吧
You all right, mate? You OK?
没事
Yes.
"给人收拾残局"的活儿最近行情怎样啊
How's the "cleaning up after people" business going?
还行
Not t-too bad.
干嘛 你要走了吗
What, you off?
你笑什么
What you laughing at?
我有点事要做
I've got to go and do something.
嘿 嘿 打扰一下
Hello? Hello? Excuse me.
你把这个打湿 然后再给我吗
Could you wet this for me and give it back, please?
谢谢
Thanks.
我是想说自来水
I meant to say with tap water!
用的就是自来水
Yeah, it is.
是Lewis吗
Is that Lewis?
- 嗨 Lewis 我是Dominic - 是啊
- All right, Lewis, it's Dominic. - Yeah.
我拉了自己一身
I've shit myself quite badly.
你有没有带塑料袋
You haven't got a plastic bag on you...
- 谢谢 你有吗 - 没有