鲍勃大卫二人秀（1995）

多余的抽纸也备着了
and extra Kleenex is on
以防我难以抑制喜悦和惋惜的心情而哭成狗
order to handle the tears of joy and sorrow.
要回答"谁将从今天起
As we answer the question, "Who will eventually be talked about
就被推上舆♥论♥的风口浪尖"
a long time from now?"
现在还很难下定论
It's too early to say,
但不妨碍我用我的兴奋
but not too squirrely to spray
射你们一脸
my excitement all over your face...
有一部新片要在奥斯卡上
for a brand new film that's coming down the pike
崭露头角啦
with Oscar in its sights.
来看<爱因斯坦 海报里的天才>的预告片
Here's the trailer for Einstein, Poster of Genius!
曾经有个男人凭自己的智慧改变了世界
One man, one mind, that changed the world.
爱因斯坦 谜一样的男人
Einstein, the man, the mystery.
成功了
That's it!
那时还没人知道 这个隐藏在相对论背后的天才
No one knew that genius hiding behind
还有更伟大的成就在等着他
the special theory of relativity had greatness ahead of him.
号♥外 号♥外
Extree, extree!
第二次世界大战结束了 原♥子♥弹♥拯救全世界
World War II is over! Atom bomb saves the day!
但是那名女子调情的模样
But one woman's flirtatious look
才是爱因斯坦伟大成就的关键因素
was the key to his greatest achievement.
少来了
Come on!
我只是个又老又蠢又浮夸的女子
I'm just a stupid old flapper.
我朋友20年前就不这么做了
All my friends quit doing this 20 years ago.
假装很不羁 - 你太谦虚了
You know, flappin' around. - You are being modest.
我才是真蠢
I'm the stupid one.
我是个愚蠢的天才
Stupid genius who would finally
只有在看到你的微笑后
achieve what is truly important in this life,
才能领悟人生的真谛
if I could only have your smile.
别开玩笑了 微笑才值几个钱
Come on! Smiles are a dime a dozen!
姐给你笑一个
I'll give you a smile!
我好喜爱哦
I do so enjoy it!
哇
Oh...
爱斯坦德最伟大的成就即将实现
Einstein's greatest achievement was just around the corner.
成功啦 我不听我不听我不听
It's working! I don't want any of this!
来吧 教授
All right, then, Professor,
你只要伸出舌头说"啊"
I merely need you to stick out your tongue and say, "Ah."
小菜一碟 伸舌头吧
Easy as pie, now. Out it comes.
还差一点了
Meet me halfway.
再伸 继续伸
Further now, further!
给我伸舌头 总算伸出来了
Give it to me! Here it is.
可把你的小舌头伸出来了
Now you've got it!
教授 回来
Professor, come back!
他追求卓越 爱情也随之降临
His search for greatness would lead him to love.
但当他追求爱情
But his search for love...
卓越也随之浮现
... would lead him to greatness.
好了 孩子 给我一个大大的微笑
All right, Benny-boy, let's have a nice big smile for the camera.
3 2 1
Three, two, one...
<爱因斯坦 海报里的天才>这个故事直到今天才流传开来
Einstein, Poster of Genius is a story untold until now.
这真是我所知道的最伟大的成就
This is truly the greatest accomplishment I will ever know.
有太多的人我要感谢了
There are so many people to thank.
呃 摄像师Bill Palmer 手法细腻
Uh, Bill Palmer, the photographer, gentle touch.
那个为我让开道的小男孩儿
The little boy who got out of the way.
呃 康涅狄格松饼店的Tonya Guilfroy
Uh, Tonya Guilfroy at Connecticut Muffins.
非常感谢你们
Thank you so much!
呃 我的经纪人 还有谁呢
Uh, my agent. Uh, who else?
哦 当然了 还有亲爱的上帝(德语)
Uh, my Gott im Himmel, of course.
我觉得就这么多了吧 哦 不
And that's it, I guess... Oh, no.
不 等等
No, wait.
还有一个我必须感谢的人
There is someone else I must thank.
那就是
And that is...
我
me.
非常感谢
Thank you so much.
我只是一个被砍掉的小品里无关紧要的小角色
Yeah, I'm just a left-over link from a sketch that got cut.
你不会想知道详情的 - 好吧
You don't wanna know. - All right.
这是你的票♥据♥
Well, uh, here's your ticket.
记得把整张票♥据♥都读完哦 - 嗯哼
Remember to read the entire ticket. - Mmm-hmm.
我需要我的衣服
I need my stuff.
有票♥据♥吗 - 有
Got a ticket? - Yeah.
呃 我现在有点急
Uh, I'm in a bit of a hurry,
我真的很需要那件夹克 我马上有个很重要的会议
I really need that jacket, I got a big meeting.
你 你拿我衣服的时候能别吃东西吗
Could you... Could you not eat while handling my clean...
你可以别在我吃早午餐的时候来吗
Could you not come in when I'm in the middle of my brunch?
啊哦 太晚了
Oops, too late.
噢 那就是我的夹克 你把上面的污渍弄掉了吗
Oh, there's my jacket! Did you get that stain out?
你是不是还要借我的眼球来看看啊
You need to borrow my eyeballs as well?
好吧 我自己看
Okay, I'll check it myself.
哦 去死
Oh, shit!
我的夹克还是脏的 它好像比之前还多了四块污渍
My jacket is stained! It's got, like, four new stains on it!
嘿 伙计 你刚刚差点
Oh, dude, you almost got
就把你的袖子弄到我的烧烤酱里了
the sleeve in my barbeque sauce just now.
这些污渍怎么弄上去的 它们肯定是在这儿弄脏的
How did these get on here? Okay, these happened here.
你必须得给我弄干净
You're gonna have to clean this for me, pal.
读读你的票♥据♥
Read your ticket,
如果污渍是在店里弄上的我们概不负责
if the stain happens in the shop, we're not responsible for it.
这也太扯了 这儿可是个干洗店啊
That's crazy, you're a dry cleaner!
那些污渍还挺严重的 我必须承认
Those are some pretty bad stains, I'd send that out.
你必须承认 我得和你的经理谈谈
Send it out? I wanna talk to your manager.
Santos先生
Mr. Santos!
什么事啊 我还挺忙的
Yeah, what is it? I'm kind of busy back here.
这个白♥痴♥拿我的衣服时候还在吃东西
Yes, this idiot was eating while handling my jacket,
把我的衣服又弄上新的污渍了
and now my jacket has new stains on it!
真的吗
Is this true?
污渍在商店里弄上去的
It happened in the shop.
哦 这样 如果污渍
Oh, well, if it happened
是在商店里弄上去的我们概不负责
in the shop that's not our responsibility.
读下你的票♥据♥
Read your ticket.
去你的 你们得免费给我把它弄干净
Fuck that, you should clean these stains off for free!
好吧 等下 来让我看看
All right, hang on, let me take a look at this thing.
好吧 这些污渍
Oh, yeah, well, these
确实有可能是在这儿弄上的
definitely could have happened in this shop.
可能 你现在就在把它弄脏
Could have? You're staining it right now!
好了 我要见店主 我现在就要和他谈谈
Okay, I wanna see the owner. I wanna speak to the owner now.
什么 - 店主 我要和他谈谈
What? - The owner, I wanna speak to him!
我们不是谈过了吗
We already talked.
你就是店主
You're the owner?
先生 读读票♥据♥吧 全在那上面
Sir, read your ticket. It's all on the ticket.
我没带我的票♥据♥
I don't have my ticket.
哦 我会给你张新的
Oh, I'll get you a new one.
或者你愿意的话也可以等等
Or if you want, you can wait.
我们正在后面打印一批新的
We're printing up a new batch in the back.
你手上那是墨水
That's ink on your hands?
是啊 我们所有的票♥据♥都是自己打印的
Yes, we print all our tickets in-house.
这可是亨德森的承诺哦
That's the Henderson promise.
我还以为你就是冲这个来的
I assume that's why you came here.
不 我来这儿只是因为它离我家最近
No! I come in here 'cause you're the closest one to my house.
好了 给他备用衣服吧
All right, just get him the replacement clothes.
啊 至少还有备用的
Ah!I get replacement clothes.
这也算是补偿了
Okay, that's something.
什么鬼
What the hell?
我才不要裙子呢 它太小了 而且它是条裙子啊
I don't want a dress! It's too small, and it's a dress!
先生 我们会拿出去
Sir, we intend to tailor it.
找人给你裁剪合身 你可以把它塞进裤子里
We'll take it out, you can tuck it in your pants.
读一读票♥据♥吧 上面写得很清楚
Read your ticket, it's all on there.
为什么现在都没人读票♥据♥了
Why... Nobody reads their ticket anymore.
你和他说了吗
No, but do you tell them?
如果在店内弄上了污渍
"In the case of a stain
我们会替换掉所清洗的衣物
occurring on the premises, we'll replace said item
换为同样尺码和颜色的衣物
with a clothing item of exact weight and same color palette,
但是不分男女款
but non-gender-specific."
原来是这样
I see.
继续读 后面更精彩
Uh, keep reading, it gets better.